A man sends a woman a photo of his penis and she responds by contacting his mother.

[Pengalor]

Both the guy and girl are idiots.

Agreed. The whole 'rape culture' comment especially made me laugh. The guy is an asshole and a complete moron. The chick is a pseudo-intellectual feminist who acts like seeing a picture of a dick has somehow scarred her.

[Tastyfish]

Agreed. The whole 'rape culture' comment especially made me laugh. The guy is an asshole and a complete moron. The chick is a pseudo-intellectual feminist who acts like seeing a picture of a dick has somehow scarred her.

Assuming it is a female. ^_^ ( i've dated plenty of queens that would do that to a stupid guy)

[Ragedaug]

I keep forgetting when you attach to a dating site, you should totally react like you were off guard when someone sends you pics of them selves looking sexy.. or what they think is sexy. Realistically, if your going to be on a dating site, you should expect this kind of dumb shit, and dumb people to collide with you, Isn't the image of people who use those, one of being kinda weird/something wrong with them, or not having the time to go out looking?

That second part is pretty antiquated imho.

It's a dating site not a porn site. Why should anyone expect to be inundated with penis pictures when they are looking to do some dating. There are websites out there where penis pictures are normal and expected. A typical dating website would not be. If these two had a chance encounter and agreed to have "coffee" or what have you, would it be appropriate for the dude to meet at the coffee house with his penis hanging out? "you knew we were going on a date, per moogogaipan, you should expect to see my penis".

[Windfury]

Realistically, if your going to be on a dating site, you should expect this kind of dumb shit.

Nice victim blaming there.

'If you're going to do X people are entitled to sexually harass you'.

And people can't understand why she's linking the mentality many are displaying to this to rape culture ('if you're going to do X [short skirt, drink, go out on your own etc] people are entitled to rape you' - I'm sure we've all heard that before). Sure it's not as severe, but the logic behind it is pretty much exactly the same.

Why aren't people holding the individuals doing the harassing accountable for their shitty behaviour instead? Why isn't the message that it isn't acceptable and ok ever? Why is consent in relation to sex so difficult a concept for some people?

[Cthulhu 2020]

Nice victim blaming there.

'If you're going to do X people are entitled to sexually harass you'.

And people can't understand why she's linking the mentality many are displaying to this to rape culture ('if you're going to do X [short skirt, drink, go out on your own etc] people are entitled o rape you'). Sure it's not as severe, but the logic behind it is pretty much exactly the same.

Why aren't people holding the individuals doing the harassing accountable for their shitty behaviour instead? Why isn't the message that it isn't acceptable and ok ever? Why is consent in relation to sex so difficult a concept for some people?

Persecution complex from overly sexually aggressive men.

[skatblast]

I mean... its really dumb of a guy to send a picture of his penis if hes not sure if she wants to see it or not, if they arnt in a relationship chances are no... i once accidentally sent a picture of myself to a girl with my gf's first name, on accident. Luckily she wasnt mad or anything about it, my girlfriend was more mad. I just apologized and moved on.

[Stir]

Nice victim blaming there.

'If you're going to do X people are entitled to sexually harass you'.

And people can't understand why she's linking the mentality many are displaying to this to rape culture ('if you're going to do X [short skirt, drink, go out on your own etc] people are entitled to rape you' - I'm sure we've all heard that before). Sure it's not as severe, but the logic behind it is pretty much exactly the same.

Why aren't people holding the individuals doing the harassing accountable for their shitty behaviour instead? Why isn't the message that it isn't acceptable and ok ever? Why is consent in relation to sex so difficult a concept for some people?

Actually, 'you should expect' does not justify the offender in committing the offense. It's one of those false equivalencies.

For instance, if I were to walk up to someone and start verbally abusing them until the point of breaking, I should expect to be punched in the nose. It is a risk I am taking. It in no way justifies the person who turns verbal assault into a physical confrontation, however. The two are separate. I take a risk, and I know what may result from that. That doesn't make me guilty of the act, however.

The argument you're fighting is that she should expect perverts from a dating application. This is true. She should indeed expect that to happen. Does that justify the event, however? Absolutely not.

[Cybran]

Why aren't people holding the individuals doing the harassing accountable for their shitty behaviour instead? Why isn't the message that it isn't acceptable and ok ever? Why is consent in relation to sex so difficult a concept for some people?

We are holding him accountable. He is a shitty person.


Why aren't you realizing that she posted the whole incident on tumblr for attention? She is also a shitty person.

[THE Bigzoman]

We are holding him accountable. He is a shitty person.


Why aren't you realizing that she posted the whole incident on tumblr for attention? She is also a shitty person.

Because with the age of the internet, comes people that believe that humiliation falls under poetic justice.

[Windfury]

Actually, 'you should expect' does not justify the offender in committing the offense. It's one of those false equivalencies.

For instance, if I were to walk up to someone and start verbally abusing them until the point of breaking, I should expect to be punched in the nose. It is a risk I am taking. It in no way justifies the person who turns verbal assault into a physical confrontation, however. The two are separate. I take a risk, and I know what may result from that. That doesn't make me guilty of the act, however.

The argument you're fighting is that she should expect perverts from a dating application. This is true. She should indeed expect that to happen. Does that justify the event, however? Absolutely not.

I agree it's no justification - that's why victim blaming is so heavily criticised by people generally. The problem however is that many people do indeed see it as a justification.

Many people use that logic/argument to justify and excuse the behaviour of a harasser/attacker. It's all over this thread if you want examples. It focuses the blame on the actions of the victim instead of examining the behaviour and choices of the person who is actually at fault, thereby misdirecting the blame and providing a justification. So many people accept it as a justification that it is commonly the central pillar of the defense strategy in rape cases that make it to court, because it is so accepted by so many people that it is very influential to a jury.

And no, I don't accept that by using a dating site you are going to be harassed and that this is acceptable. It isn't. Are there assholes on dating sites? Sure. There are assholes everywhere. But being in the vicinity of an asshole doesn't mean they can do whatever they please to you, just as it doesn't offline. To argue otherwise is basically coming back to the point where women are being told that if they want to be safe they should not interact with anyone and are expected/encouraged to treat all men as potential attackers. Which as many people here love to point out is offensive and unfair to many.

---------- Post added 2013-06-14 at 07:42 AM ----------

We are holding him accountable. He is a shitty person.

Sure - you're all holding him accountable, and nobody is blaming her for being harassed.

But in my eyes she is still at fault, because of where she found this guy.

She should be hated

if you sign up to hookup/dating apps/websites, you have to expect peacocking.

But judging on how she knows his mother i am willing to think that there is something else going on here.

there was a level of dubious consent.

She didn't do anything wrong but that doesn't change the fact that she's a neckbeard. It's like being on welfare willingly, you are technically not doing anything wrong but it's such a cunt move you deserve to be hated and shunned for it

I didn't walk into a sex or dating app/site with the expectation that there are no Glenn Quagmires in the world, infact some horney guy showing cock, is par for that kind of thing.

Realistically, if your going to be on a dating site, you should expect this kind of dumb shit.

If she is so worried she shouldn't be using a web date thing

women crying wolf which is what creates the whole cycle in the first place

It doesn't entitle her to speak.

dumb enough to give their information out to someone they didn't want to have it.

respect for consent.....lol

as they say, lay down with dogs, wake up with fleas... it's a dating app ffs

How is sending dick pics to a girl sexual harassment? Fucking feminist.

bitches like that are too aggressive and think they can do whatever they want because that have a vagina.

She was on a dating site, she does hold an amount of responsibility

I mean she's on a dating app, what the fuck does she expect?

[THE Bigzoman]

A girl I talked to in High School randomely sent me pictures of her sticking the wide ends of brushes and bananas in her hoodandy. I was so victimized!

[Stir]

I agree it's no justification - that's why victim blaming is so heavily criticised by people generally. The problem however is that many people do indeed see it as a justification.

I am aware of this. Unfortunately. My statement was not so much against your stance... Merely providing nuance.
I think victim blaming is, indeed, horrendous (though I honestly can see how victim blaming would be suitable in the situation I described where I got punched in the face, however... But that example does not work for this situation at all).
In this situation, the best you can make of it is: Stupid arse sends dick pic. Target of dick pic is (understandably) offended, and rejects the dick pic. Offender then goes on to harass the target. The target takes action by publicly shaming the offender. I call it quits, to be honest. She dealt with the situation succinctly, an therefore, I don't think she should be blamed, or he should be further trampled. It's her victory, so I don't think anyone should take that away from her...

Well; apart from misogynists who seem to completely forget the event itself, and address only completely unrelated sexual inequality issues.

A girl I talked to in High School randomely sent me pictures of her sticking the wide ends of brushes and bananas in her hoodandy. I was so victimized!

Oh... If that happened to you, I do feel sorry for you.
However, if you think that that sort of thing happening to you is a-okay, then I feel even móre sorry for you.

[THE Bigzoman]

I am aware of this. Unfortunately. My statement was not so much against your stance... Merely providing nuance.
I think victim blaming is, indeed, horrendous (though I honestly can see how victim blaming would be suitable in the situation I described where I got punched in the face, however... But that example does not work for this situation at all).
In this situation, the best you can make of it is: Stupid arse sends dick pic. Target of dick pic is (understandably) offended, and rejects the dick pic. Offender then goes on to harass the target. The target takes action by publicly shaming the offender. I call it quits, to be honest. She dealt with the situation succinctly, an therefore, I don't think she should be blamed, or he should be further trampled. It's her victory, so I don't think anyone should take that away from her...

Well; apart from misogynists who seem to completely forget the event itself, and address only completely unrelated sexual inequality issues.


Oh... If that happened to you, I do feel sorry for you.
However, if you think that that sort of thing happening to you is a-okay, then I feel even móre sorry for you.

While I think it's a illogical and indecent thing to do, So are other things that people seem to think is A okay for some reason or another. I wouldn't go as far as this event being a "rape culture" thing. Sexting is a rising indecency nowadays that both sexes partake in.

I.E the girl from High school that thought I wanted to see bananas in her when I only hung out with her once.

[Windfury]

I am aware of this. Unfortunately. My statement was not so much against your stance... Merely providing nuance.
I think victim blaming is, indeed, horrendous (though I honestly can see how victim blaming would be suitable in the situation I described where I got punched in the face, however... But that example does not work for this situation at all).
In this situation, the best you can make of it is: Stupid arse sends dick pic. Target of dick pic is (understandably) offended, and rejects the dick pic. Offender then goes on to harass the target. The target takes action by publicly shaming the offender. I call it quits, to be honest. She dealt with the situation succinctly, an therefore, I don't think she should be blamed, or he should be further trampled. It's her victory, so I don't think anyone should take that away from her...

Well; apart from misogynists who seem to completely forget the event itself, and address only completely unrelated sexual inequality issues.


Oh... If that happened to you, I do feel sorry for you.
However, if you think that that sort of thing happening to you is a-okay, then I feel even móre sorry for you.

:O

I think we've finally managed to agree on something.

[Stir]

:O

I think we've finally managed to agree on something.

You misread me, I think... We've been pretty much agreeing most of the time... I was merely trying to nuance things.

While I think it's a illogical and indecent thing to do, So are other things that people seem to think is A okay for some reason or another. I wouldn't go as far as this event being a "rape culture" thing. Sexting is a rising indecency nowadays that both sexes partake in.

I.E the girl from High school that thought I wanted to see bananas in her when I only hung out with her once.

See, and that particular bit is the thing that gets everyone up in arms: She referred to it as 'perpetuating rape culture.' It's her opinion, and even though you might not agree with it, you should understand that 'rape culture' for feminists is EXACTLY the same thing as 'patriarchal male disposability' for masculinists: It's a big issue, but both sides of the coin tend to see only their OWN side of it. So while I disagree with her on her statement of perpetuating rape culture, she is ironically proven right about the rape culture thing when males start flinging shite at HER for taking action against something she found to be repulsive behaviour. And note that she only took that action after he ACTUALLY started harassing her; if he would have backed off after she rejected his dick pick, or gone back to normal, she would have let the topic dropped. We already know she wouldn't have pressed charges. Her response, then, was in regards to his behaviour AFTER the dick pic.

So while the dick pic itself was not a perpetuation of rape culture, anyone who defends his behaviour afterwards IS perpetuating rape culture.

In fact, when targets of unwanted sexual content such as yourself merely shrug upon receiving it, that in itself is perpetuating a culture where people can force such content upon others. While I wouldn't say you were sexually harassed by being sent the banana pictures, that doesn't mean that you should be okay with it either. As I said earlier, I have had many instances of people making unwanted advances, and the expectation is always that you just have to suck it up. Well; I think speaking up should be the new norm.

[Cybran]

Sure - you're all holding him accountable, and nobody is blaming her for being harassed.

aheartbeatchanged:

Attention assholes: don’t sexually harass a girl when she can easily find you on Facebook and send your mom proof of your perpetuation of rape culture.
Moral of the day? Don’t mess with me.

She pretends to be some civil rights champion. This is why people got pissed at her. Not because she got harassed. Can you honestly not understand that?

[Windfury]

Why did you include me in that list of people that you quoted even though i said, "If everything is as they are then he is a douche"?

I included you because your immediate assumption, which you were happy to post up here, was that there must be something more to it that meant the woman was in fact in some way responsible. Literally the first thought you had was that she must be in some way responsible even if you don't yet have the evidence as to how. Do you honestly not see the problematic nature of making that kind of knee jerk assumption against victims?

---------- Post added 2013-06-14 at 08:18 AM ----------

She pretends to be some civil rights champion. This is why people got pissed at her. Not because she got harassed. Can you honestly not understand that?

Are you literally completely blind? I just posted up 20 odd quotes of people saying the harassment was her fault.

Not the comments she posted on her own personal blog later, the actual harassment.

Stop pretending that isn't happening here. Everyone isn't doing it sure, but a significant number are.

[Tastyfish]

Nice victim blaming there.

'If you're going to do X people are entitled to sexually harass you'.

And people can't understand why she's linking the mentality many are displaying to this to rape culture ('if you're going to do X [short skirt, drink, go out on your own etc] people are entitled to rape you' - I'm sure we've all heard that before). Sure it's not as severe, but the logic behind it is pretty much exactly the same.

Why aren't people holding the individuals doing the harassing accountable for their shitty behaviour instead? Why isn't the message that it isn't acceptable and ok ever? Why is consent in relation to sex so difficult a concept for some people?

Yea actually, yes. It's not unreasonable to assume that if you are on a dating site, you will be trolled by creeps.

Just like here. If you are going to post on this forum, expect assholes to fuck with you. Get it out of your head that you are protected and innocent and when it happens don't be shocked. Take a proactive stance. It does not make them rite to fuck with you, but your own naivety is what needs to change.

Victim blaming? Harassing? Which one was harassing who? Who's the victim? I don't see that guy all over the internet, or that guy threatening the poster for not wanting to have sex with him?

Why the fuck is a person on a date site, and suprised that people would act like that? OMFG creepers on a date site? that's new, shocking and completly rare. TOTALLY a not over the top reaction.

[Windfury]

ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Maybe i am not the type of person to believe every single thing that i see on the internet at first glance? It is problematic that your first knee jerk assumption is that i, and a few others (don't get me wrong we have some complete garbage in this thread) are blaming the victim. People like you trivialize an actual problem by projecting it onto people that do not fit the problem. Your type of "YOU ARE NOT 100% FOR HER, THEREFORE YOU ARE BAD!" creates a schism where people from the side lines look at our interactions and are like, "Well i better stay from the crazy feminists because if they even attack someone that agrees with them they are problem makers."

You should be ashamed of yourself for being so destructive to your cause. Learn to pick your battles and choose your enemies and stop assuming that because someone does not agree with you 100% that they 100% disagree with you.

Now: Even though i stated the exact reason why i made my comment (which is a valid reason. Later i learned that she did some searching on facebook and found who she think is the guy's mother) based on your track record i am certain that you will either completely ignore what i posted, OR you will pretend that i did not post a reason because it does not fall onto your needle thin perspective.

Or how about I do what I feel is appropriate and completely ignore angry condescending men mansplaining to me about how to feminism correctly.

I do not for one second care about your opinions about me. Deal with it. You made a shitty sexist assumption and it deserves a place with those quotes.

[Cybran]

Or how about I do what I feel is appropriate and completely ignore angry condescending men mansplaining to me about how to feminism correctly.

I do not for one second care about your opinions about me. Deal with it. You made a shitty sexist assumption and it deserves a place with those quotes.

I don't think Ralgarog is male.