Waiting until marriage for sex good or bad?

[endersblade]

To clarify, I'm not saying you should wait until marriage, I'm simply saying you should wait longer than the first date to have sex; you should get to know someone before doing so. That's how I feel, anyway, unless you're just looking for someone to have sex with.

This. I most assuredly will NOT marry a chick I haven't slept with. If we are incompatible in the bedroom, the relationship isn't going to work out, period. Sure, sex on the first date is...well, kinda sleezy. I certainly don't do it. But at SOME point while dating, if the girl says "I'm waiting for marriage" (and this has actually happened to me lol) I will break up with here right there and then unless she changes her mind. I also have a friend of a friend, female, who is 'waiting for marriage' and hasn't been in a relationship longer than a couple of weeks. That lifestyle and belief is so far outdated, nobody wants to put up with it anymore. As asshole-ish as it sounds, put out or get out. That goes for both men AND women, though I can't say I've ever met a man who wanted to be chaste until married...

It's not about getting another notch on your belt, or 'claiming the prize', or anything like that. It's simple relationship chemistry. Like I said, if you aren't compatible in the sack, while relationships certainly should not completely and totally revolve around sex, the relationship is not going to be a very good one. If the sex is bad, one or both parties might start seeking sex elsewhere, which could end the relationship in a really bad way. Nobody wants that.

[Zanito44]

I don't really see how finding someone that I'm fundamentally compatible with rather than trying to change someone is taking the easy way out. I'm disinclined to date someone that's uneducated and try to talk them into going to school; why should I treat sex differently?

If someone isn't good at something naturally and they don't work through either by someone who has experience or by trying it out then how can you blame them? You're the master then instruct the pupil.

[Harry Botter]

It completely depends on the person.

[Liagala]

Well if they aren't and you're a master at it then is it too hard to mentor them? It shouldn't be too hard to explain which hole is the correct one and how to properly move.

There's a lot more to sexual compatibility than mechanics. :P What if your SO was very excited by something you found abhorrent? What if something you needed disgusted them? How would you like to find that out after you're already married? I consider physical compatibility to be very important in a relationship. I could never be happy long term with someone if I wasn't happy in the bedroom. Added onto that, I believe someone mentioned earlier that humans are naturally curious - eventually, we'd start to wonder what it would be like with someone else, even if it was wonderful with our spouse. I know that would someday be an issue for me, if I had tried to wait.

Because of those 2 things, I think waiting until marriage is a bad idea for me. It may work for others.

"Ye Other Love Orifice?"

Also, best post in the thread right here

[Deleted]

Why does it have to be either? Each to their own really

[Spectral]

What if its very easy to get them into school? Or getting them to be better at sex? or do you see it as bad sex once always bad?

Fixing someone isn't of interest to me. I'm too old for someone to be starting school, and I'm too old to teach someone to have sex. Either the chemistry's there or it's not. Sure, I'll learn what someone likes and they'll learn about me, but you can't fix bad chemistry.

[Reeve]

Well if they aren't and you're a master at it then is it too hard to mentor them? It shouldn't be too hard to explain which hole is the correct one and how to properly move.

Sexual compatibility isn't only about the mechanics, and humans aren't very good at controlling what turns us on or disgusts us.

[Spectral]

If someone isn't good at something naturally and they don't work through either by someone who has experience or by trying it out then how can you blame them? You're the master then instruct the pupil.

Sex isn't really that technically complicated. All I'm looking for is enthusiasm and a little bit of an open, kinky mind, everything else will work itself out with time and communication. If those things aren't there, I'm not interested in trying to fix someone.

[Harry Botter]

This. I most assuredly will NOT marry a chick I haven't slept with. If we are incompatible in the bedroom, the relationship isn't going to work out, period. Sure, sex on the first date is...well, kinda sleezy. I certainly don't do it. But at SOME point while dating, if the girl says "I'm waiting for marriage" (and this has actually happened to me lol) I will break up with here right there and then unless she changes her mind. I also have a friend of a friend, female, who is 'waiting for marriage' and hasn't been in a relationship longer than a couple of weeks. That lifestyle and belief is so far outdated, nobody wants to put up with it anymore. As asshole-ish as it sounds, put out or get out. That goes for both men AND women, though I can't say I've ever met a man who wanted to be chaste until married...

It's not about getting another notch on your belt, or 'claiming the prize', or anything like that. It's simple relationship chemistry. Like I said, if you aren't compatible in the sack, while relationships certainly should not completely and totally revolve around sex, the relationship is not going to be a very good one. If the sex is bad, one or both parties might start seeking sex elsewhere, which could end the relationship in a really bad way. Nobody wants that.

And then once you get tired of the sex, which will happen. You have just lost a huge piece of what you founded your relationship on. And then you will either get divorced because of sex, which is stupid. or you will stay in a marriage you are miserable in because you based it on lust. People make sex out to be way more important than it should be imo.

[Arcilux]

You wouldn't buy a car without taking a test drive, you shouldn't marry somebody without testing the sexual waters imo.

And just like with a test drive, you have to go slow and be careful until you are ready to make the final commitment.

[Zanito44]

Sexual compatibility isn't only about the mechanics, and humans aren't very good at controlling what turns us on or disgusts us.

Well if one works at it then everyone would know all the sweet spots right? That or you know just kindly ask what turns them on to start with. Could use common sense afterward to get a good feel.

[Spectral]

Well if one works at it then everyone would know all the sweet spots right? That or you know just kindly ask what turns them on to start with. Could use common sense afterward to get a good feel.

You seem to be operating on the basis that good sex is a matter of doing the right things mechanically. It's not.

[Goatfish]

Bad. Why would you want to tie yourself to another person forever without even knowing if you're going to be sexually compatible? It would be like marrying someone you'd never even spoken to before. You should definitely know that sex is at least not unpleasant before marrying the person.

I agree with this completely. Then again, I'm gay, and have literally laughed someone out of the bedroom for being too small before. I put sexual compatibility incredibly highly because to me, that is the most important part of a union. If I wanted a really good friend that can be around all the time I already have a few. I even have a couple folks I can do about everything but sex with (cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, etc). If I am getting a boyfriend it's going to primarily be to get the one thing I am not getting elsewhere, which is sex. This isn't to say they shouldn't be compatible in other ways as well, but if they can't satisfy me, or me them, or we don't have the same ideas of 'fun in the bedroom'... then there really is no reason to be a couple.

[Reeve]

Well if one works at it then everyone would know all the sweet spots right? That or you know just kindly ask what turns them on to start with. Could use common sense afterward to get a good feel.

Like I said, it's not all about the mechanics, where or what to touch. It can be in the look the person gives you in the act, or the pheromones they give off, or the texture of their lips, or the shape of their boobs, the elasticity of their skin, etc. Mechanics are just one aspect of sex. Then there's the things that turn one person on, but repel the other. No matter how hard you try to accomodate each other, if you're sexually incompatible, you're going to be sexually incompatible.

[mape1992]

Why would it ever be a good idea?

[Spectral]

Then again, I'm gay, and have literally laughed someone out of the bedroom for being too small before.

Not wanting to sleep with someone based on a physical characteristic is fine, but demeaning them about something they're probably already insecure about is a huge asshole move.

[Zanito44]

Sex isn't really that technically complicated. All I'm looking for is enthusiasm and a little bit of an open, kinky mind, everything else will work itself out with time and communication. If those things aren't there, I'm not interested in trying to fix someone.

I wouldn't say it's fixing someone rather than expanding their knowledge base. If I'm bad at math and do my taxes on my own then I'm not going to get much back because one I don't know math well enough and two I probably messed up the way I did my tax form. I could either learn how to better my math skills and seek professional help which includes asking how to fill out the form and then when next year rolls around I'll have acquired way more money than the previous. Here I sucked at something but getting some advice and working on it helped my better the craft. People are the same. Some are just inherently lazier than others to actually want to learn that is.

[Lyaelan]

Waiting 'til marriage for sex is totally unnatural. But hey, so is the constitution, so *shrug*

If you really only want to have sex with one person....ever.....then go ahead.


A small, malicious voice inside my personality wonders if there are any gorgeous people who actually wait til marriage for sex - or is it just the plain Janes and the boring Mortons, who feel like hiding behind a religious or personal choice so as to not have to actually try to be attractive for others?

[haxartus]

Basically you need compatibility on emotional and sexual level to be sure that a marriage will work, so sex before marriage is pretty much necessary.

[Spectral]

I wouldn't say it's fixing someone rather than expanding their knowledge base.

This isn't really a knowledge situation. Trying to make someone fun to have sex with is like trying to make someone better at conversation. Either that chemistry is there or it's not; if it's not, I'll move on, that's fine.

If I'm bad at math and do my taxes on my own then I'm not going to get much back because one I don't know math well enough and two I probably messed up the way I did my tax form. I could either learn how to better my math skills and seek professional help which includes asking how to fill out the form and then when next year rolls around I'll have acquired way more money than the previous. Here I sucked at something but getting some advice and working on it helped my better the craft. People are the same. Some are just inherently lazier than others to actually want to learn that is.

I feel like you're locked into this idea that it's a matter of "Do A, then do B, then do C, and bam, now you're good!". That's not how it works.