In a terrible position, I don't know what to do!

[Usako]

I am very sick, and I am not able to support myself or my daughter. I live with my parents, with my husband and we are just now getting on our feet to be able to move out.

Well this morning I was on the laptop because I wasn't quite ready to go to bed, and I was just browsing through the history because my husband was supposed to be looking at apartments to call for us to rent. Well I found something that has really and truly bothered me.

I found that my husband was and has been watching porn for quite sometime, but that isn't what really bothers me. Thing that bothers me is that the timestamps is when he is upstairs watching our 2 year old daughter. Its early in the mornings when I know she is awake, or before her naps or in the evening a couple of hours before we put her to sleep for the night.

This has caused me to be quite upset and I'm not sure what to do. I wouldn't even care if he was watching it when he wasn't around our daughter but watching it while sitting in a chair with our daughter is right in front of him playing around and watching Bubble Guppies is just I don't even know.

What would you guys do in this situation? I check and its not child porn but still. I feel at a total loss and I just don't know what to do or what to think.

My family thinks its a very big deal, but they think porn in general is a big deal. I don't think porn is that big of a deal, its just a very big deal to me to be watching it while our daughter is in front of him. What happens if she see's it?! What if she has already seen it. My family is also concerned for my daughter but I'm not sure if I should be or not. I mean, I am just torn apart on it, and very hurt he would do something like this while he is with our daughter.



------

To help everyone understand, I did talk to my husband first. Then I went to my family i.e. my mom, dad and brother as I have reached out to them in the past as I have no one else to turn to and talk to in my life. I have no real life friends and my gaming friends are sometimes quite hard to get in touch with lately. I want to make it clear I lived with my husband for 2 years before we got married. Once we did its like he became a different person and things have been at times rocky for us. He lies to me a lot so that is where I began going to my family for confront and advice. I then came to MMO-Champion once I learned of my families ummm, dislike of porn no matter where it is viewed or how it is viewed, that person instantly becomes a pervert in their minds. So I decided to reach out to people who would perhaps be more objective of the subject, and everyone has been! I do know for a fact he watched it while she was awake because of the time stamps. I looked on my laptop, that was bought for me for the times I can't sit up at the computer. I was looking at to see what he looked for on the appartments and found the porn and the time stamps for it.

Either way since I started this post, I have read everyone's comments and I went to his work and waited for a time he could talk and we talked. I was able to do so with a nice clear head and it worked out quite well so I just want to thank everyone for their inputs!

[Deleted]

I am very sick, and I am not able to support myself or my daughter. I live with my parents, with my husband and we are just now getting on our feet to be able to move out.

Well this morning I was on the laptop because I wasn't quite ready to go to bed, and I was just browsing through the history because my husband was supposed to be looking at apartments to call for us to rent. Well I found something that has really and truly bothered me.

I found that my husband was and has been watching porn for quite sometime, but that isn't what really bothers me. Thing that bothers me is that the timestamps is when he is upstairs watching our 2 year old daughter. Its early in the mornings when I know she is awake, or before her naps or in the evening a couple of hours before we put her to sleep for the night.

This has caused me to be quite upset and I'm not sure what to do. I wouldn't even care if he was watching it when he wasn't around our daughter but watching it while sitting in a chair with our daughter is right in front of him playing around and watching Bubble Guppies is just I don't even know.

What would you guys do in this situation? I check and its not child porn but still. I feel at a total loss and I just don't know what to do or what to think.

My family thinks its a very big deal, but they think porn in general is a big deal. I don't think porn is that big of a deal, its just a very big deal to me to be watching it while our daughter is in front of him. What happens if she see's it?! What if she has already seen it. My family is also concerned for my daughter but I'm not sure if I should be or not. I mean, I am just torn apart on it, and very hurt he would do something like this while he is with our daughter.

I actually LOL'd so hard thank you for this

Infracted.

Post constructively.

[semaphore]

I think you should talk to him about it. Communication is important. Don't see how else you can realistically resolve the issue.

[Reeve]

While I don't think it's appropriate to watch porn in front of a kid, I don't think anything bad will happen to her if she sees it. I recommend you just talk to your husband and tell him he shouldn't be watching porn in front of the kids. If he wants to watch it, it's fine, but he needs to be more careful and not do it in any way that the kids could stumble on it.

To be honest, I'm almost more disturbed that you went to tell your extended family about it before talking to your husband. That seems like the kind of thing that should be handled internally.

[Priestiality]

I actually LOL'd so hard thank you for this

Congratulations on being sub-human I guess?

Anyway, the best thing you can do is take your daughter to the doctor. At 2, while lacking comprehension, she most likely can articulate something unusual, be it "daddy's funny movies" or something more sinister. Once you know the extent of what your daughter has seen or (hopefully NOT) experienced, you'll be in a better position to confront him about it. But you will have to confront him eventually.

[Usako]

I actually LOL'd so hard thank you for this

I don't see whats so funny with this. Its a real issue I am having to deal with.

[smokii]

be honest and tell him you dont have a problem with him watching or tugging one off to porn, just keep it away from the child.

[Rob D]

What happens if she see's it?! What if she has already seen it.

I would say... nothing. At that age she doesn't have the context to see what is going on. For her there are some nekkid people doing silly stuff and ...ohh.. bubble guppies on TV!!
Though I can understand how that would upset you and maybe you should talk to him. Of course without being accusatory.

[SirRobin]

While it is, in my opinion, a "no no" to be looking at porn when you should be doing other things. I find nothing wrong with it in particular. Self gratification is and will be a part of the human condition. Whether physical or mental. Would you rather have him actually having sex with someone else? He has a need. He is satisfying that need. Without physically breaking your vows. "If" there is no evidence that molestation or "contributing to the delinquency" is involved, then either help him satisfy that need, or continue to let him handle it himself.

[Deleted]

Its just porn, who cares? I will watch porn while my partner is in the same room doing other things and vice versa, people need to stop being so prudish.

Its not like a 2 year old knows whats going on, just forget it.

[Deleted]

Two year old daughter > Won't remember anything.

I don't see it as a problem. I wouldn't do it. But no problem still.

Just talk to him.

[SirRobin]

To be honest, I'm almost more disturbed that you went to tell your extended family about it before talking to your husband. That seems like the kind of thing that should be handled internally.

I've been in relationships like that and its often part of the problem.

[Usako]

He hasn't done anything in front of her, just watching porn. And he hasn't done anything to her either.

[Priestiality]

Two year old daughter > Won't remember anything.

I don't see it as a problem. I wouldn't do it. But no problem still.

Just talk to him.

You sure about that? At age 3 I was nearly murdered when my alcoholic, abusive father fought with my mother and tipped the fridge onto its doors. It crushed my toes, I still have some disfigurement from it. I remember ALL OF IT. So please, tell me more about how she won't remember it.

[Soisoisoi]

Depends how old your kid is, and if she can even see or hear the screen. If she's not old enough to understand it makes no difference, though it would still be weird in the same room or with her nearby. I wouldn't over react if I were you, porn is nothing new nor is it really that bad, everyone sees it, your child will too one day, probably earlier than you think (and I don't mean because of your husband).

As long as he's not doing that in front of her, I wouldn't be bothered if I were you.

[Usako]

I've been in relationships like that and its often part of the problem.

I did confront him first and we talked about it. I reached out to my mom and my brother, and now i'm reaching out to people who don't know me or my family.

[jaimelannister]

Do you think your daughter can see or hear it? Because if he's just checking it out with the volume down on his laptop while your daughter is engrossed in a television show or whatever, I don't see the harm.

At the end of the day, you really need to just talk to him. Don't accuse him of anything and do NOT suggest that he shouldn't be watching porn at all (it's completely harmless, even in a healthy relationship), just ask him to be careful about it around your daughter as she shouldn't be exposed to it.

Also, it sounds like you discussed this with your family?? That is a terrible idea...porn is something private and you should keep that between yourself and your husband! He deserves his privacy from your family on this issue. Would you discuss your own porn viewing habits (assuming you did watch porn) with your family?!?

[Deleted]

You sure about that? At age 3 I was nearly murdered when my alcoholic, abusive father fought with my mother and tipped the fridge onto its doors. It crushed my toes, I still have some disfigurement from it. I remember ALL OF IT. So please, tell me more about how she won't remember it.

Almost being killed and remembering something random on a computer monitor are very different things. People tend to remember the most life changing things.

[Reeve]

I did confront him first and we talked about it. I reached out to my mom and my brother, and now i'm reaching out to people who don't know me or my family.

OK, so did he agree to stop watching porn in front of the kids? If so, problem solved. If not, you need to get him to agree to that. If he won't, you've got bigger problems.

Either way, if he agreed to stop and did stop, why are you dragging his name through the mud with your extended family? He was doing something dumb, you corrected it, move on.

[jaimelannister]

I did confront him first and we talked about it. I reached out to my mom and my brother, and now i'm reaching out to people who don't know me or my family.

Okay, so what did he say? Was it hidden from view and was the sound was off? Then no problem. Otherwise, problem, and he needs to fix it.