The issue I am having is the popular my wife vs. my mother issue. I have been trying to resolve issues between these 2 for what feels like an eternity but for 3 years now. I have met with 4 different family counselors that specialize in family issues and I still feel like I don't know what to do.
It all started 3 years ago when I made the mistake of moving from my hometown to go live with my girlfriend (now wife) and her parents in a different state. I was not happy there and depressed. I wanted to leave as soon as I could and I had these discussions with my girlfriend about it at the time. She told me to wait till she finished her semester at school and we would figure something out. However, I made the mistake of discussing my problems with my mom (who lives far away) of how miserable I was there and how much I wanted to leave and that I thought my girlfriend seemed controling and manipulative. So my mom... simply said to leave and encouraged me that I needed to get out of that relationship. "Don't be there if you are not happy." So... thats what i did. I left and left a note for my girlfriend.
Obviously, my girlfriend was crushed, hurt, and confused. My mom also sent her a nasty email about how she was controlling and this/that. Just attacking her with assumptions from what I told my mom. So, now... with me leaving and my mom's email. My girlfriend was furious and angry now (so was her family). She wrote my mom an email back attacking her and saying really mean things back. She calls it "defending" herself and to this day I don't agree with that completely. Which i will explain later.
Let me first say that I regret every minute of pain I caused my wife at that time during our relationship. I was immature, stupid, and afraid of committment. I owned up to my mistake and I apologized to her and her family over and over. I loved her and I realized I made a huge mistake.
With that said... Her and I got back together after a few months. It was a struggle, but we worked it out and she moved back to where I was (my hometown). I was very grateful that she even wanted to attempt to try and repair the damage that was caused. I basically changed my attitude and my whole life around, but I believe part of that was because I was happier now that I wasn't living with her parents.
The damage between her and my mom never healed and I don't think to this day it will ever be healed. As time moved on, My mom eventually did apologize to my girlfriend, realizing that she should of never got involved in the problems I had with her. However, my girlfriend at the time didn't think she was sincere or really sorry. They went back and forth on emails of anger and attacks/accusations. (keep in mind they have never physically met eachother). I did the best to my knowledge to try and repair the damage between them, but it seemed the more I tried the more damage I caused. My girlfriend thought I was defending my mom and mom thought I was casting her out of my life and so forth...
So... another major event happened around 2 years later from previous event. My girlfriend got pregnant with my son. Her and I decided to get married and move in with her in-laws again except this time we rented a house together and split the rent to help our financial situation. I didn't like it but now that I have a son coming I knew I had to make this sacrifice. I told my mom and my mom handled it very badly. She was not supportive and was upset about the whole thing. Which made my wife confirm her belief of my mom that she is this completely mean person and will never change.
So, after my son was born I was hoping to have my side of the family come visit us to meet our son. However, My wife does not feel comfortable with my mom visiting and wants nothing to do with her. I on the other hand, have moved on and would like my mother to be apart of my son's life. My mom may be a lot of things but I believe she is a good person and has just made bad decisions in the past. She did even apologize about how she reacted when I told her I was married and was having a son.
I tend to let things go and move on and so I forgave her. My wife on the other hand seems to still be upset about all that has happened over the years. I understand how my wife can still be upset but how she is handling it I am worried. She seems filled with hate anytime I bring my mother up even if its not about drama. I ask her to come to comprimise and see if my mom can get a hotel room and I will bring my son to them so they can visit so that she doesn't have to be present with them. Only response I get from my wife is that I am being selfish and not understanding of her feelings. After numerous attempts to try and repair the damage and always worried not to side with anyone... I feel like no matter what I do it always be this way.
I can accept the fact that my wife and my mom will never get along. I still want my mom to be apart of my life and my son's life and my wife seems to not support that and actually prohibits that.
I understand this is a long read and I apologize. There will still be pockets of things that I might of missed. So if you have questions please ask and I will asnwer them honestly.
I know everyone will think this is silly for me to post this issue here on a gaming website... However, I really have nothing to lose at this point. I'm trying anything now...