1. #1
    Brewmaster Breccia's Avatar
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    Stalling Tactics

    Deathwing: So, you Guardians of Hyjal think these insignificant advances mean anything to me? My forces are far stronger than anything you can muster.
    Tyrande Whisperwind: Back, fiend! The Alliance will not allow any foothold on these sacred mountain slopes!
    Baine Bloodhoof: For once, the Horde agrees! We stand proudly alongside our elven neighbors to defend our Earth Mother!
    Deathwing: You tiny creatures, you have no idea what you face. When I open the gates to the Firelands, you will meet your doom as Ragna-
    **BAMF**
    Deathwing: What the cheese?
    Suspiciously Familiar-looking Dragon: Thanks, Chromie.
    Chromie: ...don't hurt me...
    Deathwing: What the hell are you? Why are you all beat up?
    Suspiciously Familiar-looking Dragon: I'm the raid-instance version of you, from Patch 4.8 and we need to talk. Now.
    Deathwing 4.0: Huh? Patch whatnow?
    Deathwing 4.8: Look, I'm you from the future, ok? Listen: I know what you're thinking, because I did it myself, and it was a disaster. You can't open the Firelands yet.
    Deathwing 4.0: Why the hell not? Cho'gall and Netharion are reporting a few groups of--
    Deathwing 4.8: Yes, a few groups. Not a full-fledged assault yet.
    Baine: Do you have any idea what--
    Tyrande: Shh, dammit! Multi-Deathwing! Shut up and maybe they'll ignore us.
    Deathwing 4.0: Look, if the mortals are growing in power, it makes sense for me to bring bigger and stronger allies to destroy them. I'm not about to let these transgressions grow out of control.
    Deathwing 4.8: Yes, that's what I thought at first, too. So let's follow this train of thought out.
    Deathwing 4.0: Fine, let's hear what I have to say. Or we. Us?
    Deathwing 4.8: This will go a lot easier if you don't sweat the grammar. Anyhow: you're thinking about opening the Firelands, right?
    Deathwing 4.0: Well, yes.
    Deathwing 4.8: You started your assault on the world, what, 4 months ago?
    Deathwing 4.0: That's about right.
    Deathwing 4.8: And then, 4 months later, when Ragnaros reports a few mortals challenging him, then the Abyssal Maw and N'Zoth?
    Deathwing 4.0: Yeah, that sounds reasonable.
    Deathwing 4.8: I know, it did at the time. Then, four months later, what?
    Deathwing 4.0: Um...
    Deathwing 4.8: You know what you'll do? You'll realize you're running low on willing allies, and you'll force the Bronze Dragonflight to open a portal to the War of the Ancients, since we were around then.
    Chromie: You will...so much blood...can't sleep...Deathwing will eat me...
    Deathwing 4.0: Ok, so I'll kick them back in time and let Sargeras handle them. He's cool, we chat on Facebook.
    Deathwing 4.8: You're missing the point. All this will take a total of about a year? Maybe less?
    Deathwing 4.0: Sounds about right.
    Deathwing 4.8: Then what?
    Deathwing 4.0: Well...um...
    Deathwing 4.8: Then you'll challenge them directly, that's what. And guess what? Being beaten on HURTS!
    Deathwing 4.0: What? These guys? They couldn't--
    Ragnaros: BY FIRE BE PUR--
    Deathwing 4.0: Shut up, Ragnaros! The big kids are talking!
    Ragnaros: FINE. I WILL BE INSIDE IF YOU NEED ME.
    Deathwing 4.8: Listen: mortals are not stupid. They're going to go right after you, not Cho'gall and Ragnaros, you directly. And they're going to be really well-armed. There was some high-quality loot back in the War of the Ancients. The T-13.5 4-piece set bonuses are sick.
    Deathwing 4.0: But--
    Deathwing 4.8: So you're going to have the full force of the best of BOTH factions doing nothing but attacking you daily for well over a full year. And it's going to hurt like hell.
    Deathwing 4.0: Oh come on, they can't possibly hurt me.
    Deathwing 4.8: Not at first, no. It takes under a month before they beat all our remaining comrades, then we hold them off another month before they start beating us into the ground. Over and over. They only stop to kill the bosses in their way. And don't get me started on Thrall's "Might of the Dragon Aspects" buff, or "Thrall's Balls 30%" as the mortals are calling it.
    Deathwing 4.0: Wait, the Netherdrake Council?
    Deathwing 4.8: Farmed and skinned. All five of them. They keep killing the healer first, big surprise.
    Deathwing 4.0: Zombie Malygos?
    Deathwing 4.8: Heart ripped out, given to Alexstrasza for a weekly raid quest. He's not thrilled about it.
    Deathwing 4.0: Magatha Grimtotem?
    Deathwing 4.8: Huddled in a fetal position, mumbling something about ret pallies and whimpering. The therapy costs me a fortune.
    Deathwing 4.0: Hmm.
    Deathwing 4.8: Yeah,so it's just you and them now. They want that title, World Breaker-Breaker. Oh, and the heroic version, World Breaker-Breaker-Breaker.
    Tyrande: This might take a while. Wanna get some coffee?
    Baine: Yeah, that sounds good to me.
    Chromie: I know a decent place in Shattrath. I'll port if you pay.
    Baine: Deal.
    Deathwing 4.0: So, what are you suggesting? I can't just give up and hide.
    Deathwing 4.8: No, but you can let the mortals wear themselves out on your lieutennants first. Let them treat Cho'gall, Nefarion and Al'Akir as punching bags for a while longer. The longer the mortals are beating on other people, the less they're beating on us.
    Deathwing 4.0: Well...it's not as if I really like those guys much, anyway.
    Deathwing 4.8: So, wait a month, maybe even two, longer before opening each raid. That way, you'll only take the full brunt of the attacks for about six months, maybe less, before everyone forgets about you and starts working on something else.
    Deathwing 4.0: Hold on, what--
    **BAMF**
    Deathwing 4.0: What the cheese?
    Deathwing 4.8: What the cheese?
    Xavius 5.1: It's me, from the Emerald Nightmare. Listen, could you guys stop dropping so much spirit/mastery/haste gear? We've had to nerf rhythm-specced bards twice now but they're still IMBA as hell.

    Breccia
    Last edited by Breccia; 2011-03-21 at 07:59 PM. Reason: color as requested

  2. #2
    I loved reading this. Well done.

  3. #3

  4. #4
    Dude my eyes. change the blue text into someother color

    after fixing the color myself, nice take on the stalling and damn you xavius I want my mastery and haste gear.
    Last edited by Cerebes; 2011-03-21 at 07:52 PM.
    World PVP and Arenas Are Awesome

  5. #5
    Funny story, but Cerebes has right, remove the blue text.
    For the Greater Good.
    www.allods.eu

  6. #6
    funny to read
    Bad - This is a bad player, he refuses to learn how to play correctly.
    Casual - This is a player that will let everything else take priority over wow.
    Hardcore - This is a player that is fine with putting things on hold while he's on wow.
    Bad/Good - Measure of Skill.
    Casual/Hardcore - Measure of Time

  7. #7
    The Patient Pikevinge's Avatar
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    Tried waaayyy too hard.

  8. #8
    Mechagnome Santoryu's Avatar
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    I love it!

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