Failed marriage proposals & breakups (america)

[Deleted]

So I was having this discussion with my girlfriend after our movie had finished.
When a man proposes to a girl or the other way around and they get rejected, it automatically ends up with them having to break up.
This is happening in about 9/10 of every romantic comedy or anything at all related to romance in American movies.
A friend of mine described the exact same situation when he proposed to his girlfriend. They automatically came to terms with having to break up.

Is this just something I've gathered from watching movies with my girlfriend or do you Americans actually have this as tradition?
I'm thinking, sure, you got rejected. Perhaps it's not the perfect timing in your lives together to get engaged and then married due to your personal financial situation or career choices and all, but come on, break up? Instead of waiting for the right moment? Without even clarifying WHY they break up, they just go separate ways. I'm curious as to why this is happening over there or IF it actually is. ^^, I've seen it too many times in movies, and I've heard about it one time too many to think it's just movie culture!

[Sunseeker]

Because a lot of times a marriage proposal scares people into actually being honest, and admitting they don't want to spend their life with that other person.

[Deleted]

Yes sure, but does it really have to be for that particular reason? Is it automated or do you traditionally have a discussion about it like the rest of the world? :P

[Maconi]

IMO it shows poor communication and they probably should break up. If one person misjudges the other so severely that they thought they'd say yes and they don't, or if the other person suddenly realizes (after being forced to answer) that they don't really want to be with the other person, then they should break up.

Me and my wife knew we were going to get married before I proposed. We already knew what town we'd move to, the neighborhood we wanted to live in, already had job prospects lined up, etc. The proposal was more of a romantic thing (I decided when/how). You should already know the answer BEFORE the proposal, and just do it for fun/romance.

[Deleted]

IMO it shows poor communication and they probably should break up. If one person misjudges the other so severely that they thought they'd say yes and they don't, or if the other person suddenly realizes (after being forced to answer) that they don't really want to be with the other person, then they should break up.

Me and my wife knew we were going to get married before I proposed. We already knew what town we'd move to and the neighborhood we wanted to live in. The proposal was more of a romantic thing (I decided when/how). You should already know the answer BEFORE the proposal, and just do it for fun/romance.

So breakup due to poor judgement?

[Elegiac]

Because "popping the question" is a relatively immature way of going about it glamourized by the media and society when in reality, a discussion about the possibility is more likely to gauge each other's preparedness for the commitment with less potential for backlash.

[Lightwysh]

Why delay the inevitable?

[Cthulhu 2020]

Marriage is a big commitment, and for one reason or another someone will stick around in a relationship long after they stop "feeling it". One side will feel that they just don't want to spend their lives with the other person.

[Deleted]

Because "popping the question" is a relatively immature way of going about it glamourized by the media and society when in reality, a discussion about the possibility is more likely to gauge each other's preparedness for the commitment with less potential for backlash.

All of my married friends have "popped the question", completely catching her off guard. It's romantic, and I have the merit to say such a thing due to all the romcoms I've been forced to endure for my girl. It's the "Leap of Faith" part that gives it that extra touch I think. Afaik in Sweden we're more relaxed when it comes to marriage. It feels as if it's the marital status that matters the most. Don't know really, I'm not married myself *yet*

[Elegiac]

All of my married friends have "popped the question", completely catching her off guard. It's romantic, and I have the merit to say such a thing due to all the romcoms I've been forced to endure for my girl. It's the "Leap of Faith" part that gives it that extra touch I think. Afaik in Sweden we're more relaxed when it comes to marriage. It feels as if it's the marital status that matters the most. Don't know really, I'm not married myself *yet*

And I take exception to the whole romanticization of marriage given that attribute tends to result in a lot of hardship and unnecessary litigation.

[Sunseeker]

And I take exception to the whole romanticization of marriage given that attribute tends to result in a lot of hardship and unnecessary litigation.

I tend to agree. My wife and I knew we we going to get married at least a year before we actually did. Because we loved each other. Because we knew we were at that point in our lives, and because we did the one thing all failed relationships don't do: Communicate!

[Deleted]

I find it silly when people pop the question without having to some degree discussed "future plans" with their partner.

[Hitei]

And I take exception to the whole romanticization of marriage given that attribute tends to result in a lot of hardship and unnecessary litigation.

I've never understood the logic behind getting married--beyond doing it for the financial/insurance/etc benefits it provides.

If two people love each other, and know they love each other, why do they feel the need to confirm that love in front of other people, or say "magic words" that make that love "permanent"?

[Elegiac]

I've never understood the logic behind getting married--beyond doing it for the financial/insurance/etc benefits it provides.

If two people love each other, and know they love each other, why do they feel the need to confirm that love in front of other people, or say "magic words" that make that love "permanent"?

1) The media glamourizes it, vis a vis the whole circus wedding and shows like "Say Yes to the Dress".
2) Our culture propagates the notion that a relationship isn't "complete" until you tie the knot. Again, the media has a big hand in this - "Find your Soulmate today with eHarmony!"

[slime]

I guess the ultimate goal of a romantic (lol) relationship is to eventually get married down the line, I could see how being rejected during the proposal would put a damper on things.

Now...if things went a little more like this maybe it wouldn't have to end in a breakup:

"My love, my darling~ will you... be my wife?"
"I'm sorry hunny, but the answer is no. But here is a lovely blowjob for you to make it all better now."

A short while later all is forgotten and back to normal.

[Elegiac]

I guess the ultimate goal of a romantic (lol) relationship is to eventually get married down the line, I could see how being rejected during the proposal would put a damper on things.

Now...if things went a little more like this maybe it wouldn't have to end in a breakup:

"My love, my darling~ will you... be my wife?"
"I'm sorry hunny, but the answer is no. But here is a lovely blowjob for you to make it all better now."

A short while later all is forgotten and back to normal.

Shouldn't the romantic relationship be the goal in of itself?

[Deleted]

Proposal should never be taking a chance. If you don't know if she'll say yes, then asking her hand in marriage is definitely not a good idea, even if she does say yes. You should only marry someone you know you'll spend the rest of your life with and while knowing she _KNOWS_ the same.

[Perfectdark]

Yes sure, but does it really have to be for that particular reason? Is it automated or do you traditionally have a discussion about it like the rest of the world? :P

Don't act like we're the most important country.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMqcLUqYqrs

[Elegiac]

Proposal should never be taking a chance. If you don't know if she'll say yes, then asking her hand in marriage is definitely not a good idea, even if she does say yes. You should only marry someone you know you'll spend the rest of your life with and while knowing she _KNOWS_ the same.

Yeah, no. While I don't believe marriage should be taken lightly, saying that it's a "for life" commitment is equally detrimental.

[mvaliz]

1) The media glamourizes it, vis a vis the whole circus wedding and shows like "Say Yes to the Dress".
2) Our culture propagates the notion that a relationship isn't "complete" until you tie the knot. Again, the media has a big hand in this - "Find your Soulmate today with eHarmony!"

While I do agree with this - the larger problem is that our culture depicts the wedding as the "ending" - the couple go on to live happily ever after...

...they never tell you the rest of the story of what happens after they get married, do they? :P

People need to figure out that marriage is not just about love, but about DAILY commitment to both person's dreams in life. And I mean that - DAILY. You have to renew that love each day. It doesn't just "happen" and stay permanent when you get married. It's not like a car or a bike where you can put all that thought into "automatic" when you master it. You got to keep renewing that commitment every day.