Is it cheap to want to split or pay each for themselves on dates?

[Stelio Kontos]

Sounds like a lot of pressure just to see if two people click. An audition and expectation is probably why figures in countries like Japan have so many lonely men who just work and watch porn instead.

It's even worse in my experience. The women treat it like the man is auditioning for marriage, but at least in my experience they don't seem to try very hard to prove they're worth marrying. My experience is limited of course, so it could just have been the Asian women I was involved with. The guy has to show his financial and personal acumen, and the girl doesn't really have to do much to prove she's worth all the money and effort of marriage.

But I know I had culture clashes with the girls I dated. Maybe their efforts just didn't come up to my standards, so I didn't notice them.

[Deleted]

A lot of people in the West still think a guy should pay for the first couple of dates, not sure where you think it's uniform across Europe and the US that it should all be split. That's a social norm, not some archaic concept.

But hey, if you want to come off sounding like an asshole by insulting people, not being able to put together a sentence without insulting someone, and playing it off as if your assholery isn't your own doing, that's on you.

A lot of people in the west still think its quite ok to hit children or their significant other aswell. Doesnt mean its not archaic.

You seem really triggered and i'm not really interested in derrailing this discussion so i'l just say this. I'm not purposeling trying to be degrading i'm just trying to argue. I'm not cussing or being racist or anything down that corridor. If you think i'm being an asshole and insulting simply because i dont view the world the same way as you then or that its not ok for me to argue world views then i, as i said, think this is a you problem

[Seramore]

A lot of people in the west still think its quite ok to hit children or their significant other aswell

there's a difference between slapping your kid and beating your partner lado

[Deleted]

If you are unwilling to spend money, that you have, in a given situation you are being cheap. Sometimes that's for fiscal responsibility, other times it’s just because you love your money too much to part with it. Again, being cheap isn’t necessarily a negative.

The only actual definition i can find of it says: 1. An individual who is extremely careful with money.

I'd define extremely in this case as a slightly negative word. Maybe thats just me

[Seramore]

If you are unwilling to spend money, that you have, in a given situation you are being cheap. Sometimes that's for fiscal responsibility, other times it’s just because you love your money too much to part with it. Again, being cheap isn’t necessarily a negative.

lmao no

[Crissi]

A lot of people in the west still think its quite ok to hit children or their significant other aswell. Doesnt mean its not archaic.

You seem really triggered and i'm not really interested in derrailing this discussion so i'l just say this. I'm not purposeling trying to be degrading i'm just trying to argue. I'm not cussing or being racist or anything down that corridor. If you think i'm being an asshole and insulting simply because i dont view the world the same way as you then or that its not ok for me to argue world views then i, as i said, think this is a you problem

Hitting someone always harms them. Having expectations doesn't, as the men can just ignore the woman. Bad example

[Deleted]

there's a difference between slapping your kid and beating your partner lado

I was using the word "hit" in both cases. I cant help it if you felt struck by it because you feel a need to slap your kids "lado"

[Seramore]

as the men can just ignore the woman

same line

Bad example

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not sure if ignorant or extremely sheltered

[Fayolynn]

That's not entitlement. It's me setting a bar to who I want to date and I don't want to date cheapskates or poor people, our lifestyles would be incompatible, my friends and family also wouldn't approve. It's as simple as that.

You are setting a bar, but the bar is based off your sense of entitlement. You believe you deserve to be wined and dined and anyone who won't do so right off the bat isn't worthy of your time.

After reading more of the thread I'm seeing this is being chalked up to a cultural difference between Asia and the US.

[Deleted]

Hitting someone always harms them. Having expectations doesn't, as the men can just ignore the woman. Bad example

I wasnt saying its the same thing. I was just saying that some people behaving in a certain way in the west isnt an argument against it being an arhaic thing.

Edit:

This "bad example" should really be used more sparesome by some mods tbh

[Crissi]

same line



???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

not sure if ignorant or extremely sheltered

Trying to make expectations in dating that harm no one and actual harmful actions is hyperbolic. I also don't see the tradtional the same as archaic

[Freighter]

Why not?

/10char

Because they're old, don't really play games and barely know any english.

[khazmodan]

Hitting someone always harms them. Having expectations doesn't, as the men can just ignore the woman. Bad example

So if your child continues to want to run out into traffic or stick his fingers into outlets or turn on the flames on stoves you should just quietly tell him no and hope he doesn't do it again?. Sometimes a slap on the butt simulates the pain of what would have happened and this is called preparing a child for the real world.

[Crissi]

I wasnt saying its the same thing. I was just saying that some people behaving in a certain way in the west isnt an argument against it being an arhaic thing.

Archaic is a subjective view point, so there is no "is ok / isn't ok" about it objectively. In traditional circles its seen as just as modern as anything else.

[Deleted]

Because they're old, don't really play games and barely know any english.

Archaic means old fashioned. It doesnt mean you have to BE old.

[RobertoCarlos]

It's even worse in my experience. The women treat it like the man is auditioning for marriage, but at least in my experience they don't seem to try very hard to prove they're worth marrying. My experience is limited of course, so it could just have been the Asian women I was involved with. The guy has to show his financial and personal acumen, and the girl doesn't really have to do much to prove she's worth all the money and effort of marriage.

But I know I had culture clashes with the girls I dated. Maybe their efforts just didn't come up to my standards, so I didn't notice them.

This is my problem with it. What are you paying for? Thier approval? I want a lady who has her own thing and career going on and isn't waiting for a man to come along and fix thier problems. I'd like a partner not a pet. Can get a dog for that. Someone who expects to be brought and paid for isn't really worth falling in love for

[Freighter]

You are setting a bar, but the bar is based off your sense of entitlement. You believe you deserve to be wined and dined and anyone who won't do so right off the bat isn't worthy of your time.

No, did you ignore my post explaining that it would reflect bad upon me to my friends and family to date someone who is poor(who can't even pay for a date) or a cheapskate(who won't pay for a date)? Not only that, it would cause a lot of issues in daily life because we would have very different expectations on what to do. I'm not about to pay for both of us if we're going traveling, as an example.

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Archaic means old fashioned. It doesnt mean you have to BE old.

Old fashioned would mean matchmaking and arranged marriages when discussing dating here. Something I don't do nor my family.

[Deleted]

Archaic is a subjective view point, so there is no "is ok / isn't ok" about it objectively. It's perfectly fine here in the US

Once again i wasnt using the hit thing to say that it wasnt OK to do so. Simply to say that it happening in the US isnt an argument that it ISNT archaic which it was used as.

If archaic wasnt subjective viewpoint but instead a fact we woulnt be having this discussion at all.

[RobertoCarlos]

No, did you ignore my post explaining that it would reflect bad upon me to my friends and family to date someone who is poor(who can't even pay for a date) or a cheapskate(who won't pay for a date)? Not only that, it would cause a lot of issues in daily life because we would have very different expectations on what to do. I'm not about to pay for both of us if we're going traveling, as an example.

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Old fashioned would mean matchmaking and arranged marriages when discussing dating here. Something I don't do nor my family.

So a student or someone doing a research project that barely pays makes you look bad to your friends and family. Two questions. Does your friends and family have to live with this person for the rest of thier lives? And be honest you want a rich guy. There's no real shame in that you can just admit it

[Crissi]

Once again i wasnt using the hit thing to say that it wasnt OK to do so. Simply to say that it happening in the US isnt an argument that it ISNT archaic which it was used as.

If archaic wasnt subjective viewpoint but instead a fact we woulnt be having this discussion at all.

given archaic is generally used as "this should no longer be happening", I find it irrelevant when using it for expectations in the US which still value it and thus find value in it still happening. It may be archaic for Western Europe, but it isnt archaic here.

So calling it archaic is silly. Its as valid a PoV As any other, seeing as it causes no harm.