Dating: Is it more common place to date more than 1 person at a time?

[Jinpachi]

Dating has many connotations that depending on culture or societal norms can mean exclusivity or mutual openness. Do you mean dating with sex involved? If there is sex involved, is it understood that there is no relationship to be gained?

Is it just dating with no sex involved? If so again, is it understood that there is no relationship to be gained?

I find it ok to date other people if both parties are understood that there will be no connection between them other than just the gathering?

Take your image in your OP, you have the Bachelor with 20 something women. In this context, he is dating these multiple women to see who he connects with on an emotional and love connection. The women he is dating are all understanding of the fact that he is looking for that connection and know that they may not connect with him.

Then take a look at it from this perspective. How are you going to know who you can connect with if you do not date? Are you going to spend 5-10-10-20 years dating one woman at a time until you find that match? What happens if in that time frame you date 6 or 10 women and none suit you. That is alot of time dating a single person trying to get that connection and only finding out that you never had it.

Now on the other hand, you date multiple women and whether you tell the women or not, you are now able to see just which one can suit you and want to be with. I would personally be open about dating a woman who started getting connected to me and I did not feel the same way but I would not date exclusively one woman at a time.

You're mistakenly under the impression that you need that "special connection" to build a long lasting, loving, and caring relationship. Relationships are work, love is action, not an emotion. Emotions change on a whim. The security gained from a bond formed when both people put each other first trumps any frivolous eros type of connection that most people seem to be chasing nowadays.

[SL1200]

There's a reason it's called dating, and not marriage. If you're not married it's because your relationship isn't serious.

[baskev]

No, it's not. You're trying to compare the biologically driven behavior of humans to a behavior that's never been really relevant to humans. That animals do something is not the baseline for something being "natural", especially as it pertains to human behavior. Your base analogy has to start with human behavior lest it be inherently invalid. Certainly there are/were some behaviors that were eliminated or at least tamed due to evolution and civilization, but these aren't necessarily biologically driven and are generally behaviors that affect others or civilization in general. Monogamy is not one of these.

......did you even read my previous posts?? My guess you did not.
Because the first part of your text is what i have been saying so far. ( and yes there is not 100% coverage off all things in nature, nothing is 100%). There are monogamous animals that m8 for live. http://mentalfloss.com/article/55019...nt-settle-down

But let me be clear. I said: most people use it as a weak excuse.

[Rexosaurus]

Personally, I don't like to date more than one girl at a time.

I don't have a problem with people that do date multiple people though. As long as you're up front about it with your dates, I don't really see the big fuss.

[Kourvith]

Dating multiple persons at once is not good. Not for the morals, but for the simple fact that it blurs affect and promotes competition. If there's no affect building, there's no real bonds, only poker faces and superficial games. Plus most (sensitive) humans can feel it, even without words or concrete proofs, it's just emotional intelligence. So if you end up really liking one of this "list", she could just run away.

TL; DR : you'll waste more time by chasing several picks than by focusing only one, even if there might be several over time.

[melodramocracy]

How do you know you're romantically interested? You have to have a few dates to confirm if you're even romantically compatible let alone if the feelings are genuine

Really? I know almost immediately.

As for dating multiple people, it's more trouble than its worth, as typically one of the 3+ people involved will likely be felt strung along. If you're not going to become invested in who your dating on any serious level, there's really no point to doing so in the first place.

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There's a reason it's called dating, and not marriage. If you're not married it's because your relationship isn't serious.

Marriage is just paper, and has nothing to do with the 'seriousness' of a relationship. You're welcome.

[Mistame]

......did you even read my previous posts?? My guess you did not.
Because the first part of your text is what i have been saying so far. ( and yes there is not 100% coverage off all things in nature, nothing is 100%).

Maybe it's what you meant, but it's not what you typed.

There are monogamous animals that m8 for live. http://mentalfloss.com/article/55019...nt-settle-down

Irrelevant.

But let me be clear. I said: most people use it as a weak excuse.

That humans aren't monogamous by nature is not an "excuse", it's a fact.

[Nynax]

Dating has many connotations that depending on culture or societal norms can mean exclusivity or mutual openness. Do you mean dating with sex involved? If there is sex involved, is it understood that there is no relationship to be gained?

Is it just dating with no sex involved? If so again, is it understood that there is no relationship to be gained?

I find it ok to date other people if both parties are understood that there will be no connection between them other than just the gathering?

Take your image in your OP, you have the Bachelor with 20 something women. In this context, he is dating these multiple women to see who he connects with on an emotional and love connection. The women he is dating are all understanding of the fact that he is looking for that connection and know that they may not connect with him.

Then take a look at it from this perspective. How are you going to know who you can connect with if you do not date? Are you going to spend 5-10-10-20 years dating one woman at a time until you find that match? What happens if in that time frame you date 6 or 10 women and none suit you. That is alot of time dating a single person trying to get that connection and only finding out that you never had it.

Now on the other hand, you date multiple women and whether you tell the women or not, you are now able to see just which one can suit you and want to be with. I would personally be open about dating a woman who started getting connected to me and I did not feel the same way but I would not date exclusively one woman at a time.

This just reminds me of the "tyranny of choice" that impacts so much of our lives now. With so many options, why ever "settle" with anyone that feels like it takes work?
Reminds me of a girl with dating troubles asking her grandmother, who had been married for like 60 years, "how did you know grandpa was 'the one." And her grandmother basically said, "the one? He was the only single guy in town that I actually liked, I didn't have much choice! We made it work, because we had to make it work."

I think it's great that there's so much choice now. But I hope people remember to temper that with understanding that no one is perfect. And remember that the fairy tale "connection" in movies isn't reality and extremely unlikely.

[Dezerte]

By the second or third date I think you should focus your attention on that person. You've done the "dreaded" first date and gotten another one, it's time to commit.

[Deleted]

I am currently chatting to multiple guys planning a date for each one, some may consider that dating... Generally though I only consider monogamy if we're actually seeing each other romantically seriously

How come I am not one of these guys?

[Mendzia]

No.
Screw any girl who would do this to me.

[Deleted]

How come I am not one of these guys?

Send a picture and we'll see

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No.
Screw any girl who would do this to me.

That sounds like insecurity

[Spiffums]

I'm of the opinion that unless both sides state they are exclusive then they are free to look around. The TV shows were 30 women whore themselves out and throw themselves at 1 dude is just a TV show. Most adults have sex within the first couple of dates so I doubt the dude on the show is banging all 30 chicks at least once before making his choice.

[Deleted]

I think that nowadays people consciously make the decision to make a relationship exclusive, but this decision usually comes early on. I have no problem dating multiple people or dating someone who is doing so but that stops at some point early on when we clarify what our expectations are.

Pretty much this... I don't know anybody that expects exclusivity on date 1.

[IIamaKing]

I am currently chatting to multiple guys planning a date for each one, some may consider that dating... Generally though I only consider monogamy if we're actually seeing each other romantically seriously

I think the issue comes from the vernacular, Going on a "Date", is a one time thing but "Dating" can be seen as a word for describing a monogamous relationship. Yes you are "dating" if you go on multiple dates with separate people in a week/month w/e. But I think a lot of folks hear "dating" and think the couple is in a relationship.

[GreenGoldSharpie]

There's some real insecurity here.

I like going out with multiple people when when I'm single. Variety is the spice of life. I also don't do so when I'm in a committed relationship. Real respect is being upfront with those who ask you out about your relationship status and being faithful to someone who you've made an emotional commitment with regardless of how long you've shared that commitment. I dated a guy last year for all of a month-and-a-half, and I didn't cheat. I also dated a girl for two years a decade ago, and didn't cheat. I've been dating her again for a month or so, again, and I don't intend to cheat.

[Fencers]

I grew up in the late 70s and early 80s. At not point was it uncommon for people to date multiple people. If you are "seeing" only one person- that's a relationship. Dating is the method by which one seeks a relationship.

[Deleted]

I think the issue comes from the vernacular, Going on a "Date", is a one time thing but "Dating" can be seen as a word for describing a monogamous relationship. Yes you are "dating" if you go on multiple dates with separate people in a week/month w/e. But I think a lot of folks hear "dating" and think the couple is in a relationship.

Dating is always synonymous here with the period between Acquaintance and Girlfriend/Boyfriend

[Rotted]

If it came up in conversation yeah, it's just a date. Now I should add that personally by date 3 I usually stay exclusive but until we both agree we want a relationship I don't expect monogamy

Personally I wouldn't do it. But it's a difference between dating and meeting someone up.

If you meet up with someone on a friend basis or just to make friends, I'm completely happy to be dating you and doing that. Hell I'm happy for that to carry on in a full blown relationship. But if you're meeting up with a few people and calling them all dates to "see how it goes", then I'd be out. I'm not standing by as the best pick unless you test drive someone else and change your mind or vis versa and out competing with other guys or being a back up pick.

[Deleted]

Personally I wouldn't do it. But it's a difference between dating and meeting someone up.

If you meet up with someone on a friend basis or just to make friends, I'm completely happy to be dating you and doing that. Hell I'm happy for that to carry on in a full blown relationship. But if you're meeting up with a few people and calling them all dates to "see how it goes", then I'd be out. I'm not standing by as the best pick unless you test drive someone else and change your mind or vis versa and out competing with other guys or being a back up pick.

Well that's on you I guess. Somebody expecting exclusivity before date one is immediately red flagged for me and avoided