Relationship Advice? Ex-Girlfriend Started Dating Someone New

[potis]

You do realize, that by this logic the OP is now undateable for the rest of time. No one else is going to be the first choice, as that already went.

Thats just chemistry, it goes away if you dont feed it.

People acting like love is a magical thing, its chemistry in the brain, if OP doesnt see her for awhile and doesnt "feed" the feeling, aka whatever brain chemicals cause it, it becomes irrelevant after awhile.

Happens to everyone, his next love will be the same.

Plus, i dont understand how can someone go so low as to give someone "a second chance".

Its clear as day what OP's ex is doing, you must be leaving in a Disney dream world to not figure it out.

[ArguesWithStrangers]

OP do not do this. The relationship is over. Move on.

I agree with everything you said minus the call her part.

He gave her three years. She's moved on. It's time for him to do the same. Women, for all their rhetoric otherwise, quietly loathe men without backbone. Even if they stay with them due to lack of other options or just decide to settle, they don't respect them. It's a recepie for disaster.

Glad you're in a happy relationship by the way.

[Deleted]

I agree with everything you said minus the call her part.

He gave her three years. She's moved on. It's time for him to do the same. Women, for all their rhetoric otherwise, quietly loathe men without backbone. Even if they stay with them due to lack of other options or just decide to settle, they don't respect them. It's a recepie for disaster.

Glad you're in a happy relationship by the way.

If a women doesn't respect you, she will never ever love you.

[Azadina]

No, I mean as your in a relationship, partner chooses a break or break-ups, goes to date other people, then comes back to you.

I see.

Thats just chemistry, it goes away if you dont feed it.

People acting like love is a magical thing, its chemistry in the brain, if OP doesnt see her for awhile and doesnt "feed" the feeling, aka whatever brain chemicals cause it, it becomes irrelevant after awhile.

Happens to everyone, his next love will be the same.

Plus, i dont understand how can someone go so low as to give someone "a second chance".

Its clear as day what OP's ex is doing, you must be leaving in a Disney dream world to not figure it out.

Talk about dream worlds or alternative realities. This makes no sense whatsoever, as a reply to what I said.

[Deleted]

I see.

I think the term is "sloppy seconds".

[Azadina]

I think the term is "sloppy seconds".

That term refers exactly to what I mentioned. That the person must be another persons first partner, not second, third or anything else. So that would take us right back to OP being undateable under that condition. Which is it then?

[MHMabrito]

If she was that quick to find another partner, you were already on the backburner.

[Deleted]

That term refers exactly to what I mentioned. That the person must be another persons first partner, not second, third or anything else. So that would take us right back to OP being undateable under that condition. Which is it then?

I think OP is the sloppy second if OP's GF leaves him, then goes out and date another guy and then comes back to him. If he was her main choice she wouldn't left him or agreed to the "break".

[Azadina]

I think OP is the sloppy second if OP's GF leaves him, then goes out and date another guy and then comes back to him.

That's not what the term means. He has dated someone, so anyone else who might consider dating him in the future, is not going to be his first partner. So they get "used product", aka, "sloppy seconds".

I think it's nonsense, but then I've seen plenty of people making the argument seriously.

[Deleted]

That's not what the term means. He has dated someone, so anyone else who might consider dating him in the future, is not going to be his first partner. So they get "used product", aka, "sloppy seconds".

I think it's nonsense, but then I've seen plenty of people making the argument seriously.

It's not about no. of partners but no. of getting back togheter.s If she choses another guy then comes back to him, means she will most likely do it again if presented with the opportunity. It's called monkey-branching and women do it A LOT. The issue is that some people, I'd say the majority of regular people (guys or gals) will have real trust issues once the partner comes back. Once a cheater, always a cheater!

[Zindai]

It's not about no. of partners but no. of getting back togheter.s If she choses another guy then comes back to him, means she will most likely do it again if presented with the opportunity. It's called monkey-branching and women do it A LOT. The issue is that some people, I'd say the majority of regular people (guys or gals) will have real trust issues once the partner comes back. Once a cheater, always a cheater!

Uhm, okay. I've seen plenty of dudes do this too. It has more to do with personality than gender.

[Deleted]

Uhm, okay. I've seen plenty of dudes do this too. It has more to do with personality than gender.

Might be, the main reason why I say women do it most is because the window of fertility and high sexual market value of women is narrower than for males. Once they get past 35 it all goes down and they can't attract the type of males they once could, so in essence their time valuable.

Either way being a backup is never good position or mindset to be. You must value yourself as a catch!

[zebreck]

You didn't "take a break" you broke up. There is no such thing as "a break." relationships are binary, you either are or are not in one. "breaks" are rhetorical tricks people use to let other people down easier, either because they don't want to hurt them or are afraid of their reaction to the truth. She broke up with you and didn't have the spine to tell you straight up. We know this because she's dating someone else now. It doesn't really matter why she used the euphemism of "a break" when she did it, just that you recognize that it was a euphemism and you're good and broken up now. Your prior relationship is over, it's not coming back, and the more completely you cut her out of your life the better it's going to be for you.

So do that. don't talk to her, don't meet with her, don't call her, don't visit her facebook page, don't talk to her friends, don't have anything at all to do with her. She doesn't want you back and you aren't going to change her mind. You're single now. Act like it. Go do things with other people. Go do things alone. Spend the time you would have spent with her on yourself. Go to the gym. Read some shit. Take a class. Go have a drink with your friends. And once you don't think about her anymore, or once you find someone that makes you forget she ever existed, go on a date. It'll be fun, even if it sucks, and you'll feel 100% better afterwards because you'll have definite proof there's sex and love and fun in your future.

P.S. ignore everyone telling you to be angry with her or that she's a horrible person: it doesn't matter. SHE no longer matters. The sooner you start acting like it the better you're going to do.

[Zindai]

Might be, the main reason why I say women do it most is because the window of fertility and high sexual market value of women is narrower than for males. Once they get past 35 it all goes down and they can't attract the type of males they once could, so in essence their time valuable.

Either way being a backup is never good position or mindset to be. You must value yourself as a catch!

I'll gladly admit there are women doing this, I've seen those too (though I'm a straight woman myself, so I haven't dated any of them). I take issue with the people saying it like this is inherent to women, or that women are only ever out to hurt men - which I've seen quite a lot of it in this thread alone. Maybe I mistook your post for one of those, and in that case I apologize.

I do agree that getting back together is 99 % of the time a lost cause. If things didn't work, they're not gonna work the 2nd time around without a significant change. It's too easy to fall back into the old roles.

[Deleted]

I'll gladly admit there are women doing this, I've seen those too (though I'm a straight woman myself, so I haven't dated any of them). I take issue with the people saying it like this is inherent to women, or that women are only ever out to hurt men - which I've seen quite a lot of it in this thread alone. Maybe I mistook your post for one of those, and in that case I apologize.

I do agree that getting back together is 99 % of the time a lost cause. If things didn't work, they're not gonna work the 2nd time around without a significant change. It's too easy to fall back into the old roles.

Cool. On the plus side if they ever get back, OP will most likely realize why they broke up in the first place and at least he can get closure. I think most relationship that get a second chance after infidelity, never work out.

We as guys generally like to project our female idiol onto our female partners instead of looking at her and assessing what she really is.

[The Casualty]

So I'm going to lay this out for you in some cold hard facts but end it with some "here's how to get better".

Facts:

If she told you its temporary it's cause she wants to keep you on a string, she likes you, thinks your wonderful, but wonders "can I do better?" Thats what this guy is, he didnt just phase out of no where, she bumped into him getting coffee and said "holy shit, I just met you, lets start dating". This guy was lined up. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's very likely. It doesnt make you a better or worse person than a month ago, it's just how messed up we are as people.

Don't talk to her about it, she doesn't care right now, at least not in the way you want her to, right now you are like a puppy or a kitty, she doesnt want to see you hurt, but she isn't going to run back into a relationship cause you're all teary-eyed right now. We are stupid creatures sometimes, your relationship end hurts cause thats your lizard brain telling you "your chance at a relationship, and a child, are vanishing RIGHT NOW, FREAK THE F OUT". But it's not, there is a saying, "if you want to get over someone, get under someone else." and it's true, real talk, go on a date, doesnt even have to a good one, just go on one so you can see that the dating pool isnt dry and there is someone else.

Ok, now on to what to do.

This is the basic advice you give to anyone after a break.

1. Cut contact, if she's on facebook, drop her, block her, delete facebook, whatever just dont talk to her. If you HAVE to talk to her, make it professional like a work meeting.
2. Get off social media for awhile. No twitter, no facebook, no nothing, especially if you're friends, you're going to see pictures of her happy and moving on, that will totally mess with your head, just step away from it.
3. Pick up a hobby. Read some books you havent had a chance to read, learn to paint, take up clay sculptures, doesnt matter, pick up a hobby that interests you and do it. Hiking, biking, competitive running, writing, whatever it is, something to fill your time.
4. Go to the gym. This is kind of important, and if you already do, go a bit more for awhile. Accomplishments boosts your self esteem. You're probably feeling down on yourself and it's silly, cause you're the same awesome guy you were 2 weeks ago. So do something, accomplish something. If you do lift, try and lift a bit more, hit a new best. If you dont lift, start lifting. If you dont gym at all, start going, lift a bit, do some cardio, set a goal and hit it, make a new goal, hit that, do it over and over again, just keep hitting those goals.

And that's it, keep busy, avoid contact, better yourself, focus on you and the rest of the stuff will work out on its own. Chin up, it gets better, you'll get better, and you deserve better.

You didn't "take a break" you broke up. There is no such thing as "a break." relationships are binary, you either are or are not in one. "breaks" are rhetorical tricks people use to let other people down easier, either because they don't want to hurt them or are afraid of their reaction to the truth. She broke up with you and didn't have the spine to tell you straight up. We know this because she's dating someone else now. It doesn't really matter why she used the euphemism of "a break" when she did it, just that you recognize that it was a euphemism and you're good and broken up now. Your prior relationship is over, it's not coming back, and the more completely you cut her out of your life the better it's going to be for you.

So do that. don't talk to her, don't meet with her, don't call her, don't visit her facebook page, don't talk to her friends, don't have anything at all to do with her. She doesn't want you back and you aren't going to change her mind. You're single now. Act like it. Go do things with other people. Go do things alone. Spend the time you would have spent with her on yourself. Go to the gym. Read some shit. Take a class. Go have a drink with your friends. And once you don't think about her anymore, or once you find someone that makes you forget she ever existed, go on a date. It'll be fun, even if it sucks, and you'll feel 100% better afterwards because you'll have definite proof there's sex and love and fun in your future.

P.S. ignore everyone telling you to be angry with her or that she's a horrible person: it doesn't matter. SHE no longer matters. The sooner you start acting like it the better you're going to do.

I had a whole post written up and then I realized that these two posts encapsulate pretty much everything you need to know. I definitely want to reiterate the "do not talk to her" point. More than not changing her mind, there is nothing about this situation that she knows and you don't that will make you feel any better about this. Spare yourself the sordid details and practice some radical acceptance.

It will take a while to kill hope, but the sooner you are able to do that the better. I don't know you OP, but I know you are worth more than being someone's silver medal.

[Machismo]

Brand new account starts off by asking a bunch of gamers about relationship advice. Seriously, the baiting threads are so unoriginal. We get a half dozen of these a week.

[Ghostpanther]

Drop her and be thankful you found out about her this early.

[MrKnubbles]

It doesn't sound like it's a rebound relationship. It sounds like she's been interested in someone else but didn't want to cheat so she convinced you to "temporarily" break up so she could date someone else and see how that goes. You can either try really hard to win her back or just let it go and move on. I know it's not easy but you'll get through it.

[Guchie]

Some of that is because they are unsure how poorly men will react, like they might go apeshit possessive or vindictive or act juvenile.

OP, you're asking for relationship advice on a gaming forum, so ... yeah. A lot of responses are going to be from bitter incels.

"I found out that she started dating someone else from a friend of mine." We don't know what your friend saw. We don't know what the two of you saw as the different directions of your relationship. We don't know how much you're lying to yourself and about what. Continue with the break as temporary, a week or so isn't going ruin your life if the relationship is already over. If she wants to talk at the end of it, then talk. Be an adult. Whether the relationship is over or your friend misunderstood what they saw (or maybe both), you are capable of having feelings without behaving like a dipshit. It's better to end things without making assumptions. There's people in this thread encouraging you to assume everyone is the least reliable version of themselves. Don't be the least version of yourself.

"Let's still be friends" means I think/hope you are enough descent as a person, but the relationship can't continue to work. It doesn't mean, "let's be friends" or "I'm planning to use you."

It's amazing how bitter and how much of a man hater you come off as, all of your points are "Men are bad."

1. She knows how he will react, or has a good idea, they've been together for years.

2. You're also on a video game forum, does that make you some spinster that smells oddly of cat urine?

3. This is all speculative, just yours sides with the female in this case and against him, telling him he should basically take this "break" like a man and be there for her when/if she comes back. Everyone else with common sense is saying, "Find someone who wants you, not you as a backup."