'I want to explain arranged marriage to white people'

[Deleted]

Are you against arranged marriages, pro, or indifferent?

When Pakistani designer Nashra Balagamwala produced a board game about arranged marriage, most news reports about her wrongly assumed she was dead against it. Actually her position is far more nuanced. And one goal is to explain to people in the UK and elsewhere how it works.

"People in the West often confuse arranged marriages with forced marriages," Nashra Balagamwala says, on the phone from Islamabad. "They go by a lot of what they see in the press. The acid attacks. The so-called honour killings. The complete absence of choice. My game was not meant to be part of that dialogue."

Balagamwala's board game, Arranged!, is far from an advert for arranged marriage. Its central character is a matchmaker "auntie" eagerly trying to chase down three girls while they attempt and outwit her and delay marriage.

Players create distance from the auntie, and impending marriage, by drawing cards with commands like "You were seen at the mall with boys. The auntie moves three spaces away from you." Other cards that put auntie off include "Your older sister married a white man", or "The auntie finds out you used tampons before marriage." (Many in South Asia believe that a tampon is an indication of sexual activity.)

Balagamwala says the game has a dual purpose. One is to start a dialogue among South-Asian families on what is expected of women.

"I wanted to create an innocent platform where families could talk about some of the silly aspects of my culture, in a non-confrontational way. Like how a 'good girl' knows how to make a good cup of chai and doesn't have male friends.

"Secondly, I wanted to explain arranged marriage to white people, so they could better understand the nuance of South Asian traditions."

Balagamwala was at the Rhode Island School of Design in the US when she came up with the idea.

"I was about to head home to Pakistan at the end of the year, and I had some proposals waiting for me, so I started stalking the Facebook accounts of those guys to find something about them that my parents wouldn't approve of, so I could get out of meeting them. And then I thought to myself, 'Why not get rid of the problem once and for all?' So I created a list of every ridiculous thing I've done to get out of an arranged marriage and turned it into this light-hearted board game."

She tested her game out on her friends, a mixture of South Asians and white Americans.

An American male friend was in fits of laughter while playing. He admitted to Balagamwala that he'd been worried the game would trivialise the subject, but said that he now had a better understanding of it.

Encouraged by the reaction of her friends, and frustrated by her family's endless questions about when she would settle down, Balagamwala set up a Kickstarter page to help fund her game.

"Gaming is my therapy," she says. "Making board games soothes me. I've made others too, but they are too controversial for a South Asian audience."

Continued HERE

[Deleted]

Seems fairly racist to think that ALL white people can't understand such a simple thing?
Also white people live in almost every country in the world and are from 100's of countries. Generalizing is bad.

[Grimbold21]

The West had and understands arranged marriages. We just don't do it anymore

[Zantos]

Any credibility they had went out the window the moment they made a racist statement like that. I mean, there are plenty of times when an arranged marriage can become a forced marriage since the only thing required to be a forced marriage is for one of the parties to not consent to the marriage in the first place. Like what is done at times for political or economical power that benefits the parents or clan more then the individual.

[Deleted]

Haha, WTH is this.

Players create distance from the auntie, and impending marriage, by drawing cards with commands like "You were seen at the mall with boys. The auntie moves three spaces away from you." Other cards that put auntie off include "Your older sister married a white man", or "The auntie finds out you used tampons before marriage." (Many in South Asia believe that a tampon is an indication of sexual activity.)

Balagamwala says the game has a dual purpose. One is to start a dialogue among South-Asian families on what is expected of women.

"I wanted to create an innocent platform where families could talk about some of the silly aspects of my culture, in a non-confrontational way. Like how a 'good girl' knows how to make a good cup of chai and doesn't have male friends."

"Secondly, I wanted to explain arranged marriage to white people, so they could better understand the nuance of South Asian traditions."

[Doctor Amadeus]

Oh and I am against arranged marriages, it's stupid when any race or culture decides to do it.

[minteK917]

Nobody in the west confuse shit. If you are part of an arranged marriage and want to marry, its an arranged marriage. If you are part of an arranged marriage and want to get the fuck out, its forced marriage. Forcing people to do stuff is always wrong, no matter your culture, religion or what ever else shit you think give you the rights to remove someone elses.

[Ozzyorcborne]

Of all the stupid things to turn into a board game....But then again looking at the source of the game I cant say surprised. They're obsessed with marriage and spitting out kids like a gumball machine.

[Allenseiei]

People really like to put white in front of words now a days. I could already guess the content and the inclination of a person who puts race their sentences this way. Also "arranged" marriage has been a thing everywhere, so there's no need to explain it to everyone.
Half of the article is stereotyping an extremely broad amount of people and also proving that as long as you put "white" in front of anything you can belittle them as much as you want without recieving backlash.

The answer to her article is simple: People who mix those things up are misinformed or dont know the definition of the word. There are many more people who actually know what arranged marriage is. Part of the reason why people confuse it is that many times you do have a lot of pressure to not opt out of the arrangement, which can easily make it a forced marriage.

To answer the OP, I am not against arranged marriage as long as you can refuse without any extra consecuences.

[Dispraise]

well, that's fuckin' stupid.

Is she under the impression that "white" cultures have never had arranged marriages?

[ro9ue]

We have this in the west it's called matchmaking.

If someone else helps select your mate, but you can still decline - matchmaking.

But if someone else selects your mate and you disagree but still have to - forced.

We don't do that because its unethical. Our system is better. Simple really.

[Player Twelve]

Why would we need it explained to us what arranged marriage is? I already know what it is without someone like that targeting me due to my race and assuming I don't know what it is because I'm white.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Why would we need it explained to us what arranged marriage is? I already know what it is without someone like that targeting me due to my race and assuming I don't know what it is because I'm white.

You need a lot of things explained to you, none of which has a damn thing do with your race.

[Kathandira]

Should a white person make a board game to explain free choice to pakastaki's? You know, so we can "explain chosen marriage to brown people"?

This is ridiculous.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Should a white person make a board game to explain free choice to pakastaki's? You know, so we can "explain chosen marriage to brown people"?

This is ridiculous.

Sure if you want to get on the news and be famous for a little bit, go for it.

[Kathandira]

Sure if you want to get on the news and be famous for a little bit, go for it.

Nah. Not worth the time or effort, much like this game.

[Karaoke]

We have this in the west it's called matchmaking.

If someone else helps select your mate, but you can still decline - matchmaking.

But if someone else selects your mate and you disagree but still have to - forced.

We don't do that because its unethical. Our system is better. Simple really.

I'm not so sure on that. Granted there are other factors at play (cultural, etc) but when half of the outcomes of the 'better' system end up failing (divorce), you may want to consider how you measure success.

[ro9ue]

I'm not so sure on that. Granted there are other factors at play (cultural, etc) but when half of the outcomes of the 'better' system end up failing (divorce), you may want to consider how you measure success.

I don't consider divorce "failure". Also if in the clearly worse system you can't get divorced at all - not exactly a reliable comparison.

[Karaoke]

I don't consider divorce "failure". Also if in the clearly worse system you can't get divorced at all - not exactly a reliable comparison.

You're comparing both entry and exit of a marriage. I agree not being able to exit vs freedom to exit is generally worse. Maybe it's the freedom of exit that is a primary driver of divorce and not bad matchmaking...who knows?

However for entry (arranged, matchmaking, etc) I think there are a lot of people who would benefit from an arranged marriage, especially younger adults who may not fully understand what's important in a relationship.

[psiko74]

I don't care about arranged marriages, unless your marrying a child, then its just wrong.