On your way to work today, a group of highway bandidos beat you with a bicycle pump, destroying your entire body! The horror, the horror! Luckily, a team of scientists decides to invest any ammount of money to repair you and make you a superhuman. You can replace any and all appendages with anything you wish (except for new regular versions of those appendages). The scientists want this to be a ground-breaking experiment, so will only give you wacky and wild new pieces. Make your pick!
I choose baseball bats for legs, 1 squid arm, and 1 lobster arm. I also get Spongebob's laugh. I can win any fight, satisfy any woman, and do whatever a squid/lobster/baseball bat can do. I DEFY you to pick a more incredibly combination.