Girlfriend Issues

[Jackuli]

Hey I've seen a lot of people post these and I figured I'd post one hoping for some help.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now and we recently got shipped off to college. We're about 14 hours apart now by car and I can't see her really. Well I bought plane tickets to go see her on her bday over fall break.

I've been in school for over a month and a half and she has been in school for 2 weeks. I'm not sure if this is just a case of super homesickness but I'm also her best friend since she doesn't have a ton of friends. Lately she's been really clingy, demanding I be on skype every single night for 4 or 5 hours and a few days ago I fell asleep and didn't get on and she blew up at me. I am extremely nervous that if I break up that I may make her feel awful in the sense of physically harming herself...and she has done it before. I'm thinking that maybe this long distance thing will not work since I barely have time to finish my homework for classes and I pretty much never get to see or make friends here because I have to be online from 8 at night till midnight and I have 4 classes a day from 9am till 3pm and do homework and see my friends at dinner. Earlier today though I saw a friend who I hadn't seen in almost 2 weeks and he was wondering what happened to me and I feel like I'm being distanced from the friends I did manage to make because I have to talk to her for the "set" time or she gets furious.

If anyone has any advice please help, and I'm sorry if my post is kind of all over the place.

[MrWolly]

Well, I hate to say it but...the chemistry of your current relationship is insanely volatile. I'm assuming you both lived in the same town, so you were in close reach with each other. On a statistical note, high school sweet hearts don't exactly make the perfect couple anymore, but I'm not say it is impossible. People change after high school, and move in different directions. Unfortunately, it appears that you two may moving in opposed directions. Sorry man

[Lysah]

If you want her and you want to make it work, make it work. If you don't, then break up and move on. It could help to explain all of this to her so that she understands how you feel.

Relationships are extremely time costly. That's something to just get used to - when I got together with my wife at the start, I dropped competitive swimming and stopped hanging out with a lot of my friends, I didn't have the time. It didn't matter, she was worth it and still is.

[Lilcheeks]

Really depends on how much you want to be with this girl and how much you're willing to put up with. If you really think her physical well being hinges on the relationship though I'd get out. That's not fair to you and really she could probably use some professional help if that's the case.

For me 14 hours apart would be way too far at that age and being together for that long. College is the start of a lot of new things, people change and grow. You'll meet lots of new people, girls included.

[Wynnyelle]

Talk to her about it. If you feel like that you need time for other things then she should understand. It sounds to me like she's trying to prevent you guys from drifting apart by wanting to talk to you every single night. That could be why she's being so clingy. I was that way for a while when I first started college. I thought it was going to change everything about my relationship, but then I got used to it. Maybe if you give her a little reassurance, it'll help her feel better.

But really, it sounds like you two need to talk and make it work. Like Lysah said though, only make it work if you want it to work. If you don't think it's worth the time then yes, you should probably just break up and move on. Long distance relationships don't work for everybody.

[SuperFi]

If the only reason you're with her is because of the fear she will inflict harm upon herself, leave her. You're doing more harm to the both of you if you let guilt keep you within a relationship. /end rant

With that aside I would suggest you seriously sit back for a moment and look at your future. Do you see her still in it? Do you still love her like you did before you both went to college? College is a huge stepping stone in your life and things will change drastically, and it sounds like she hasn't adjusted as well as you have. If you decide she is worth the effort, sit down and talk to her about your concerns. Obviously four hours every night is not a reasonable expectation. Offer a solution or compromise, her responses will further help you gauge whether or not you should keep her in your life. You two are adults and should act like such!

[ryotte]

I'd explain you are very busy with schoolwork and you're sure she is too, plus it's good to get some fresh air and actually talk to your roomies and classmates...therefore your nightly skype convos will have to be limited to one hour a day. And she can feel free to email/text you at any time, and you will read it and respond when you can, though it might not be immediately because, after all, you're there to get an education (meaning respond throughout the day between classes, or when you're done with homework, or when you finish your conversation if you're talking with a friend or classmate, but don't set the precedent of responding immediately regardless of what your situation is, because that will lead her to expect immediate responses in the future).

Also, send her some "snail mail" letters, postcards, or care packages. Does she like candy? movies? teddy bears? jewelry? flowers? a t-shirt from your college? sexy undergarments? perfume? pictures of the two of you together? Keep it interesting and not on a regular pattern...more like on special occasions, or when you just happen to see something and think of her, maybe once every 1-3 weeks, so she'll have something physical that came from you instead of just internet interaction. Letters and packages will know you're thinking about her...even if you're not staring at her on the computer for 4 hours a night...and if you switch it up she won't freak out like "OMG why didn't you send me a present this week just like you did every other week?"

If she still can't handle it, then she can't handle a long-distance relationship. You should not be forced to spend 4 hours a night staring at someone on Skype. I'm sure she is bored and lonely, but that won't change unless she actually gets busy doing something in her own life besides talking to you online.

[Kanadei]

Look bro let me throw some (made up) statistics at you:

95% of long distance relationships fail.
95% of highschool relationships fail (especially post-high school).

In short, break up with her, move on and enjoy college. Life is too short.

[RexPTravoke]

you got girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a b**** ain't one

Seriously though most long distance relationship I've seen Some one has cheated on the other person or they want to so bad they break up so they can.

best thing you can do is try to keep in touch and visit when you can you might be the exception.

[Deleted]

How about... you tell her she's suffocating you before you break up or anything? I think you're both mature enough to have a conversation on the matter. After you do, come back with the results.

People rush too much when they're annoyed by some little things to dissappear. You should make an example and TALK. Just tell her you want some room for yourself as well, you still love her but you don't have enough time for homework and stuff with 5 hours of skype and you'd like to have some more time as well and you're sure she'd want some more as well to do... her stuff (here you know her, tell her activities she likes).

[muto]

Break up, and find a local girl. I think you would enjoy that more, at least I would.

Getting to be with someone physically all the time >>> Blowing a kiss to someone over Skype that lives 14 hours away, and you only visit once in a blue moon.

[Magisleeper]

Sorry but the simplist answer is to just break it off. Starting out at college with a huge timesink is just going to be a weight around your neck weighing you down. I would tell her that you are starting a new phase of your life and simply dont have the time to spend every night on skype and that you care about her but you need to explore everything college has to offer.

Its for the best, likely she wont understand/hate you at first but when she takes the time she uses to obsess over you and cling to you and spends it with other people exploring her own college experiance chances are she will be gratefull you were kind enough to break it off and give her the push out the door she needs.