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  1. #21
    1) How important is character description to you? Do you like being told how fat/tall/pretty everyone is? General, short descriptions or in depth?
    A) It is really important to me I like to know how they look, how they emotional state are, they personality in all detail.

    2) How important is description overall to you? Do you like being told what color the room is; what objects are in the room; what the landscape looks like; the shape of the building? How much description is enough?
    A) It will boring to read if you always give a big description, sometime you should other not really, I don't really like to be told everything in a room and I just want to know what is coming next, that chat that those characters are having that you so exited about, that you really want to know, only to get bored of the description. Approaching a city or village should have a big description has well has the room of a main or secondary character, but if you are entering a place with little to know interest to the main plot, I feel that a small description is the way to go, If we are talking a battle, the more description you can had the better, the sound of bones cracking, how it feels to cut someone in half, How is the emotion state of X character, etc


    3) What's your opinion on vulgarity and sex in books? (I have my own strong opinion on this but I'll keep it to myself)
    A) It's something I like to read, but it all depends on what gender it is aimed for, Women like to read and feel the emotions while men when reading want to have a physical feeling ( English is not my mother language, dunno if physical feeling makes any sense to you but I hope you got the picture of what I meant)

    4) How do you feel about an author who kills off highly developed main characters? Do you enjoy the "all main characters always make it through alive" story or not?
    A) It is your story, your book, your master piece, this is something that you are going to be proud of, if you feel that main character should die, I am Ok with that, I have read a book that the main character dies at the 2/3 of the book and his best friend takes the lead to save everyone on the last 1/3 of the book and while I felt sad it was an epic reading Life is not made of all good things, and if you made a book were the bad guy wins at the end, while it would be a big middle finger to us it would be something new and if it was an epic reading people are not going to complain, write has you will in this question I don't really care

    5) Your thoughts on strong female main characters? Does it fit the fantasy, "middle-age"-esque genre?
    A) I hate Female main characters, I don't know it just doesn't feel right, I am ok with Females having a lead position, just not the main character.
    Unless you can balance, from what I have read, or is the typical Badass/duchbag bitch look at me I and ultra strong and I have Daddy / boyfriend complex or it is look at me I am so sweet and need help to do everything, if you could balance the two maybe it would be something good.

    For the love of what ever you believe in do not put a Kid has main character, I just hate, someone from the age of 17 to 40 has main is good by me


    Extra: I am Male of the age of 22.

    You this information was helpful
    Last edited by Etna; 2011-10-10 at 02:41 PM.
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  2. #22
    Your book reads as a teenage book. There's a few grammatical errors, which aren't too important, you can fix later on. But the whole thing seems like some Fairy books books I borrowed off a friend, and that's weird. It felt like you were going to turn around and say that Lucy, or whatever her name is, is going to end up being one of the aliens, or whatever Berin is. Those type of books, while being a weird plot twist at first, get old very quick. By that I mean, once you've read it once, then you've read it enough times. Either that or it seemed like Berin and her were going to fall in love and make weird alien/human babies and she cries at his beauty when he changes to his true form, if he's not already in it. That's a Stephenie Meyer book, and no, it's not sweet, it's not a plot twist, it's just weird.

    I don't know where you're going with your book, or whom you want it to be read by. Feels like a teenage romance novel to me.

    Not trying to be rude or anything. >.>

  3. #23

    Re: Wall of text

    Quote Originally Posted by vizzle View Post
    1) How important is character description to you? Do you like being told how fat/tall/pretty everyone is? General, short descriptions or in depth?
    2) How important is description overall to you? Do you like being told what color the room is; what objects are in the room; what the landscape looks like; the shape of the building? How much description is enough?
    3) What's your opinion on vulgarity and sex in books? (I have my own strong opinion on this but I'll keep it to myself)
    4) How do you feel about an author who kills off highly developed main characters? Do you enjoy the "all main characters always make it through alive" story or not?
    5) Your thoughts on strong female main characters? Does it fit the fantasy, "middle-age"-esque genre?
    1. and 2. Description
    It should fit their use.
    The appearance of a story character should be outlined in the beginning to give your readers a picture. Make sure that you don't have to add details later or you destroy the established picture.
    The mentioned red hair is an example. You shouldn't add it the moment it becomes important if it could be seen the whole time. But if the person hid their hair under a hat, because it is associated with witches, it is something different but you have to describe the fact that the person always wears the hat.
    Another thing is how you describe.
    If you have a character look around in a tavern you can say there is a person that looks like a brute and you know how he looks like. Tall and his lack of intelligence and manners are compensated by his muscles, but you knew that without those facts.
    You got a picture in your head if you think of a business man and another if you imagine a shabby business man.
    I think finding established role models is better as everyone already has the picture you want, but it gives the reader room for his own imagination.
    The only things you need to add, are those of importance for the plot (the scar on arm, the logo on the suit).

    For locations your characters own archetypes and background are good.
    The rogue sees all the (fake?) gold, the cleric the blasphemy, a noble man would notice the dirt while a beggar would not, but he would be astonished in places the noble man sees as "normal".
    Striking the balance here is important, too. Don't go overboard with details if they aren't important but provide enough to give your reader a decent picture of the location as it creates the atmosphere.
    While everyone can imagine a rundown house it adds more to the picture if you describe the leaking roof, the wallpaper that came off years ago and the empty cobwebs in every corner.

    3. Vulgarity and sex
    You shouldn't overdo it but you should have it when it fits.
    Sometimes you can just hint what will happen in that room after the window shades are closed or if someone curses, you write just that: "X curses (like a frenchmen).".

    4. Killing main characters
    Killing characters needs to be done right and it should fit to the theme. I can't stand it if a character just dies and that's it.
    If you have a band of soldiers on a suicide mission, the reader can expect that some or all will die sooner or later. If they don't, you need to detail how they managed to do so and as long as it is in the realm of possibility it's fine.
    It also depends on the message you have in your story. As Etna said you can kill the main leader and have his friend continue.
    Those soldiers could be on the mission to stop the enemy from doing X.
    Through the whole story the original team gets decimated one after another. The leader dies at some point and at last the person, the one that opposed the mission the whole time, is inspired by the deaths of his comrades to fulfill the misson (the inspiration as a message or he is conscience-stricken afterwards and the conscience is the message) or he dies after fulfilling the mission (again inspiration) or he dies within reach of the objective and the commander just sends another team or you learn that it wasn't the first team (futility).
    So if you kill a character there should be a reason for it and their death should have a meaning for your other characters.

    5. Female characters
    Female characters are fine. While they don't fit in a real middle age setting, it should be accepted in a fantasy setting.

    Onward to your excerpt.

    "absent-mindedly as her thoughts kept drifting to the boy"
    I wouldn't use both, if her thoughts go back to Berin she is not focused on her task, so that was a bit of an overkill.
    "(Berin, it’s Berin, she kept telling herself) and last night."
    I think parentheses don't fit, I would just make the thoughts italic to indicate that those are the thoughts of the person. "kept drifting to the boy, Berin, it’s Berin, and last night."
    "She paused – yes, I do."
    What was she doing/saying what could be paused? I found that you could let her say something when she hands him his sweater. But no, she does nothing in that moment that could be paused.
    "“T-t-t—thank you,” Lucy stuttered."
    Hmm, I don't like that kind of indicating that she stutters. I would rather use "Thank... thank you." as she isn't disabled or has difficulties to pronounce "t".
    "“I had to see something,” he said as he shrugged; back to Lucy."
    As there is no one else on the roof the "back to Lucy" isn't really needed.

    Those points struck me on the first read but the rest was pretty decent.
    The only things that I can't explain or where I lack knowledge are how she fell off the roof, how he saved her and how it fits into the drug dealer picture and the importance of Gertrude as she appears in the beginning a few times.

    "Lucy’s mother was out with Gertrude[...]" - Here it's fine, they are shopping, she is at home.
    "[...]in her own apartment and Gertrude’s." - Why not simply "their apartments"?
    "Her stomach slowed her, along with her sore body, after a hearty dinner of meatloaf with her parents and Gertrude." - I think it is too much. "[...]after a hearty dinner." is enough in this situation.
    "Gertrude always spiced up conversation," - Additional information about Gertrude which is fine.

  4. #24
    1 - Very important, it can play key roles in the plot too. Such as if someone is overweight they struggle to do things like run, or if they are skinny they get pushed around a lot.

    2 - Again very important. Some people say Tolkien went over the top with this but no one would argue that he failed to set the scene well

    3 - Don't really mind as long as it isn't things like swearing for the sake of swearing like I am seeing in a lot of computer games as of late.

    4 - Either way is fine with me. It is quite often more interesting when characters you like die or get close to dying. Killing off lots of decent characters generally isn't a good idea though.

    5 - Not really bothered. Stumbled an article about authors that wrote strong female characters which did not fulfill the standard task of seeking the attention of men, which seemed quite a good idea(such as winning the prince etc.)

    One thing always worth considering is that you want to be inspired by what other authors do not copy them. Most people who are into particular genres will not appreciate it if you just rehash other authors plots.

  5. #25
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    1 & 2) I really like to know what they look like and any feature distinctive from other characters. As for the setting then it all depends on what kind of scene it is, if the characters are going through a storm then I'd like to know setting and the effect it's having, if they're just passing through a corridor I don't think I would really care.

    3) I don't mind sex in books, as long as it's completely relevant. I would hate it if a sex scene was thrown in just for the sake of it and no real reason behind it, because if I wanted a erotic book I would have went out and bought one.

    4) If done well then I really love it when this happens in a book gets my emotions running high and it gets me emotionally connected to the book. If done poorly it can leave me with so many questions and a feeling of frustration.

    5) Personally I love strong female characters, I think this is because we're constantly having males to fill the hero roles and it's nice to switch it up a little. But I'm really not fussed on gender.

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  6. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by bobty View Post

    One thing always worth considering is that you want to be inspired by what other authors do not copy them. Most people who are into particular genres will not appreciate it if you just rehash other authors plots.
    nor should you rehash your own plot to make a few extra bucks off of a best selling series. I'M LOOKING AT YOU DEAN KOONTZ WITH YOUR CRAPPY 4TH FRANKENSTEIN BOOK!

  7. #27
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    For reference, my favorite series are: A Song of Ice and Fire by GRRM, The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan, The Black Company by Glenn Cook, The Demon Cycle by Peter V. Brett, and the Night Angel trilogy by Brent Weeks.

    I had love WoT, till I went back and read it recently. Just seems childish at this point, don't get me wrong I am going to finish the series because of time spent alone reading it. Just not as into it as I used to be. GRRM is amazing, and would have to include Stephen Erikson.
    "Oh, wretched ephemeral race, children of chance and misery, why do you compel me to tell you what it would be more expedient for you not to hear? What is best of all is utterly beyond your reach; not to be born, not to be, to be nothing. But the second best for you is --- to die soon." Silenus

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by Demonakat View Post
    Your book reads as a teenage book. There's a few grammatical errors, which aren't too important, you can fix later on. But the whole thing seems like some Fairy books books I borrowed off a friend, and that's weird. It felt like you were going to turn around and say that Lucy, or whatever her name is, is going to end up being one of the aliens, or whatever Berin is. Those type of books, while being a weird plot twist at first, get old very quick. By that I mean, once you've read it once, then you've read it enough times. Either that or it seemed like Berin and her were going to fall in love and make weird alien/human babies and she cries at his beauty when he changes to his true form, if he's not already in it. That's a Stephenie Meyer book, and no, it's not sweet, it's not a plot twist, it's just weird.

    I don't know where you're going with your book, or whom you want it to be read by. Feels like a teenage romance novel to me.

    Not trying to be rude or anything. >.>
    Oh god blah. I'm not trying to make it like Twilight, the plot is much more intrinsic than the excerpt I presented, but I can see how you got that impression. They do fall in love later on in the plot, but the book isn't (or at least won't be when I'm done with it) filled with passages like this, and isn't driven by mushymushy loveydovey "I love you shiny body man". I'm just trying to seed their relationship properly right now so that it makes sense later on.

    But thanks for reading it, I realize how "teenage romance" it can feel with just that excerpt.

    "absent-mindedly as her thoughts kept drifting to the boy"
    I wouldn't use both, if her thoughts go back to Berin she is not focused on her task, so that was a bit of an overkill.
    "(Berin, it’s Berin, she kept telling herself) and last night."
    I think parentheses don't fit, I would just make the thoughts italic to indicate that those are the thoughts of the person. "kept drifting to the boy, Berin, it’s Berin, and last night."
    "She paused – yes, I do."
    What was she doing/saying what could be paused? I found that you could let her say something when she hands him his sweater. But no, she does nothing in that moment that could be paused.
    "“T-t-t—thank you,” Lucy stuttered."
    Hmm, I don't like that kind of indicating that she stutters. I would rather use "Thank... thank you." as she isn't disabled or has difficulties to pronounce "t".
    "“I had to see something,” he said as he shrugged; back to Lucy."
    As there is no one else on the roof the "back to Lucy" isn't really needed.

    Those points struck me on the first read but the rest was pretty decent.
    The only things that I can't explain or where I lack knowledge are how she fell off the roof, how he saved her and how it fits into the drug dealer picture and the importance of Gertrude as she appears in the beginning a few times.

    "Lucy’s mother was out with Gertrude[...]" - Here it's fine, they are shopping, she is at home.
    "[...]in her own apartment and Gertrude’s." - Why not simply "their apartments"?
    "Her stomach slowed her, along with her sore body, after a hearty dinner of meatloaf with her parents and Gertrude." - I think it is too much. "[...]after a hearty dinner." is enough in this situation.
    "Gertrude always spiced up conversation," - Additional information about Gertrude which is fine.
    I really appreciate your comments/fixes. People I've asked so far have been pretty tame, it just makes me realize how much pruning and trimming I'll have to do to everything. The only thing I want to respond to specifically is the "back to Lucy" part, where I actually meant that his back was to Lucy, and not that he said something back to Lucy. For the rest of your points, I'm going to work on them right now.
    Last edited by vizzle; 2011-10-11 at 01:02 AM.
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  9. #29
    I figured you were going to proofread it yourself when you were done. Rough copies aren't meant to be perfect grammar or anything, so I didn't bother telling you any errors >.>

  10. #30
    1 and 2. Description of all kinds are very important imo. As a dungeon master, one thing I learned quickly is that your descriptions are the eyes and ears of the audience.

    3. Doesn't matter to me. I am not offended by it, but it's not required for me to enjoy a book.

    4. I am not a fan of THE main character, or all supporting main characters being killed off. I don't mind when a few people die, as long as that plot device isn't used too much. If it fits the story though, I'm okay with it. SPOILERS FOR RANDOM STUFF INCOMING. If Master Chief had died at the end of Halo 3, I would have been really mad. On the other hand though, Kratos, "dying" at the end of God of War 3, felt very fitting, especially since it was suicide, and that ultimately saved the universe. In Gears of War 3, Dom dies, and I really enjoyed the direction that it took the story in. If Marcus had died though, I'd have been pretty darn angry. I once read a book series called War of the Spider Queen. The final two books followed the he dies, she dies, everybody dies, format. Of all the awesome and important characters, one survived the final battle, one ran away before the final battle, and one kind of lived but not really. The 8 other characters or so, all bit the dust in the end, including my two favorite ones, sad panda.

    5. I love strong female characters, as long as they're serious and believable. There are two types of female main characters that I hate with a passion. One is when it's really obvious that the main character is female, (I don't mean that as a sexist comment, quite the opposite actually. I'm going somewhere with this I swear.) When a female main character acts like a walking stereotype, I start to lose interest. "Oh I broke a nail! I'm weak and useless and need a man to do everything for me. Also I have emotional problems" That really gets to me, and I feel like it degrades women more than anything. A hero should NOT be a typical person, of either gender.

    If a male main character is strong, confidant, brave, wise, heroic, and kicks loads of ass, why can't a female be the same way? Not to say a female main character should act like a robot. A character can seem human, or have qualities that make them more down to earth, but that doesn't mean forsaking everything else that makes a good hero.

    Equally annoying is the ditsy heroine. I'm looking at you Sailor moon. Female characters that take nothing seriously, and are so concerned that their favorite guy likes them that they disregard everything else, even if the world is blowing up around them. That's just stupid, and will pretty much instantly turn me off from something.

    Imo, a good female character is one that you can think about for 5 seconds, and go, yep, she's a total badass. Avoid these stereotypes, and female main characters can be awesome. Oh! If you want an example of what not to do, watch Naruto, and pay special attention to Sakura. She's both of these character types in one annoying pink haired package!
    Last edited by Laurcus; 2011-10-11 at 02:01 AM.
    If Goku's power level increases at the same rate till the end of DBGT as it does till the end of the Frieza saga, as a SS4 Goku would have a PL of roughly 939 Quinoctogintillion. For reference that is a 260 digit number. A PL of 14,600 is required to destroy an earth sized planet. There are about 2 nonillion earths worth of mass in the universe. That means SS4 Goku can destroy the universe about 32 Octosexagintillion times over. There's a reason they made Goku a god at the end of GT.

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