How to... un-break my heart?

[nixcookies]

Understand where you're coming from been in a similar situation before, luckily alcohol, chocolate and wallowing in self pity helped me get over it.

Honestly dude it just takes time, you may not be able to see it now but things will get better.

Good luck dude.

[chulus#]

You have to choose between two ways of living

first (and most common):
ups and downs, if you want to have good times you gotta accept and expect! bad times
you got your up time, now you get the cheque for it, the bad times, BUT good times follow next than bad ones again
like a graph going up down up down, like in hospital when someone is still alive

second (and very hard to achieve, but not certainly better):
no emotions at all, no good times, but therfore no bad ones too
graph wise this would just be a straight line, in hospital this would mean dead

what do you want? choose and then roll with it
in the end its allways 0, you gotta remember that, straight line is allready 0 from birth till death, if bad times last long, hold on, good one will be just as long to balance it out

[Belisarius565]

I split up with my highschool sweetheart of 4 1/2 years because I was at a point where I had to choose...move forward, get married, have a bunch of kids and go to church every sunday (that's how life would have been with her) or let her go and move on. I picked option 2, because I didn't want that life.

For a good 6 months I was a wreck, and for months after that I still felt like shit. It was not easy. I know what you're going through, think of what it would be like after 4 1/2 years, and it was not easy.

With that said, time heals all wounds. A few years and a few girls later I met my wife, who shares the same life goals as I do, and I consider myself LUCKY AS HELL to have been smart enough to know that things wouldn't work out in the long run. It just takes time.

Why were you dating a Christian when you were not one yourself?

The worst problem is people are selfish in regards to relationships, and having sex without commitment always screws things up. Why do people care when others are cheating on them, when they themselves had multiple sex partners before, with no true commitment. Would not people want to be with someone, and to stick with each other so there always is companionship and a true friend to share life with?

What is the main difference between spouses and other friends? Why does sex "consummate" a marriage?

As someone said on the internet, what is the best way for a man to have sex with a woman? Ask her to get married with him, with both being selfless toward each other, to do anything for each other, and at the end of the day, you know you are coming home to a true friend.

Also you get blessings of children through the stable foundation of a marriage of a man and a woman.

[sugarlily]

Aw! *comfort *hugs

She obviously isn't worth it. Stop & really think, you know its the truth.

You have built her up in your mind to be some wonderful perfect girl if only she'd stay steady & love you & want you all the time like you have been there for her etc etc etc. UGH!
She isn't that girl in your head, she is just a ding dong that has no idea what or who she wants in life. I suspect she is willing to take advantage of a guy like you who is kind & considerate & trusting & loving, though.

Stop letting yourself imagine that she is SO much more than she ACTUALLY REALLY is. At this point you already know her pattern with you. I bet she needs you when she needs you & she wants "freedom" when she wants her freedom & too bad for what you want or need. And she'll always have an excuse that she has said before she isn't sure what she wants blah blah blah.

You know in your heart this was mostly a F*d up mess. And NO, showing her how much you'll put up with & go through for her does not "prove" to her how great a guy you are. It doesn't even make a dent in her thick, selfish skull. You can't fix her. You can't show her so much love & care that she'll eventually fall for you for good. You just need to hear it from somebody else so listen up to all I've said, OK?

You DESERVE better. Step back for a while. Don't be so desperate to have a gf that you end up taking a lot of unwarranted crap just to have a girl in your life. You're hurting yourself, wounding your self esteem & allowing her to grind you down low too.

Work on yourself & who you are. Be kind to yourself! Think about what you want & need in life. And when it comes to an actual relationship, not an imaginary or one-sided one, decide what you really want. Don't be so desperate to have a gf that you end up accepting crap or being walked on. Its not worth it. That's not what love, friendship or any relationship is about AT ALL.

I suspect she lied a lot about VERY IMPORTANT THINGS. There isn't a relationship in the World can can survive a constant barrage of insincerity, deceit & lies. It's selfish as hell on her part. Anyone who lies is selfish, among other things I could say! >.>

Take this experience as a lesson. If you don't learn from it, the Universe will hand it to you again & again until you get it. Next time listen to your instincts. You already knew there were some inconsistencies & deceit early-on but chose to ignore it or attempt to work around it. Can't change what we don't acknowledge. I know you hurt now, but you will go on to find other loves, I promise You! <3

Anyway, always remember this~ it is the list I live by ~ it'll help you too! <3
1.) Never date anyone you wouldn't have as a best friend.
2.) Tolerated behavior doesn't change.
3.) We teach people how to treat us.
4.) We get what we settle for.

I Wish You the Best! <3

P.S. Please plz do not make the next girl pay a debt she doesn't owe ~ don't punish other girls for this last ones' bad deeds! You future GF Thanks You from the bottom of her heart! <3

[Oniax]

My advice: Don't ask about it on a game-forum?

Mod Warning: Post more constructively.

[jsr0213]

As someone who has a strong interest in psychology, I'd say that you're a strongly empathetic personality type. Now, this isn't a bad thing, but it does leave you especially vulnerable to people with malignant type personalities. My guess here is that she may have some of these malignant traits. These people tend to lie, and manipulate to get whatever it is that they want. The "abuser" might lie, then become upset, and defensive when they feel you're questioning their honesty. Sometimes, these people lack empathy to varying degrees, which puts them at an advantage over strongly empathetic personalities. You care about their feelings, but they are incapable of caring about yours.

Having said this, it is natural for you to be both angry, and sad. But, one thing you need to avoid is venting in any violent outbursts. That means no punching things/people, or being verbally abusive to others out of frustration. Alcohol is also not the way to go. In all of my experience, it 90% of the time makes things worse. Vent by talking to people you trust. Family members, for example. Bury yourself in a hobby that requires a lot of concentration. And finally, just give it time. Time heals all wounds, and I'm assuming you're young, so time is something you likely have plenty of. This experience might well have given you some insight in to what you want to avoid in a relationship, and will likely be helpful to you in finding the right person in the future.

[Oniax]

Hmm, read a few comments, like that of Sugarlily, and maybe u are at the right place after all :P She gave some good advice! Sorry!

[aceborn]

Either be a man and sob it up, keep it all inside and move on. Or hit the bottle. Choice is yours

[Taros]

Toni Braxton.

[chulus#]

You have to choose between two ways of living

first (and most common):
ups and downs, if you want to have good times you gotta accept and expect! bad times
you got your up time, now you get the cheque for it, the bad times, BUT good times follow next than bad ones again
like a graph going up down up down, like in hospital when someone is still alive

second (and very hard to achieve, but not certainly better):
no emotions at all, no good times, but therfore no bad ones too
graph wise this would just be a straight line, in hospital this would mean dead

what do you want? choose and then roll with it
in the end its allways 0, you gotta remember that, straight line is allready 0 from birth till death, if bad times last long, hold on, good one will be just as long to balance it out

to add my personal experience, one girl just broke my hearth for sure ( yeah i know sensi guy ~.~) and i dont know if this is the cheque for good times i had before or if the good times just wait round the corner, but for now i just chose option 2, its only hard if you want to live like that forever, over a period its just as natural

[gneugen]

Talk/date/sleep with other women. Men are this simple. We get wrapped up in one woman, and forget they're an expendable emotional dependency. Combine this with time to move on and you're good. Don't talk to this woman if at all possible. Meaning, unless she still has your possessions that you can't live without, don't talk to her.

[chulus#]

by the way, i dont know how old you are or she is, but at a certain age boys and girls tend to do stupid stuff without really wanting to do that
and most times they realize their mistakes some times after having argued or gotten yelled at, not while, just takes times
maybe she'll call you in a year or something and be all second chance like

is invalid if she is over a certain age, say early or mid 20s

[Deleted]

I'm 22, and she is 23 at the moment.

And really... I wasn't expecting what you guys and girls did, not even half of it... thank you.

[sugarlily]

Hmm, read a few comments, like that of Sugarlily, and maybe u are at the right place after all :P She gave some good advice! Sorry!

*hugstootight ~.^

ty

[Pfeff]

Best way is to go find yourself a slump buster. For real

[LurkerMcTroll]

Talk/date/sleep with other women. Men are this simple. We get wrapped up in one woman, and forget they're an expendable emotional dependency. Combine this with time to move on and you're good. Don't talk to this woman if at all possible. Meaning, unless she still has your possessions that you can't live without, don't talk to her.

AMEN!

I was in your situation once. Felt the way you're feeling and did the things you did to make it work. Weeping for a couple of weeks, feeling empty and constantly thinking about her. Then I starting talking to someone. Not about my problems, not at all about the girl who stepped all over my young heart, but just random BS, funny things, upbeat conversations about anything. This turned into a casual sexual relationship, no strings attached sent from heaven thing that changed the whole outlook of things.

Few months later she tried to contact me, inviting me to lunch to talk about things. I didn't have to think about it twice to turn her down. So listen to the advice by the quoted poster, and i know the women on this forum will probably disagree, but it is believe it or not great advice.

[Given]

Get a kitty!

[Lilcheeks]

My advice: Don't ask about it on a game-forum?

There you are! My favorite post in any off topic thread. Always good for a laugh.

As everyone else being constructive has said... time bro. Emotions are always way more raw when you're still in the wake of the event. I'm a proponent of not drinking or using drugs to not feel your feelings, they'll come back later if you do so just deal with them now.

Dating is a learning process, use this to your advantage. The mindset of "letting it slide" when dealing with a dishonest partner is always going to leave you hurt and 'paranoid' as you stated. They'll make you feel guilty and you'll question your sanity. Don't even play the game because you're just devaluing yourself in the end.

[sugarlily]

to add my personal experience, one girl just broke my hearth for sure ( yeah i know sensi guy ~.~) and i dont know if this is the cheque for good times i had before or if the good times just wait round the corner, but for now i just chose option 2, its only hard if you want to live like that forever, over a period its just as natural

It is true that it feels only natural to swallow your hurt feelings & begin to live with walls built up for protection. But be wary of that road, even if you intended to only live like that "for a little while".

You may end up as stone & cold as your impossible-to-scale-or-break-through-walls you've built around your heart. You might just be shutting out those who would change your life for the better while trying to protect yourself. Learn to use your instincts to judge those who we let into our lives. NEVER ignore those little red flags & gut feelings you get. We are given those for important reasons! ~.^

Also, as much as being heartbroken or sad or angry sucks dirty dirty donkey balls, I have a theory that if we chose to shut-off, or attempt to avoid those emotions & feelings, we're in for trouble.
IMO, unless we experience ALL our feelings & emotions, NONE of them will work properly. Including the "good ones". <3

[chulus#]

AMEN!

I was in your situation once. Felt the way you're feeling and did the things you did to make it work. Weeping for a couple of weeks, feeling empty and constantly thinking about her. Then I starting talking to someone. Not about my problems, not at all about the girl who stepped all over my young heart, but just random BS, funny things, upbeat conversations about anything. This turned into a casual sexual relationship, no strings attached sent from heaven thing that changed the whole outlook of things.

Few months later she tried to contact me, inviting me to lunch to talk about things. I didn't have to think about it twice to turn her down. So listen to the advice by the quoted poster, and i know the women on this forum will probably disagree, but it is believe it or not great advice.

@OP
see, the typical up down thing, just wait for your good times to come now and be open to things, maybe your good time is the next woman or man talking to you so dont be too negative about life in general, you dont want to see your good times slipping away
besides a positive look at things will only ease your life

you got enough material for the mind now, great people posting great things here, now
get a hug, it really does help
from any person