Relationship Advice? Ex-Girlfriend Started Dating Someone New

[Seirith]

You settled for him. Your dad/mom settled for each other. It's a statistical fact that there could have been better matches out there if they'd have actually tried dating other people. Now they're stuck producing offspring who marry the first person they talk to and convincing themselves it's "love at first sight". You'll probably do the same thing to your kids.

Nothing I say will make you change your mind so all I am going to say is you are wrong. I also never said it was "love at first sight" for either me or my parents.

[LiiLoSNK]

Nothing I say will make you change your mind so all I am going to say is you are wrong. I also never said it was "love at first sight" for either me or my parents.

Not sure how you can say I'm wrong if you haven't had a relationship with anyone else, yet are convinced you found the perfect match on the first try, but ok. Lying to yourself doesn't hurt me.

[mich4el]

just join MGTOW or other gay organization so there are more women for me

[andy123456]

I won't go into too many details since most of the feedback you need was already provided by the others. I just want to tell you a general principal of mine, which has served me for many years, and will keep helpng me for all the years to come: always expect the least from people and situations, it will save you tons of disappointment.

And a small heads up of what might happen, because surely all the advice you obtained here will help you get back on your feet faster. Beware, weak people are naturally attracted to stronger ones. Getting back up faster might draw her attention back at you, but do yourself a favor my friend, and if this happens, ignore her. It happened once, it WILL happen again. She will promise you it won't. She will be swearing in all that is dear to her. You will want to believe her from the bottom of your heart, but your guts will be telling you the truth: it will happen again, sooner or later.

And a few words to this guy:



I completely disagree. As gamers, we are all connected, and can be supported by other gamers from all around the globe. This thread is an example of that, as I already see a lot of decent advice, which I am sure will be of much use to the OP.

There is difference - For example "Need suggestion as which DPS class of WOW is better"- u can give suggestion as u have played it and there is same information around global of a particular class.
But u donot know him or his ex , what kind of relationship they had , character of the ex( if she was playing him or not) and so on , just saying to him to "move on" will be incorrect as u have not seen them together in real life

[PaladinBash]

What Batman flushes down the toilet, the Penguin puts on his mantle. Let her go and love yourself OP.

[Gumbur]

So I'm going to lay this out for you in some cold hard facts but end it with some "here's how to get better".

Facts:

If she told you its temporary it's cause she wants to keep you on a string, she likes you, thinks your wonderful, but wonders "can I do better?" Thats what this guy is, he didnt just phase out of no where, she bumped into him getting coffee and said "holy shit, I just met you, lets start dating". This guy was lined up. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's very likely. It doesnt make you a better or worse person than a month ago, it's just how messed up we are as people.

Don't talk to her about it, she doesn't care right now, at least not in the way you want her to, right now you are like a puppy or a kitty, she doesnt want to see you hurt, but she isn't going to run back into a relationship cause you're all teary-eyed right now. We are stupid creatures sometimes, your relationship end hurts cause thats your lizard brain telling you "your chance at a relationship, and a child, are vanishing RIGHT NOW, FREAK THE F OUT". But it's not, there is a saying, "if you want to get over someone, get under someone else." and it's true, real talk, go on a date, doesnt even have to a good one, just go on one so you can see that the dating pool isnt dry and there is someone else.

Ok, now on to what to do.

This is the basic advice you give to anyone after a break.

1. Cut contact, if she's on facebook, drop her, block her, delete facebook, whatever just dont talk to her. If you HAVE to talk to her, make it professional like a work meeting.
2. Get off social media for awhile. No twitter, no facebook, no nothing, especially if you're friends, you're going to see pictures of her happy and moving on, that will totally mess with your head, just step away from it.
3. Pick up a hobby. Read some books you havent had a chance to read, learn to paint, take up clay sculptures, doesnt matter, pick up a hobby that interests you and do it. Hiking, biking, competitive running, writing, whatever it is, something to fill your time.
4. Go to the gym. This is kind of important, and if you already do, go a bit more for awhile. Accomplishments boosts your self esteem. You're probably feeling down on yourself and it's silly, cause you're the same awesome guy you were 2 weeks ago. So do something, accomplish something. If you do lift, try and lift a bit more, hit a new best. If you dont lift, start lifting. If you dont gym at all, start going, lift a bit, do some cardio, set a goal and hit it, make a new goal, hit that, do it over and over again, just keep hitting those goals.

And that's it, keep busy, avoid contact, better yourself, focus on you and the rest of the stuff will work out on its own. Chin up, it gets better, you'll get better, and you deserve better.

This. You don't need to read anything else. Do this, and things will get better.

Here is something extra for motivation;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fkbzfdmoi_M

Love is a four letter word... BUT SO IS CURL!

[Deleted]

Over the recent weekend, I found out that she started dating someone else from a friend of mine who was equally as shocked as me. Now, I know she's probably in a rebound relationship right now but it doesn't change the fact that it hurt to find out and I don't know what I should be doing right now

Bring your chin down to protect your neck while continuing to stare into his eyes. Bring up your hands and say "I don't want no trouble". Flex your traps and core while slightly bending your knees. Here comes the important part. In a low voice begin to say "wolowolowolowolowolo" slowly increasing in volume, he should be surprised by now. Begin to sway side to side and loosen all facial muscles and your anal sphincter and your kegal muscle. By now you should be pretty loud and your opponent will have stepped back and will appear visibly shaken. Begin to piss and shit yourself and let your eyes roll into the back of your head. By now you are chanting "WOLOWOLOWOLOWOLO" at the top of your lungs. He will run away. Everyone within a one mile radius will feel a terrifying presence within their soul. Marvel as you ascend into your planar form.

[Toogoodman]

So I'm going to lay this out for you in some cold hard facts but end it with some "here's how to get better".

Facts:

If she told you its temporary it's cause she wants to keep you on a string, she likes you, thinks your wonderful, but wonders "can I do better?" Thats what this guy is, he didnt just phase out of no where, she bumped into him getting coffee and said "holy shit, I just met you, lets start dating". This guy was lined up. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's very likely. It doesnt make you a better or worse person than a month ago, it's just how messed up we are as people.

Don't talk to her about it, she doesn't care right now, at least not in the way you want her to, right now you are like a puppy or a kitty, she doesnt want to see you hurt, but she isn't going to run back into a relationship cause you're all teary-eyed right now. We are stupid creatures sometimes, your relationship end hurts cause thats your lizard brain telling you "your chance at a relationship, and a child, are vanishing RIGHT NOW, FREAK THE F OUT". But it's not, there is a saying, "if you want to get over someone, get under someone else." and it's true, real talk, go on a date, doesnt even have to a good one, just go on one so you can see that the dating pool isnt dry and there is someone else.

Ok, now on to what to do.

This is the basic advice you give to anyone after a break.

1. Cut contact, if she's on facebook, drop her, block her, delete facebook, whatever just dont talk to her. If you HAVE to talk to her, make it professional like a work meeting.
2. Get off social media for awhile. No twitter, no facebook, no nothing, especially if you're friends, you're going to see pictures of her happy and moving on, that will totally mess with your head, just step away from it.
3. Pick up a hobby. Read some books you havent had a chance to read, learn to paint, take up clay sculptures, doesnt matter, pick up a hobby that interests you and do it. Hiking, biking, competitive running, writing, whatever it is, something to fill your time.
4. Go to the gym. This is kind of important, and if you already do, go a bit more for awhile. Accomplishments boosts your self esteem. You're probably feeling down on yourself and it's silly, cause you're the same awesome guy you were 2 weeks ago. So do something, accomplish something. If you do lift, try and lift a bit more, hit a new best. If you dont lift, start lifting. If you dont gym at all, start going, lift a bit, do some cardio, set a goal and hit it, make a new goal, hit that, do it over and over again, just keep hitting those goals.

And that's it, keep busy, avoid contact, better yourself, focus on you and the rest of the stuff will work out on its own. Chin up, it gets better, you'll get better, and you deserve better.

100%, hit the gym, get a pump, fuck someone else. Life is too short, especially at 27, and she clearly had this guy lined up for a while if she started "dating him" already. Shes more than likely testing waters with other people, and keeping you lined up as a "fall back". Honestly, just leave her, she doesnt give a shit (like most humans dont), you dont need to be someones 2nd or 3rd choice.

- - - Updated - - -

This. You don't need to read anything else. Do this, and things will get better.

Here is something extra for motivation;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fkbzfdmoi_M

Love is a four letter word... BUT SO IS CURL!

Plus, there are so many attractive girls at the gym.

I get girls staring at me all the time, and if i were single, i would be a massive slut lmao.

[Halyon]

If she's already on a rebound, or dating someone to make you jealous, or just to figure herself out, it's up to you if you still want to bet on this horse or move on.

Personally, I'd move on.

[Sky High]

Hop on a dating site and just:

[Deleted]

just join MGTOW or other gay organization so there are more women for me

MGTOW aren't all monks. Majority of them date, tho I'd suspect not much in the "one night stand" category, but rather if a valid candidate would come into their life they would date her, but with care since they know how female nature works and what dangers to look for.

[breadisfunny]

So your evidence against it is 2 extremely old people got together? It's legitimately true that Women fall off much faster than Men do, of course you can still find a Partner, but Men have to try much less harder the Older a Woman is, Since what makes Women attractive to Men generally isn't the same as Women, It's why a lot more Women marry older Guys than Vice Versa. It only ever seems to be Women arguing the point, which is funny since being Women means they don't actually know how Men think.

really what stops them from understanding how men think? psychology isn't a hard subject.

[Deleted]

really what stops them from understanding how men think? psychology isn't a hard subject.

Gynocentric culture. If you are raised a certain way that benefits you always, you won't think otherwise. That and the fact that none wants to see themself as a failure, but it should be ok, if you don't take responsability you can't learn.

For example women in the 30s know they can raise a kid even w/o a men because of the welfare state. With modern medical procedures the fertility window can be extended, they can foze their eggs, buy sperm, heck even try a surrogate mother. All this is done at the cut of cutting the nuclear family out of the picture.

[Zindai]

So your evidence against it is 2 extremely old people got together? It's legitimately true that Women fall off much faster than Men do, of course you can still find a Partner, but Men have to try much less harder the Older a Woman is, Since what makes Women attractive to Men generally isn't the same as Women, It's why a lot more Women marry older Guys than Vice Versa. It only ever seems to be Women arguing the point, which is funny since being Women means they don't actually know how Men think.

To me it sounds like you only know a certain type of people - that is princesses and real life Khadgars. There are many different types of people and ways of forming a relationship beyond young fertile woman and older experienced man. That's just a good thing.

The bolded part is funny to me, since this thread is full of men believing they know how every woman thinks.

[Veliane]

We always made it work up till now

Reading your whole post, chances are you made it work.

I feel that we did have something special with each other.

Everyone does.

Recently we had a big disagreement regarding the direction of our relationship

3 Years - She knows what you like and she knows what you dislike, think about that for a second.

decided to take a break to figure things out.

That never works, break means it's over. When you're emotionally invested you don't want to think about it, I know. Time to let go.

We agreed that it wouldn't be permanent and we would meet again

That's just ointment for the burn, if things had been honest from the get go the words "take a break" wouldn't have been used at all.
It's just dishonesty spawned from insecurity and guilt, means this has been cooking for a while.

She's someone I love very much and I do want to settle down with her.

That's one sided, you can't overlook the 3 years for 1 week trade, don't try to be the exception to the rule.
Treasure the moments and feelings you had, etc. -- they were real (even if hers weren't) -- You had a good run but the curtain's down, clinging to anything beyond that will be self-destructive.

I know she's probably in a rebound relationship

People you've been with for years don't find relationships in a week.

Should I talk to her about it?

Nothing to talk about, she got what she wanted out of this.

this was supposed to be a temporary break

You feel anxious and betrayed, the rules were broken, someone you trust pulled the rug from under you.
Breaks aren't real.

They are obscure deals insecure and guilty people use to get the freedom they want without the immediate responsibility of breaking your heart.
While you ponder about it, as if it all had some higher meaning.

[God8010]

Reading your whole post, chances are you made it work.


Everyone does.


3 Years - She knows what you like and she knows what you dislike, think about that for a second.


That never works, break means it's over. When you're emotionally invested you don't want to think about it, I know. Time to let go.


That's just ointment for the burn, if things had been honest from the get go the words "take a break" wouldn't have been used at all.
It's just dishonesty spawned from insecurity and guilt, means this has been cooking for a while.


That's one sided, you can't overlook the 3 years for 1 week trade, don't try to be the exception to the rule.
Treasure the moments and feelings you had, etc. -- they were real (even if hers weren't) -- You had a good run but the curtain's down, clinging to anything beyond that will be self-destructive.


People you've been with for years don't find relationships in a week.


Nothing to talk about, she got what she wanted out of this.


You feel anxious and betrayed, the rules were broken, someone you trust pulled the rug from under you.
Breaks aren't real.

They are obscure deals insecure and guilty people use to get the freedom they want without the immediate responsibility of breaking your heart.
While you ponder about it, as if it all had some higher meaning.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

That's experience talking. You should listen to this person I quoted.

[babalou1]

So I'm going to lay this out for you in some cold hard facts but end it with some "here's how to get better".

Facts:

If she told you its temporary it's cause she wants to keep you on a string, she likes you, thinks your wonderful, but wonders "can I do better?" Thats what this guy is, he didnt just phase out of no where, she bumped into him getting coffee and said "holy shit, I just met you, lets start dating". This guy was lined up. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's very likely. It doesnt make you a better or worse person than a month ago, it's just how messed up we are as people.

Don't talk to her about it, she doesn't care right now, at least not in the way you want her to, right now you are like a puppy or a kitty, she doesnt want to see you hurt, but she isn't going to run back into a relationship cause you're all teary-eyed right now. We are stupid creatures sometimes, your relationship end hurts cause thats your lizard brain telling you "your chance at a relationship, and a child, are vanishing RIGHT NOW, FREAK THE F OUT". But it's not, there is a saying, "if you want to get over someone, get under someone else." and it's true, real talk, go on a date, doesnt even have to a good one, just go on one so you can see that the dating pool isnt dry and there is someone else.

Ok, now on to what to do.

This is the basic advice you give to anyone after a break.

1. Cut contact, if she's on facebook, drop her, block her, delete facebook, whatever just dont talk to her. If you HAVE to talk to her, make it professional like a work meeting.
2. Get off social media for awhile. No twitter, no facebook, no nothing, especially if you're friends, you're going to see pictures of her happy and moving on, that will totally mess with your head, just step away from it.
3. Pick up a hobby. Read some books you havent had a chance to read, learn to paint, take up clay sculptures, doesnt matter, pick up a hobby that interests you and do it. Hiking, biking, competitive running, writing, whatever it is, something to fill your time.
4. Go to the gym. This is kind of important, and if you already do, go a bit more for awhile. Accomplishments boosts your self esteem. You're probably feeling down on yourself and it's silly, cause you're the same awesome guy you were 2 weeks ago. So do something, accomplish something. If you do lift, try and lift a bit more, hit a new best. If you dont lift, start lifting. If you dont gym at all, start going, lift a bit, do some cardio, set a goal and hit it, make a new goal, hit that, do it over and over again, just keep hitting those goals.

And that's it, keep busy, avoid contact, better yourself, focus on you and the rest of the stuff will work out on its own. Chin up, it gets better, you'll get better, and you deserve better.

Best advice you'll get any where. I even bolded a few things.

Ive been where you are. This is what I would tell you, just better worded.

[Iamanerd]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

That's experience talking. You should listen to this person I quoted.

Agreed, solid advice as well, one thing I would add is to take the time to focus on something you enjoy OP. Whether it be reading/gaming/arts etc. focus on you and learn to keep yourself happy. At some point you learn that most people are in it for themselves, in the end only you can make yourself happy.

[Deleted]

There is difference - For example "Need suggestion as which DPS class of WOW is better"- u can give suggestion as u have played it and there is same information around global of a particular class.
But u donot know him or his ex , what kind of relationship they had , character of the ex( if she was playing him or not) and so on , just saying to him to "move on" will be incorrect as u have not seen them together in real life

Obviously, you're quite inexperienced. Literally all of the things you mentioned have stopped to matter the moment that girl has jumped on someone else's d*ck immediately after going on a "short break" , with the agreement to come back together and figure things out.

[Ton00]

Plus say if she does come back etc things wont be the same as you seen how easy she just droped you, plus paranoia will kick in checking her phones social media etc will and will get worst as time goes on how long before she jumps ship again trust will be gone