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  1. #1

    Post How loyal are you to your lover?

    My Marine friend got back from a 1 year tour of Afghanistan. He was so happy to be back, but that turned around quickly when he found out his wife was cheating on him while he was gone. They were married for 3 years and dating for god knows how much longer.

    This made me a little depressed, are people loyal to their lovers anymore? I mean, my grandfather and grandmother were married to each over for 50 years until my grandfather died, leaving my grandmother widowed. They were happily married for just about the entire time, even though at times things were not the brightest, they stuck together. This is something that just doesn't seem to happen anymore, it seems like people think Marriage is just extended dating. They will be happy until the first argument, and then they get divorced and remarried to someone else a year latter.

    Can someone explain what they think marriage is? It certainly isn't Til death do us part anymore.
    Last edited by Daginni; 2011-03-06 at 08:09 PM.

  2. #2
    Fluffy Kitten eternalwhitemoon's Avatar
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    Contrary to your negative experience, there are people that remain faithful to each other.

  3. #3
    I dont think ill get married ever. But ill stay loyal if I meet a nice girl :P

  4. #4
    Yeah....After 8 years in the military I don't know one person who was faithful to their spouse. You can't be separated that long at a time and reasonably expect nothing to happen. I'm willing to bet your friend laid with a whore or two in that year as well.

    To answer your question though a marriage is what the people involved make it. Always has been. Always will be.

  5. #5
    Mechagnome Clempson's Avatar
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    I've put myself into a long, loving relationship with my fiance, no way in hell I'm going to ruin it by having sex with some random woman I know absolutely nothing about.

    For me, love is eternal.

    Dont you dare give up hope.

    Everyone is different.

  6. #6
    The world changes and unfortantely this is one of the things that happen, loyality in this day and age is almost none existant.

    My great gran and grandad were married for 60 years until his death a couple of years ago. That there was something wonderful to love someone for so long, could you see things like that happening these days? I personally dont think so.

  7. #7
    Several reasons:
    a) People knew each other much longer before marriage previously. [Or rather, they waited longer before marriage years ago.]
    b) Divorces/separations were frowned upon in the past and this mindset is still present in older people.
    c) People see sex as more natural than they did in the past. It got the "hobby" character aswell now, aside from the "reproduction" purpose.
    d) Shouldn't forget this, there's been a downfall in public morals and the like. You know all those documentary soaps? There are people who actually watch those... -.-
    Yeah, I know. Still in favor of taking safety labels off of stuff to let the problem solve itself.
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  8. #8
    Dreadlord Pisholina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eternalwhitemoon View Post
    Contrary to your negative experience, there are people that remain faithful to each other.
    QFT. It's better to talk about a break up with your lover then cheat on him / her. It just makes it worse.
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  9. #9
    Mechagnome Sketchy's Avatar
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    Marriage is a different institution nowadays from when our grandparents were married sadly.

    Sorry to hear about your friend, it's a real shame that his wife would do that to him.
    Whether he was in the service or not, what she did wasn't right no matter what excuse she uses.

    If it means anything, Karma always comes back to haunt you and hopefully she will get what is coming to her.
    **(don't get me wrong, i'm not wishing her harm but simply that she will be cheated on so she'll understand
    what she did to him and hopefully learn a lesson from it even if it is too late.)

    It's ok to be lonely while your other half is away but if you truly love the person you won't succumb to the temptation of curing that
    loneliness with another while you are alone. That being said, not everyone is 'strong' and I'm sure that's an excuse used by many cheaters.

    Personally, I am as loyal as all get out. Love, Honour, Loyalty and Respect are my credo...
    If I give those to my other half, I will get them in return.
    Sometimes even threefold.

  10. #10
    Dreadlord goneloco's Avatar
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    Well im very faithful to my GF. i met her when i was 17 and im 25 now. And believe me when i say i have had my chances but never taken any.
    i feel rly sry for ur friend, truly.


  11. #11
    People are greedy and selfish. Thats why things like that happen.
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  12. #12
    The Patient RemyRawr's Avatar
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    Well, I can't speak for all of humanity, but I am certainly very loyal in any relationship I am in or going to be in.

    That aside, everyone is different. You do hear a lot of military wives cheating on their spouses while they're on tour. Some people have certain needs that just can't be met with things like toys. They need actual physical contact. It's not their fault, it's just who they are. I'm not trying to justify it or say it's right, I'm just saying don't generalize everyone that cheats on their military spouse. Maybe they needed it or maybe they were just stupid or maybe they just plain out aren't loyal.

    There's also a significant difference between cheating and an affair, at least in my mind. Cheating is a one time thing whereas an affair is something that goes on for some time. For me, someone who cheats made a very bad mistake, but it doesn't mean they can't get their act together and be loyal again. Someone who has an affair has no chance at being loyal though.

    But this is all just my take on it.
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  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by eternalwhitemoon View Post
    Contrary to your negative experience, there are people that remain faithful to each other.
    This.

    And I've had the temptation. But I haven't done it. 100% loyal to my girl :3
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  14. #14
    Stood in the Fire Taru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jeleopard View Post
    This.

    And I've had the temptation. But I haven't done it. 100% loyal to my girl :3
    can't say having had the tempation to is 100% but okay~

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Daginni View Post
    My Marine friend got back from a 1 year tour of Afghanistan. He was so happy to be back, but that turned around quickly when he found out his wife was cheating on him while he was gone. They were married for 3 years and dating for god knows how much longer.

    This made me a little depressed, are people loyal to their lovers anymore? I mean, my grandfather and grandmother were married to each over for 50 years until my grandfather died, leaving my grandmother widowed. They were happily married for just about the entire time, even though at times things were not the brightest, they stuck together. This is something that just doesn't seem to happen anymore, it seems like people think Marriage is just extended dating. They will be happy until the first argument, and then they get divorced and remarried to someone else a year latter.

    Can someone explain what they think marriage is? It certainly isn't Til death do us part anymore.
    Wife... probably Till death do us apart.
    Other girls... let's just say the same thing I do with everyone, use them to get whatever I need at that point done. Can't really understand the point in having an actual "girlfriend". Pointless.

  16. #16
    I think this whole "let's only have sex with each other"-thing is stupid. I can understand where it comes from. People want to have their partner all for themselves. I know it's a breaking of trust if you are in a relationship and you agree to be exclusive and you have sex with someone else. But you can still love someone and be sexually attracted to someone else. This does not change your love for this person in any way. Monogamy is a stupid thing, and the fact that so many people cheat on their partner shows this so much.

  17. #17
    Bloodsail Admiral Orodoth's Avatar
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    toying with someone else' feelings to satisfy your own is pretty low. Been married almost 5 years, faithful all the way through with my wife. Even when she and I were both in the Navy, once we got married, we have been purely devoted to one another. It can happen, in and out of the service. I was stationed with the marines here in SC, and witnessed countless marriages end. 9 out of 10 times though, it seemed it was the non-military spouse that was unfaithful.

    They may say till death do us part, but what they mean is "Till death do us part, or until you get deployed for 6 months, whichever comes first"
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  18. #18
    i do agree on what you're saying, in the western culture it seems that marriage has lost a lot of it's value to the younger people.
    I can only blame that on the very long and frequent dating. Either of which isn't healthy, frequent daters would always think to themselves "the next one would be the one..", and if they do decide to marry, due to their lack of commitment, they would either cheat (still looking for the right one, or just a confidence booster) or divorce.

    There are 100 more reasons to this, but I won't be boring anyone with what i think.

    I myself am half&half, half American and see this sad state of affair when it comes to marriage.
    my other half is a completely different culture and believe..it's a completely different religion as well (arab).
    ppl ignorant to this may not know it, but the divorce rate in this part of the world is so much lower then the wetern world (europe and the US), a lot of ppl outside of this part of the world assume it's because of these reasons :-

    1 Woman don't have a say when it comes to marriage.
    2 Womans fear of their own close family (parents/brother).
    3 Woman don't have a say when it comes to a divorce.

    1 and 3 are incorrect, while 2 can be the case at times (which would be normal, unless the woman had a real good excuse to leave her husband other then "I don't think he's the right one")

    What people don't realize is that unlike the western part of the world, married couples here aren't so open outside, so to outsiders it may seem as if they had a very cold relationship, makes it harder when you can't even see the womans face.
    In my experience, that isn't the case when they are alone or at home, in the arab culture we believe that affection has it's time and place between married couple. (this isn't something that everyone has to agree with, and I'm not even trying to say I think this is right or wrong, but I'm just stating that married couples in this part of the world are a lot happier then what it seems to outsiders, hence the much lower divorce rate).

    Why do I think marriage works here so much better then in the western world? lack of dating, in most cases (although I admit things have been changing recently sadly) an arab man would only date an arab woman with the intention of marrying and vice versa, it will be quick, a few months to a year of engagement (which is an honest way of dating over here without harming anyones reputation) and then you get a wedding, or nothing.


    Having said all that, there are couples in the western world that are happy, it's just that the unhappy are more so it seems that will be everyones fate.

    Only advice I can give, marry a girl for herself before her looks, looks are evil, it's a known fact that most beautiful women tend to be much less loyal, research has found that attractive woman would keep on raising her bar assuming to find someone at her level to complement her looks, and in reality reaching that level is impossible, as there will always be a better looking person and probably even interested.
    Now I'm not saying if the womans pretty she's a cheater or the same goes for a man, it's just that you'll have to really marry someone for them and not their looks, and don't take 5+ years to do it, then the whole marriage thing will have a much smaller value (since you already know each other so damn well, everything good and bad, you probably already live together and do everything that a married couple do, the marriage is just a ring to you both then).


    Just reading the story of what happened to your friend makes me fume, but then again, as much as it hurts him and those around him. He can be thankful it happened now and not at a worse time (assuming they didn't have any kids yet), it's better to know that the woman you've married for the past 1-4 years is a good for nothing. &^#& then to find out 10 years and 3 kids later.

    He will and can find someone better for him, and the same goes for you as long as you have some sort of knowledge of that persons background and its not some hot girl you met in a bar that took you 1-5 dates to get in bed with (not marriage material I tell ya!).
    Hi

  19. #19
    Yes, I think society has taken an unfortunate decline in this matter. Call me old fashioned, but I do frown on divorces and separations. I mean... Marriage to a person is a lifelong commitment that you chose to make. Backing out of it or cheating on it is so... irresponsible on so many levels.

    If you aren't prepared for that responsibility--especially if you're a military wife/husband--then don't jump out at the first opportunity. There's never been any harm in waiting. Being a military spouse is a very hard thing to do.

  20. #20
    The Insane det's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daginni View Post
    My Marine friend got back from a 1 year tour of Afghanistan. He was so happy to be back, but that turned around quickly when he found out his wife was cheating on him while he was gone. They were married for 3 years and dating for god knows how much longer.

    This made me a little depressed, are people loyal to their lovers anymore? I mean, my grandfather and grandmother were married to each over for 50 years until my grandfather died, leaving my grandmother widowed. They were happily married for just about the entire time, even though at times things were not the brightest, they stuck together. This is something that just doesn't seem to happen anymore, it seems like people think Marriage is just extended dating. They will be happy until the first argument, and then they get divorced and remarried to someone else a year latter.

    Can someone explain what they think marriage is? It certainly isn't Til death do us part anymore.
    Um..sorry, but this comes across pretty...how to say.."naive"?. By all means, even in the genration of your granny and granddad...cheating happened..as did divorce. And nothing personal..the fact that somebody stayed together for 50 years means not they didn't cheat at one point or another..they (or one of them) might just not been telling. Just like the other way round, only because your friend had a bad experience, doesn't mean "nobody" stays faithful.

    With those nuggets of wisdom shared, you may believe me or not, but I got married to my first girlfriend and always stayed faithful.
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