(Random note, Patrick Jane is a guy, so he has 'his' mind in a jar now :P)
I wish the internet didn't exist.
Gonna take a crack at that previous one (2+2=5) because I have spent many long hours proving how 2+2 could equal 5.
Granted, but 5 is now the number that comes after 3, so it is 123546789, and nothing else changes because you are just redefining words man.
I wish smartphone batteries lived 10 times as long.
Granted, but your smartphone batteries live so long they begin to become self aware. You can hear your battery crying at night because it knows it'll forever be coupled to your phone. You hear muffled screams from your pocket when you walk as your keys clash against it. And if you ever try to use your phone, it begins yelling in your ear at the same time and you can't hear a thing.
I wish the twin towers never fell.
I wish all my laundry to be washed, dried, folded, and put back in my drawers.
Granted but your drawers are now on fire.
I wish I could see the stars (stupid light pollution).
Honestly, stalkers (as long as they're non-violent), are rather flattering imo. I mean, somebody is so obsessed with you, they want to follow you around constantly? That's bloody awesome.
Granted, but you're forced to watch it until the end of time.
I wish more people actually watched my stream, which is totally live now.