Originally Posted by
Claymore
That's probably a weird topic, and in truth, I'm having some difficulty putting my thoughts into words.
I'm a dude, and I used to have long hair (usually coupled with a thick beard). A couple of years ago, I cut it, and I think most people would say it looks objectively better short. But I also feel like I look like, well, "just another boring white dude".
It wasn't until seeing a dumb meme this morning, that I felt like I got a bit more insight to my own feelings on the matter.
The meme is basically making fun of this super-skinny, nerdy looking guy, saying "men used to hunt woolly mammoths". And honestly, back when I had my long hair and beard, I sort of *felt* closer to that. Sure, I *wasn't* hunting down dangerous animals with a spear, but I felt a little more in-touch with that sort of "primitive/animal" heritage. If that makes any kind of sense? I was loud, worked with my hands, and I seemed to be the kind of guy everyone wanted to have a drink with (that's actually true; any time I went out, I felt like folks, mostly guys, instantly just *wanted* to be my friend). Plus, I got lots of compliments on my hair from strangers.
I kind of stepped back and realized that when my appearance changed, so too did my behavior. I stopped seeing myself as this a "modern-day caveman" who was happy working with his hands, but instead found a cushy job behind a computer desk. Instead of a truck, I started driving a tiny little hatchback. I stopped seeing myself as this person who existed "apart from society", and instead became very much a *part* of society. Now if I go drinking, it's usually by myself (so it doesn't happen much), I think I sort of blend into the crowd.
Maybe it's a product of getting older, or just a mid-life crisis. But I'm committing the next year towards really improving myself (including some long-overdue things, like finally getting braces; it's going to look hella dumb on a man in his 30's, but I want straight teef, dammit!), and I guess I've just been asking myself more and more, "Who am I trying to be? What does the best version of myself look like?"
Is it "a regular guy, who is constantly working his way up the ladder"? Or is it "the modern-day 'viking' (what everyone used to call me back then), who does what he want and doesn't worry about 'fitting in' with the rest of society"?