why do people like/swipe everyone on dating pages?

[Hilhen7]

What a fucking retarded thing to say. Men don't need to change the "behavior" of other men. This is reminiscent of the mentality that women should find a man they can "mold" into what they want. It's absurd. Men, like women, are who and what they are. The notion that one should change for others is completely backwards. Any relationship, whether intimate or not, is not about compliance or even compromise. It's about acceptance. If you don't like who someone is, too fucking bad. And if we're going to be realistic here, the false grandiosity of women is a much bigger problem than men who are bitter.

One of the reasons why divorce is so common. People expect others to conform or change to make them happy, instead of accepting the good with the bad.

[Azadina]

God you're so dishonest. This is pathetic. Just stop.

At least I'm not the one siding with incels. You couldn't even manage that. Why don't you find thicker skin or go someplace else, if you can't handle what I say, rather than cry for me to stop writing.

[Azadina]

No, you're just the one being ridiculously dishonest and you know it. No one "sided with incels". It's fucking pathetic how factually-bankrupt you've been over and over, probably just to fuck with people.

Ridiculously dishonest person complaining about others being dishonest.

I love this post because if it had been written by a man everyone would accuse them of being the next Elliot Rodger or something.

It's amazing to me how absolutely, utterly, completely self-absorbed society encourages women to be with regards to this topic. While simultaneously telling men that it's all their fault and they're just sad virgins (Or "incels" now) if they don't play along with it.

Speaking of which, the whole "incel" movement isn't really wrong. They're not really incorrect with their core gripes so much as they just blow them out of proportion. The whole concept of putting yourself out there for rejection over and over, trying to pursue a relationship, being one person in a bad mood away from being called a creep or harasser...just sounds like absolute hell and I'm glad I don't have to deal with it. Especially with Linadra's out there.

Seems like you siding with incels to me. Pathetic how you try to backpedal your extremely apparent support now. Keep writing however, it's just stronger confirmation of your support of them, even hinting towards you being part of that, or perhaps the near equivalent MGTOW.

[lollermittens]

The basis for the incel movement is utterly ridiculous.

I remember a thread on reddit where incels started sharing pictures of themselves with each other and the majority were... very normal (some quite attractive) looking guys.

Most men have been in a situation where a female they don't find attractive had a crush on them or obviously liked them. What was your reaction then? Probably dismissive or awkward.

Just because you put yourself out there and make an advance on a woman doesn't mean she owes you anything. Rejection and failure are some of the most important aspects of life. You're supposed to grow from these experiences. Not join an extremist support group that paints the opposite sex as some demonic race that conspires to fuck men over.

Getting rejected sucks. You opened yourself up to another human being and they didn't reciprocate the feeling. It really sucks.

But those kind of experiences are supposed to make you stronger, not weaker. You learn to expect rejection and become emotionally prepared for it.

Seriously, build a backbone. Nobody owes you anything, especially when it comes to matters of (and I hate using that word since its lost all meaning) love.

[Deleted]

God, sometimes I wish I am single in the tinder era.
I would swipe right everyone just to see how in demand I am. I would probably work on the 8s and 9s, while casually leading on the 6s and 7s to my need. And immediately block the fatties when matched.

[Slant]

The guys at work tell me its a numbers game for them. I dont like feeling they think of us in that way, but it is what it is i guess.

But it is. And you're only to blame for it yourself.

[lollermittens]

Like I said, a lot of their complaints have a seed of truth, but they blow it way out of proportion. Like men always having to be the ones to take the rejection while women lecture them on how they need to handle rejection better. It's not the end of the world and it doesn't make all women evil, but it's also the truth.

Like many support groups (that's what Incels are, it's just a twisted one) the complaints usually come from places of legitimate grievances. You're right that they take it to an extreme, unhealthy level (and dangerous, even deadly with that one Incel mass shooter).

However, I'll have to disagree wholeheartedly with the second part of what you said. I have been chased by women I had no desire to sleep with or have a relationship with. I rejected them categorically (sometimes nicely; sometimes like an asshole) in manners reminiscent to how I was rejected before.

It's a bit disingenuous to claim that women hold all the power in the dating narrative because that's not true. And as alluded in my previous post, I know you can reference at least one time in your life where some other woman probably liked you and you turned her down.

Again, I'm not saying it doesn't happen that men get rejected but let's not entirely blame it on women for being at fault. Societal norms are at play here: in Western society, the man is supposed to initiate. It's part of our culture and learned norms. You can have a debate whether or not that's wrong or right but with women wanting more independence, down the line, the act of initiating conversations with men won't classify as "sluts" or "whores" simply because they're making the first move. There's a very complicated historical narrative that people are starting to question: why are men supposed to make the first move? It's honestly a discussion for another thread but as it stands right, it's not the norm. You can accept it or be angry about it but I don't agree it gives women all the power as to whether or not you're going to get laid. There's so many more factors that goes into approaching women to initiate conversations or something more.

No one said they did, but likewise - in keeping with the topic of the thread - men also don't owe anyone a greater portion of their time or effort when - for example - sifting through those rejections. There's absolutely nothing wrong with them keeping their cards closer to their chest before someone actually shows interest since the overwhelming majority of their efforts will fail.

Refer to what I said previously. Just like a woman might be seeking a relationship on Tinder, she'll have to make the effort to reach out to the men she wiped right on. And vice-versa.

Also, men significantly outnumber women on these apps so it's not an equal 50-50 relationship.

It's funny because she's a very militant old school feminist, but she's also willing to be honest about aspects of the gender roles that suck for men rather than being defensive at the thought, which is pretty nice.

To be honest, the gender role that I'm expected to make the first move doesn't bother me. I've learned to deal with it. As I've gotten older, I'm a lot more reserved on who I approach and how I approach them. I can't remember the last time I hit on a woman at a bar; probably over 10 years ago.

It's not that big of a deal and I don't feel this is a bad thing for men. At least we're allowed to approach women in the first place. The fact that there is a norm that allows the freedom to approach women in certain settings is one that I enjoy and value very much.

[Mehrunes]

However, I'll have to disagree wholeheartedly with the second part of what you said. I have been chased by women I had no desire to sleep with or have a relationship with. I rejected them categorically (sometimes nicely; sometimes like an asshole) in manners reminiscent to how I was rejected before.

This makes little sense. You disagree with what is obviously @Bovinity Divinity's wide brush stroke portrayal of things, and not an absolutist statement (which is beyond clear because he just told you about a case where he was approached by a woman in the very same post you replied with this message to), yet just two paragraphs later (and at the end of your post) you admit it's a gender role. If it was even remotely equal, it wouldn't be a gender role. But it's not even remotely equal, which was kinda Bovinity's point.

It's a bit disingenuous to claim that women hold all the power in the dating narrative because that's not true. And as alluded in my previous post, I know you can reference at least one time in your life where some other woman probably liked you and you turned her down.

Online dating statistics (which are easiest to track due to their online nature, plus research into normal dating more often than not matches observations on online dating), particularly on more traditional sides where you contact people directly without having to match with them first, shows that stark majority of men don't get any messages from women initiating contact.

Again, I'm not saying it doesn't happen that men get rejected but let's not entirely blame it on women for being at fault. Societal norms are at play here: in Western society, the man is supposed to initiate. It's part of our culture and learned norms.

And which sex encourages any individual gender norm more? The one that benefits from it or the one that doesn't?

You can have a debate whether or not that's wrong or right but with women wanting more independence, down the line, the act of initiating conversations with men won't classify as "sluts" or "whores" simply because they're making the first move. There's a very complicated historical narrative that people are starting to question: why are men supposed to make the first move? It's honestly a discussion for another thread but as it stands right, it's not the norm.

How often does it actually happen? I've read plenty of feminist articles where the author decided to make an experiment and go on an initiating spree. Each time it ended with them deciding it's not for them. But not because they got called sluts and whores all the time (it did happen occasionally), but simply because "rejection sucks" reasons. Somehow they didn't use that as an opportunity to "build a backbone" and grow stronger like you suggested. Because they didn't have to.

You can accept it or be angry about it but I don't agree it gives women all the power as to whether or not you're going to get laid. There's so many more factors that goes into approaching women to initiate conversations or something more.

Which sex has more power though? The one that's forced to expose themselves again and again to other people and face rejection, or the one whose role is relegated to simply doing the rejecting (or accepting) other people's advances?

To be honest, the gender role that I'm expected to make the first move doesn't bother me. I've learned to deal with it. As I've gotten older, I'm a lot more reserved on who I approach and how I approach them. I can't remember the last time I hit on a woman at a bar; probably over 10 years ago.

It's not that big of a deal and I don't feel this is a bad thing for men. At least we're allowed to approach women in the first place. The fact that there is a norm that allows the freedom to approach women in certain settings is one that I enjoy and value very much.

And that's nothing more than your subjective opinion. Gender norms are a moronic "one size fits all" social constructs that has little value to individual people because neither men nor women come in just "one size".

[Yunaqt]

why do they do it? do they have no standards and would settle for anyone? isnt that kind of desperate of them to do that? not caring much about what their personality is or what they look like... why would anyone want to be with a person like that?

Because "what their personality is" is going to be gauged more on having a conversation with a match more than what written in their bio. You're going to get more of a feel for whether you're both a match for each other from that point and whether it is worth further investing in building a relationship.

[LedZeppelin]

It's exactly that mindset that makes these men unsuccessful with women. If you want to get women, the first thing you have to do is start to choose which women you want and don't wait for them to pick you. Throw away your dating apps and go out and approach women.

Except the most successful men in your scenario are the ones who approach the most. Whether on the dating app or not, women at the end of the day are still the choosers.

[Deleted]

They are lonely. You'd be surprised what desperation pushes people to do.

Why do you think the first Dick Pic was sent?

[Jonnusthegreat]

It's just the way the program is set up and how the basic concept of efficiency works. Why waste time reading about these wonderful people if you'll never have a chance to talk to them? Much less time to only have to read the profiles of people that are interested in you.

[Saverem]

why do they do it? do they have no standards and would settle for anyone? isnt that kind of desperate of them to do that? not caring much about what their personality is or what they look like... why would anyone want to be with a person like that?

If by "people" you mean "lonely/horny desperate men looking to get their D wet" then yes.

The only women autoswiping indiscriminately are bots...

[Deleted]

Except the most successful men in your scenario are the ones who approach the most. Whether on the dating app or not, women at the end of the day are still the choosers.

If you approach, then you choose who to approach. Unless you approach every woman you meet. But no one would do that.

[LedZeppelin]

If you approach, then you choose who to approach. Unless you approach every woman you meet. But no one would do that.

Men do the approaching, women do the choosing. Men approaching = hey im available, then the women chooses to do w/e with him.

This concept is old as time.

[Mormolyce]

If you think that all guys do the same, you are wrong.
If you think that girls don’t do the same, you are wrong.

I mean, not all guys are like that and some girls are like that, but the generalisation is fairly accurate.

Women do the choosing,you don't get to be picky as a guy unless you're a rich 10/10

I'm not rich and I'm pretty picky *shrug*.

I think it's a bad thought pattern a lot of guys get into. They're so desperate to be "picked" as you put it that they conceal their true personality and feelings and go through a maze of lies just to end up with someone they might not even be suited to. I think fundamentally it's rooted in poor self esteem.

It's like the old joke where the guy stands on the corner asking every woman who passes if they want to have sex.

He gets slapped a lot but he also gets a lot of sex.

I wouldn't say a lot, and it depends what this guy looks like, Hobo Pete probably isn't getting anything but a ride to the police station. But sure if you're indiscriminate enough you can increase the number of people you sleep with, that's kind of obvious. I mean, just decide you're okay with sleeping with fat ugly or old people and you've massively expanded your candidate list right there.

Also I wish I lived in some cartoon world where women actually slapped you if you said inappropriate things.

- - - Updated - - -

Men do the approaching, women do the choosing. Men approaching = hey im available, then the women chooses to do w/e with him.

This concept is old as time.

Usually, not always though. Men are typically more forward than women are. But I've been approached by women before. Some of them were hot too.

[Deleted]

Men do the approaching, women do the choosing. Men approaching = hey im available, then the women chooses to do w/e with him.

This concept is old as time.

If you're approaching, you've already chosen. You are the chooser.

[Dziubla]

If you're approaching, you've already chosen. You are the chooser.

Doesn't matter that he "chose". Unless the woman also chooses him, nothing will happen. Her choice is the only one that actually matters in dating/relationships. Women like to pretend how they're poor little helpess victims (that is, when they're not pretending to be strong and independent), and yet they have the most important power of all : the power of choice.

And if we follow Maslow's hierarchy of needs, where love/belonging is the third most important thing in our lives (after physiological needs and safety), then the Power of Choice in dating/relationships becomes one of the most important powers/privileges there is. Yet, somehow, we keep hearing how men are privileged constantly, yet never hear a word about female privilege.

[Deleted]

Doesn't matter that he "chose". Unless the woman also chooses him, nothing will happen.

That's not choosing, that's reciprocating.

[Flutterguy]

If I'm trying to catch a fish, I can throw out a single line or I can put out a net.