People rejecting you

[iLive]

Do you ever feel like when you try your really best to be a good person towards other people they suddenly change? I mean in a way when a person needs you the most and you are there for them, they turn their back afterwards when you request something minor. All the compassion, friendship etc. is suddenly gone and you have no clue why. :S

I didn't want to explain something specific but be general, because I've experienced it many time, and perhaps you have too?

[Grummgug]

People mostly look out for themselves. When they meet a new person, they run through the following questions:

1. Is this person funny? (laugh WITH, not AT)
2. Is this someone I am sexually attracted to?
3. Can I make fun of this person?

When they figure you out, they bucket you accordingly and go from there.

Being a good person, treating them well, does NOT rate for the overwhelming majority of people. They will still bucket you into one of those 3 categories. if you treat them well and are funny, they will consider you funny. If you treat them well and turn them on, you are a sex object. If you treat them well and get made fun of, you are the butt of all the jokes. Being a good person means zilch.

If you're funny, and you have that to potentially offer, they want you around. If you are a sex object, they might want you around. If you are the entertainment / butt of all jokes, probably not.

[iLive]

People mostly look out for themselves. When they meet a new person, they run through the following questions:

1. Is this person funny? (laugh WITH, not AT)
2. Is this someone I am sexually attracted to?
3. Can I make fun of this person?

When they figure you out, they bucket you accordingly and go from there.

Being a good person, treating them well, does NOT rate for the overwhelming majority of people. They will still bucket you into one of those 3 categories. if you treat them well and are funny, they will consider you funny. If you treat them well and turn them on, you are a sex object. If you treat them well and get made fun of, you are the butt of all the jokes. Being a good person means zilch.

If you're funny, and you have that to potentially offer, they want you around. If you are a sex object, they might want you around. If you are the entertainment / butt of all jokes, probably not.

Very sad. :/ But it makes sense in a way.

[rethea]

People mostly look out for themselves. When they meet a new person, they run through the following questions:

1. Is this person funny? (laugh WITH, not AT)
2. Is this someone I am sexually attracted to?
3. Can I make fun of this person?

When they figure you out, they bucket you accordingly and go from there.

Being a good person, treating them well, does NOT rate for the overwhelming majority of people. They will still bucket you into one of those 3 categories. if you treat them well and are funny, they will consider you funny. If you treat them well and turn them on, you are a sex object. If you treat them well and get made fun of, you are the butt of all the jokes. Being a good person means zilch.

If you're funny, and you have that to potentially offer, they want you around. If you are a sex object, they might want you around. If you are the entertainment / butt of all jokes, probably not.

Or people and motivations are infinitely more complex than that? Either one.

[Deleted]

Hey it's the quiet kid. Leave him alone, he might kill us one day.

What happened to me when I was in school. Just because I was quiet, people compared me with the Columbine killers. Fuck judgmental people.

[herpecin]

People mostly look out for themselves. When they meet a new person, they run through the following questions:

1. Is this person funny? (laugh WITH, not AT)
2. Is this someone I am sexually attracted to?
3. Can I make fun of this person?

When they figure you out, they bucket you accordingly and go from there.

Being a good person, treating them well, does NOT rate for the overwhelming majority of people. They will still bucket you into one of those 3 categories. if you treat them well and are funny, they will consider you funny. If you treat them well and turn them on, you are a sex object. If you treat them well and get made fun of, you are the butt of all the jokes. Being a good person means zilch.

If you're funny, and you have that to potentially offer, they want you around. If you are a sex object, they might want you around. If you are the entertainment / butt of all jokes, probably not.

wrong.

when people meet someone new the only thing they are thinking about is "what can this person do for me?"

OT; stop being a push over. i am what most people consider a nice guy. i help people move, fix female friends flat tires, etc.. but i never let them get the idea that there will be no recourse.

a few months ago i was helping a friend of a friend to move, and his wife started bitching at me about their dogs. i straight up told her i didnt care, she called me a dick, i dropped my side of their big ass TV in the middle of the road walked to my car and left.

a few hours later the guy texted me apologizing for his wife and we went out to the bar that night(sans wife of course).

moral of the story, its fine to be nice, but never be a doormat.

[Grummgug]

Or people and motivations are infinitely more complex than that? Either one.

Some are. But for most, no. People want to know "What do YOU do for me? Do you make me laugh? Do you turn me on? What is it in it for ME to spend time with you?" Humans are selfish. Humans are like a pack of wolves. Its about social standing, gossip, and nastiness as people try to claw their way up the social ladder.

All through school, college, and every workplace I'ver ever been in has tons of gossip and underhandedness as people look out for #1. I've seen one girl get jealous of another girl at work over a love interest and start complaining to the manager if they show up 2 minutes late, trying to get her fired. I've seen entire rooms gossip madly about one individual the moment they leave the room, with maybe 10% abstaining and feeling sorry for that person.

Humans are nasty. If you find a good one, with some semblance of moral fiber, they are keepers. About 90% though are selfish jerks.

---------- Post added 2012-11-10 at 07:22 PM ----------

10% of the population are actually sane. And believe me, we huddle away from the rest of the population.

[iLive]

I really consider myself a nice person, but some people doesn't interest me at all, but I try my best to be nice still towards them without giving them too much hope at the same time. Unwillingly be nice, that's nice, if you understand. :P

[endersblade]

Welcome to my world. I go out of my way to help people, especially my friends, but when I need help, everyone turns their backs on me. My family does this too.

Just an example, and this one was sort of extreme. Several years ago, my parents decided to strip and repaint their house. I volunteered to help, no payment required. It took us two weeks, several in the rain and cold, I slipped and fell and cut and bruised myself until I had nothing left. But we got the house done, and it looked great.

Fast forward about 2 months, I was struggling to pay rent. On this particular month, I was about $50 short. I asked my parents to cover it, and I could pay them back next paycheck...they said no, that I had to take responsibility for my failings. ....dafuq? I'm 30 goddamn years old, I'm well out of the 'immature child needs to learn consequences for actions' phase of my life, thanks. Not going into details on why I was short, but it was for a legit reason, not like I went and got plastered with the boys or anything. I ended up having to sweet-talk my landlord into letting me pay $100 the following paycheck just to make up for it without getting booted out of my apartment. It took me months to recover from that. >.>

Not two months later, my mom asked me to come over and help them put up a garage door. I refused. She blew up at me and we didn't talk for several weeks.

Just one example. My friends turn their backs on me all the time, and when shit starts rolling downhill for them, they always cling to me, and I always help them, knowing they will never reciprocate. And then they say hateful things to me when I can't for whatever reason help them when they decide to do something stupid and get into trouble. "Yo dawg, I like got thrown in jail for shoplifting, can you come bail me out? It's only $2,000." You CAN'T be serious. "WTF man, what the hell kinda friend are you?" /facepalm

[iLive]

@endersblade
I think the subject with parents is way different. We owe them our lives really. I just got a new littlebrother (1 year old now) and he's a pain in the arse for my mother. I tell you, if he ever says no to filling a cup of coffee for her, I will beat him (maybe a bit exxagerated). :P

[Deleted]

Well im a man and I can say that most easy way to earn disrespect of others is to disrespect your own values. What disrespecting your own values means? It means seeking approval of others, you can never be respected if you always seek approval of others. This is especially crucial for males, no real woman will ever trust you if u are needy approval seeker.

[Ethes]

People mostly look out for themselves. When they meet a new person, they run through the following questions:

1. Is this person funny? (laugh WITH, not AT)
2. Is this someone I am sexually attracted to?
3. Can I make fun of this person?

When they figure you out, they bucket you accordingly and go from there.

Being a good person, treating them well, does NOT rate for the overwhelming majority of people. They will still bucket you into one of those 3 categories. if you treat them well and are funny, they will consider you funny. If you treat them well and turn them on, you are a sex object. If you treat them well and get made fun of, you are the butt of all the jokes. Being a good person means zilch.

If you're funny, and you have that to potentially offer, they want you around. If you are a sex object, they might want you around. If you are the entertainment / butt of all jokes, probably not.

I don't know where you live, but in where I'm from and the places I've been to it doesn't work this way.

As for OT: No, I've never experienced that.

[Raldazzar]

it might be worth mentioning that nowadays, nice can often be percieved as creepy. sadly being an asshole is the norm, so if you arent an asshole.. you are de facto.. weird.

[Slummish]

There was a time in my life when I was a responsible working guy. I had a bunch of friends from the rave/party/club scene. I found myself frequently sheltering these kids. I provided food, a bed, "party favors," etc. because I could and I never expected anything in return.

Then there came a time when I found myself jobless and near homelessness. There wasn't a single a person that offered me shelter. In fact, I was avoided. I realize that party kids aren't necessarily the best bunch of people to seek out when you need help, but I'm talking about dozens and dozens of people. There wasn't a single person willing to return the favor for my kindness.

You'd be quite surprised how many of them sought me out once again when news of my windfall hit the street.

I finally snapped out of it and told every single one of them to fuck off -- politely -- and haven't had contact with anyone from that era.

The down side is, however, that now I'm a recluse for fear of being screwed over... C'est la vie, I suppose.

I have four friends and I'm 36 years old. One is my boyfriend of nine years. One is a girl I've known since I was five. One is a boy that I met before I had any money and is hopelessly in love with me. And one is a Canadian that I've never met in person and have been playing WoW with for six or seven years. These four people and my sister will inherit all that I have when I find out that my smoking has sentenced me to death.

[Mihalik]

I was born into a wreck of a family. I never knew my father and my mother spent most of my preteen years in and out of jail. I was raised by grandmother and her elderly sister. Once my grandmother could no longer take care of me, I ended up in my mothers care. After six months she split for abroad with a new boyfriend. I ended up alone at 16 with enough money for one more month of rent. In 2 months I was living on the streets. No one ever took me in or gave me any help. Not friends, not family. I backpacked half of central europe until about 17. Then got a job and pulled myself up. Finished school. Studied in London and U.S on grants.

Eventually I settled in Spain, became a teacher by trade and also own a small pub (as half of the buisnesses in Spain are bars). About a year ago I have got in touch with my family just out of curiosity. Suddenly everyone and their sister needed MY help.

To summ it up. All that I have learned is that you can't depend on anyone. Ever. If you give, do so out of the kindness of your heart and never ever ever expect anything in return, because you will only be disappointed. The only thing in life you can depend on is yourself and funny enough often the state. If you go to the right places and do the right things, often the state will be the only one to help you along the way when you hit a bad track in life, and it never expects anything in return beyond a bit of effort on your behalf. Sometimes the help they can give you is jack all little, but none the less, it often feels like it is the only unconditional help you get. Foundations or charities often come with obligations such as religion, work for them or other crap, it's rarely if ever unconditional.

[Dedweight]

Well im a man and I can say that most easy way to earn disrespect of others is to disrespect your own values. What disrespecting your own values means? It means seeking approval of others, you can never be respected if you always seek approval of others. This is especially crucial for males, no real woman will ever trust you if u are needy approval seeker.

Not sure what you were trying to get at here but just because someone is frequently willing to help others doesn't mean they are actively seeking approval from others or "disrespecting their personal values." For all we know the OP is just a very helpful person, it's just how they are.

I finally snapped out of it and told every single one of them to fuck off -- politely -- and haven't had contact with anyone from that era.

The down side is, however, that now I'm a recluse for fear of being screwed over... C'est la vie, I suppose.

I have four friends and I'm 36 years old. One is my boyfriend of nine years. One is a girl I've known since I was five. One is a boy that I met before I had any money and is hopelessly in love with me. And one is a Canadian that I've never met in person and have been playing WoW with for six or seven years. These four people and my sister will inherit all that I have when I find out that my smoking has sentenced me to death.

Same thing here, been screwed over so many times[mostly by Women(I'm male)] that I've pretty much built a distrust for most everyone, I do have a few friends that I'd consider to be "close friends" but I do seem to keep them at a distance emotionally for that very fear of being screwed over again.

[worprz]

My grandpa told me once that you can't make everyone happy and you shouldn't try. This kind of shocked me when I was younger, I didn't want to be unliked by anybody. Some people will just live their lives by leeching off of others and will always be that way.

I think it is better to enjoy life with few friends than spending your life stressing over people who are going to end up treating you like dirt. I find it feels good to help others and ask nothing in return but people will try to take advantage of you as well. Basically what herpecin said is right, be nice to others but don't end up being a doormat as well.

[Killington]

Lol fuck people it's that simple, worry about yourself and your family/friends (unless they've wronged you somehow). Never go out of your way to do something you don't want simply because you want to be "nice", again worry about yourself. You are not here to be a people-pleaser unless you allow yourself to be. Learn to say no, people will come and go anyway, and the odds of you seeing them again once they've gone are slim.

[Deleted]

Lol fuck people it's that simple, worry about yourself and your family/friends (unless they've wronged you somehow). Never go out of your way to do something you don't want simply because you want to be "nice", again worry about yourself. You are not here to be a people-pleaser unless you allow yourself to be. Learn to say no, people will come and go anyway, and the odds of you seeing them again once they've gone are slim.

This. Many times this.

[Deleted]

@endersblade
I think the subject with parents is way different. We owe them our lives really. I just got a new littlebrother (1 year old now) and he's a pain in the arse for my mother. I tell you, if he ever says no to filling a cup of coffee for her, I will beat him (maybe a bit exxagerated). :P

Parents usually gets a child in the first place because they want to have one, fill a gap in their lives, and make themselves happy. Getting a second one is even more of a personal choice since they already know what they are going into. This whole idea about being in blood-debt to your parents because they made a decision to get pregnant for their own sakes seems weird to me, and that your brother somehow owes your mother more later in his life because he is difficult at an age where he is not really unselfconscious about what he is doing.

It's suppose to be family relations, where you help each other out. In the story you quoted, I would never have lifted a finger to help my parents again if they acted that way towards me. From that day I would have told them they could spend that 50 bucks on hiring someone else to come and fix up their home for them. I mean common, it was a 50 dollar loan to pay his rent, not even an expense on their behalf, and then they expect him to come work for free and help them out again geez!