Dating: Is it more common place to date more than 1 person at a time?

[Deleted]

The only woman I take on dates these days is my wife, but we do have an open marriage so we're each free to have sex with other partners either separately or together. There are a few rules involved, the main one being that as soon as emotions start entering into it in any way, on any side, it ends. And it goes without saying that this is always completely up front with everyone being informed of the situation (anyone I sleep with will know I'm married and have permission, I won't sleep with anyone without telling my wife).

That said, we have discussed the idea of possibly having an extra-marital boyfriend/girlfriend at some point. It might happen in the future but for now I'm happy with the current arrangement.

[Zuben]

I was seeing a girl for about 2,5 months. With the first two or three dates I had already determined I liked her and we had a good time with each other. The remaining period was a phase where I determined if there was potential for an actual relationship. There wasn't, but I felt I needed to put in that time to know for sure. Now, while that time is indeed still the dating phase, meaning we have not made any promises to each other of a mutual future, it's still a period I consider intimate. Therefore I would be hurt if I learned she was seeing other people during that time. I spent that time focused on her, so I expect the same courtesy from her to me.

But it's not that simple. Dating is by nature an era where there are no strings attached, so anyone can define it as they do. My image of it is for sure different than that of many other people and that's fine, I'm not a universal authority who gets to define things for everyone. While I feel focusing on one person at a time is a matter of respect, both to the one I'm dating as well as to our relationship, she may think it's not that big of a deal, that a real relationship happens if it happens, naturally, without too much effort from either of us. It's a philosophical matter, and as such, the answer to the topic is what allows the broadest definition, in this case yes, it is fine to see many people simultaneously.

Just don't hide it. If your date enquires it, own it. They have a right to know, because to them it may be a big deal.

[Deleted]

How do you have time to date multiple girls? The girl im currently dating spent the night at my place 4 times last week. I need time for video games and friends aswell, so no way im can date more than one.

That said, im not against people doing it, as long as all parts know about it.

[Mistame]

Unfortunately it is becoming far more commonplace than it should. Call me old fashioned, but I seriously don't see how you can LOVE more than one person. Of my close personal friends, 3 out of 4 of them are poly. Of the ~20 people I have on my friends list on facebook, I'd say at least half of them are poly. I just can't handle that shit. And to tell you the truth, a lot of times it doesn't work out anyway.

That whole "we can date other people too" usually leads to jealousy by at least one of the two people. Or their other partners have issues with it. There's usually drama involved at some point. Or the one-sided version of "I can date others, but you can't". It boggles my mind the sorts of relationships people put themselves in, and actually try to make work.

While I understand the point you're trying to make here, for most people, "dating" refers to the pre-relationship/love phase.

[baskev]

It's not:



This reads as a direct comparison between animals eating their mates and someone making the argument that humans aren't monogamous by nature.



This reads as you claiming that the argument that humans aren't monogamous by nature can be defeated by pointing out anything that animals do that we do not.



Plenty of species mate for life. But humans are not those species, thus such a comparison is irrelevant.



No, I'm pointing out that it's not.



I try to give people whose native language isn't English the benefit of the doubt, but make no mistake: This is an English board. The onus is on you to make sure whatever argument you're making is delivered correctly, not on others to try to make sense of it. So rather than questioning my reading comprehension, try typing better.

Nope nope nope.
I claim nothing. claim means 100% sure etc.
Nope you are twisting it around to win a argument. I am saying that because in nature most people see only m8's for offspring there is no such thing as monogamy. While i posted animal versions of for live couple's. I am saying that it is a weak excuse to use.

OMG did you even read what a wrote!?!?!?!

Plenty of species mate for life

this was my very first point. But humans can/are those species. If we where not, you would not feel bad about cheating. Yes we can learn to meet new love after death of old m8's , so do animals. But that is not that point. My point from start has been : because someone does a thing or does not do a thing. Does not mean you have to copy it or use it as a excuse.

And it is a different discussion. You just will not admit that you are wrong.
1 discussion is about using it as a excuse, the other is if it is in human nature. I am having that first one. You are trying to force me into the second one.

As for the english part. Dude my point is clear...you are contradicting yourself. I made clear i am discussing the use of a excuse several times now...you are not.
If you can not understand: That is not what i am talking about. Then clearly you have the problem not me.

So lets me it clear for you again:

I said: That using : it is in human nature!
Is not a excuse for it.

( same thing i said in first post)

[Mistame]

I claim nothing. claim means 100% sure etc.

I didn't say you "claim" anything, I pointed out how what you wrote reads.

Nope you are twisting it around to win a argument.

No, I'm not. I'm pointing out that what you typed doesn't mean what you're claiming to have said.

I am saying that because in nature most people see only m8's for offspring there is no such thing as monogamy. While i posted animal versions of for live couple's. I am saying that it is a weak excuse to use.

No one is using that ^ as an excuse. They're simply pointing out that humans aren't naturally monogamous, which is a fact, thus not "an excuse". You're the one using animals as an argument.

OMG did you even read what a wrote!?!?!?!

I'm trying but it's starting to strain my eyes.

this was my very first point. But humans can/are those species.

Species that mate for life do so naturally, out of instinct. Humans are not one of those species. That's the entire point of the assertion.

If we where not, you would not feel bad about cheating.

This is the product of social influence, not "nature".

I said: That using : it is in human nature!
Is not a excuse for it.

And you're still missing the point. It's a fact, therefore a perfectly legitimate argument, or as you call it "excuse".

[Deleted]

How do you have time to date multiple girls? The girl im currently dating spent the night at my place 4 times last week. I need time for video games and friends aswell, so no way im can date more than one.

That said, im not against people doing it, as long as all parts know about it.

That sounds more like a relationship than dating

[baskev]

I didn't say you "claim" anything, I pointed out how what you wrote reads.

You did not say claim but you said:

This reads as a direct comparison between animals eating their mates and someone making the argument that humans aren't monogamous by nature.

So you are assuming i am making a claim here.

No, I'm not. I'm pointing out that what you typed doesn't mean what you're claiming to have said.

You did not say claim....again you say what i claiming to have said....look at the first post. And you are side stepping it again. I am talking from the start about something else then what you are talking about!

No one is using that ^ as an excuse. They're simply pointing out that humans aren't naturally monogamous, which is a fact, thus not "an excuse". You're the one using animals as an argument.

So now you are talking specifics. Okay ever heard of the saying?? Its not literally its a metaphor...

I'm trying but it's starting to strain my eyes.

Get glasses. And being a grammar police does not help your point. And yes my syntax may not be good enough for your uber sense of english. But its good enough to get the message across. Only people loosing arguments use this "excuse" to win from people like me .

Species that mate for life do so naturally, out of instinct. Humans are not one of those species. That's the entire point of the assertion.

Again, that was not what i said/started this discussion with. And again its something else then what i typed. If it is our biology. Doubtful. But a lot of feelings surrounding cheating says that the stuff is hardwired in us.

This is the product of social influence, not "nature".

It might be. It might be not.
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/scienti...ry?id=12322891

But

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...l-human-beings

So having more then 1 partner is normal , but cheating is not.
But again not the point. This thread was started and i react to..Is cheating okay.

And you're still missing the point. It's a fact, therefore a perfectly legitimate argument, or as you call it "excuse".

[/QUOTE]
Nope i am not missing the point . You are.
You keep talking about something i was not talking about. You keep trying to discuss other things then i was discussing/remark to.

So to explain to you: I am talking about cars. You are trying to get me into a discussion about steel mining.

So you can go on and on. good luck to you.

[Mistame]

You did not say claim but you said: So you are assuming i am making a claim here.

You did not say claim....again you say what i claiming to have said....look at the first post.

No, I'm not. I'm merely pointing out how what you typed is interpreted by a native English speaker. Your delivery was faulty and you're responsible for that.

So now you are talking specifics. Okay ever heard of the saying?? Its not literally its a metaphor...

In other words, it's hyperbole, which invalidates your point.

But its good enough to get the message across.

It's not. That's the problem.

Only people loosing arguments use this "excuse" to win from people like me .

I'm not "loosing" anything because you don't have an argument.

Again, that was not what i said/started this discussion with. And again its something else then what i typed. If it is our biology. Doubtful. But a lot of feelings surrounding cheating says that the stuff is hardwired in us.

Feelings about cheating are derivatives of jealousy and possessiveness. You can argue that these feelings are "natural" but that's irrelevant.

So having more then 1 partner is normal , but cheating is not.
But again not the point. This thread was started and i react to..Is cheating okay.

Cheating may not be "normal" (which is relative) but it is natural. Regardless, this thread is not about "cheating", it's about dating more than one person. "Dating" is the stage before an exclusive relationship. So try staying on topic.

[RicardoZ]

Can't speak for others, but I personally have always been exclusive when dating. If you just want to be friends and have fun, then be that; don't enter into a relationship with somebody beyond that until/unless you're ready to commit to them. It's the best thing for all involved.

[Deleted]

That sounds more like a relationship than dating

Well, I guess thats true.

[Deleted]

Unless the girl brings the subject of being exclusive I'm going to date others. That's the sane and good thing to do.

[baskev]

No, I'm not. I'm merely pointing out how what you typed is interpreted by a native English speaker. Your delivery was faulty and you're responsible for that.



In other words, it's hyperbole, which invalidates your point.



It's not. That's the problem.



I'm not "loosing" anything because you don't have an argument.



Feelings about cheating are derivatives of jealousy and possessiveness. You can argue that these feelings are "natural" but that's irrelevant.



Cheating may not be "normal" (which is relative) but it is natural. Regardless, this thread is not about "cheating", it's about dating more than one person. "Dating" is the stage before an exclusive relationship. So try staying on topic.

My delivery was not faulty..It where a few words. Not a whole text.

Never had a point. Making a remark that people use it as a excuse. And its good enough to get the message across. If you do not understand it. That is your problem. And you do understand it. Otherwise you could not have reacted about it not being human nature ( and that whole "discussion" ). So you are contradicting yourself here. If you did not understand you would not have responded like you did .
And you are loosing a argument. Because you a trying to have a discussion about something i am not talking about. And you keep contradicting yourself.
Again not going into the discussion with you. Gave my opinion, you deal with it...
And again not going into the discussion.....This thread is about: dating more then 1 person is that cheating? Because the thread starter may have said its not about cheating but he ended with this sentence:

My answer is NO, and if I found out the person I was dating was doing so, I would end the relationship.

Last time i checked that person is cheating. Because if you did not know it, you do not like it and you might not have a relation yet. But you do have a emotional investment. Its cheating. A relationship is just a social thing you would say

[Albert the fish]

i have a wife of 7 years and a committed girlfriend of 2 years and room for more in my life should any twists of fate occur.

overall i don't think it's more commonplace to date multiple people at once than it ever has been, but talking about it openly and opting in for established polyamory over cheating is probably on the rise. people are just being open about it lately and that's for the better i think.

[hynx]

with technology that mom and dad didnt have, its become increasingly easy to hook-up on the casual, or date in a more casual broader audience. in the beginning stages of any "relationship" dont expect your date to be exclusive, but dont hold any negative animosity if they do or dont. the casual nature of modern dating, is like that free wow trial, you have no idea if you are gonna actually "subscribe" to that potential relationship, but there is a cap, where you eventually have to make a decision to step forward, or back out of the potential dating partner. if you havent figured it out after 2 months, between multiple trial accounts....i mean dating partners, you are just an asshole wasting peoples time. even going forward, it doesnt necessarily imply a monogamy commitment, but that has to be hammered out going forward with the person you no longer want to just hook up with. primary polyamory for example could have one person who you focus most of your attention with, but since you want to do that one thing they think is revolting, you might have a couple secondary relationships that satisfy that. in turn your partner might be doing the same thing, and you try to be supportive of their secondary relationships as they in turn would be for you, as the secondary stress of those secondary relationships could (and usually do) put strain on the primary relationship, hence the working together for the subset GF/BF's; as long as neglect of the primary doesnt occur. it takes work to juggle that fairly.

[anakin57]

I think it's completely common when it's not an exlusive relationship - I mean, you gotta find the right person so why limit yourself from the start?

[satimy]

Depends on how serious the dating is? When I was younger I would go out with multiple women in a week, but I also wasn’t promising to be monogamous nor was I expecting the. To be

[Shaderas]

I think it's more common for women to date multiple men at once then it is for men to date multiple women at once. Not making any commentary about it, just an evidence based on my past experiences and experiences of friends