Is weight gain grounds for divorce/ultimatum?

[Spectral]

so instead of bringing this up to your SO in this matter and being supportive to get them back to healthy you'd see it as a negative in your eyes and feel like you need to get a divorce? really? man if thats the case you sound like a prick if ive ever met one

You don't get fat overnight. If I'd witnessed a years long transformation of my wife from who she is today into an unattractive blob with no physical motivation, I'd have already lost the woman I loved.

[Kathandira]

You don't get fat overnight. If I'd witnessed a years long transformation of my wife from who she is today into an unattractive blob with no physical motivation, I'd have already lost the woman I loved.

I think weight gain isn’t the main reason people would make the decision to leave. I think it's the unwillingness to change. You can love someone unconditionally, but at the same time you can’t sit back and watch them willingly kill themselves. And your SO gaining a significant amount of weight can also turn you into a caretaker, and that can really do some damage to a relationship.

I believe the point is to see those signs early on and discuss those things with your spouse before it gets to the point of being such a problem.

To the bolded, you don't love someone if you just sit back and watch them deteriorate. If you loved them, you would be on top of that to ensure they are the best they can be. And you should expect and welcome the same in return.

[bloodykiller86]

You don't get fat overnight. If I'd witnessed a years long transformation of my wife from who she is today into an unattractive blob with no physical motivation, I'd have already lost the woman I loved.

if you let that go on for years and you said nothing then you're just as bad. but good to know you're just a selfish asshat

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I think weight gain isn’t the main reason people would make the decision to leave. I think it's the unwillingness to change. You can love someone unconditionally, but at the same time you can’t sit back and watch them willingly kill themselves. And your SO gaining a significant amount of weight can also turn you into a caretaker, and that can really do some damage to a relationship.

and thats as a spouse you're supposed to help this person better themselves.

[jackofwind]

I believe the point is to see those signs early on and discuss those things with your spouse before it gets to the point of being such a problem.

To the bolded, you don't love someone if you just sit back and watch them deteriorate. If you loved them, you would be on top of that to ensure they are the best they can be. And you should expect and welcome the same in return.

There are definitely people that will just fly into a rage and refuse to listen as soon as weight is mentioned. Loving them might mean telling them hard truths but if they refuse to listen it becomes a big problem.

[bloodykiller86]

I'm absolutely in the same camp as you two. Good to see there are at least some people who are willing to think about this further than just a yes or no answer.

seriously. though what can we expect, this is the internet people are generally assholes here lol

[Independent voter]

Child birth wreaks havoc with a woman's body. Are you going to throw her out cause she had your kid?

You get old, life gives you lumps.

[Radaney]

Anything is ground for divorce. It's entirely subjective and you can be as selfish as you desire regarding these matters.

It's your life do what you want.

[bloodykiller86]

Trust me, I’ve been through some real tough shit with my spouse... shit most couples wouldn’t be able to handle. Yes, I stayed with him and helped him through it, but it almost ended in divorce when he started refusing help and didn’t want to get better. That was my breaking point.

ive been through shit with my wife as well especially with her depression and anxiety but ive supported her entirely. never had the thought of divorce even crossed my mind and weve been through some crazy fights together but we've learned from them

[Kathandira]

There are definitely people that will just fly into a rage and refuse to listen as soon as weight is mentioned. Loving them might mean telling them hard truths but if they refuse to listen it becomes a big problem.

YOu reap what you sow. You married that person. You should know how to talk to them, and how to reach their heart. If you went into the marriage knowing that you can't have a serious heart to heart with them without them getting aggressive, then that allow is a huge sign that it was doomed to fail from the start, well before the topic of weight gain was needed to be raised.

[Kathandira]

I agree but sometimes people just refuse to change because they don’t want to, despite having encouragement and a good support system from loved ones. That’s when things start to go sour.

That seems like they need counseling then. Along with my to jackofwind, if you knew that the person you married carried the trait of being unwilling to change or compromise or any key traits that are required for a long lasting partnership, it was doomed from the start, and likely shouldn't have even gotten as far as getting married.

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Anything is ground for divorce. It's entirely subjective and you can be as selfish as you desire regarding these matters.

It's your life do what you want.

No marriage for you! There is no room for being selfish in a 50/50 partnership.

[jackofwind]

YOu reap what you sow. You married that person. You should know how to talk to them, and how to reach their heart. If you went into the marriage knowing that you can't have a serious heart to heart with them without them getting aggressive, then that allow is a huge sign that it was doomed to fail from the start, well before the topic of weight gain was needed to be raised.

That's pretty naive. People change and develop issues, there are outside factors, and sometimes they will just straight up refuse help. There is always a breaking point.

You're acting like when you get married to someone you get a print-out of all their hidden traits. Some things don't surface, and sometimes they don't even exist until they suddenly crop up.

[Spectral]

if you let that go on for years and you said nothing then you're just as bad. but good to know you're just a selfish asshat

You seem to really be deliberately missing the point. It's not just "lol ur fat, I'm leaving". It's that getting fat is takes time, it's years of bad habits and bad behavior. Of course I'd say something regularly along the way. If after years of my wife no longer having much regard for her fitness, her health, or her appearance, it would be entirely normal to say, "yeah, I'm leaving now".

[bloodykiller86]

It’s easy to give judgement when you’re on the outside. Your situation was not my situation, so you really have no clue how you would have acted if you were in my shoes.

agreed i wasnt saying otherwise was just speaking of my experiences

[jackofwind]

You guys are really looking at this in black and white.

IMO they're not speaking about it from a place of experience at all.

Acting like people don't change sometimes and that outside factors have no effect on anything is extremely naive.

[Spectral]

I believe the point is to see those signs early on and discuss those things with your spouse before it gets to the point of being such a problem.

To the bolded, you don't love someone if you just sit back and watch them deteriorate. If you loved them, you would be on top of that to ensure they are the best they can be. And you should expect and welcome the same in return.

Of course, this is all pretty hypothetical. The actual woman I'm married to isn't suddenly going to just decide that she doesn't like cycling after all and start eating way more for no apparent reason. Yeah, I wouldn't still love someone if they stopped being the person I love.

[Kathandira]

You guys are really looking at this in black and white.

How so? I feel i'm being far more objective about the idea of take'm or leave'm than the majority of posters here. Many here seem the type to head for the divorce attorney after watching their spouse get to rock bottom before taking the time to try and raise them up before the got there.

[psiko74]

I think "In Sickness and In Health" includes weight gain.

[jackofwind]

How so? I feel i'm being far more objective about the idea of take'm or leave'm than the majority of posters here. Many here seem the type to head for the divorce attorney after watching their spouse get to rock bottom before taking the time to try and raise them up before the got there.

If that's what you're getting out of the recent posts here then you're really not reading them properly.

[AngryTenko]

Apparently "till death do us part" is now "till fat do us part". Wait until they found out their partner will eventually age, get wrinkly, saggy, bald and/or white-haired, and there's nothing they can do about it.

[Kathandira]

IMO they're not speaking about it from a place of experience at all.

Acting like people don't change sometimes and that outside factors have no effect on anything is extremely naive.

12 years in the same relationship. We have taken each others hand and helped each other rise up and become better and better people each year. There are the lessons I learned from watching and learning from my parents who divorced and remarried. 1 pair destroyed each other, the other pair supported each other. I have both first and second hand experience which lead me to my beliefs about marriage and partnerships.

The bolded is what i'm talking about. Yes things change, and if they are changing for the worse, at least try help each other. If you see your spouse heading down a dark path, you should be the one to help pull them out of it.

I'm not going to say that if absolutely nothing works that you shouldn't consider divorce, but before I started replying to this thread, there were many who weren't even mentioning the in between moment of going from everything being fine, to hitting rock bottom.