What as the last date you were on and how did it go? (Singles)

[Stelio Kontos]

More than likely she just wanted to spank a child if they misbehaved.

Hardly "beating."

90% of millennial could have used a spanking or two. Maybe they would have not grown up to be such oversensitive pathetic people demanding the world caters to them.

Yeah, I guess she meant light spanking when she said she'd tie them down and beat them with a belt, like she was beat. Good catch there, bro.

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I can't imagine dating somebody who didn't speak the same language. How does that even work out?

Cultural differences can be worked out over time, I imagine.

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Possibly, but when I see anybody on this forum say "beat" when it comes to children, I roll my eyes and assume they are being excessively dramatic about the act of spanking and discipline when the kid is being a little shit and needs a lesson.

I'm from an Old World upbringing. When I use the word "beating", I mean beating. She said she believed tying a kid down and wailing on them with a belt or closed fist beating was discipline. I don't mean a swat or getting thumped once. I mean beating.

[BuckSparkles]

Yeah, I guess she meant light spanking when she said she'd tie them down and beat them with a belt, like she was beat. Good catch there, bro.

You just said beating, which in mmo-champ terms means "oh maybe lightly spanked for misbehaving". You could have easily been one of those people who tries to equate that with some legit and serious abuse.

[Stelio Kontos]

Just so you know, we're not all like that.

How would you feel about dating a korean woman with a protestant or catholic christian religious background?

Oh I know, I can't judge a whole continent by one crazy woman. I just kinda swore off dating girls from too different a backgrounds for a bit.

If I honestly liked and got on well with a woman from any background I'd try to make it work, I've known some great Korean women, to be honest. The only time I might really be wary or gun-shy is with a woman from Thailand. I think I can safely say I won't be dating any Thais from here on out :P

[Crissi]

anyways, this really should not devol;ve into a spanking debate. please?

[Stelio Kontos]

anyways, this really should not devol;ve into a spanking debate. please?

Unless the spanking was part of a date :P

[ls-]

@atsawin26, it's hilarious how I could use your story to describe gfs and wives of half of my Thai/Chinese buddies here

At least she didn't cut your dick off because of her jealousy, so you're fine, you may google local meme: "feed the duck", do not confuse it w/ "feeding the geese", although both things are related to male genitalia.

She said that as soon as were were married and settled somewhere she intended to bring her mom over to live with us. I told her I wasn't willing to do that. I was willing to help and support, but that I had a parent to look after as well.

Anyway, this bit is quite common in many Asian countries, they say, if you marry a girl, you marry her entire family.

[Deleted]

Is there a reason this is only for singles? Contrary to popular belief those of us married individuals still go on dates with our spouses.

Because dates with strangers is vastly different from when you are already in a relationship.

[Captain N]

Because dates with strangers is vastly different from when you are already in a relationship.

Not particularly. A date with a stranger is impressing someone for one date in hopes of another. A date with someone you're already in a relationship is still trying to impress a person even after being with them for some time.

[Tennis]

Because dates with strangers is vastly different from when you are already in a relationship.

Yeah. It pales in comparison.

[shadowmouse]

I couldn't ever imagine being in a relationship with someone who I don't even share a common language with. Seems like it would be a major hassle to even try to talk to them about the most simple of things.

I think I've mentioned the high context/low context model before. You would be fairly far over on low context, where words are a very important part of communication, so your point would probably fit most Europeans and North Americans. It isn't that we don't have symbols, gestures, implied meanings and such, but they're more of an icing on the cake kind of thing and words do the heavy lifting. High context is sort of the other way around, all that stuff that is in the background for us takes on a lot more weight and words become more of a background hum. Not a perfect summary, but it will do for a start.

2.1 and I are, as I warned, on the far end of the "do not try this at home" scale. A more detailed explanation would turn into a huge blog post, so if you have any other thoughts or questions, PM me. The short version is -- we are together because we're comfortable together and have fun together.

@lightspark and @atsawin26 Yep, not all of Asia is the same, and Thai women are so high on my "danger, Will Robinson" list that I'd date women from Shanghai first!


@Rexosaurus I have to dash off to teach and then I'll be chained in a salt mine grading mid terms. Feel free to PM me if you have any follow-ups. Yay, Thanksgiving! >.<

[ls-]

@lightspark and @atsawin26 Yep, not all of Asia is the same, and Thai women are so high on my "danger, Will Robinson" list that I'd date women from Shanghai first!

Lol, why don't you like them? O_o Sure, many of them may be infantile, spoilt, gold-digging, hissy-fit-throwing drama queens (pretty much mix of 撒娇 and being 绿茶婊), but there's plenty of good ones in Shanghai.

[Xargoth6634]

I honestly don't remember; it's been about six years and would've been with my most recent ex. (To clarify: date was with her while we were dating; I wasn't stepping out on her!). Prolly dinner at a restaurant in her town or something. Since then I've gone back to school at a smaller school for my BA and MA and just haven't met anyone I've been that interested in. Prolly start dating again after I move to one of the bigger campuses at the schools to which I'm applying for my PhD (assuming I get into any of them, of course.).

Edit: funny story, only time I ever signed up for a dating site was about 6 months after me and the most ex girlfriend broke up. Think it was ok Cupid, and I put in a ton of info while signing up then looked at the matches. Top one at 97%: my ex. Even considering the fact that this is a fairly rural area, that was crazy. (A lot of other women on there as well). I was creeped out and deleted the account immediately.

[Deleted]

Not particularly. A date with a stranger is impressing someone for one date in hopes of another. A date with someone you're already in a relationship is still trying to impress a person even after being with them for some time.

You honestly gonna compare being nervous to impress a person you have no idea what a triggers to impress or disappoint compared to a partner where you already pretty much know it all and just try to give them a good time with the knowledge of all that.

Either you haven't dated a whole lot or it's been too long since you had a real date with a stranger to know the difference.

The view is different, the expectations are different (not even talking about sex), the interest is different...nothing can be compared aside from the term "date".

[Quincey]

Erm, the date itself went good. I took her to a Chinese restaurant, we tried a bunch of weird meals and had a good laugh daring each other to try stranger and stranger things. We both had a great time.

Unfortunately she was the best friend of an ex of mine, Ex got wind of where she was (still not sure who told her) and phoned her crying. They argued, I was annoyed. ruined the evening.

[Deleted]

A tinderdate at my place watching netflix and chilling. Went as well as those kind of dates can go.

[shadowmouse]

there's plenty of good ones in Shanghai.

Yes, they import them!

You hit most of the major points, although you understated them a bit. Points for the Green Tea one if I read that right!

bungee, who once worked close enough for weekends in Shanghai to be nearly compulsory.

[thealmightymoo]

For me it was I think Faceparty way back when (2000-ish?) while I was still male. Heh.

[Katie N]

I was in a 7 yr relationship with a Thai woman. Even were engaged.

Culture was a problem, and looking back, it plagued us from the beginning.

I'm Greek, so used to a little more fire and passion. She seemed like a cold fish a lot of the time. I don't mean sexually, I mean in general. She didn't like to argue, didn't like conflict, whereas I was fine with it if it solved problems.

She wanted me to pay a bride price if we married. I told her I wouldn't. First off it's a holdover from when women were bought and sold like livestock. Second, in my culture, we did dowries, and not bride price. Which meant her family pays, not me. I told her no one's really done that in Greece since maybe the 80s, if not really the 70s. She insisted. So I said I'd pay bride-price, but she'd have to pay a dowry, and thus we can just call it even. Big fights about that.

She wanted to beat any children we had. I told her no one beats my kids, and anyone who did hurt them would have the same abuse put on them if possible. She accused me of threatening to beat her. I told her both are wrong, or neither is wrong, it was her choice.

Religion was another issue. She was raised a Buddhist, but what that really meant was she was an atheist that went to temple and consulted fortune-tellers. Which was always odd to me. I'm Greek-Orthodox. I did my best to respect her traditions, but she'd just joke about and mock mine. So eventually it degraded to a point that I finally said a few things about her superstitions and some of the horror stories I've read about things monks do in Thailand. That was met with a "fuck off" from her.

She hated that my closest college friend was female, and never stopped griefing me about it. She'd make jokes that pissing off a Thai woman is a good way to get my dick cut off while I sleep. Those veiled threats were really unsettling.

She said that as soon as were were married and settled somewhere she intended to bring her mom over to live with us. I told her I wasn't willing to do that. I was willing to help and support, but that I had a parent to look after as well.

And worst of all, she pressured me into walking away from my nascent career because she felt it would keep me away from home too much. I dropped out of my second year of law school. And that was after she fought tooth and nail to keep me from my dream of going to the military and making it a career. So now, it's been about 3 or 4 years since she dumped me via facebook messenger. I'm too old to go to the military (I turn 36 in Jan), and I'd have to go back and spend 2 years in law school just to try and start to get into law, I'd be almost 40.

It was honestly such a bad, I'd almost say traumatic experience. A few of my friends say she was emotionally and psychologically abusive. Whenever we'd argue and I'd try to stand up for myself, she'd start with the waterworks and saying that the relationship is ruined, which would make me drop my stance and try to fix things, because that's my personality, I'd rather fix something than abandon it.

So, at the end of the day, I haven't dated an Asian woman since. And when I marry it'll probably be to a woman from a similar cultural/religious/regional background as me.

Also, last I heard, she had married some middle-aged UK-based Hungarian coder. I almost want to find the guy on facebook and warn him.

Omg. xD Sounds like more than cultural conflict, she seems crazy.

[ls-]

Yes, they import them!

You hit most of the major points, although you understated them a bit. Points for the Green Tea one if I read that right!

bungee, who once worked close enough for weekends in Shanghai to be nearly compulsory.

I guess I simply got used to them after years of living in Shanghai. It's still one of my fav cities in the world I actually had more issues w/ girls from Ningbo.

Yeah, 绿茶婊 means "green tea bitch" For anyone who is curious it's a girl who seems to be innocent, caring and nice, but is in fact backstabbing, manipulative, gossiping bitch.

[shadowmouse]

I guess I simply got used to them after years of living in Shanghai. It's still one of my fav cities in the world

Well, to be fair I was in Jiangsu in the years just before and after SARS. I got my start in China in Hebei, hadn't been here all that long, and found Shanghai/Shanghairen far too puffed up. In those days the women I was meeting were the ones growing up to be their generation's Wendi Dengs. It was annoying enough that if I couldn't dodge the pilgrimage to Nanjing Road, I would find myself singing the "Siamese Cat Song" from Lady and the Tramp with the lyrics altered to Shanghainese instead of Siamese.


If you think back to those days and imagine being a laowai introduced to aspiring young Wendi Deng types around Nanjing Road, I'm sure you can picture what it was like.

Yikes! Like many of the older Disney images, I think the buck teeth and fractured English would get someone at Disney tar and feathered today.