Dating: 5 Turn ons :) 5 Turn Offs :(

[Player Twelve]

No problem, I'm just trying to explain something that's pretty hard to imagine unless one has to deal with it full time. The words are easy enough to read, but that doesn't help one understand at more than a basic level. Imagine an elephant. You can read the heck out of what an elephant is. You can watch videos. Until you stand right next to one the smell doesn't hit you, and you may find yourself adjusting your idea of scale.

One can read the heck out of Hall, Nesbitt or Lewis, but it isn't the same as spending year after year in an environment. We put so much emphasis on individuals and personal responsibility that trying to explain the social element of a high context environment in a low context setting seems like a cop out. It isn't, it's a different value system. Seen the other way around, individualism and personal responsibility without social context come across as self entitled and arrogant. This is why Chinese going to the US either learn to make adjustments, or they stay in their own circle. North Americans and Europeans do the same thing here.

Let me try a different comparison -- nationality. You have one. I won't presume to know your views on it so I'm going to go out on a limb and use @Under Your Spell as an example since she is already in this thread. I'm going to guess that to some degree her nationality is something she sees as a part of who she is. She might have little to no interest in immigrating and even if she were issued a foreign passport it might not change how she saw herself. Issues that another person might see as more distant may be things she sees as reflecting on herself, and if she were suddenly without any nationality and unable to associate with anyone from her country that might be a pretty harsh blow. To be Chinese (or South Korean, perhaps also Japanese) the association with family is similar, as is the price of being cut off. Even the difficulty of separating yourself from family would be similar; family tablets aren't quite the thing they used to be but there is still the hukou -- it defines you as part of a family, defines your residence according to the government, and from there defines everything from your ability to buy property to getting medical care. For this comparison, the low context individual comes off like someone from the sovereign citizen movement.

Wut? I don't see my nationality as part of who I am, anyone can obtain citizenship here with relative ease and as such it's useless to value it. If it was more exclusive then yeah, maybe I would put some value to it. My ethnicity on the other hand is a part of who I am, an important one at that.

[shadowmouse]

@Under Your Spell Fair enough, but for the sake of illustration I'm sticking to nationality. On the other hand, were it possible for you to be cut off from your ethnicity that would work even better to make the point since it is closer to one's inability to change family.

[Doctor Amadeus]

No problem, I'm just trying to explain something that's pretty hard to imagine unless one has to deal with it full time. The words are easy enough to read, but that doesn't help one understand at more than a basic level. Imagine an elephant. You can read the heck out of what an elephant is. You can watch videos. Until you stand right next to one the smell doesn't hit you, and you may find yourself adjusting your idea of scale.

One can read the heck out of Hall, Nesbitt or Lewis, but it isn't the same as spending year after year in an environment. We put so much emphasis on individuals and personal responsibility that trying to explain the social element of a high context environment in a low context setting seems like a cop out. It isn't, it's a different value system. Seen the other way around, individualism and personal responsibility without social context come across as self entitled and arrogant. This is why Chinese going to the US either learn to make adjustments, or they stay in their own circle. North Americans and Europeans do the same thing here.

Let me try a different comparison -- nationality. You have one. I won't presume to know your views on it so I'm going to go out on a limb and use @Under Your Spell as an example since she is already in this thread. I'm going to guess that to some degree her nationality is something she sees as a part of who she is. She might have little to no interest in immigrating and even if she were issued a foreign passport it might not change how she saw herself. Issues that another person might see as more distant may be things she sees as reflecting on herself, and if she were suddenly without any nationality and unable to associate with anyone from her country that might be a pretty harsh blow. To be Chinese (or South Korean, perhaps also Japanese) the association with family is similar, as is the price of being cut off. Even the difficulty of separating yourself from family would be similar; family tablets aren't quite the thing they used to be but there is still the hukou -- it defines you as part of a family, defines your residence according to the government, and from there defines everything from your ability to buy property to getting medical care. For this comparison, the low context individual comes off like someone from the sovereign citizen movement.

You always do explain things well, and I do get your meaning, and you are probably right in terms of it is is hard to imagine a way of life such as the ones you mentioned. Mostly because I have been raised in a culture that values a certain kind of independence.

I was most recently confronted with this when I asked a pretty ignorant question perhaps as to why NK's like nobody in millions doesn't you know get Kimmy alone and assign him a bit of a attitude adjustment.

And of course my question was replied with the "that is not at all how their life is" I get it sort of not totally but alright, because to me I couldn't imagine being so afraid of anyone or anything that I would ever roll over and say enduring this is worth not taking a risk.

more On Topic thought in response to preferences, I can see how societal attitudes and traditions are different, not totally again, but ok, because I can't for the life of me ever imagine holding tradition so sacred like a fragile egg, that every bit of it that was for me to carry, was really worth the weight or asking why do I carry this.

I think a person should play whatever politics or prejudices they like in their personal preferences, I have no complaint, but I just think this idea that in a persons life the would co sign on for some shit unless it was something they really wanted

Parents in my view are going to love you for who you choose to be, not who you decide to also share that life with in a personal way.

[Dezerte]

Humbleness is important.

[Ahovv]

I read a lot on these forums, I don't post often( as you can tell) so I don't know if you're being facetious or genuine.

It reads like someone whos never been in a real relationship before.

"4) Very physical, open to lots of massaging etc. throughout the day"

That isn't something people do often, even when madly in love. It's hysterical that this sounds like a requirement. lol

"5) Garbage at video games. I'll never respect her as much unless she can match me."

I'll stop here, as these are the most obvious. But this one really takes the cake. I understand we're on a gaming forum, but to put that into this and say you won't respect her because she isn't good or doesn't play them? Like... it's time for you to crawl out of your parents basement and join the real world. A girl, being bad a video games, is a turn off.... This isn't anime, and you aren't dating a sex doll....

I'm a physical person. If we're watching a movie, what exactly do you find weird about massaging your partner's feet? It's something I enjoy doing, and something the other person usually enjoys doing. You're the one who seems like you aren't "grown up" by acting like physical interactions are weird.

As for the gaming thing - would your relationship be made worse or enhanced if your partner could actually play WITH you rather than just play "at the same time?" Maybe you don't play games very often, specifically MMOs, but if you end up spending tons of hours each week with her, and she sucks, it's going to be a painful experience and nowhere near as fun as playing with someone who keeps up.

I really don't see why this is hard for you to understand.

edit: In addition, I don't really care what you find to be unpopular about my dating preferences. Popularity doesn't make it "better." Everyone has different preferences, including down to skin color. And there's nothing wrong with that. But for some reason you seem to expect everyone else's preferences to match your own. That is the definition of arrogance.

[Player Twelve]

@Under Your Spell Fair enough, but for the sake of illustration I'm sticking to nationality. On the other hand, were it possible for you to be cut off from your ethnicity that would work even better to make the point since it is closer to one's inability to change family.

Eh, I think using Swedish culture is just fine instead of nationality. Swedish culture is pretty conformist and behavior is mostly controlled by social norms. Shaming and social ostracization and other such measures if someone breaks norm. Immigrants feel the brunt of it because they don't understand Swedish culture, they might speak the language in many cases but they didn't grow up with the culture and that causes problems with interactions between Swedes and non-swedes. They don't know the subtle rules and then act in a manner not socially acceptable and as such face hostile treatment and feel unwelcome.

To quote an iranian immigrant:

"Lutheran Sweden is defined by strong behavioral norms enforced through social pressure. Swedes are conformist and quite intolerant of deviation from group norms, whether it’s immigrants or Swedes who break with protocol. Immigrants who do not conform to expected behaviors are looked down upon and often sense low-level hostility in their private encounters with Swedes.”

I wouldn't ever be able to live comfortable in a country with different cultural norms.

[endersblade]

Not touching people who go for such colours.

What even is that. Why the pubes on the face? Do people actually do themselves up like this? The human race is doomed.

I love the fact that one female made a post about their likes and dislikes, and then we had 9 pages of people talking about it. Stay classy, internet.

[shadowmouse]

@Under Your Spell Throw in examples as you feel they apply. I'm comfortable enough using nationality as an example -- trying to use Swedish culture as an example would put me in the position of trying to use something I'm less familiar with, to make a point about something I am fairly familiar with, to an audience that is probably also unfamiliar with the nuances of Swedish culture.

As I noted, I was going out on a limb and using you as an example since you were already in the conversation. I figured your quote from the anthem made it a reasonable leap:
" I forever want to serve thee, my beloved country,
Loyalty until death I want to swear thee"

[Deleted]

I can list only negatives (in a woman):
1) Ignorance about current situations
2) Different sense of humor (I'm really sarcastic myself)
3) Getting wasted a lot (I'm a uni student, once a week I can do)
4) Piercings
5) Dislikes dogs

[Deleted]

positive: nice body and face, funny, kind, adventurous, share my opinions
negative: arab, black, asian, german, turk

[Doctor Amadeus]

positive: nice body and face, funny, kind, adventurous, share my opinions
negative: arab, black, asian, german, turk

Welcome back Digital Dream, you and @Freighter have a lot in Common

[Livingstone]

Turn on:
1. Long hair
2. Sense of humor
3. Able to hold a normal conversation which can sometimes include heated debating that can last for couple of days ( if needed )
4. Fit/curvy
5. Gamer ( boards/cards/videos/larp/pnp - the whole shebang )

Turn off:
1. Overweight and not wanting to do anything about it
2. Short hair ( I'm talking military style )
3. Being easilly offended
4. Negative/pessimistic
5. Not accepting of me and constantly trying to change me to fit her world views ( ie. making me vegetarian/vegan or religous )

I gotta ask before going into quoting part about 1 turn off that a lot of people pointed out. Bad hygene. Shouldn't that be a universal turn off that doesn't have to be pointed out? By people pointing it out it really makes you wonder what kind of people are out there.

I am romantic

The quickest way to a mans heart is through his armor with a 2handed axe

Why not go with a maul instead? Make mince meat out of it on the spot

Nope I hardly ever bring it up actually ever.

Mate, I just went through this entire topic and you were the only one pushing the race preferance turn offs for the last 4 pages as something that's inconsivable because you can't fathom that some people just can't break out of the traditions their parents instilted into them or that the culture/society they are surrounded with made their views about the world they are not ready or willing to change.

I understand that you can't see it because you weren't brought up like that, but not everyone has liberal/non-traditional parents or the mind of their own to break out of the mold set by their surrounding.

Btw, you got entire history full of situations where families have shun/disown/started wars because of the things their children did or who they got in bed/relationship with. So weather you like it or not, it happened, it's happening and it will happen for along time after all of us are gone and pointing out that it's insane in current day and age and shouldn't affect your dating prefrences for someone is a simple waste of time, energy and not to mention highly arrogant of you ( because you're actually telling them what to do without knowing why they have such a prefrences and accepting that they have it ).

So instead, why not just go with something like ( and this will be a highly biased sentence based on an old song ) "Oh, you don't like dark skinned women? Sucks to be you, but more big butts for me!"

And to repeat myself. This is an example of an idea, not something you should take literally.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Mate, I just went through this entire topic and you were the only one pushing the race preferance turn offs for the last 4 pages as something that's inconceivable because you can't fathom that some people just can't break out of the traditions their parents instilted into them or that the culture/society they are surrounded with made their views about the world they are not ready or willing to change.

I understand that you can't see it because you weren't brought up like that, but not everyone has liberal/non-traditional parents or the mind of their own to break out of the mold set by their surrounding.

Btw, you got entire history full of situations where families have shun/disown/started wars because of the things their children did or who they got in bed/relationship with. So weather you like it or not, it happened, it's happening and it will happen for along time after all of us are gone and pointing out that it's insane in current day and age and shouldn't affect your dating prefrences for someone is a simple waste of time, energy and not to mention highly arrogant of you ( because you're actually telling them what to do without knowing why they have such a prefrences and accepting that they have it ).

So instead, why not just go with something like ( and this will be a highly biased sentence based on an old song ) "Oh, you don't like dark skinned women? Sucks to be you, but more big butts for me!"

And to repeat myself. This is an example of an idea, not something you should take literally.

Are you out of your fucking mind?

You know nevermind the fact, I actually read this garbage you posted, but throughout this nonsense you posted which is almost complete and utter horshit except for the part I already recognized with someone else about culture, you haven't a fucking clue what the hell you are talking about, especially considering the last part of this treatment.

This is just a shit argument, and if there was an argument to be had you wouldn't be the one to have it and since you missed the conversation that took place with me and Bungee I think it's probably best to scrub this from any further recognition.

[Player Twelve]

@Under Your Spell Throw in examples as you feel they apply. I'm comfortable enough using nationality as an example -- trying to use Swedish culture as an example would put me in the position of trying to use something I'm less familiar with, to make a point about something I am fairly familiar with, to an audience that is probably also unfamiliar with the nuances of Swedish culture.

As I noted, I was going out on a limb and using you as an example since you were already in the conversation. I figured your quote from the anthem made it a reasonable leap:
" I forever want to serve thee, my beloved country,
Loyalty until death I want to swear thee"

I think it's a case of that word translating badly to Swedish. In Swedish the concept of nation(alitet) refers to a collective of people that shares one or several factors such as language, religion, ethnicity, ancestry, history, culture, traditions, social norms. Expression of it is nationalism. A state built around and associated with a nation is a "nationalstat".

The word nation itself in Swedish refers to birth, a godess, offspring, race, tribe, one people.

The English term on the other hand seem to be more concerned with legal framework relating to the states obligations towards its subjects and the subjects obligations to the state and relates to citizenship(Which I do not care about) while the Swedish word for it does not even take citizenship nor any legal framework into account as membership in the Swedish nation is mostly defined by ethnicity.

[Rotted]

Turns ons

1) short,
2) red heads
3) gamers
4) decent personality
5) Humor
6) drive - a running joke in my family every single partner I've had has a car and always willing to drive me somewhere

Turn offs

1) short hair - if its shorter than your chin length then thats a massive turn off for me. I can't stand short or shaved hair on women
2) Excessive weight - I'm a tad overweight myself, but if you weigh more than me then it's not going to last, been there, got the t shirt, don't want a revisit
3) Bad hygiene especially down below - Pretty much goes hand in hand with the above. I never actually noticed down below until I was with my most recent ex and had a comparison. In hindsight to one of my exes. Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
4) General bitchyness
5) Huge tits, without being vulgar if it's more than a handful it's not my cup of tea. If you can lose your face in there thats a definite no for me

[Livingstone]

Are you out of your fucking mind?

You know nevermind the fact, I actually read this garbage you posted, but throughout this nonsense you posted which is almost complete and utter horshit except for the part I already recognized with someone else about culture, you haven't a fucking clue what the hell you are talking about, especially considering the last part of this treatment.

This is just a shit argument, and if there was an argument to be had you wouldn't be the one to have it and since you missed the conversation that took place with me and Bungee I think it's probably best to scrub this from any further recognition.

Oh how I knew that you would take that as a literall meaning and wouldn't understand it as an example of a general idea of a possible response that can be applied to a statement where you don't see eye to eye with someone on what they said Hence why the next line below the bolded part is important

But then to apply it to a more appropriate response which is more in tune with the conversation you had and prefrences of other people.

"I see you don't prefer XYZ race/color. Why?" - *explanation* - "I see. That's unfortunate, but if that's your choice then who am I to comment on it."

Or in case you want to learn more detailed about it, continue with the questions without saying that it doesn't make sense because it conflicts with your world view. Like good people here actually explained in several posts prior to the big one from Bungee

[Doctor Amadeus]

It's amazing the amount of people that put "Bad Hygiene" in turn offs. I wonder if that is really an issue.

I always assumed it went without saying, I am more into details, like if your car is messy but your fingernails have dirt under them, or masking smells, like instead of something actually being clean people bury it or try in another scent.

Although I am curious if Megan Fox smelled like raw sewage, how many might still consider it.

[Player Twelve]

It's amazing the amount of people that put "Bad Hygiene" in turn offs. I wonder if that is really an issue.

I've encountered more guys that have layers of smegma on their genitalia than I am comfortable with. Shit's disgusting.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Oh how I knew that you would take that as a literall meaning and wouldn't understand it as an example of a general idea of a possible response that can be applied to a statement where you don't see eye to eye with someone on what they said Hence why the next line below the bolded part is important

But then to apply it to a more appropriate response which is more in tune with the conversation you had and prefrences of other people.

"I see you don't like XYZ race/color. Why?" - *explanation* - "I see. That's unfortunate, but if that's your choice then who am I to comment on it."

Or in case you want to learn more detailed about it, continue with the questions without saying that it doesn't make sense because it conflicts with your world view. Like good people here actually explained in several posts prior to the big one from Bungee

We rolling the dice again.

*Takes sip of water* Okay First off cultural norms and traditions are precepts that aren't guiding rules, if they were progress would literally be stagnant in the place we are talking about, which means, on some level the generations passed down from the previous aren't exactly the same.

But as I already revealed to Bungee, therein to lay MY PERSONAL bias, because I personally can imagine it ever mattering who I share my life with in a close, intimate and or personal way.

Don't try to throw what you or someone else tossed in their Lady Gaga bout the points Bungee made, because those points aren't the same. There is a vary real difference in the cultural norms and traditions he touched on and the complete and utter fabricated bullshit being perpetuated by some others under the guise of a lot of bullshit suggestions. Be that as it may, whether it's cultural or some simply being stupid is besides the point.

Yes I do know some countries like say China for instance play to a more nationalistic and very conformist regime and society, and while I am making not judgements about that because in the U.S we do the Same and in Canada and well anywhere. The methods are completely different

That said SK changes, China Changes, Greece Changes, Most of the EU and Nordic Countries as it were changes.


I still hold to that while a society changes and very much is responsible for the environments people come up through, people still make a choice for themselves. Not all of that is simply cultural or upbringing.

I simply conceded To Bungeed that could have more of an impact than I realized.

[RapBreon]

I've encountered more guys that have layers of smegma on their genitalia than I am comfortable with. Shit's disgusting.

I wish I knew how to type vomit sounds.