Ugly cry. Has anyone ever seen it?

[Doctor Amadeus]

Ok, I'd say you give it a try then and go open up and cry in front of your girlfriend/wife. Let's see how long that lasts.

Lol don’t fake it. Don’t cry is fine. But when you are hurt if you are ever hurt and you can’t express that, it actually harms you like as in your brain biologically.

It also has other drawbacks like anger people who can’t grieve turn to anger because they view it as safer because they are more fragile. The same with happiness but the worst you can do is fake it. If you don’t feel like crying you shouldn’t feel expected too either.

[Deleted]

He is a bit wrong. I know a lot of women who dont mind when men cry cause it usually means they are less likely to vent their emotions through anger

It would depend a lot on your social circles, ages, cultures, etc.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Yeah..in which case, I have not had that situation where the ugly cry would come out. I guess my live has just been too uneventful and good for that. A job I like, actually a hobby that became a job, a long and happy relationship that ended respectfully, a family where we love each other and no major health problems around me.

Honestly good never wish it would on you but should it happen you find out real quick how heavy hits ya. I’d say you’re closest relative hell even a close pet can know before you do that you’re going to break.

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It would depend a lot on your social circles, ages, cultures, etc.

Not really women just like men follow the leader have a father who can never show compassion I’ll show you a daughter a son and a wife that cope the same way.

Most people don’t feel love not being able to connect to those most important to them.

[StayTuned]

Ok, I'd say you give it a try then and go open up and cry in front of your girlfriend/wife. Let's see how long that lasts.

Wtf. Your wife is there for you. If you can't cry in front of her, then where can you? Maybe you should move on to adult relationships that involve actual emotions.

Personally I don't like to cry but I shed one or two tears in my life. I'm emotionally stable enough tho to not completely break down and lose it.

[Deleted]

Not really women just like men follow the leader have a father who can never show compassion I’ll show you a daughter a son and a wife that cope the same way.

Most people don’t feel love not being able to connect to those most important to them.

Change always comes from somewhere, not every child ends up with the same philosophies as their parents. Slowly it degrades unless reinforced by society.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Too bad this is now derailing into a "Lets hate Deruyter" thread.

Thing is, I am also a rational person that keeps his emotions in. So I can deal with death, not only all my pets, or my grandparents - but also two years ago my mother's death.

And I understand how people can be like that. Fair enough if people think that is "bad" - so let out your emotions if you can, good for you...but don't judge the ones who ...by choice or by lack of empathy cannot

Well just sharing perspectives I get what you’re saying though. People process emotions in different ways.

[Shinra1]

Only my family has seen me cry. I think crying is a sign of weakness so I always remain stoic and nonchallant when I'm out with friends/colleagues and hold back the tears. If I have to cry, I'll go into the rest room stall.

[Vordie]

Ok, I'd say you give it a try then and go open up and cry in front of your girlfriend/wife. Let's see how long that lasts.

Actual quote from my sister:

"He started crying in front of me and it was the actual cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life, I've never felt so connected to a human being before in my life. It was like he trusted me more than anyone in the world."

They're still together, since they were 16 years old. 32 now with 2 kids.

I've never had an experience with any of my 6 best friends, coming to me and saying "oh my god I can't believe he CRIED in front of me". In fact it's always been the opposite, any time any of the guys have cried, there has been a huge amount of compassion towards him.

If your girlfriend would leave you cause you cried in front of her, because you expressed a HUMAN EMOTION that everyone feels, then she's not good enough to be your girlfriend.

There's something about a man that is comfortable enough with himself to cry in front of you that is just so beautiful, going against the stupid societal "men don't cry" bullshit. You call it "one of the worst things a man can do", I call it one of the best.

Now on topic:

I don't think I've actually ugly cried in front of anyone. It got pretty close when my grandfather died but I just walked out of the chapel for a little while. Not cause I didn't feel comfortable with people seeing me cry, but because I wanted to experience that feeling alone (and I kinda felt like fresh air would help, spoilers, it didn't).

[Doctor Amadeus]

Change always comes from somewhere, not every child ends up with the same philosophies as their parents. Slowly it degrades unless reinforced by society.

I think that’s true but what if a social structure no longer knows how. We’re talking about grief but like Joy or Anger what about those. We live in a age where we do face to face less and as movies and entertainment become part of that mirror we see. How do emotions and processing get reinforced?

[Deleted]

I don't think anyone has seen me cry as an adult. Mostly because I don't hang out with other people and if I do tear up it's in my room watching Indonesian claymations, listening to music or something.

[Drusin]

Ugly cry. Has anyone ever seen yours?

At this point I'm thinking "when was the last time I cried at all"

When was the last time you did open up to someone you trust?

By crying? Never, no one outside of the family members who beat me as a child has seen a single tear come from my face unless I was laughing my ass off.

Or when was the last time you were there for some one else.

I recall exactly 1 person crying in my presence 6 years ago. It was at that point I began telling that person to stop being stupid, 6 years later I'm pretty sure they don't cry anymore either lol.

I think that’s the real sense of a kind of relationship you can’t ever really have online with someone you never met and have no investment in what do you think?

"Stop that crying you'll get no pity from me. You think your tears'll stop charlie from taking his bayonet and sticking it into your little tiny heart?"

[Drusin]

And the cycle of abuse continues ever onward

[Ghostpanther]

Other men will lose respect for you- and women are repulsed by you if you cry as a man.

It can actually kill a relationship faster than a cheating SO I read somewhere.

Depends on why they are crying. The last time I cried was when my youngest son came back home safely from his first tour in Iraq during Desert Storm, when the fighting was heavy around Mosul. He was a combat soldier with the 82nd Airborne. Call it tears of relief. And what others would think? I really do not give a shit. Those I love have no issues with it. They are mature enough to know a strong person can on occasion, cry and this in no way makes them less of a man.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Depends on why they are crying. The last time I cried was when my youngest son came back home safely from his first tour in Iraq when the fighting was heavy around Mosul. He was a combat soldier with the 82nd Airborne. Call it tears of relief. And what others would think? I really do not give a shit. Those I love have no issues with it. They are mature enough to know a strong person can on occasion, cry and this in no way makes them less of a man.

I agree with you this, totally, the only notable exceptions I would say is something you touched on which is the military.

If you are in any kind of command structure, losing it can't be an option, not for yourself but others see you break, I can't imagine that is good. I think personally some of the strongest men in those rare times of their weakness would go to their grave letting you know they never seen it.

In other situations at the right time I think it can help you keep your sanity.

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At this point I'm thinking "when was the last time I cried at all"


By crying? Never, no one outside of the family members who beat me as a child has seen a single tear come from my face unless I was laughing my ass off.


I recall exactly 1 person crying in my presence 6 years ago. It was at that point I began telling that person to stop being stupid, 6 years later I'm pretty sure they don't cry anymore either lol.



"Stop that crying you'll get no pity from me. You think your tears'll stop charlie from taking his bayonet and sticking it into your little tiny heart?"

[video=youtube;3t_hPzI4c1k[/video]

Under no circumstances are you to cry eh? LOL I actually remembered this movie, especially the monster in the bed closet scene.

[Ghostpanther]

I agree with you this, totally, the only notable exceptions I would say is something you touched on which is the military.

If you are in any kind of command structure, losing it can't be an option, not for yourself but others see you break, I can't imagine that is good. I think personally some of the strongest men in those rare times of their weakness would go to their grave letting you know they never seen it.

In other situations at the right time I think it can help you keep your sanity.

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Yeah, that would be a different situation. Mine was just a emotional response from being very concerned about my son's safety fighting a war which I hated anyway. To lose a son to that damn war, would have been more than disgusting and tragic.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Yeah, that would be a different situation. Mine was just a emotional response from being very concerned about my son's safety fighting a war which I hated anyway. To lose a son to that damn war, would have been more than disgusting and tragic.

Yeah I agree, which is why I disagreed with the silly idea that to do so ever shows weakness, I say it's to the contrary means you are afraid to show love which is a strength. It shows you actually give a damn about what is important.

[Deleted]

I agree with you this, totally, the only notable exceptions I would say is something you touched on which is the military.

If you are in any kind of command structure, losing it can't be an option, not for yourself but others see you break, I can't imagine that is good. I think personally some of the strongest men in those rare times of their weakness would go to their grave letting you know they never seen it.

In other situations at the right time I think it can help you keep your sanity.

Crying is not a weakness, it is a form of expression that show vulnerability. However not crying does not mean there is no vulnerability, it only create the illusion there is not a vulnerability. So yes in some context it is something to avoid, in order to keep cohesion, leaders should not show their fears, doubts or other emotions. That is also why when one single person is bursting out, other tends to rationalize the situation.

But yeah, proof of vulnerability is not a weakness, vulnerability is there no matter what and showing it does not really hurt except when stupid social norms applies. Suppressing an emotion is not control, on the contrary it's a sign of lack of control. I can't laugh in public for some reason, that does not mean I'm the male alpha (another stupid made up expression with no back up). I noticed a lot of people tends to judge emotions but without considering their usefulness. Yes sadness, guilt and shame sucks a lot, however those are tools and have their utility. Denying those will only result in people not learning from their mistakes.
The shame of crying is not an universal concept, so it is an arbitrary norm that does nothing good in life.

To OP (who seems to create personal files on everybody for some reasons), I mostly cried when I'm alone because I have the time to think more deeply about stuff, and that include some sad stuff and in public thanks to empathy, watching or reading sad/happy things tends to make me sad/happy for obvious reasons.

[Queen of Hamsters]

I've only seen my dad "ugly cry" once, which was when our dog died. He grew as a person to me then. I think it's usually a case of men fostering a culture of "crying is for weak losers!!", and it's detrimental to themselves.

I didn't "ugly cry" then, in fact I didn't cry at all. I shut down the moment it was decided, lost 6 months and came out on the other side with an anxiety disorder.

[Laerrus]

It has been many years since I did an "ugly cry". Last time was about 9 years ago, when a girl I was dating online, supposedly lost her children in a freak car accident. I broke down like a bitch over vent.

Here's the shitty part. Later it came to light that her children were an invention to try and lure an ex back long before I met her. Myself and some former friends think she changed her narrative because our own relationship was getting serious at the time, and she needed a way out of the lie because she really did not have kids. There's much, much more to this story, but that I for another time and place.

The only other time I did an "ugly cry" in my adult years was when I got completely smashed at a party many years ago, I think I was 26. The hosts were understanding, took my keys and made me sleep it off in their spare bedroom. I think it was stress that I had bottled up finally making it's way to the surface.

Other men will lose respect for you- and women are repulsed by you if you cry as a man.

It can actually kill a relationship faster than a cheating SO I read somewhere.

What you read is outdated and far from the truth.

Tween boys and far right-wing types will lose respect for you, real men are not bugged by such a thing. Just like masturbation, farting and belching, it is a completely normal human function. I often "quiet cry" (eyes well up and occasionally stream down the corners of my eye) while watching a movie. It is usually when someone makes an ultimate sacrifice or if there is an extremely happy moment. My Wife actually likes it. We have 4 kids and have been together for 8 years.

[mvaliz]

Other men will lose respect for you- and women are repulsed by you if you cry as a man.

It can actually kill a relationship faster than a cheating SO I read somewhere.

Lol... whatevs. :P

If a woman needs a man to not cry, she's got issues herself to deal with.

I've said in my life "Boy's don't cry... only real men have the courage to admit they cry when they need to".