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  1. #1
    Titan Kalyyn's Avatar
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    The future is scary as hell, and here's why!

    Alright, everyone, its time for another one of my sketchier (read: borderline insane) threads. As you know, the future is due to be here any moment now. And with each passing moment, that future gets a little scarier. So my project for all of you, yes all of you, is to find every reason why the future is scary as hell, and list it here.
    This includes:
    New weapons
    New medicines
    Upcoming legislature
    New technology
    New diseases/viruses
    New computer problems
    New social issues
    And anything you find scary as hell that is just arriving or soon will be.


    Just to make this a little more fun, lets use a scale to rate what we post. At the beginning of each "presentation", state the name of what you are talking about, followed by one of the following:


    1. Well that's annoying
    2. Sounds like trouble
    3. I'll not sleep tonight
    4. I'll never sleep again
    5. Why, god, why?
    6. There is no god...
    7. Only Keanu Reeves can save us now!


    Tell us everything you think we need to know about your subject, such as what it is, where it's happening, who's causing it, and if its not obvious, why we should be scared.
    Not every post has to be new information. Feel free to discuss any and every topic you want to comment on. I personally don't feel like you should absolutely have to link each one of your sources every time you present information, but be prepared to give them if somebody asks. If what you are posting is hearsay, then fear not. Just note somewhere that it is hearsay and may not be 100% accurate. Also, don't be overly critical of anyone. If you correct someone, thats all fine and well, but don't be a dick about it. This is supposed to be a fun thread.

    I'll get this kicked off with one of my favorite terrifying new technologies, and provide a general template that you may use, if you wish to.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Type: Weapon
    Name: EATR
    Fear Factor: I'll not sleep tonight
    Probability: This is already happening


    This is EATR. EATR is a multi-purpose combat drone, who can be both remote-controlled, or act independently. One of its many functions is to identify and "neutralize" enemies, which is what the Pentagon likes to call it when somebody gets shot. Now, alright, it's a kill-bot. We all knew they'd be here someday. Most of us thought the Japanese would have them first, but at least it's on our side (assuming you aren't a terrorist or North Korean)
    Well, killing people isn't what is scary about this murder machine. Its what it does after it kills you.

    They couldn't just stop with killing you. This is DARPA, after all. For those of you who are unfamiliar, DARPA is the research and development branch of the American Department of Defense that creates almost every piece of futuristic technology that the US military employs. They are also crazier than shit. We're talking nuclear handgrenade crazy (don't laugh, that's an actual project that I'll post later). Americans who know anything about DARPA tend to suspect that it will one day become self aware and enslave mankind (think Skynet).
    Some of you know where this is heading. Others, I just wanted to keep in suspense for a few more sentences. But here it goes.
    It eats you. It straight up eats you. Hence the name EATR (seems like they do that on purpose these days)
    Okay, let me clarify. It's not supposed to eat you. It technically eats "biomass", which means any living material and use it as fuel. It is programmed to only eat twigs, grass, plants, and *maybe* small animals, however. So we should be safe, right? Just because it can, doesn't mean it will.

    Well, here's were it gets all I, robot on us. This thing has two little quirks (aside from the huge one of being a flesh-eating robot) that should be addressed. This robot is meant to run for weeks at a time. Hence why it needs to create its own fuel. However, it needs to perform other tasks than just killing things during those two weeks, such as maintenance and manual tasks. So
    they gave EATR 2 additional abilities to increase it's destructive power (because sometimes a robot with a machine gun and a chainsaw isn't enough)
    EATR can update its own software. That's right, it can individually choose to download and apply updates to itself in the field. Surely there is some limiting protocol to that, but that's little comfort in my mind. But, hey, even if one goes rogue, its just one robot all the way in Afghanistan. What do I have to worry about?
    The other quirk I mention comes into play here. Not only can EATR repair itself, but if you put the individual parts of another EATR robot in front of one, it could build another entire functioning robot. Thats right, EATR's can build more EATR's. At this point I have to assume that somebody at DARPA began cackling madly, because a rational human being would have put a stop to this about 2 paragraphs back.

    So now we've got a robot who
    1. Eats biomass
    2. Makes decisions and "grows" under its own power
    3. Can self-replicate
    If I'm not mistaken, this robot technically counts as a living being. It is possibly the first truly mechanical species on Earth. So we're created a race of semi-sentient kill-bots who can create their own army. I feel like I've seen this before...

    Oh, right... <3 DARPA
    Edit: Just FYI, a few of these things are already in the field. This isn't a "maybe", this is a "this is frickin' happening" (maybe without the robot apocalypse, though)
    Last edited by Kalyyn; 2011-04-26 at 05:48 AM.

  2. #2
    Stood in the Fire Blazefury5's Avatar
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    you forgot about the growing population problem, and the growing rate of the food supplies, inc-ing 100 years

  3. #3
    Pit Lord SourceOfInfection's Avatar
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    dont worry, thats what the kill bots that eat you are for.

  4. #4
    Stood in the Fire
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    damn thats fucked...

  5. #5
    Mechagnome drake741's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalyyn View Post
    As you know, the future is due to be here any moment now.


    Threat: Super Facebook
    Type: Weapon
    Fear Factor: Why, God? Why?

    In the future, which the OP mentioned should be any moment now, Facebook will finally be uploaded into the minds of little girls everywhere, causing a Tesla-storm of pokes and Likes that has the potential to ignite the atmosphere, annihilating all life on Earth.

    In other news, where the hell are flying cars? The Jetsons are dirty dirty liars.
    "I feel bad for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." - Frank Sinatra

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Kalyyn View Post
    As you know, the future is due to be here any moment now.
    Damn. Nobody warned me.

  7. #7
    Fluffy Kitten Badpaladin's Avatar
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    Threat: Thought Advertisements.
    Type: Who the fuck knows
    Fear Factor: I'll Never Sleep Again

    You know the eventual integration with machines for everybody is coming, and when that happens you can bet your asses "thought advertisemts" will happen.
    Last edited by Badpaladin; 2011-04-26 at 05:40 AM.
    My Short Required Reading List: One. Two. || Last.fm

  8. #8
    Warchief
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    I want an army of a thousand of these things patrolling the US-Mexico border.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Badpaladin View Post
    Threat: Tought Advertisements.
    Type: Who the fuck knows
    Fear Factor: I'll Never Sleep Again

    You know the eventual integration with machines for everybody is coming, and when that happens you can bet your asses "thought advertisemts" will happen.
    Haha. Ever read the comic book series Transmetropolitan? If not, I highly recommend.

  10. #10

  11. #11
    Bloodsail Admiral Disgruntled Penguin's Avatar
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    Awww, such a cute little robot!

    UNTIL IT SHOOTS YOU AND DEVOURS YOUR BODY!!!

    Totally not gonna happen (I hope) but it's still cool to read about, thanks for sharing. ;D
    Last edited by Disgruntled Penguin; 2011-04-26 at 05:44 AM.

  12. #12
    Titan Kalyyn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Failmuffins View Post
    Awww, such a cute little robot!

    UNTIL IT SHOOTS YOU AND DEVOURS YOUR BODY!!!

    Totally not gonna happen (I hope) but it's still cool to read about, thanks for sharing. ;D
    I'm sorry to inform you that the US army has already purchased a few dozen of them

  13. #13
    Stood in the Fire Theleklol's Avatar
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    Threat: Human Centipede II
    Type: Weapon
    Fear Factor: There is no god...

    Apparently they announced a sequel. I'm afraid to watch the first one.
    Temple of Light-ShadowsongUS
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  14. #14
    the impending doom of the us dollar is much scarier, for many more reasons.
    PlayStation suporter.
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  15. #15
    If those man eating robots are real, then that's the coolest thing I've heard all day. Thank you.

  16. #16
    Bloodsail Admiral Disgruntled Penguin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalyyn View Post
    I'm sorry to inform you that the US army has already purchased a few dozen of them
    Meh. I guess I'd rather be eaten by a machine than by insects and bacteria crap, or whatever causes decomposition.

  17. #17
    Threat: Nachos are banned.
    Fear Factor: There is no God...

    Now I have nothing to do with my corn chips. The three-quarters full bag will languish in obscurity after I finish my initial chips and salsa binge, until finally I re-discover it in the kitchen, a completely stale bag of pseudo-crispy fried corn goodness. A pale shadow of its former self.

    The ban on nachos will cause regional havoc in Wisconsin, Vermont, and New York, where all respectable cheddars are produced (sorry, Cheddar-below-Bristol, where Sarah Palin conceived a child, UK). Dairy farmers in said regions will be forced to find other uses for their delicious cheese product. They will fail. There is no other acceptable use for cheddar cheese besides nachos.

    Newly impoverished, these dairy farmers will revolt. The Trump administration will respond by sending out the national guard who, as nacho eaters themselves, will actually join with the farmers. The United States will be overthrown.

    A new congressional congress will be formed, and they will adopt a Constitution strangely identical to our current one (minus the stuff about slaves only having 3/5ths of a vote).

    By then China will have colonized half of the galaxy, mostly due to their pro-Nachos policy.
    Last edited by belfpala; 2011-04-26 at 06:03 AM.

  18. #18
    Who the hell came up with a robot like that.. Z.z

  19. #19
    Warchief godofslack's Avatar
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    Gonna be the future soon, I won't always be this way, when things that make me weird and strange get engineered away.



    In all seriousness as scary as progress is just remember, An educated person is less likely to smash you to mush with a club than a stupid one.

    Since I missed the topic by a long shot... EDIT!

    Threat: NPCs gain sentience
    Fear Factor: Only Keanu Reeves can save us now!

    No more repairs! No more AH! Bosses will just target the healers! OH THE HUMANITY AND THE-REST-OF-THE-RACESANITY!
    Last edited by godofslack; 2011-04-26 at 06:05 AM.

  20. #20
    instead of it eating people they should have designed it to reanimate the dead as their slaves so theyd be like mobile necromancer machines with a loyal undefeatable undead army :P maybe i should work for darpa, i could come up with some outlandish shit lol

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