Relationship question.

[Violent]

Would you be upset, (on a scale of 1 - 10), if your significant other called their Ex by affectionate names, such as "Baby, Honey, Babe, Sweetie", and the like AND says, "I love you", while they are in a relationship with YOU, but only says those things, not in front of you, but behind your back? AND THEN, hid it from you and denied it?

A little back story; I've been with this girl for almost 3 years now. "Ryna", actually it's Ryan, is her ex-husband of like 4+ years ago. I found this today, (don't ask me how, I just did, period.) And they did not end it on a good note at all. And they are not, er, at least so I thought "friends" of any sort.

(Apparently I'm paranoid and crazy because this pissed me right off.)

Agree? or Disagree?
(Clarification: She (my GF), sent Him (her ex-husband) this message. WHILE with me.)

[cuafpr]

nope i'd be pissed to. sounds like its time for a heart to hear talk but she is going to want to know how you found out.

[Violent]

nope i'd be pissed to. sounds like its time for a heart to hear talk but she is going to want to know how you found out.

Honestly, she saved her PW to her Gmail, on the PC. I logged in and saw an email to from that particular site, stating her PW for the site was changed to "blah, blah". So I said fuck it, (if I didn't find anything, no big deal right?) and logged in to the site.. Then I seen the only contacts she had for it was her mother, brother, and ex-husband. I (of course) had to read the messages sent to her ex.

Was that wrong of me?

[cuafpr]

Honestly, she saved her PW to her Gmail, on the PC. I logged in and saw an email to from that particular site, stating her PW for the site was changed to "blah, blah". So I said fuck it, (if I didn't find anything, no big deal right?) and logged in to the site.. Then I seen the only contacts she had for it was her mother, brother, and ex-husband. I (of course) had to read the messages sent to her ex.

Was that wrong of me?

ya know I"m going to say it depends ... i had an g/f once where things went cold and just felt off.. She feel asleep one night with phone unocked and i checked, more so hoping to get insight between her and friend as to what was going on... what i saw was a convo between her and another guy much like the one you found. She was beyond pissed i violated her privacy and i was pissed as the convo... it went south.

So in short just be ready for a fight... did you suspect anything at all b4?

[Mojo03]

Human nature to be curious.

I'd be concerned too. It's definitely not appropriate/disrespectful to you.

[A Chozo]

Looks shady, dude. Go talk to the woman.

If it ends = you dodged a bullet.

[Valdaram]

ya know I"m going to say it depends ... i had an g/f once where things went cold and just felt off.. She feel asleep one night with phone unocked and i checked, more so hoping to get insight between her and friend as to what was going on... what i saw was a convo between her and another guy much like the one you found. She was beyond pissed i violated her privacy and i was pissed as the convo... it went south.

So in short just be ready for a fight... did you suspect anything at all b4?

I had a similar thing happen with an EX. She left her messenger open on my phone (lol right) So I ended up catching her talk to another guy, However when I proceeded to question her about it she was more guilty about what she had done than angry at me for snooping in her messages.

If she truly gets mad at you for that when you already should not really have secrets with one another anyway then you probably deserve better.

[Violent]

ya know I"m going to say it depends ... i had an g/f once where things went cold and just felt off.. She feel asleep one night with phone unocked and i checked, more so hoping to get insight between her and friend as to what was going on... what i saw was a convo between her and another guy much like the one you found. She was beyond pissed i violated her privacy and i was pissed as the convo... it went south.

So in short just be ready for a fight... did you suspect anything at all b4?

Yeah, I did. We hit a rough patch not too long ago, because.. Well fuck it, because like 2 weeks after our 2nd year anniversary she left me out of the blue, for an ex of 13! years ago... With no explanation, no nothing and ignored me for 11 weeks. Then she came back to me, telling me how much of a mistake that was and "blah blah blah"..
I took her back, because A) I'm an idiot. & B) I really DO love her.. A LOT. I wanted to marry this girl.

But I told her, the trust will need to be worked on and shit like that.

[KainneAbsolute]

It isnt appropriate. I had a similar situation with an ex, I talked to my ex that she was the one to handle the situation because I didnt feel comfortable. She talked to guy that its not ok and the guy understood. In fact the guy took distance from her; I broke with her two years ago and i think he stopped talking to her.

[Speaknoevil]

I get messages like this from exes all the time.

I do not answer these messages most of the time, sometimes I respond with a pity answer "haha yeah im having a good day."

You however crossed the line in a big way.

Receiving these messages means nothing, but your violation of privacy would be a deal breaker for a lot of women, myself included.

[Shinrael]

Would you be upset, (on a scale of 1 - 10), if your significant other called their Ex by affectionate names, such as "Baby, Honey, Babe, Sweetie", and the like AND says, "I love you", while they are in a relationship with YOU, but only says those things, not in front of you, but behind your back? AND THEN, hid it from you and denied it?

A little back story; I've been with this girl for almost 3 years now. "Ryna", actually it's Ryan, is her ex-husband of like 4+ years ago. I found this today, (don't ask me how, I just did, period.) And they did not end it on a good note at all. And they are not, er, at least so I thought "friends" of any sort.

(Apparently I'm paranoid and crazy because this pissed me right off.)

Agree? or Disagree?

Oh boy... I just recently broke up with my Japanese girlfriend for the second time And guess why! Yeah, we kinda had a similar story. Both times. Except second time I had expected it and had prepared for it and had planned a good countermove, so to say. Either way, I think this is beyond obvious to not just me, but to you and to anyone else who sees it - she is cheating. And if she really is not, then she is about to. Keeping secrets in a relationship never ends well. If your partner cares about you they will notice that you are keeping something. And problems will follow. And if they don't care about you that much, well, then you already have a big problem right there. Question is, how will you react to her cheating. Will you forgive once, like I did (though I just wanted to play around with her and wasn't serious the second time around) and end up making things worse for both of you by always doubting her? Or will you break up with her on the spot, like I did and end up alone and empty now that she is gone?

Ofcourse it depends a lot on what kind of a person you are, but certainly, she isn't the best kind of a person, is she? You have my sympathy, friend. Cheating isn't the type of problem one can easily "fix" by talking things through and out. Forgiveness is like the peace within a post-apocalyptic world. It's a lie. Every time she goes out with "friends" you will doubt her. Every time she says she is tired and doesn't want to have sex, you will doubt her. Every time you see her smiling to some guy, you will doubt her. I couldn't take that anymore and ended things a second time, but hopefully once and for all. I will be a lone and empty for a while, but I hope that one day I will find someone else to fill the hole.

I hope you can make something good of the experience I shared with you.

[Speaknoevil]

Either way, I think this is beyond obvious to not just me, but to you and to anyone else who sees it - she is cheating.

Wrong.

Nothing less attractive than an insecure man.

[Violent]

I get messages like this from exes all the time.

I do not answer these messages most of the time, sometimes I respond with a pity answer "haha yeah im having a good day."

You however crossed the line in a big way.

Receiving these messages means nothing, but your violation of privacy would be a deal breaker for a lot of women, myself included.

But WHO is in violation here? If you have shit to hide, you can't be trusted. If you can't be trusted, you shouldn't pretend or act as if you can be. Which leads to, if you can't be trusted there's no reason to commit to someone and PRETEND as if commitment doesn't entail being faithful.

[Pebrocks The Warlock]

Dude, run. Get out of that relationship NOW. She is 100% cheating on you.

[Violent]

Wrong.

Nothing less attractive than an insecure man.

Ummm, maybe I wouldn't be insecure about the relationship, if she hadn't PROVED that she can't be trusted with commitment or being faithful.

[Speaknoevil]

But WHO is in violation here? If you have shit to hide, you can't be trusted. If you can't be trusted, you shouldn't pretend or act as if you can be. Which leads to, if you can't be trusted there's no reason to commit to someone and PRETEND as if commitment doesn't entail being faithful.

Getting awkward messages from exes isn't shit to hide. TBH I don't answer usually and hope they stop eventually, you do not have the right to know everything though, you are in violation.

Your insecurity, paranoia and violation of privacy are more than enough reasons to dump you though and if you don't get a handle on these things you will be forever alone.

[Violent]

Getting awkward messages from exes isn't shit to hide. TBH I don't answer usually and hope they stop eventually, you do not have the right to know everything though, you are in violation.

Your insecurity, paranoia and violation of privacy are more than enough reasons to dump you though and if you don't get a handle on these things you will be forever alone.

No No, SHE sent HIM that message. And there is more than just 1.

[Speaknoevil]

No No, SHE sent HIM the message. And there is more than just 1.

Oh, break up then. Cheaters don't change. They are insecure and they HAVE to cheat to feel like they are important, because in a new or rekindled relationship they get renewed validation that isn't and cannot be present in a long term committed relationship.

[Violent]

Oh, break up then. Cheaters don't change. They are insecure and they HAVE to cheat to feel like they are important, because in a new or rekindled relationship they get renewed validation that isn't and cannot be present in a long term committed relationship.

So okay, but then do you still find what I did as a violation?

[Speaknoevil]

So okay, but then do you still find what I did as a violation?

Yes it is still a violation.

This is one of those no right answer situations, it is not okay to go through someone's things without permission and it is not okay to cheat. What she did is a lot worse, but.. yeah.