Ladies do you fear for your life when you reject a guy? Men do you get violent?

[Kraenen]

It literally says that she's reading a book with her headphones in. If I'm in that scenario..I do not want to be disturbed.

Same here to some degree. My point is we don't really have a coherent, unified culture regarding social conventions such as these, and there really isn't any way we could have that living in a multicultural society. Ideally I'd like to have a culture where we've agreed on things like the conventions for "person does not wish to talk with others", but I find it hard to get much of a rally for this with the overlying political rhetoric surrounding diversity.

The flip side is some people are actually open to talking to people even when reading a book and/or listening to music. Your own subjective preferences don't dictate how others are carrying themselves, do they? It seems so obvious that everyone else should just agree, right?

[sarahtasher]

And let's be clear here. I say that interrupting someone reading/listening music is rude. It's not criminal. Just boorish and uncouth. If someone that I don't know hit me with small talk, my immediate reaction is ''religious sect'' or ''scam''.

I also say that a lot of the people who say here that this okay to hit on people (for some reason, I don't think fedorah clad dudes try to talk with ladies that would be desperate for social interaction, such as the ones at the retirement ones), despite their pretentions, strike me as the kind of individuals who would take extremely poorly rejection.

[urasim]

Depends on the setting, I suppose. Public Park or the beach? Might be safe enough because those are relaxation places. Coffee shop or airport should be an automatic no because the infinately higher chance of you not wanting to interact and instead get shit done / distract yourself.

I don't agree, but that's fine. My wife chats it up with everyone and no one seems to mind. Made lots of friends over the years from those settings.

[sarahtasher]

No, it's a clue that she is at least not completely adverse to books and music. Everything else is guess work you came up with due to your own baggage. Her reaction to being spoken to will depend entirely on the person that dares to approach her. Not everyone uses simple means of entertainment as a substitute shield to hide behind because of social inadequacies.

Seriously, that society has degenerated to the point that anti-social people like me, who neither would talk to others out of the blue, nor want to be spoken to, need to speak up for a modicum of tolerance in basic social interactions is just pitiful..

Go in public transportation in France or elsewhere (I say France because say, French are not exactly known for being antisocial)

[Crissi]

I don't agree, but that's fine. My wife chats it up with everyone and no one seems to mind. Made lots of friends over the years from those settings.

I think a random passing comment when no one is distracted is pretty different from going up to a person busy with stuff and trying to distract them from it. unless your wife does that. Then...I suppose I admire her bravery but I'd likely to just straight go for "fuck off", given my anxiety issues.

[Evil Midnight Bomber]

Same here to some degree. My point is we don't really have a coherent, unified culture regarding social conventions such as these, and there really isn't any way we could have that living in a multicultural society. Ideally I'd like to have a culture where we've agreed on things like the conventions for "person does not wish to talk with others", but I find it hard to get much of a rally for this with the overlying political rhetoric surrounding diversity.

The flip side is some people are actually open to talking to people even when reading a book and/or listening to music. Your own subjective preferences don't dictate how others are carrying themselves, do they?

Sure, other people are not me...but they shouldn't be upset or surprised when i refuse to engage with them in those circumstances.

Also, body language can tell you a lot. You can often tell if someone is or is not in a receptive mood to getting chatted up by a total stranger.

[Stelio Kontos]

I don't bother women who are at work or on public transit.

First off because it's not the right situation for socializing. And second, I'd never use public transportation unless I absolutely had to.

I'm not desperate enough for female attention I have to bother a barista or girl on the bus. There are social environments where flirting is fine, and neither work nor public transportation are such environments.

[Kraenen]

Seriously, that society has degenerated to the point that anti-social people like me, who neither would talk to others out of the blue, nor want to be spoken to, need to speak up for a modicum of tolerance in basic social interactions is just pitiful..

I don't think it should be labelled "degenerate" if a subculture wishes to act that way. That's just their preference, depending on how open they are. It's fine if they're more of a socially-closed people. We just don't have consistent conventions, and given the variety in cultural conventions across the world (and that we live in a multicultural society) we won't ever.

- - - Updated - - -

Sure, other people are not me...but they shouldn't be upset or surprised when i refuse to engage with them in those circumstances.

Also, body language can tell you a lot. You can often tell if someone is or is not in a receptive mood to getting chatted up by a total stranger.

Your refusal is pending their approach in the first place. Absent strong cultural conventions, I wouldn't want to make assumptions about someone's wishes based on looks alone. I don't see the issue in simply greeting someone, and if that someone refuses to engage/respond, leave that person alone. Is that really so unreasonable?

[urasim]

I think a random passing comment when no one is distracted is pretty different from going up to a person busy with stuff and trying to distract them from it. unless your wife does that. Then...I suppose I admire her bravery but I'd likely to just straight go for "fuck off", given my anxiety issues.

Whenever she sees someone reading a book she talks to them about it. People listening to music not so much. People are extremely nice and she never gets turned down from a conversation.

I've been told to fuck off before from Christians, but that was because I was wearing things like my 311 shirts. Christians and feminists are the only groups of people that has been majorly negative against me. Most people I meet are good people.

[Zyky]

What do you mean "just as violent"? There are consistent differences in violence rates and methods taken between women and men.

Because men don't report, the same way that men don't report being raped. People make fun of men when they're victims, men aren't taken seriously when they attempt to report assaults, instead they're the ones who get accused of not protecting themselves, of "letting it happen". The reason there's a lower statistic of men being assaulted is because they don't report it happening, not because it isn't happening like you're trying to claim.

[zhero]

when in public, guess what, you're subject to social interaction, no matter how you are dressed. don't like it? join the thousands of other people that don't leave their homes.

[Silakka]

Unless there's a sad story behind this, i see a white knight feminist guy screaming for attention

[sarahtasher]

Because men don't report, the same way that men don't report being raped. People make fun of men when they're victims, men aren't taken seriously when they attempt to report assaults, instead they're the ones who get accused of not protecting themselves, of "letting it happen". The reason there's a lower statistic of men being assaulted is because they don't report it happening, not because it isn't happening like you're trying to claim.

Very fine point. Now, let's discuss a side issue.

In the most common case of female on male sexual assault, that would be teachers abusing their charges. (1)

A)What is the immediate reaction of edgelords ? (asking if the teacher is hot)
B)Who casually dismiss this all the time ?


(1)We can play pretend, but for some obscure reasons, I think ''members of the clergy groping the altar boys'' does not concern many nuns.

[Crissi]

Whenever she sees someone reading a book she talks to them about it. People listening to music not so much. People are extremely nice and she never gets turned down from a conversation.

I've been told to fuck off before from Christians, but that was because I was wearing things like my 311 shirts. Christians and feminists are the only groups of people that has been majorly negative against me. Most people I meet are good people.

Well I admire your wife's natural magnetism! Must be an awesome person.

[Cosmic Janitor]

I don't think it should be labelled "degenerate" if a subculture wishes to act that way. That's just their preference, depending on how open they are. It's fine if they're more of a socially-closed people. We just don't have consistent conventions, and given the variety in cultural conventions across the world (and that we live in a multicultural society) we won't ever.

I see this more as a generational difference. As with my earlier example in the thread, old people seem to constantly strike up conversations for the most miniscule of reasons, as I could experience during the couple of years I was using public transport daily. On the other hand today (young) people tend to either entertain themselves with their electronic devices or flat out isolate themselves, this takes up hillarious forms like 4 friends sitting at a table and everyone apathetically staring into their phones instead of talking with one another. As someone in between I see the change from an open communicative society to a bunch of stuck up loners. I mean I'm one myself most of the time, but I knew that I wasn't entirely following the norm at least. Now thanks to the ongoing shift it has become accepted as the new norm in certain circles and the wieder public, hence why I talk about degeneration, as that afaik didn't used to be the case before my time.

Edit: At least around here.

[sarahtasher]

when in public, guess what, you're subject to social interaction, no matter how you are dressed. don't like it? join the thousands of other people that don't leave their homes.

Jesus Christ. Jesus fracking Christ. Some of you are worse than the obnoxious Americans in stereotype.

[Anastacy]

Regardless if it's a female or male, if someone has headphones in and their nose in a phone / book, that's a very clear sign to me that they want to be left alone.

Most times I am reading a book/have headphones on during public transport is because I'm freakin' bored, so I use these things to entertain myself. If someone is able to "interrupt" me and strike up an interesting conversation (as has happened quite a few times), I am thankful. But how would these occurrences ever happen if everyone left me alone?

A question: what is the proper body pose (sitting on a public transport) and facial expression that everyone should wear if they are inviting random discussion with a stranger?

[derpkitteh]

not once in my life have i felt threatened for rejection, just embarrassed in the situation.

but, i'm also not a cruel bitch in that regard. seen some rejections that were asking for a slap at the very least for taking it to the mocking, cruel level they did.

[sarahtasher]

Most times I am reading a book/have headphones on during public transport is because I'm freakin' bored, so I use these things to entertain myself. If someone is able to "interrupt" me and strike up an interesting conversation (as has happened quite a few times), I am thankful. But how would these occurrences ever happen if everyone left me alone?

A question: what is the proper body pose (sitting on a public transport) and facial expression that everyone should wear if they are inviting random discussion with a stranger?

Presumably checking the boxes in the head of a random PUA, who is too intelligent and too woke to wonder if you want to talk to them

[Cosmic Janitor]

A question: what is the proper body pose (sitting on a public transport) and facial expression that everyone should wear if they are inviting random discussion with a stranger?

I very much doubt there is one universal social convetion for that. But I know that folding your arms is usually considered as "blocking" when it comes to social interaction and body language, so I'd try to avoid that at least.