1. #1
    Field Marshal Jackthegreat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    76

    [BIO] Zook (first character bio, looking for feedback)

    Hi everyone, I'm pretty much a noob to RPing so I'm sort of looking for some feedback and criticism. This is a bio for my first RP character that I'd like to develop. I've read all the noob RP guide threads and what not, and all the guides on creating a bio and this is what I developed. I'm not completely up to date on lore, I've read quite a bit and researched relevant topics to my story so if there are any discrepancies, please let me know.

    Name: Zook, doesn’t have a last name because he feels he hasn’t accomplished anything worthy of taking on as a surname.

    Age: 113, But if you ask he’ll say he lost count.

    Race: Gnome

    Gender: Male
    Languages: Gnomish, Common, a little Goblin.
    
Class: Tinkerer
    Faction: Gnomeregan by blood and birthplace, but travels in a group of close companions of various races. 


    Personality: Zook is an outgoing gnome, with a tendency to trip over his words and to mishear things that people have said. This is the result of his brain working overtime to discover “Zook’s Tinker”. Because of him not being able to find his one big tinker, at this stage of his life, he often loses confidence in his gadgets. Zook often talks to himself when he’s nervous or anxious, out loud, so others around him can hear him. Unintentional catchphrase “No no, that’s just not good enough.” Although outgoing, he is particularly secretive about his personal life. When placed in combat situations, he opts not to kill, but to stun disarm, and distract and at most knock-out enemy combatants. His weapon of choice, is one of his own creation, which combines various engineering tools into one supreme tool, (example: Gnomish Army Knife, Gnomish Universal Remote, Recombobulator, Shrink Ray, Net-o-Matic, Mote Extractor, Lightning Generator, Gnomish Poultryizer etc.) His armor is full of wild and crazy tinkers that he uses when forced into combat. Where he then escapes in his Turbo-Charged Flying machine and escapes. He is often seen writing in a notebook.

    Here are some more examples of the tinkering he has preformed on his armor:

    Armor Tinkers:
    Head: Goggles, Gnomish Mind Control Cap, Goblin Rocket Helmet, Deepdive Helmet, Scope (Binoculars),
    Cape: Paracute
    Boots: Rocket Boots
    Gloves: Rocket Gloves
    Body: Cloaking Device
    Belt: Bomb Satchel, Gnomish Harm Prevention Belt, Spinal Healing Injector.
    Trinkets/Tools: Explosive Sheep, Fireworks, World Enlarger, Gnomish Flame Turret, Goblin BBQ, Loot-a-Rang.


    Likes: Gadgets, Tinkering, Exploring, Traveling, Discovering “Zook’s Tinker”.
    Dislikes: Being compared to other Gnomes, Discovering “Zook’s Tinker”.


    Appearance: Short, Bushy black beard and moustache with wing-like hair on the sides of his balded head. Always wearing goggles. Cladded out in leather armor, with a large variety of tinkers hidden and adapted to his armor. His trusty tool belt filled with objects, that no one but a fellow Tinkerer would recognize. And finally, his trusty Arclight Spanner strapped to his back.


    Strengths: Brave, with a huge appetite for adventure and exploration. Very analytical. A curious Gnome always seeking to learn more.
    Weaknesses: Zook has a lack of faith in himself and his inventions, regardless of how well they work. He trips over his words and mishears people, which tends to get him into trouble. He also gets distracted by possible tinkers because his mind is constantly running. He says the wrong things at the wrong times.


    History: Zook grew up in the once proud home of the gnomes, Gnomeregan. Surrounded by the vast creations and technology that makes the Gnome civilization so great. Son to a successful engineer, who was a part of creating tanks and weapons for the second war. Although not in the eyes of his father or mother, the rest of his gnomish schoolmates and fellow tinkerers sees him as unaccomplished. His younger and far more accomplished brother works directly with High Tinkerer Mekkatorque. As you can see, this places a lot of pressure on Zook. He's constantly feeling overshadowed and unappreciated, which is where his pet peeve of being compared to other gnomes spawns from.

    Zook is a very skilled tinkerer, he left his home at the age of 57 to begin his quest to find what he calls “Zook’s Tinker” which is that one idea that he calls his own and brings forth his surname. As years have passed, he has lost confidence in himself and feels that he’ll never find “Zook’s Tinker” which has repercussions on the proper use of other gadgets. During his travels, Zook has experienced more then he can remember, collecting technology and gadgets from all over the world turning himself into a rather horrible pack rat. He once thought he had a breakthrough on “Zook’s Tinker” but he decided that the world just wasn’t ready for a giant robotic Ravasaur that dispenses milk from its tail. He also decided that, Zook Roboticravasaurmilkdispenser was quite a mouthful and horrible last name.

    He is currently still on his quest, discovering and learning new things all around Azeroth, traveling as he sees fit. He has acquired a variety of tools that he keeps on his belt, as well as storehouses stuffed full of gadgets and spare parts anywhere he could find the space. Despite the amount that he has traveled in his life, he can recall very little about the landscape. And almost seems completely oblivious to the events of the shattering of Azeroth. Other then the retaking of Gnomeregan from the Troggs and Mekgineer Thermaplugg, he doesn’t often concern himself with ongoing events. The only reason he says he participated in the operation, was because his brother had helped to develop the plan. Otherwise he doesn’t want to distract himself, or so he says.
    Last edited by Jackthegreat; 2011-06-01 at 05:18 AM. Reason: updated
    To be the hero is all I'll ask.
    RP Character Bio: Zook || Albert "Al" Fletcher Jr.

  2. #2
    Role-player Khorianas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    The Hall of Blood
    Posts
    1,108
    Replying from phone here, from a first read very solid Bio. Maybe bold the bullet points and use a few more paragraphs for better readability. I will update this reply in Detail when I get a proper Keyboard

    Edit: Saerwen was faster than me, apparently.

    As she said, give a few thoughts on the recent history of the gnomes. Also one might argue that your Biography is quite the standard gnome biography. Your idea about your gnome still desperately looking for his great invention is a nice touch though.
    Last edited by Khorianas; 2011-05-22 at 02:30 PM.

  3. #3
    Not that bad for a first bio ever.

    You might want to ask questions like; what has he experienced in his quests. Afterall, the difference we're talking about is just around 60 years of time, where we know nothing of what happened to him. What about the 'incident' at Gnomeregan? The retaking? The opening of the Dark Portal, arrival of the Draenei? (They have some fancy ass technology) The Cataclysm?

    There's a lot of things to expand upon. Also, the last segment of your history, where you describe how he battles - I find that might belong more under personality

    ~~ Xana / Saerwen.

  4. #4
    Field Marshal Jackthegreat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    76
    Ok, thanks for the feedback. I'll fix it up and add some more when I get the chance and edit my first post.
    To be the hero is all I'll ask.
    RP Character Bio: Zook || Albert "Al" Fletcher Jr.

  5. #5
    Field Marshal Jackthegreat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    76
    So after reading your feedback, and once I finally got a chance, I updated my bio. The parts I updated are in the history section. I know his story seems like a very generic Gnome bio, but I don't really want him to seem all that special. I mean that in the sense of like, some bios I've read of RP characters have their characters going through incredible hardship and depression and they overcome that to be the person they are today. If that makes sense. I want it to sort of go with the flow.

    If you feel otherwise, I'd love to hear it, and why, as I said I'm a noob and I'd love to hear more feedback from all you experienced RPers.
    To be the hero is all I'll ask.
    RP Character Bio: Zook || Albert "Al" Fletcher Jr.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •