Personal feelings, decisions, and guilt

[Arakkar]

What you liked wasn't the fact she got wasted but what came out of it. The attention, the opportunity to take care of her; Is that so wrong?
You took care of her, end of story.


PS: Friend-zone

[Ace192]

OP, you sound like a nice guy, and I kinda like you right away just from reading your story and you remind me of my best friend I guess.

That being said, I can't help but think that your problem isn't guilt for letting Maddy down, which you clearly didn't. I'd rather say you've probably felt really bad watching her make out with those guys because you still have very strong feelings for her and although you liked her attention and her touch afterwards, you kinda disliked it at the same time because it wasn't intentionally sexual.

You really gotta ask yourself, did you really feel bad for "taking advantage of the situation" and "letting her down", or do you tell yourself that because that way it's easier to cope with the whole situation? I mean, did you want to interfere earlier that night because you wanted to protect her from her drunken self or did you want to get rid of those guys she made out with? If you're really just questioning your qualities as a friend, why the whole introduction comparing her looks to yours, evaluating your chances with her?

That's the thing with you nice guys, you can get your heart ripped out and say "thank you, I totally get why you're doing this, do you want to have my liver to go?".

You KNOW you didn't let her down in any way, don't come let internet-people tell you things you already know and support your cover-up.
Don't torture yourself with this. Think about what you really want from her. Then go for it and don't look back.

Remember, if you don't respect yourself, how are others supposed to? Do not settle for second places. Having given it your best shot and walking away with shards in your hands is better than realizing, you have never had anything to begin with!

(Remember to take everything I said with a grain of salt, I might aswell be wrong ofc, keep in mind I don't mean to be disrespectful, this was just my first impression and it might or might not be helpful to you )

Hahaha, I laughed a bit when you said "I kinda liked you right away." Yeah, to be honest I think I'm too much of a nice guy. This shit wouldn't be happening if I knew how to not be a nice guy (if that makes any sense). I will admit though, I never thought of it your way. You're probably right about the covering it up thing. I don't really know. When I see her for minimum 30% of my days every day (just today we hung out from 3:30 until 11:30 so...) it's so hard to ignore her. I talked to Lizzie about it, who happens to be my best friend that knows me as much as I know myself and she doesn't know what to say. I read a few of these posts telling me to stay away from her, but when I'm with her laughing and having fun, I forget about how much I'm probably going to torture myself later about it. Maddy is one of my really good friends and I wouldn't want to ruin it by "giving it my best shot" as you put it. Thanks for the advice. I definitely didn't see you being disrespectful and I'm glad for your straightforward answer.

[EuBloodSolder]

So what's the updates?

We want daily updates on your progess.

Personally, I would start ignoring her slowly and then let her chase you.

When she gets a BF your going to be crying to sleep.

[Ace192]

So what's the updates?

We want daily updates on your progess.

Personally, I would start ignoring her slowly and then let her chase you.

When she gets a BF your going to be crying to sleep.

I don't think I can ignore her seeing as how we are friends and all our friends are friends. I'm "forced" see her pretty much every day for a minimum of 2 hours except for the weekend, where we don't have class, but we all still hang out. The thing about it is, she won't chase me. She's completely oblivious to how I feel about her. We're all really good friends, but I really seriously doubt that she has even the smallest clue about me liking her.

[koodledrum]

Can't help the fact your friend can't hold her drink & doesn't know it, you have no need to feel guilty or wrong in any way, she ultimately is the one who has to control herself, the best you can do as a friend is to be there to help if things start getting out of control, which by the sounds of it you're doing. However on the whole feelings side, man she's playing you, you're at college, by now i'd expect anyone to understand that women like that ALL have a friend who'll clean their shit up for them no questions, it never leads to anything except you getting a front row seat to the biggest car-wreck going and usually winds up kicking your ass in the process.

It's not a good situation for you, don't take this the wrong way but you don't strike me as someone who's gonna take that well and it could explode some day if you don't realise that fact and either come clean when she's sober with how you feel or walk the fuck away realising that it's not gonna happen and will only hurt you to keep watching it. The worst thing that can happen is she says "dude, i like you, just not like that" - think of it like this, if you can find someone who hasn't faced some form of rejection in their life, i'll shake your hand and show you a liar, life's about knowing which risks to take, this is one with very limited potential for damage. If she says no, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and find someone new - just next time try finding someone who needs a friend and not a babysitter.

[EuBloodSolder]

Bring another girl around her.She will become jelly and want u .

[Hornhollow]

I originally typed a few paragraphs but i decided to shorten my response to this:

Stay away from her.
Your in the friend zone and your not getting out from what I have read, if you dont your just going to get your heart broken.
Do you REALLY want a gf like that!?

This!
I wanted to make sure I read all the responses before posting a wall of text.

And, OP, just a friendly advice you can think about - from the scale of 1 to 10 girls will see you the way you see yourself.
I am neither tall, nor very strong or extremely handsome, but I am 8.5/10 and when I ask my "to-be-wife" now she confirmed that.
In other words - you must be comfortable being yourself, so other people can like you, so you will not be in the friend-zone and ergo will not have such problems.

[frogger237]

If you still wanna be her babysitter ask her if she remembers everything she did that night like making out and stuff and ask her what she wants you to stop her at.

If she is ok with making out with a couple different dudes then you have no chance unless your both drunk so either get drunk with her or find a girlfriend.

If she was ok with doing even more then you should probably quit babysitting her cause you really don't wanna be around when she gets double teamed by two jocks in the middle of the room. And if you do your a creeper who should probably get some friends together and go family style on her.


Alcohol doesn't make you a different person it just makes you less inhibited.

[Ace192]

If you still wanna be her babysitter ask her if she remembers everything she did that night like making out and stuff and ask her what she wants you to stop her at.

If she is ok with making out with a couple different dudes then you have no chance unless your both drunk so either get drunk with her or find a girlfriend.

If she was ok with doing even more then you should probably quit babysitting her cause you really don't wanna be around when she gets double teamed by two jocks in the middle of the room. And if you do your a creeper who should probably get some friends together and go family style on her.


Alcohol doesn't make you a different person it just makes you less inhibited.

I think I blew this a little too far out of proportion, but you definitely make sense. After thinking about it a lot, I realize I have no reason to feel guilty. Also, she never really asked me to babysit her to begin with. People are making her out to be some super bitch that is using me, but that's not the case really. I was just there this time around because I wanted to be. I'll definitely talk to her about the drinking before a night she goes out, but most likely not go out with her. I definitely don't plan on looking like a creeper hiding behind a corner watching her make out with some random dude.

I don't think she's 'okay' with making out with two guys, but I'm not her and I don't think I'll just ask her that. If she is, good for her. I guess I'll just have to deal. There's really nothing special going on between us and she's not even leading me on or anything. She's possibly 100% completely oblivious as to what my intentions/feelings are. I guess the real problem, like you pointed out at the end, is the alcohol. I'll see what I do.

[Ianus]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C167s9nEHRU

vince says what u need to know, use analogy ofc