Is it cheap to want to split or pay each for themselves on dates?

[Tennis]

You're a mug if you pay. Every girl you're dating has given it up for free for certain men without them having to pay a penny in a shorter time frame than it will take you and your wallet. Must be quite humiliating to be paying just to get on semi-even footing with those men.

Every girl? Every single one? Wow. You sure know a lot.

[Tennis]

as i take, it depends on the country and the culture there.
where i am from, a real man never split bills. Offering to split is borderline rude.
i guess those who prefer split, also put half of the bill besides the ring in the box when they propose later then?

Where you from?

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When I asked someone out I took them out and paid for the date, But if they asked me I would take it they would pay. So who ever ask who out they pay.

A lot of people go on dates based on online matchmaking or being setup by friends. Life isn't black and white.

[Freighter]

That’s not what you said at all. Even in context you simply said you wanted to skip what ifs when it concerns dating, not when it concerns someone’s career. And even in the case of the latter it’s still a pile of what ifs, regardless of where they are today.

There you go again, ignoring context.

"This guy could be studying to become (insert extremely impressive job) while working his ass off in his sparetime to support various siblings because his parents had died in a car accident and your family/friends would write him off simply because he couldnt afford to pay for you"

I don't give a shit what someone could become. They could be the next fucking Picasso in 30 years, I don't care.

[Tennis]

My girlfriend of several years and I share in paying the bill based on whoever suggests on going out. We live together and generally plan meals together but sometimes one of us is craving Thai or sushi and is willing to pay for the other's meal if it means we can go out together and enjoy it. I don't think it's cheap if you want to split it, but I do feel like it's circumstantial on when you should do it (agreed upon, who is inviting who, where you are in a relationship, etc).

If you live together your finances should be joined so why would paying a bill even matter.

[Freighter]

You don’t give a shit that someone may have no upward mobility in the future. You only care that they can afford to treat you better than you deserve right now. So what if they get fired in 2 years so long as they have a good job right now, eh?

If someone would rather stay unemployed then I'm ending it with them.

[Tennis]

You don’t give a shit that someone may have no upward mobility in the future. You only care that they can afford to treat you better than you deserve right now. So what if they get fired in 2 years so long as they have a good job right now, eh?

Dude why bother? It's their loss if they value $$ so much that they ignore someone's circumstance or current situation. Likely that this future doctor or whoever will find a woman who actually cares about them and it all works out.

[Freighter]

Who said anything about wanting to stay unemployed? Sometimes markets shift and finding a job can be difficult. Hell, right now in Singapore there are fewer jobs than people out of work.

It's not hard to find a job when you have a network and experience.

[Captain N]

It's not hard to find a job when you have a network and experience.

And if the job loss is due to injury? A couple months ago we had a Conductor fall off a locomotive that ended up running her foot over obviously resulting in an amputation of the rest of the foot. Just to see where you're at with these things -- are you going to up and leave someone who can no longer return to their job?

New Age Feminism... We want equal pay, but still want guys to pay 100% for everything.

I think its funny this gets repeated so often when we have men who believe it's their responsibility to pay for everything. You guys really set your own standard and get angry when things don't result in your own desired outcome. If you come across someone who demands you pay for everything thats on you to say no. Why is that so difficult?

[ls-]

This thread is hilarious

[Deleted]

Every girl? Every single one? Wow. You sure know a lot.

Don't worry mate, I have no doubt that your girl is different

[Freighter]

If you say so. Clearly you have years of experience and know more about the job market than I do. Amazing that having a network and experience can actually create jobs in your world.

Do you not do networking in your part of the world or what?

[Kallor]

New Age Feminism... We want equal pay, but still want guys to pay 100% for everything.

That's not really true though. At least not in my country (Norway). I've been on plenty of dates, and there's always an expectation that the bill should be shared. Obviously if I dated a student I'd offer to pay, but if not it's always been 50/50.

I think many girls here would be offended if the guy just paid the check - it's kind of insinuating that you have money and she does not.

This problem is all about guys throughout the world thinking it's manly and the right thing to do, more so than girls expecting free food.

[Mehrunes]

A couple of points:

I've brought up high context and low context to comment on @Frieghter and @Katie N 's posts. As I noted in the language you quoted, the difference carries over into things as seemingly unrelated as where a person's eyes focus, or in the case of another study which areas of the brain are more active in solving simple math problems. Of course that's going to influence their response. You can see it clearly in the posts where Freighter, for example, puts greater emphasis on what her existing network of friends and family think of her.

As far as the larger question you raise -- does high context/low context apply to who pays -- you seem to be disregarding the tendency of low context to see things more in terms of individuals, while high context sees things much more in terms of groups and relationships. While Western Slavic countries may be more high context when compared to Europe, they are still far short of what you'll encounter in China, Singapore, South Korea, or Vietnam.

Poland is for the most part mentally stuck somewhere in 18th century so it doesn't particularly strike me as a country open to change as would be indicative of lower context cultures. As to what is the point of comparison here you'd have to ask Copeland. Hell, even some western European countries are heavily focused on family and other groups, like Italy (particularly the south).

Your choice of "grew out of it" to describe the difference seems to indicate a bit of cultural bias in your appraisal as well.

Except that tradition is primitive in nature and stems from the times when women just gained status barely above that of cattle, didn't earn nearly as much as men and as such actually had to be provided for. Given that it stopped being reality even in those Asian countries, this tradition is most certainly something you outgrow. Just like the tradition of building huts out of mud (in case of Taiwan, mixed with bamboo IIRC), even though they were a part of culture at some point. There are better models out there that are more appropriate for the current needs (or lack of thereof) and circumstances of a society. And so mud/bamboo huts gave way to wood, concrete even in Taiwan. Hell, it's not like it was really a model of courtship of Asian origin to begin with, it's just western norms that have been copied and replaced local norms that often involved arranged marriages of some sort (due to the significant role of a family in high context cultures like these).

[Player Twelve]

Yeah, it's kinda cheap if the expectation is that you will to pay.

[minteK917]

Unless i invite someone and already mention im paying, im not paying. Specially not random dates, its 2017 anybody not paying for themselves should just tell me they cant pay before hand for me to consider. Freeloaders that expect shit can take a hike what ever the gender.

[RobertoCarlos]

Do you not do networking in your part of the world or what?

Of course you dodge the question of what happens if your partner gets injured or sick and cant work. I guess you would just find a new partner?

[Molis]

Here is my issue, and a small pet peeve.

Some women want all the benefits of feminism. Equal pay, equal rights, equal work, equal chores, equal everything.
Then expect a man to pay for everything when dating.

Such a shitty double standard

[Player Twelve]

Of course you dodge the question of what happens if your partner gets injured or sick and cant work. I guess you would just find a new partner?

Personally I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would stay with someone who gets so injured or sick they can't work. They're likely full-body paralyzed or brain damaged at that point or something like it. I have no intention to bind myself down to be a caretaker for them for the rest of their lives. Maybe if it happened when I was like late 60s but not now when I'm in my 20s.

[Deleted]

Is it cheap to not want to pay for the other person's drink and food? Well... is it cheap to expect the other person to pay for the both of you? How can it be cheap to expect everybody to pay for their own stuff? I'm already paying for mine, it's not like I want a free meal, so you pay for yours. If I'm buying, I'm buying. You'll see. But then it's a courtesy from me, not something that is to be expected. Not your provider.

[RobertoCarlos]

Personally I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would stay with someone who gets so injured or sick they can't work. They're likely full-body paralyzed or brain damaged at that point or something like it. I have no intention to bind myself down to be a caretaker for them for the rest of their lives. Maybe if it happened when I was like late 60s but not now when I'm in my 20s.

Probably because you have never been in love? And even when people get injured or sick, you cant just turn it off and dont want to leave them?