With the caveat that I'm a cishet guy, the idea that we should be discussing/debating identity, in the framing of whether some people should be treated as human beings with the same kinds of rights and freedoms and consideration as any other human being, that itself is a hostile and abusive position.
That anyone thinks that's a matter for discussion and debate is not acceptable. It is bigotry. Arguing about whether trans women should be able to use a womens' bathroom is not functionally different from arguing about whether blacks should be able to use the whites' bathroom. Same kind of bigotry. Same bullshit rationales. It isn't a "discussion", it's a demand that we allow bigotry and hate to be instituted as the law of the land. Just having that discussion is an attack.
I'm not even the target and I can see this shit clear as day.