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  1. #1

    Rewriting BfA. (Excersise in narrative writing)

    As BfA comes to a close i think many can agree that one of the more egregious part of the expansion was the writing. With characters all over the place, motivations seemingly switching on a dime, and of course the sudden left turn into N'zoth after 8.2.5.

    In times like these i find it fun to rewrite the story to flow better. However i find that simply rewriting it wholesale veers to far into pure fan fiction, and easily ends up with wish fulfillment. So i find it far more gratifying, and perhaps more importantly, fun, to rewrite and reorganize the story in a such a way that the story ends mostly the same way, but flows better.

    To do this i will presuppose that Legion ends exactly the same way it did, and Shadowlands begins the way we have been shown so far.
    Worldbuilding will also have to stay as close as possible to the source material. So in this case Teldrassil still has to burn down, and the expansion still has to end with the Night Elves reclaiming it. Undercity is still no longer in Horde hands, and probably won't be. The expansion will of course also end with Sylvanas being ousted, Saurfang being dead and N'zoth being presumed defeated.


    Pre-patch:
    Functions mostly the same, however, the battle for undercity is no longer what begins the expansion. The time spent on that story is instead given to make the story more faithful to Elegy/A Good War. Saurfang especially will play a bigger role, slowly devolving into his older, warmonger self, before being shocked back to reality by Teldrassil burning.
    The scenario that Undercity would have taken is instead filled with the Alliance's last defence near the shores of Teldrassil, ending with the similar scenario of having to attempt saving the citizens of Darnassus.

    8.0:
    This patch plays mostly the same, Both the Alliance and Horde attempt to get aid from the Zandalari and Kul Tirans respectively, though instead of the Horde having the scenario in Stormwind they are instead roped into it when an emergency metting of the Troll tribes is assembled. The champion still saves Talanji and the story moves the same on that front.
    On the Alliance side the story is mostly different in that instead of focusing on an assault on Dazar'alor, they are instead aiming for Undercity, who because of the changes to the pre-patch is still in Horde hands. Tensions escalate as Sylvanas orders seemingly more and more random acts of violence, all conveniently out of eyesight of the Horde champion. (Each Alliance zone would have it's own dedicated Horde attack subplot)
    The Alliance additionally gets a 5 quest long questline giving an actual reason for why we should care about going to Uldir.

    8.1:
    Darkshore is not retaken, nor is Dazar'alor the raid. Instead the entire patch builds up to the Alliance attack on Undercity, which as a raid is functionally identical to Dazar'alor. With the exception of Saurfang taking hte place of Rastakhan as the final Alliance boss. Much of the story once the Alliance takes the Undercity is the same. With the exception that Sylvanas did not manage to bomb old Lordaeron, the sewers of undercity however is still uninhabitable, though now more clearly being framed as an Alliance victory.
    The warfront would instead be Barrens, being framed as a diversionary tactic to allow the attack on Undercity to go unhindered.
    These changes would make the story more believable as the Alliance vengeance.

    8.2:
    Tensions start to rise among the Horde. With Saurfang gone Sylvanas is now being more openly brutal, ordering a seemingly endless series of high-risk maneuvers under the guise of desperation. The Alliance continues their assault, though the effectiveness of their attacks is stymied by the brutality of the Horde soldiers and the now more blatant use of risen corpses as part of the Horde army.
    This story takes place alongside the Nazjatar story, which plays out in a similar fashion. Though this time with actual well-known naga as bosses. As a minor difference, at the end of the Azshara boss fight there is some question on whether N'zoth is even released at all, with his release seemingly being a dud. Though Azshara escapes all the same.

    8.2.5:
    The Horde is now properly forming a rebellion against Sylvanas, initially as a protest against her brutal tactics. Sylvanas however is actually shown as a competent strategist here, aquescing to her detractors commands and entering peace talks with the Alliance with the intent to surrender. The Alliance accepts partially because of the losses, and partially to ensure fair punishment for the Horde in the form of reparations and land.
    The treaty is seemingly signed without problems, but trust between the Horde and Alliance is clearly still frosty, with Anduin even declaring Baine and his followers mindless savages, with Baine unable to protest. Saurfang is at this point released back to the Horde as part of the peace treaty.
    Saurfang has a conversation with some of the Horde leaders where he wonders aloud if the Horde were ever more than bloodthirsty conquerors.

    8.3:
    The Horde is seemingly at peace, when during a meeting Sylvanas declares that she never intended to honor the peace treaty, and that she has a final plan, involving raiding the thousands of corpses left in Teldrassil to wash over the Alliance. She attempts to sweeten the deal by mentioning that the Alliance will never gain trust them, and that per the peace treaty they are subservient ot the Alliance in all but name, as the deal involved taking all arable land not in the immediate vicinity of the Horde cities.
    Saurfang finally cracks, declaring Sylvanas to have tainted the last remnants of the Horde for her own gain. He declares Mak'gora in the streets of Orgrimmar. He seems to have the upper hand, but similar Sylvanas launches an attack that instantly kills him, declaring him weak and instantly ressurecting his corpse, giving a warning to the onlookers that they now have the choice between her route, or attempting to reason with the Alliance.
    Baine decides to start a rebellion, intending ot stop Sylvanas. He considers sending an emmisary to Anduin, but decides to go himself.
    The Alliance meanwhile is comfortably resting on their laurels. Having won the ultimate decisive victory over the Horde, Anduin makes an impassioned speech declaring the long war that once began when the orcs first stepped through the dark portal to be over, and that they will never again put faith in barbarians.
    Ominous whispers however have started appearing in random places, with Anduin especially being shown to act erratically at times. Much of the Alliance story here concerns some of the Alliance leaders requesting a search for Azshara, and the possibility that N'zoth was in fact released. This will take the player to several different areas, but will eventually end with a quest where we remove the void corruption from Anduin.
    Baine will at this point appear in Stormwind keep. He will be immediately arrested, and threatened with death. Baine attempts to explain Sylvanas' plan, and how she has started killing dissidents in preparation for the final attack on Teldrassil. Much of the Alliance leadership considers this the final straw, and strongly considers simply nuking Orgrimmar, removing the Horde as an institution forever, however after some compelling evidence they will go against that, and instead agree to join forces with the Horde rebellion to defeat Sylvanas before she can ressurect the dead.
    The raid will be in Teldrassil, and a couple boss fights will be about fighting what seems to be N'zoth rising properly, he is defeated by Xal'atath, Magni considers it odd that he seemed to go down so easily, but since Sylvanas is still kicking there is no time to contemplate what actually happened to N'zoth.
    Final boss is then fighting against some avatar of death summoned by Sylvanas. Possily even a ressurected Saurfang, using various necromantic abilities. Though in the end we prevail, Sylvanas retreats and Shadowlands can begin.



    Now that i wrote all that i realized that there might be a tad too big a wall of text for the revised 8.3, but seeing as there is no in-game analogue ot draw from i hope it is okay.
    Thoughts and criticisms welcome.
    The world revamp dream will never die!

  2. #2
    No. Stop it.

  3. #3
    I'd rather just have scrapped the faction war entirely and have the focus of BfA be on Azshara and N'Zoth. Zandalar and Kul Tiras already had good starter stories to set up how we integrate them into the respective factions, so there was no need to throw in a Horde vs Alliance plot as well.
    Last edited by Theoris; 2020-02-21 at 12:54 AM.

  4. #4
    Old God Soon-TM's Avatar
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    Well, OP managed to make some sense out of the most contrived AvH war ever, and changing only minor gameplay elements. Furthermore, a raid on Teldrassil's scorched trunk would have been really !@#&ing cool
    Quote Originally Posted by trimble View Post
    WoD was the expansion that was targeted at non raiders.

  5. #5
    Sylvanas propositions attacking Teldrassil. The Horde PCs who fought side by side with the Alliance disagree. Sylvanas threatens them with death, calling them traitors. She gets a quick reminder of who tanked and killed Argus and all the other major Bad Guys in Legion and came out ahead while the Horde PCs take turns to /spit on her corpse.

    The cutscene of her death lasts 3.4 seconds. Nathanos dissolves in tears, Danuser short-circuits his PC because his frothing saliva fills his office, threatening to drown him and his staff, the Horde PCs and the Alliance PCs proceed to heal the worrrlds open woons becasue the useless bitch is out of the way, unite briefly against G'Huun (awakened by the meddeling Zandalari), destroy Azshara (sent by N'zoth) and ultimatly N'zoth himself, with a 25 sec defeat cinematic. It's like a walk in the park for us by now anyway.

    Shadowlands never happens because every sane person saw years ago where Sylvanas was headed. Warfronts are established as a place of healthy competition, aswell as battlegrounds. The Night Elves reclaim Darkshore and Ashenvale, promise the Horde a steady supply of 100% renewable Wisp-harvested Lumber, the Forsaken get to go into the Light with Calia (or are killed off if they disagree, because so far not one undead has done anything good for the world... and no, it isn't genocide, they are not alive.)

    Yrels Light Crusade breaches the barrier between dimensions and we get an interesting foe to fight for once, showing how good intentions can lead to bad things.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Soon-TM View Post
    Well, OP managed to make some sense out of the most contrived AvH war ever, and changing only minor gameplay elements. Furthermore, a raid on Teldrassil's scorched trunk would have been really !@#&ing cool
    That is the point in writing this.
    Everyone could make a better story by simply excising the worst parts out of it, but what is even more interesting is attempting to rewrite the story so what we are given makes more sense.
    The world revamp dream will never die!

  7. #7
    Easy, have the alliance attack first and have Jaina, Greymane and Tyrande be as bloodthirsty as Sylvanas. Anduin is too weak to keep his subordinates whom are filled with vengeance in check and Sylvanas is willing to do anything to secure victory

    Now you have created a conflict where players from both horde and alliance hate each other with a burning passion, instead of having alliance and rebels vs the horde
    Last edited by Candy Cough; 2020-02-21 at 09:13 AM.
    An'u belore delen'na

  8. #8
    The night elves did not reclaim Teldrassil at the end of BfA. Anyway, bonus points for not turning one of the only Alliance morally grey characters (Alleria) into a one-note boss like most rewrite of BfA do.
    Expansion Storylines ranking:

    Legion > Cataclysm > MoP > BfA up to 8.2.5 > Wrath > TBC > WoD > Dragonflight > BfA 8.3 > Shadowlands

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Indres View Post
    Easy, have the alliance attack first and have Jaina, Greymane and Tyrande be as bloodthirsty as Sylvanas. Anduin is too weak to keep his subordinates whom are filled with vengeance in check and Sylvanas is willing to do anything to secure victory

    Now you have created a conflict where players from both horde and alliance hate each other with a burning passion, instead of having alliance and rebels vs the horde
    That is kinda the vibe i was trying to get from the Alliance anger from 8.2.5 onwards. Sylvanas attacking first is also something that is necessary for the Horde to have to choose between actually being honorable or continuing to exist as the monsters the Alliance thinks they are, if not then remving Sylvanas again will simply be the same as it was with Garrosh and Sylvanas in the actual expansion, a scapegoat to deflect all blame to.
    That being said i do agree that the Alliance should generally be shown as more aggressive to for the Horde to face an actual threat when they have to make the last choice on whether to join Sylvanas or not.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Varodoc View Post
    The night elves did not reclaim Teldrassil at the end of BfA. Anyway, bonus points for not turning one of the only Alliance morally grey characters (Alleria) into a one-note boss like most rewrite of BfA do.
    They did reclaim Darkshore though, and even with a raid taking place in Teldrassil i am not confident the Alliance would be able to reclaim it anyways.

    And yes, Alleria as a boss would undercut most of her story, same with Umbric.
    The world revamp dream will never die!

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Indres View Post
    Easy, have the alliance attack first and have Jaina, Greymane and Tyrande be as bloodthirsty as Sylvanas. Anduin is too weak to keep his subordinates whom are filled with vengeance in check and Sylvanas is willing to do anything to secure victory

    Now you have created a conflict where players from both horde and alliance hate each other with a burning passion, instead of having alliance and rebels vs the horde
    This. It would actually make Alliance interesting for once. All it is now, is Anduin and his mery band of yesmen.

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Astalnar View Post
    This. It would actually make Alliance interesting for once. All it is now, is Anduin and his mery band of yesmen.
    That really would be what is missing most of all. As it is now the Horde has no consequences for facing up to Sylvanas, everyone knows teh Alliance will accept them with open arms instantly. I remember waiting pretty much the entirety of BfA for the final turn where Anduin declares the Horde an existential threat and woving ot make sure they never will be again, but instead all we got were more scenes of Anduin being the perfect apologist. Even after N'zoth is defeated and Tyrande chastises him for trusting the Horde he seems more interested in apologizing for the Horde rather than give sound arguments for how everyone wants Sylvanas dead as much as Tyrande does, it is maddening.
    The world revamp dream will never die!

  12. #12
    Your version only improves the writing for the Alliance while shitting over the Horde some more. It's not really an improvement over the mess that is BfA.

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Skulltaker View Post
    Sylvanas propositions attacking Teldrassil. The Horde PCs who fought side by side with the Alliance disagree. Sylvanas threatens them with death, calling them traitors. She gets a quick reminder of who tanked and killed Argus and all the other major Bad Guys in Legion and came out ahead while the Horde PCs take turns to /spit on her corpse.

    The cutscene of her death lasts 3.4 seconds. Nathanos dissolves in tears, Danuser short-circuits his PC because his frothing saliva fills his office, threatening to drown him and his staff, the Horde PCs and the Alliance PCs proceed to heal the worrrlds open woons becasue the useless bitch is out of the way, unite briefly against G'Huun (awakened by the meddeling Zandalari), destroy Azshara (sent by N'zoth) and ultimatly N'zoth himself, with a 25 sec defeat cinematic. It's like a walk in the park for us by now anyway.

    Shadowlands never happens because every sane person saw years ago where Sylvanas was headed. Warfronts are established as a place of healthy competition, aswell as battlegrounds. The Night Elves reclaim Darkshore and Ashenvale, promise the Horde a steady supply of 100% renewable Wisp-harvested Lumber, the Forsaken get to go into the Light with Calia (or are killed off if they disagree, because so far not one undead has done anything good for the world... and no, it isn't genocide, they are not alive.)

    Yrels Light Crusade breaches the barrier between dimensions and we get an interesting foe to fight for once, showing how good intentions can lead to bad things.
    see what you did there? now I want your version of the story, great.

    srsly, its way better than what we actually got or the attempt from the OP to make it even worse.

  14. #14
    somebody write a good Siege of Stormwind story, i need it in my life
    Shadowlands is real world
    The Maw is China
    The Jailer is China government
    Sylvanas is Blizz

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by iosdeveloper View Post
    somebody write a good Siege of Stormwind story, i need it in my life
    The Horde attempts to lay siege to Stormwind. Realizing that Stormwind is an actual properly fortified city that can be supplied by sea, and relieved from Ironforge by Deeprun tram they quickly realize that they lack the capacity to besiege or let alone take the city. They decide to do something productive with their ressources instead, like raising a proper city with infrastructure. The end.

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by iosdeveloper View Post
    somebody write a good Siege of Stormwind story, i need it in my life
    If you mean a story on how Siege of Stormwiund could become a raid then your choices are either:
    A. Diversionary tactic then blitz. Like the previous speculation of Sylvanas pretending to attack Thunder Bluff but instead attacking Stormwind and raising corpses.
    B. Anduin goes insane.
    And since B is most likely not happening within our lifetimes i guess the only option is A.
    The world revamp dream will never die!

  17. #17
    Criticize the story and the writing all you want, it’s subjective at best, for anyone. But I could not read past your first sentences....How in the hell were you taken unawares that N’Zoth was coming... this outcome couldn’t have been more obvious, short of Blizzard coming to your house and slapping you silly with a hentai porn.

  18. #18
    I think the timeline of events of the xpac were fine how they played out in terms of how 1 event lead to the next. Like the Teldrassil burning leading to the Undercity sacking. I would have axed the story of Mechagon altogether because it doesn 't fit the xpac narrative. Also I would have made " Tides of Vengeance " apart of the 8.0 patch or at least a 8.0.5 patch and " Rise of Azshara " would have been 8.1.0. But the issue with Azshara 's patch is that it takes away from the faction battling story and just deals with both factions stuck in a new zone trying to survive. So I would tell the story that because the main forces of both factions are stuck in Nazjatar the leaders blame each other and that leads to the Darkshore warfront story instead of Darkshore warfront being about taking back the zone due to the " War of Thorns " battle.
    Last edited by Kutsman; 2020-02-23 at 01:31 PM.

  19. #19
    Screws over Saurfang's arc in particular, which I'm not a fan of. "with Anduin even declaring Baine and his followers mindless savages, with Baine unable to protest" was way too out of character to accept even with the latent N'zoth corruption, I preferred the part where Anduin was just-a-little-too-readily accepting the peace treaty and that everything was fine now, that's good use of N'zoth nudging people.

    Some of the re-organization to put more focus on fleshing out the most important moments of the expansion is great, I'm sure the War of Thorns with more dev focus could have played out more impressively in-game (the wisp wall in particular I wish was a quest of us fleeing it and watching fellow Horde soldiers get caught up in vines and explode around us) but I feel like too much of the good parts were lost in this rewrite to call it an improvement.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by iosdeveloper View Post
    somebody write a good Siege of Stormwind story, i need it in my life
    -Sieging the city late in the expansion after it's established the Alliance's fleet is demolished and their soldiers heavily depleted
    -bomb the Deeprun Tram with depth charges, flooding it, a good chunk of Ironforge, and the entire Dwarven District. The dwarves are cut off and freezing without the heat of their Great Forge.
    -Sylvanas raises the entire graveyard as mindless soldiers, including Tiffin Wrynn, to really rub it in there.

    Could've been fun times for all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Aucald View Post
    Having the authority to do a thing doesn't make it just, moral, or even correct.

  20. #20
    As mediocre as BfA has been, I'm 100% certain it would've been worse in every way if under the creative chains of any MMO-C member(s)...

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