Fidelity.

[Deleted]

I would not. I'm loyal to one person, if I say someone is my life-mate then she's the only one I care about. Oh, would I look at another person? yes. Have sex? no, no matter how beautiful said person was I commited to someone who gave me her trust and as such I couldn't do it nor do I want to.

Oh, if my mate knew and we had some sort of "open relationship"? Then I'm not sure but even then I'm going for no to be honest.

[Magisleeper]

Really, how do you live with yourself? People like you makes the world a shitty place to be.
And how can you say that everyone wants to cheat? I certainly don't wanna, neither does my fiancé. You should be ashamed of yourself spewing out that pile of lies.

Ok, lets see, I can live with myself very nicely because I dont carry the delusion of fidelity and I certainly dont like it with love, so even if I am in a commited and sincere relationship I dont view sexual exlusion as an absolute betrayal worthy of abondonment by myself or my partner. I am happy that I feel loved and so is my partner.

I think people like you who view fidelity as the end all of life make the world a shitty place to be, how many relationships have broken up on the idea that you can only have sexual relations with one person for the entirety of existance, and anything else is an unholy sin. How many children left with one parent because they were too afraid to express themselves or too unloved to be accepted. How many lives ruined because love is assumed to be unconditional or not love at all. Your idea of love, devotion, or care sickens me, you destroy this world with you absolutes.

How can I say everyone wants to 'cheat'? Evolution, biology, genetics, males are programmed at a gentic level to mate with the largest number of females possible to ensure the procreation of their gentic line. Females are programmed to mate with a male who will provide them with the strongest offspring and care for their children. Some species choose one mate for life, most mamals dont, I refer you to google for my sources, or if you prefer, your local library.

Finally, as far as you and your "fiancé" are concerned you are aware I assume that using that term only denotes that he/she is commited to not having sex with anyone besides you until marriage. Marriage, another social construct used to ensure fidelity by threatening punishment.. Anyways it would have no reason to exist if desire to have sex with anyone other than you did not exist.

Have you ever looked at another person and been aroused? Then you wish to 'cheat'.

If no, you're a liar.

It is simple biology, unless you are a statistical anomoly, you are a slave to social expectations, go read a fucking book before you call me a liar.

[Deleted]

If you love someone you don't cheat on them. I wouldn't even cheat with my roleplaying characters.

[vizzle]

If you love someone you don't cheat on them. I wouldn't even cheat with my roleplaying characters.

I'm going to support Magisleeper here and say something.

I don't understand why sex is the final frontier of love. Why is it wrong to fuck someone whom you are not in a relationship with, and why is it wrong to fuck another person even if you ARE in one? And no, I'm not just trying to justify my lustful thoughts, I'm just trying to understand this.

[Nornai]

Never. It would tear me up from the inside and would most likely destroy the relation with my significant other.

It's not even on the map, so to say.

[Elodeon]

There are roughly three kinds of people in this respect:

(1) No affairs: People who are not (yet?) open to an extramarital experience.

(2) Concealed affairs: People who are open to it, and DON'T seek out a relationship where it's permitted.

(3) Consensual affairs: People who are open to it, and seek out a relationship where it's permitted.

I would say a large proportion of people think they are in category 1. About 20 to 30% are in category 2, and a small minority are in category 3.

Our culture inculcates unrealistic ideals insisting that category 1 is the only acceptable form of love. For this reason, people who really belong in category 3 start relationships of category 1, and don't realize this isn't their type of relationship until they've been married for a decade.

Others might be less virtuous, and simply look for a partner regardless of category, fully intent on cheating on them. But I would think these people would also look for partners in category 3, simply to avoid problems, if our culture didn't try to shoehorn everyone into category 1.

[Darkdruidelf]

No. Its the same situation as you find a wallet, do you take the cash? Just because someone won't find out doesn't mean its right.

Do the right thing because it's the right thing to do, not because you fear for the consequences.

Also, to the guy above me, if both people are fine with it, thats totally fair enough.

[nixcookies]

I'm going to support Magisleeper here and say something.

I don't understand why sex is the final frontier of love. Why is it wrong to fuck someone whom you are not in a relationship with, and why is it wrong to fuck another person even if you ARE in one? And no, I'm not just trying to justify my lustful thoughts, I'm just trying to understand this.

Have you ever had a wife/serious girlfriend before? Love is such an emotional investment in another person and should they betray you in some way it can really hurt someone it can even push some people to do crazy things. It sounds so unmanly but having your heart broken is one of the worst pains I've ever had.

There are relationships which you're describing, were you say you're girlfriend and boyfriend or w/e but still have sex with other people. I imagine it to not work out well though.

[Elodeon]

I don't understand why sex is the final frontier of love. Why is it wrong to fuck someone whom you are not in a relationship with, and why is it wrong to fuck another person even if you ARE in one? And no, I'm not just trying to justify my lustful thoughts, I'm just trying to understand this.

It's not wrong if you don't think it's wrong.

It's only wrong because of jealousy, which is a drive much more destructive and harmful than lust.

People come up with rationalizations why sex with others is a bad thing, but they are rationalizations. We live in an age when sex with others is low-risk, both in terms of health, and pregnancy. The main reasons against it are fundamentally about jealousy.

---------- Post added 2011-11-19 at 11:31 AM ----------

betray you in some way

Interaction with another person isn't betrayal unless you insist on treating it that way.

There are relationships which you're describing, were you say you're girlfriend and boyfriend or w/e but still have sex with other people. I imagine it to not work out well though.

You imagine.

[Magisleeper]

Have you ever had a wife/serious girlfriend before? Love is such an emotional investment in another person and should they betray you in some way it can really hurt someone it can even push some people to do crazy things. It sounds so unmanly but having your heart broken is one of the worst pains I've ever had.

There are relationships which you're describing, were you say you're girlfriend and boyfriend or w/e but still have sex with other people. I imagine it to not work out well though.

Without being called a liar I can constructivly respond to this:

In most relationships fidelity is considered an absolute and unerstood foundation for the relationship, and it can work at times. The fact is there is so much temptation out in the world and so much unhappieness in most longterm relationships that fidelity becomes a horible burden. The stress that can be relieved by 30m of angry physical relations with another person is immense and while it may sicken you to think of that happening it is only more encentive to resolve your problems and be happy in your relationship.

Honestly the idea that if your partner has sex with another person you will leave them immediatly forever is horrid! Its only sex! I can imagine leaving someone because they no longer love or support you but a short physical ineraction is no reason to abandon another.

Saying you will never love someone if they have sex with anyone else is like saying "I love chocolate, if you ever eat vanilla I will leave you"

You eat some vanilla ice cream one day, your SO finds out and leaves you.

This is just as arbitrary as sex. -Did they still love you?- Did you love them- Were you happy- These are the things that matter, not wether they had some ice cream...

[Deleted]

Been there done that.

I cheat, I likely always will; When it comes to relationships on the majority its truth that what they dont know wont hurt them. To the best of my knowledge I have never been cheated on, and while I am sure it has happened I dont know about it, and I dont care.

In my opinion unless you flaunt it in your significant other's face, it doesnt matter overall. The more you cheat the worse, and not just the action because it is more likely you will get caught/seen. Everyone wants to cheat, anyone who says otherwise is a liar, its genetic, more so for males but please dont strart a M -vs -F on me. I think if you respect the one you 'love' you make it descreet and brief so they never have to worry.

From my own experiance being with the same person for a long time is infuriating and a little afair gives me perspective and clarity, and afterwards I dont want to stray for a long time. I honestly believe if they dont know it doesnt hurt(Unless you get a std).

I feel sorry for you man..

[Elodeon]

I think people like you who view fidelity as the end all of life make the world a shitty place to be, how many relationships have broken up on the idea that you can only have sexual relations with one person for the entirety of existance, and anything else is an unholy sin. How many children left with one parent because they were too afraid to express themselves or too unloved to be accepted. How many lives ruined because love is assumed to be unconditional or not love at all. Your idea of love, devotion, or care sickens me, you destroy this world with you absolutes.

I have to very much agree with this.

How can I say everyone wants to 'cheat'? Evolution, biology, genetics, males are programmed at a gentic level to mate with the largest number of females possible

... however, not everyone WANTS to cheat. The people who are horrified at the concept of sex with others may feel a tinge of lust, sometimes, for people other than their partners. But they have such strong objections in place that acting on the impulse would put them in a state of horrible internal conflict.

So they honestly don't WANT to cheat. They may have a CAPACITY to be aroused by people other than their partner, but that's not the same.

---------- Post added 2011-11-19 at 11:46 AM ----------

I feel sorry for you man..

You shouldn't. He seems like a perfectly well developed human being who is at the very least honest with himself. If his partner is similarly minded, the two of them can have a more robust relationship than most people who will freak out at the first cause of jealousy.

[vizzle]

Have you ever had a wife/serious girlfriend before? Love is such an emotional investment in another person and should they betray you in some way it can really hurt someone it can even push some people to do crazy things. It sounds so unmanly but having your heart broken is one of the worst pains I've ever had.

There are relationships which you're describing, were you say you're girlfriend and boyfriend or w/e but still have sex with other people. I imagine it to not work out well though.

Yes I have, and as the posters above have just said, I don't see how it has anything to do with "betrayal".

You said yourself, "love is such an emotional investment." Is sex emotional? Only if you make it out to be. Sex can be purely physical however, with no emotional attachment whatsoever. So how is it betrayal?

[Magisleeper]

I have to very much agree with this.


... however, not everyone WANTS to cheat. The people who are horrified at the concept of sex with others may feel a tinge of lust, sometimes, for people other than their partners. But they have such strong objections in place that acting on the impulse would put them in a state of horrible internal conflict.

So they honestly don't WANT to cheat. They may have a CAPACITY to be aroused by people other than their partner, but that's not the same.

---------- Post added 2011-11-19 at 11:46 AM ----------


You shouldn't. He seems like a perfectly well developed human being who is at the very least honest with himself. If his partner is similarly minded, the two of them can have a more robust relationship than most people who will freak out at the first reason for jealousy.

Yes yes, some people are subjected to conditioning that would make the idea of any sexual relations other than the person they are designated to be with unimaginable and disgusting.

But this is simply a risk VS reward system. Your risk short term pleasure VS long term guilt (another social construct that what you do is bad because of fictional reasons created to make you feel bad)

---------- Post added 2011-11-19 at 04:52 AM ----------

Yes I have, and as the posters above have just said, I don't see how it has anything to do with "betrayal".

You said yourself, "love is such an emotional investment." Is sex emotional? Only if you make it out to be. Sex can be purely physical however, with no emotional attachment whatsoever. So how is it betrayal?

I want to disagree with you so I have a new person to debate but your logic is sound... I cant really understand why sex=emotion. Sure the two are compatable but they can exist without each other..

[Elodeon]

But this is simply a risk VS reward system. Your risk short term pleasure VS long term guilt (another social construct that what you do is bad because of fictional reasons created to make you feel bad)

Well, those social reasons originate in our biology as well. Just like infidelity has to do with biology, so does monogamy. We wouldn't have the social standard of monogamy (and often, "monogamy") if there wasn't a biological reason for it.

It's a battle of biological instincts. For men, it's about having more offspring vs. not having to raise someone else's children. For women, it's about having better, more genetically varied offspring vs. retaining the child-rearing resources of their man.

Not that long ago, these biological conflicts were real. Socially enforced monogamy was the answer to that.

Today, we live in an age when we can have our cake and eat it too. There no longer needs to be any harm in responsible sex with others. But most people still haven't realized it.

[xGLxAnubis]

Ok, lets see, I can live with myself very nicely because I dont carry the delusion of fidelity and I certainly dont like it with love, so even if I am in a commited and sincere relationship I dont view sexual exlusion as an absolute betrayal worthy of abondonment by myself or my partner. I am happy that I feel loved and so is my partner.

I think people like you who view fidelity as the end all of life make the world a shitty place to be, how many relationships have broken up on the idea that you can only have sexual relations with one person for the entirety of existance, and anything else is an unholy sin. How many children left with one parent because they were too afraid to express themselves or too unloved to be accepted. How many lives ruined because love is assumed to be unconditional or not love at all. Your idea of love, devotion, or care sickens me, you destroy this world with you absolutes.

How can I say everyone wants to 'cheat'? Evolution, biology, genetics, males are programmed at a gentic level to mate with the largest number of females possible to ensure the procreation of their gentic line. Females are programmed to mate with a male who will provide them with the strongest offspring and care for their children. Some species choose one mate for life, most mamals dont, I refer you to google for my sources, or if you prefer, your local library.

Finally, as far as you and your "fiancé" are concerned you are aware I assume that using that term only denotes that he/she is commited to not having sex with anyone besides you until marriage. Marriage, another social construct used to ensure fidelity by threatening punishment.. Anyways it would have no reason to exist if desire to have sex with anyone other than you did not exist.

Have you ever looked at another person and been aroused? Then you wish to 'cheat'.

If no, you're a liar.

It is simple biology, unless you are a statistical anomoly, you are a slave to social expectations, go read a fucking book before you call me a liar.

Your sense of self entitlement and the fact that you think 'cheating' is so bad because of the 'sex' part, makes you look very ignorant.

I've been cheated on. At no point was I ever upset about the act of sex that took place. What crushed me was the fact I was lied to and deceived by the person who is suppose to love and care for me. I was crushed by the fact that instead of talking to me about w/e was going on, she decided to go to someone else and resolve her problems that way. Did it make me a bit unhappy thinking of her having sex with someone else? Sure. Would I have actually cared if she came to me and said "Look, I want to have sex with X person. I just really want to try it", I wouldn't have cared. I think sex can be both physically and emotionally engaging, but doesn't HAVE to be both. My SO having sex with someone else for the physical component doesn't bother me in the slightest.

So, the fact that you're cheating on YOUR Significant Other WILL crush him/her. Not because you had sex, but because you betrayed their trust in such a huge way. If you don't understand that, I fear you might be a psychopath and I recommend getting help. These type of people aren't fun to be around for long periods of time.

[Deleted]

I've never understood the temptation to cheat; it takes an illogical and uncaring mind to compromise and forfeit true love, if ever they've had it. I've been in a relationship with the girl of my dreams since the 26th of April this year, and will be for every day since, all being well. The prospect of cheating on her simply isn't one that is present in me, nor do I have any compassion or empathy for those who indulge in it. Harsh, but true.

[Magisleeper]

Well, those social reasons originate in our biology as well. Just like infidelity has to do with biology, so does monogamy. We wouldn't have the social standard of monogamy (and often, "monogamy") if there wasn't a biological reason for it.

It's a battle of biological instincts. For men, it's about having more offspring vs. not having to raise someone else's children. For women, it's about having better, more genetically varied offspring vs. retaining the child-rearing resources of their man.

Not that long ago, these biological conflicts were real. Socially enforced monogamy was the answer to that.

Today, we live in an age when we can have our cake and eat it too. There no longer needs to be any harm in responsible sex with others. But most people still haven't realized it.

All true, I am not saying there is no reward to monogamy, but I do say there is a definate downside.

My biggest downside is that people view their SO having sex with anyone but them as a world ending occurance and will throw life on its head to exact vengance. Honestly how many people suffer because some cannot accept that people want to have sex with other people? Your not the only sexpot in the world, the sooner you realize this the better you will feel.

[Elodeon]

I've been in a relationship with the girl of my dreams since the 26th of April this year, and will be for every day since, all being well.

LOL.

The prospect of cheating on her simply isn't one that is present in me, nor do I have any compassion or empathy for those who indulge in it. Harsh, but true.

Yes, yes.

Let's see what you have to say after your infatuation is over.

That's not to say your relationship being over, but your infatuation will be, in about 1-2 years.

---------- Post added 2011-11-19 at 12:07 PM ----------

My biggest downside is that people view their SO having sex with anyone but them as a world ending occurance and will throw life on its head to exact vengance.

I agree. This is tragic, and avoiding this outcome is probably the main reason people should try to be more open to begin with. It breaks my heart to see all those people on AskReddit telling the world how "it's done" and contacting a divorce attorney because their partner had a fling.

[nixcookies]

LOL.
Yes, yes.

Let's see what you have to say after your infatuation is over.

I've been with my wife nearly 20 years and I still don't want to cheat on her.