my wife & my mom

[Strakha]

A lot of relationships involve women. Your point?

I think it was a subtle jab at how women try to control men.

[saberon]

Have your Wife meet your Mum.
You tell your Mum that you love your Wife, and she needs to accept that and stop causing problems.
You tell your Wife that you love your Mum, and she needs to accept that and stop causing problems.
Then you say "I love you both, so please... GROW UP AND STOP FUCKING FIGHTING. FUCK". For added effect, do it in a crowded coffee shop.

[Painne]

Yes, there is a lot more... However, it would take a book to lay it all out. My wife feels like my mom is fake and that my mom is not sorry for what happen in the past. I'm sure she has a valid reason to feel that way however, I do not feel that way and thats where the problem is.

Alright, first off I think it's easy that your wife thinks your mother is fake/lying because they've only communicated through emails or you(from what I understand). Its easy to generate an image of someone who you've only talked to through the computer, and this image can sometimes be way off from what that person actually is. Basically you view your mother different than your wife, because you love her, she's always supported you, has backed you up, and now is trying to make amends. Your wife views your mother as someone (from what I take from it) who is hateful and only wants to make up because she wants to see her grandson. So you are right, this is probably where your problem lies.

You need your mother and your wife to meet. People can have totally different perceptions of one another once they meet each other in real life. You obviously want your mother to be apart of your life and for you and your wife to lead a successful marriage, your wife needs to accept this. To be honest you probably won't see your mother very much, based on your living situation, maybe your wife can suck it up. And who knows if they actually do meet, everything could be solved and they make amends, I mean it can't get much worse right?

In the end, you need to think about yourself. I feel like your caught up in the turmoil and tension between your wife and your mother and trying to fix it. While trying to do what's best for your wife, you need to do what's best for you.

I feel your pain, and realize you're in a tight spot. I feel that it's essential to attempt to have the two meet, cause I feel like you have nothing to lose. While I probably don't know the half of your problem, you need to remember that a marriage is a bond between two people. Your wife needs to try and see it from your perspective, and I believe you understand how she feels. Your mother also needs to stop the cyber-bullying(dunno if this is still an issue).

I wish the best of luck to you for a happy and successful marriage <3.

[Dedalus]

Sounds like your girlfriend just ruined your life.

I have to admit that reading the first post give me this sensation. But also give the feeling that both his mother and his wife are really possesive, so I think that he leave a cage to go in another without realising what is freedom .

I think they should meet physically, I'm sure talking would figure things out. it's not like their going to punch each others faces.

Sure, if someone survive at the "first impact" xD

Anyway Lothardude here the news: there will be never peace between your Wife and you Mother. So deal with it and when it is possible use the situation at you advantage.

---------- Post added 2011-01-22 at 02:26 AM ----------

You tell your Mum that you love your Wife, and she needs to accept that and stop causing problems.
You tell your Wife that you love your Mum, and she needs to accept that and stop causing problems.

lol
I think that if he do anything like this, the two women make a truce to kill him xD

[Souper friend]

So your advice is to put his balls is his wife purse, tell his mom ( Who he wants a relationship with )to get stuffed. Have his child never know his side of the family. AND THIS IS SUPPOSE TO MAKE HAPPY..... lol

His wife is the one causing the pain in his life. that is where he needs to focus his attention.

I am not a wife/women hater, i love my wife but women can get over emotional, she is furious at a women she has never met. and is willing to have her child never meet the man of her dreams family over words, sounds logical

What im saying is to not be a f*ckin mamas boy. If your going to be man enough to start a family you better damn sure be man enough to make the sacrifices necessary to stick by them. His mom has no business interfering and causing commotion with his wife.

[Deleted]

Try to sit down and talk to your wife, make her remember all the good things her mother has done for her, make her remember why she loves her own mother so much. Try to ask her how she would feel if you wouldn't let her mother be a part of your lives, 'cause nobody would like not having their mother in their lives, your wife probably won't like the thought of it either. Tell her that this is how you feel right now when your mother can't be a part of your life, because I honestly don't think saying something like "My mother will be a part of my life whether you like it or not!" is going to be very constructive, it will probably just make her angry.
Also, your mother probably still doesn't like your wife as much as she could since your wife "forced" you to stay in her hometown, and because of that I don't think your mom will ever be able to fully like your wife, so try to talk to your mom and say that it's because you were afraid of commitment and you missed home.
But... since I'm only 15 years old and I don't really have any real relationship experience, this could just be completely useless...
I wish you and your family the best in the future, though!

[Bjarne]

You can change your girlfriend, but never your mom

Or something similar

[saberon]

lol
I think that if he do anything like this, the two women make a truce to kill him xD

Isn't that what he wants?

[Darkdruidelf]

This is my personal view. I am only 16 so therefore do not have the experience of some people here. But with that said, here goes.

I would reccomend getting them together. You said that they have never met IRL before. This can be bad. Something like 80% of our communication comes through body language and voice, which you dont get over the internet. Over the internet you see a lot of hate, when people just email its easy to just forget their feelings and their point of view, because you have never met them, see what I mean?

Also, its not stupid to ask this on a gaming forum. Yes, its a gaming forum, but frankly its the place I'd go to with this sort of issue too, purely because I think that, in serious questions like this, mmo-champion has a great community willing to help.

Good luck m8.

DDE

[mrsmc]

You should spaz out and start yelling. Threaten to cast both of them out of your lives unless they start acting like adults. Tell them you will do normal family events with no excuses and no evil glares across the room.

That post made me chuckle because I have been dealing with issues between my mom and my husband for years now. It escalated at Christmas and it ended with me standing there bawling telling the 2 of them that they both should grow up and if they can't do that they should pretend to get along for my sake. The hardest thing for people to realize is that there is more then one way to see things and maybe something was misinterpreted and just never cleared up. That was what caused most of our issues. Preconceived notions and a lack of talking caused a 6 month pregnant person to snap :P

[Sunseeker]

This is word for word from Dear Abby.

They have never met. They only know each other from what you've told each about the other. Get them to meet and stop playing middle-man.

[LoLHellcy]

Whats surpising is that in these situations i tend to find that the 2 parties that are hating on each other are very similar....

regardless, idk what to say, they're both being fairly immature.

[Eleri]

Sounds like your mother is willing to work things out and apologize, while your wife is mildly psychotic. I say that as a woman who has a few (not nearly as severe) mother-in-law issues, if that helps at all.

They don't have to like each other, but your wife isn't even making an attempt to be civil for the sake of the kid you two have together. That's just ridiculous. A kid shouldn't have its parents cutting it off from this side of the family or that one.

You say you've gone to family counselors, but you mentioned later that your wife and your mother have never met IRL. It's kind of useless if they aren't going to the counselors as well. The counselor is there to get THEM to work out THEIR differences, not to teach you how to work it out for them.

In the end, if I were in your shoes and you're telling the whole story, I'd probably have to issue an ultimatum after this long--make an attempt to be civil or GTFO. My mother is too important to me to let my husband (or anyone else for that matter) get between us. I totally get that everyone doesn't have to get along all the time, but to cause drama every time you even bring her up is over the line.

[pateuvasiliu]

Your mom made her mistake b/c you are her child,and to a mom her child is the most precious thing in the world.

Your soon-to-be wife on the other hand mailed her back in defiance and did not understand that your mom was defending you b/c you told her how miserable you felt.

Sorry,siding with your mom here.

[Sidonis]

Your mother has her own life to live, and was responsible for yours until you turned eighteen. She needs to let go and let you live your life, let you make your own mistakes, let you fix your own mistakes, and not screen the rest of your life decisions past her. Are you really going to wait until she's passed on or otherwise unable to pass judgment on your choices to begin living your life?

As far as your wife goes, no real relationship is a one-way street, and she needs to realize that, grow to that, and begin living like a human being instead of a spoiled princess.

[Stormwolf64]

People telling him to ditch his mom are fucking idots. What if he divorces in a 5-10 years or less down the road. What on earth is he going to do?

Its pretty easy. Tell your mom to basically stfu and respect the woman you love, and also tell your girlfriend to also shut the fuck up and respect the mom you surely love? and get them to meet. Both are women that you should have in your life regardless. Personally i would ditch the girlfriend for being manipulative as that is no good for relationships down the road, but you do as you please.

[jdbabyjd]

You need to sit down with the Brady Bunch for about 10 minutes and explain your situation. They will resolve this issue with no problems and everyone coming out the better. After all, they are the BRADY BUNCH!

[Stormwolf64]

Highly doubt there will be no problems, nonetheless it's what he must do. But i see all kinds of threads like this on different forums, OP never listens so GL hope it works out for you no matter what you choose.

[Stalirris]

I'm sorry you are going through this. These are the 2 closest people in your life and they are causing you pain. Your son should not have to grow up not knowing his grandmother.

I was wondering, as I read your post, if your mother might be a narcissist. I am a 42 year old woman who's mother is a narcissist. She worms her way into every aspect of my life, whether it is my children, my marriage, my health, etc. She oversteps herself over and over in her life. It is very exhausting to dance around her needs and unrealistic expectations. She needs to be constantly stroked, and feels every person's faults reflect on her negatively. Many people do not have the tolerance to deal with her narcissism and she grinds through friends like potato chips, by which she will state they weren't a good friend. My sister maintains as far a distance from her as she can, which I have to hear my mother complain about all the time.

I have gone to counseling about my relationship with my mother, how she basically trained me as a child to be co-dependent, and how it affects my adult relationships. The counselor advised I set limits/boundaries with my mother.

I was wondering if your wife has just seen through your mother's manipulations and has put her foot down, like my sister.

My husband refuses to deal with my mother's idiosyncrasies and it has caused major upheavals in my life. I remind him to treat her like a crazy person, just agree with her delusions, and life will be easier for us.

TLDR You will have to set up guidelines/limits/boundaries with both your wife and your mother. You are a party in all this drama, as well. You can't let your mother break up your new family. You will have to support your wife, especially how she feels, and the compromises she will be willing to concede. There is a way through this that all parties can be satisfied.