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  1. #21
    Scarab Lord Zhangfei's Avatar
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    Honestly, friend, she's keeping you around for a handy "what if" source if anything ever goes wrong.

    You're in friend zone. Perhaps she genuinely does have moments where she thinks you might be right, but as of five years that has never happened.

    You are an eternal second or third choice and whether she consciously or subconsciously does it is irrelevent. Get over her. If it hasn't happened by now, in every likelihood it never will. Cool off her for a few months, start looking around your college, hang out with some other girls, and only reconnect when you are done with ever desiring her.

    She may be a good friend, but she's wrecking your love life, and if she was a good friend I'd hope she'd have realised that by now.
    In fact as far as I'm aware the UK is the only european nation that outright bans guns for civilians.
    Shotguns I'll give you (provided you're allowed 12 and larger gauges... because I mean... come on...) but not .22s.
    This is why people ban guns. Gun supporters don't know what guns are.

  2. #22
    Well I had a nice post written out before the forum ate it, so I'll try again, albeit probably somewhat shorter.

    Let's get down to brass tacks here Blueeagle. You're *that* friend.

    All women love attention, and when they don't have to do anything other than a few words and the occasional little hint to string you along, all the better.

    You say you're happy being her friend, but it seems that really, you're just playing the "nice guy" role because you hope it will lead somewhere. Stop that, it's embarrassing, and you should have a lot more self respect than that for yourself. Also, it will never, ever work.

    This is a common occurrence though, and like I said something that all women will do given the chance. It's up to you to stop it. You're being a sap. You're there for her own ego fulfillment, and nothing else. No, it won't lead anywhere else, either. At the very best, you'll get in a drunken grope one night when she hits rock bottom. Not worth spending five years nor another minute on.

    Also, you're most likely putting her up on a pedestal, and the two of you wouldn't be nearly as good together as you have it in your head.

    It's very common though, but it's up to you to man up, get some self respect, and put an end to it.

  3. #23
    ive had moments where i feel like she is keeping me around as a "support stick" but they eventually go away. As for the whole college business, itll take a while just to move on from this, and before this situation popped up again ive been searching around, but nothing catches my eye. There are a lot of nice looking girls and everything, just nothing that im looking for =\

    and to the "That friend" comment, ive thought of that too, i see flaws in her, and it kills me sometimes because they are things that bother me, but i kinda brush them aside. Yea, im not the most straight-forward guy around, and i am the nice guy, but its just how i am, usually i try to treat people the same, respect other, etc etc and not be too pushy, but i guess its time for that to change?
    Last edited by Blueeagle; 2011-03-13 at 06:33 AM.

  4. #24
    Deleted
    You never learn to appreciate or value some things until they're gone. Deal with it, that's life. Unfortunately.

  5. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by Blueeagle View Post
    ive had moments where i feel like she is keeping me around as a "support stick" but they eventually go away. As for the whole college business, itll take a while just to move on from this, and before this situation popped up again ive been searching around, but nothing catches my eye. There are a lot of nice looking girls and everything, just nothing that im looking for =\
    If you've felt it before, then you know. You know what's up, and it's time to do something about it.

    Stop stressing about this one girl you're just lusting after. For real. It also seems a little like she's your support stick. Do you worry if you don't bag her you won't find anyone else, just because you haven't yet?

    Nonsense, man.

    Don't be afraid to not be looking for the next thing too. There's nothing wrong with taking some time for yourself, finding out what it is you do and don't want, and focusing on that. You're plenty young enough for it yet. You're in college, that's great, and important. Don't toss that away or let it get affected be a little bit of tail, you know? It's only good when it's pleasantly stopping you from doing your work, like laying on your bed half naked trying to get your attention away from your homework. Not when it's elementary mind games.

    I can tell you, after a roughly 7 year relationship, I took about a couple years off to myself. Probably the wisest thing I could have done. Really gave me time to reflect and focus.

    Now, when I wasn't even looking, I stumbled upon something great. I'm engaged now, with an absolutely amazing and spectacular fiancee, and couldn't be happier.

    Rise above the games. Or, if you're not really looking for anything serious, at the very least, learn to play them better.

  6. #26
    She's not into you then, or is turned off by you whenever the subject is brought up. Nothing you can do, or nothing is wrong, she's just not into you. When was the last time she said she wanted to date you?
    Quote Originally Posted by Mortis Darkskull View Post
    1st south park garots... now happy garots... next one must be overdramatic seinen manga garots...
    Best of 5 years!

  7. #27
    its not that im worried about finding somebody else, its more of the fact that i found somebody im really interested in i think, like you said im young and have time and i know that, but when it comes around to it, i really like this girl, and id like to make it work, worse comes to worse though i have to put an end to it.

    @Garots - 3/10/11 was the last time, so about 3 days ago

  8. #28
    Let me ask, when you think of you two of you together, what exactly do you see?

  9. #29
    together as a couple? mostly the fantasy based stuff most people dream about when they are little, the calmness, romance, kissing, snuggling, just basically being there for eachother on an emotional level....on a sexual level there isnt much, but there is some.

  10. #30
    So you've a desire for closeness, a sense of peace, and you see her as the most promising means to that end, even though it brings you the exact opposite.

    Take a moment to consider what is, and what's just what you've made for yourself in your head.
    They can dynamite Devil Reef, but that will bring no relief, Y'ha-nthlei is deeper than they know.

  11. #31
    Up front ask her. If she is constantly changing her mind, she may need to know who she is as a person before a serious relationship.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mortis Darkskull View Post
    1st south park garots... now happy garots... next one must be overdramatic seinen manga garots...
    Best of 5 years!

  12. #32
    ya....=(

    well, thanks for the positive feedback and letting me talk things through, i have to get to bed now, as i have to head back to school tomorrow morning, but ill check back in incase anything new appears

    Again, thanks a ton =D

  13. #33
    No other girl catches your eye at your school because emotionally you are 'taken'. You guys both have a pseudo-relationship with each other that is WAY safer than to actually get out there and meet new people or be in an actual relationship. At the point in your lives (14ish) where it's pretty uncomfortable and scary, you have both managed to create a safe relationship with each other, but it is not real.

    It sounds like you've kind of grown a little recently where this tacit arrangement is no longer working for you - which is why you are questioning it, and why you are so uncomfortable with it. After all, it's been basically fine for five-ish years, right? Neither one of you has actually made a move to put your footing on more serious ground with each other - not a real one anyway. When confronted with the possibility of it (from what you are saying) you take each other out of the Safe Zone you've created and threaten to make it real - and that frightens both of you back into the Same ol' Same ol'.

    My thought is: there is too much water under the bridge of this pseudo-relationship for it to turn into a real one. You have spent too much time in a twilight zone of being unsure with each other, and protecting the status quo of how the two of you deal with each other.

    I'm thinking it would be way easier for you to take the first tender steps toward actually meeting actual people that are IRL where you are - than it would to make this relationship work into anything totally serious.

    Not saying it's impossible or that you two were never meant to be, just that it sounds to me like if you WERE you would have done it by now. If you do truly love her, I hope I'm wrong - but it sounds to me like you are as ambivalent as she is. Your actual Ms. Right is somewhere going "WTF".

  14. #34
    Herald of the Titans Ron Burgundy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blueeagle View Post
    @Ron - Not overweight - 165lbs 5'11", try to keep up with my hygiene the best i can (washing my face, shower every day, deodorant, etc)
    Now grow some balls and tell her exactly how you feel. Have some guts.
    Milk was a bad choice.


    2013 MMO-Champion User of the Year (2nd runner up)

  15. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blueeagle View Post
    I must say, that video made me laugh a bit.....

    I was basically going to sit down and tell her that id like to be her friend, or be in a relationship with her, one of the other, im ok with just being her friend, but its just that i keep getting signals from her that she likes me, (pretty much she tells me so its nothing misread) but i think whats mostly killing me is the back a forth of emotions =\

    and carmakazie, i dont think that would work, or quite frankly if i would want that =P just not the kinda person either of us are
    Ahh the friend zone, a guy's worst enemy. Anyways, trust me, I've seen this, and the fastest (Maybe the best) solution is to just tell her your feelings, don't wait, do it.

    Trust me, if you tell her the truth and she rejects you, you CAN still be friends (But you'll be forever in friend zone). Now, she's given a few hints, and that means there is some attraction (Unless she'd be joking, but it doesn't seem like it), don't take the "I love you" like it meant anything, half of the girls I know tell me that (Friends or girls who dig me) but it's nothing special, it's just a friendship (In my case, of course, yours seems like something else).

    Just go and tell her your feelings, bro! Never take the lame/sissy decision ("Oh, I'm not sure, let's just be friends, kay? I'm fine anyways" We both know you'll still be liking her, so you better confront her), life is worth living, and if that means that you should take some risks, then so be it. I'd love to help you further (I'm a sucker for these kind of stories, so I'll try to help), anything special she likes of you? Or viceversa? One last piece of advice, in case you decide not to respond: If she decides to hook up with ya, PLEASE don't do it when you won't see each other for a long time, why? Because if she's reluctant to start anything with you, then distance will probably kill any progress.

    Almost forgot, a reason she might reject you, is not because she doesn't like you (After meeting enough people, it's obvious the majority here are pretty normal, despite what some assholes say), but because she doesn't want to lose you as a friend, why do I know that? Because I saw an EXACT SAME STORY at school, two best friends, the guy liked the girl, she thought he was cute but didn't wanna lose the friendship (Because she thought it'd never be the same after that, and it's not like teenage relationships last a lot... Maybe a couple of months :P Not all of them ofc), she was with him, they broke up (Typical) and now they are still friends, although they don't see each other so often (On the other hand, she's 300 fucking miles away, since she moved, soooooo it's kinda different I guess). Just remember, she might be scared of losing you as a friend, so please, please answer this, do you just want her for a 2 months relationship? A one night stand? Or something a bit more serious? (Like, a lasting relationship, not just something that lasts a couple of weeks...)

    So yea, answer the question I asked atleast, and I'll keep giving you advice.

  16. #36
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    Get drunk if it helps and call her out on the situation.

    Tell her how you feel about the whole situation and that in order to move on, you need this whole "relationship" settled.

    Skype can be handy here, since it lowers the barrier somewhat when it comes to opening up.

  17. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by aldar View Post
    i had the same problem except i got flat rejected in this time i learned alot about girls so here goes (DISCLAIMER most girls will deny this as being truthful but it is).

    Everything a girl tells you she wants is the opposite of what she really wants, your lady friend dosent want you because she knows she can have you anytime she wants youll melt for her and to add to that she thinks your safe and boring now this may not be true but girls are twisted like this until they get old and fat which is around the age of 40.

    So if you really want her heres what you do but its gonna hurt.

    Treat how you dont think she should be treated be jaded and kinda mean but with good intentions make her feel like her self worth is on the verge of hitting rock bottom to you at any moment she'll pretend it dosent bother her but it does.at this point you also wanna try and convince her your dangerous and bad for her so youll have to get creative since you sound like a nice guy this will be the toughest but once she thinks your a badass who dosent need her shell swoon for you and die for your attention unless she knows someone handsomer then you in that case youll have to be the center of attention and an even bigger jerk. The downside is that she'll never be in love with the real you at first though over time who knows but just like the saying nice guys finish last so if you want the girl be a dick.
    Bro, influences count a LOT, trust me. There was this dude who was best friends with a friend of mine, but they lived kinda far away (150 miles, when you can't drive because you are too young, that's far away, for any friendship). So, he liked her since he was young (Think he wanted to get in her pants) and was the "Hurr durr me defend my friend (Girl I wanna do, in his case) even when others are just kidding (My best friend)" I felt pity for him, so I told her to give him a chance, and that they could be friends if they just left it at that. They did, they are still friends and they had a chance (But seriously, long distance relationships suck).

    My point? A nice guy can get the girl even if they are friends since like forever, because of influence, you won't believe how easy it is to convince a girl to do something. So your point kinda fails if the girl the OP is talking about had friends who could somehow convince her or influence her.

    Quote Originally Posted by Espenbv View Post
    If you really liked here as you try to describe you wouldn't be on MMO-champion qqing about what NOT / Shouldnt do.
    Wow, registering to rip on him, I'd get banned if I told you what you look like right now. All I say is that it's not really kind to rip on a guy like that (So much political correctness, it hurts!)

    Oh, don't be a p**sy and text, just tell her up front, way better, that way there's not DC'ing because of doubt or whatever, she'll have to answer. And once again, you do have a chance, but without any help, it'd be hard. And yes, I've seen this stuff happen IRL before, which is why I gave the OP a chance, but I've also seen times when someone liked a girl, but just moved on, found her ideal lady and lived happily ever after and had 2 children (Family college stories before mom and dad met, they sound so cheesy). Not trying to be an "anti-tech" guy, but when you are texting, or even talking through Skype, she could just fake a DC and be back in a while, and when she's back (If that happens) a no is guaranteed, face to face makes the truth come out, so go ahead and talk to her! I'll check the thread by the morning, so mods please don't lock it :P
    Last edited by JohnnyTKF; 2011-03-13 at 07:41 AM.

  18. #38
    I can actually say the total opposite, I chased a girl for a few years and got her in the end

    4 Years past of which i can say i had the best time of my life. After she claimed she only wanted to be friends.

    We broke up due to her getting her friends to watch me at parties etc No trust no relationship.

    I tried to get back with her after realising i was being a idiot, which she didn't want to as she wanted to "Grow" She got with another bloke within a month? Month and 1/2? saw them together and it completely destroyed me.

    But my friends were her friends, So i thought i'm not going to break this group up with choosing sides as i cant be around her, so i backed off and got another circle of friends and completely cut her out of my life. When we would see each other and we would acknowledge each other. Doing so we did actually lose our friendship after 5 years?

    Got a new GF. Recently after 3 years starting talking to my ex again.

    But what i am getting at is you really is stop doubting yourself. As Sarah Connor says "No Fate but what we make"

    Do what you feel is right and do what you want to do, Its your life mate, but you will always want more if she is your friend.

    But you will never know if she feels the same if you dont ask her. And if it does pear shaped rely on Batman "Why do we fall down.... To learn to pick ourselves up"

    Also take it from me, If you are "friends" and she is with another person you will never stop hurting.

  19. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scifer View Post
    I can actually say the total opposite, I chased a girl for a few years and got her in the end

    4 Years past of which i can say i had the best time of my life. After she claimed she only wanted to be friends.

    We broke up due to her getting her friends to watch me at parties etc No trust no relationship.

    I tried to get back with her after realising i was being a idiot, which she didn't want to as she wanted to "Grow" She got with another bloke within a month? Month and 1/2? saw them together and it completely destroyed me.

    But my friends were her friends, So i thought i'm not going to break this group up with choosing sides as i cant be around her, so i backed off and got another circle of friends and completely cut her out of my life. When we would see each other and we would acknowledge each other. Doing so we did actually lose our friendship after 5 years?

    Got a new GF. Recently after 3 years starting talking to my ex again.

    But what i am getting at is you really is stop doubting yourself. As Sarah Connor says "No Fate but what we make"

    Do what you feel is right and do what you want to do, Its your life mate, but you will always want more if she is your friend.

    But you will never know if she feels the same if you dont ask her. And if it does pear shaped rely on Batman "Why do we fall down.... To learn to pick ourselves up"

    Also take it from me, If you are "friends" and she is with another person you will never stop hurting.
    This guy has it right. Finally someone who gets it, a friend of mine likes (I still think he just wants to get in her pants, but w/e) his best friend, but knows that things are good in the friend zone, yet when she was with a friend of mine (Who was my bro's exact opposite) he was kinda jealous, seriously, those saying "Move on" without trying... Seriously? Not saying you need to be insistant, but just say fuck it, and tell her, but have a long, deep talk with her. By the time you are done, you'll walk away holding hands, or (If you weren't desperate and told her everything) you'll give her a friendly hug and just move on, but atleast you tried.

  20. #40
    Quote Originally Posted by JohnnyTKF View Post
    This guy has it right. Finally someone who gets it, a friend of mine likes (I still think he just wants to get in her pants, but w/e) his best friend, but knows that things are good in the friend zone, yet when she was with a friend of mine (Who was my bro's exact opposite) he was kinda jealous, seriously, those saying "Move on" without trying... Seriously? Not saying you need to be insistant, but just say fuck it, and tell her, but have a long, deep talk with her. By the time you are done, you'll walk away holding hands, or (If you weren't desperate and told her everything) you'll give her a friendly hug and just move on, but atleast you tried.
    If you don't tell her how you feel then how will you ever know if it could of worked. And yeah she might be protecting your friendship, i mean my ex was my best friend going into my relationship with her and i had 4 good years with her. And since her i dont have any really close girl mates.

    But you can see that sitting on the sidelines waiting isn't really helping you at all. You either have to tell her you like her, Pick a moment, I will agree that alcohol helps as they say "A sober girls thoughts are a drunk girls words" but not wasted so she don't remember it the next day. Also use her girl mates to get a incite of how her mind works like that.

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