Best Friend's Wedding -- Not Invited?

[Pymeran]

I'm wondering if anyone has been in this boat before...

I have been friends with this guy for ten years, up until recently, I've considered him my best friend.

He has a fiance that he's been engaged to for nearly half that time.

I suspect they are finally getting married.

She doesn't like me.

During the planning phase, he's basically gone into hiding from me.

I finally get him on the phone again today, to discover that I'm not invited to the wedding that is around the corner.


How offended should I be?

Disown him as a friend? Take it with a grain of salt? Act like it never happened and chalk it up as her fault?

Has anyone else been through this?

Disown him as a friend. I would understand that her fiancee doesn't like you (it is life), but not inviting you to the wedding means that they don't want to see you anymore. She could have stopped you from becoming best man or something, but if you are not invited, it means that he doesn't even see you as a friend. A "best friend" should get invited to his best friend's wedding.

[Brangh]

Okay, I will be the prick here and drop the bombshell:

He was your best friend, you were not his best friend. In fact, you were probably barely a friend to him. If you had to hound him by phone instead of meeting up with him, there is a problem and it is you. Not counting years from school -because honestly from secondary school to post-secondary it all changes- how long did you know this guy? 4-5 years? I have known friends that long but I also know they already have their best friend. Best friend is not about the amount of time or how involved they are with another person's life. A best friend is usually found by some tribulation, adventure or other event while growing up.

So...if I considered this guy a best friend and I knew I was not invited to the wedding, I would simply invite him to a game, bar or night out, have a drink or enjoyable evening and congratulate him on his nuptials. If he refuses and then no longer wants contact with you, it happens, you made an effort and you have to go on living with it. This is one of those things where being selfish works, he was your friend and he was a friend for what you wanted, but were really a dear friend to him? If I only see a guy once every two or three years, he is still my friend, my bud. Wedding invite or no invite, you get to decide who this chum is to you. If he does not want to see you anymore (seriously, when you think about it, you are talking about this as if friendship is some committed relationship) you can still say he is your friend, but you probably will not see him anymore. Deal and go on with your life, it's not worth being petty and trying to screw this up for him -from the sound of it, he'll realize just how screwed he is eventually.

[Revan Bane]

Wait.

No it was more like, "it is what it is, you weren't expecting an invitation/ didn't want to come anyway, right?"

The more I read this, the more I think she has been filling his head with lies about you and he's too much of a wuss to talk about it, or actually believes it. Something definitely isn't right here. Press on him to tell you the truth.

[starlord]

Wait.


The more I read this, the more I think she has been filling his head with lies about you and he's too much of a wuss to talk about it, or actually believes it. Something definitely isn't right here. Press on him to tell you the truth.

possibly his friend just didnt think it would be that big a deal to him. everyone has different ideas about weddings.

[jahasafrat]

The ceremony doesn't matter, it's only happening to benefit the bride and her mother. I'd be more hurt about missing the bachelor party, although judging by the scant information I have, he sounds like a lame-ass anyway. Keep in mind that if you're not a wedding guest, you don't have to buy a wedding gift.

[suspendedstasis]

Just get over it. He'll probably end up getting married again anyway if his ?first? wife is such a "nice person".

Do you really WANT to have to sit through a boring wedding anyway?

[konstrukt83]

Find him dining with his fiance and right before she comes back to the table from a restroom break, run to him and start kissing him hardcore so she can witness how much you guys are best friends and she will decide that you guys should go ahead and stay friends.

If that doesn't work, dress up as a clown and go to the wedding anyway, and bring an air horn and blow it right before he says I DO and then do it again when she tries to say it. Then start laughing hysterically and run in circles on the ground like Homer Simpson.

OR

Don't listen to my advice and do whatever these other guys have mentioned which is probably much smarter, but who knows.

P.S.
I don't know if you're a dude or a chic, but if you are a dude, then its still ok to kiss your best friend.

[AeneasBK]

Okay, I will be the prick here and drop the bombshell:

He was your best friend, you were not his best friend. In fact, you were probably barely a friend to him. If you had to hound him by phone instead of meeting up with him, there is a problem and it is you. Not counting years from school -because honestly from secondary school to post-secondary it all changes- how long did you know this guy? 4-5 years? I have known friends that long but I also know they already have their best friend. Best friend is not about the amount of time or how involved they are with another person's life. A best friend is usually found by some tribulation, adventure or other event while growing up.

So...if I considered this guy a best friend and I knew I was not invited to the wedding, I would simply invite him to a game, bar or night out, have a drink or enjoyable evening and congratulate him on his nuptials. If he refuses and then no longer wants contact with you, it happens, you made an effort and you have to go on living with it. This is one of those things where being selfish works, he was your friend and he was a friend for what you wanted, but were really a dear friend to him? If I only see a guy once every two or three years, he is still my friend, my bud. Wedding invite or no invite, you get to decide who this chum is to you. If he does not want to see you anymore (seriously, when you think about it, you are talking about this as if friendship is some committed relationship) you can still say he is your friend, but you probably will not see him anymore. Deal and go on with your life, it's not worth being petty and trying to screw this up for him -from the sound of it, he'll realize just how screwed he is eventually.

I just didn't have the heart. But yes. Face up to it Callace, this guy may have been important to you, but you meant nothing to him. He's found someone who *does* matter to him and he's marrying her. Get over it, try and be a little nicer and less selfish, try to recognise the signs that someone isn't worth your time a little earlier (read: friendship doesn't take effort) and you'll end up with friends that are worth your time. But yeah. If you meant anything to this guy he'd you'd be at his wedding.

[Deleted]

I just didn't have the heart. But yes. Face up to it Callace, this guy may have been important to you, but you meant nothing to him. He's found someone who *does* matter to him and he's marrying her. Get over it, try and be a little nicer and less selfish, try to recognise the signs that someone isn't worth your time a little earlier (read: friendship doesn't take effort) and you'll end up with friends that are worth your time. But yeah. If you meant anything to this guy he'd you'd be at his wedding.

Well yeah you are right, it just seems weird that he would feel that way about his friend and them being that distance as it seems in this situation, I suppose it changes from person to person, I was under the impression from the OP that they were actually good friends, hanged out all the time, had good experiences together over the years, you know the kind of friend you hang out with every other day and that he simply stopped contact after the wedding was essentially planned.

But even in the latter situation, you still have to face it up, he wasnt a good friend, and that is his decision, you can be upset all you want really, but its still his choice to be a dick about it and not be your friend, so you need to move on regardless.

[Jurwi]

I'm wondering if anyone has been in this boat before...

I have been friends with this guy for ten years, up until recently, I've considered him my best friend.

He has a fiance that he's been engaged to for nearly half that time.

I suspect they are finally getting married.

She doesn't like me.

During the planning phase, he's basically gone into hiding from me.

I finally get him on the phone again today, to discover that I'm not invited to the wedding that is around the corner.


How offended should I be?

Disown him as a friend? Take it with a grain of salt? Act like it never happened and chalk it up as her fault?

Has anyone else been through this?

Some best friends you must be if you're asking help here, instead of actually talking to HIM. And yes, my advice can be found from that sentence.

[Deleted]

Some best friends you must be if you're asking help here, instead of actually talking to HIM. And yes, my advice can be found from that sentence.

You wouldn't even have to read the whole thread, only the last page to realize that he already talked to him...

[Thorfisnson]

Obviously he doesn't consider you a friend then does he - \ignore and move on.

[Deleted]

Turn up drunk and make a scene

LMAO, I literally screamed out of laughter when I read that

and honestly that's what the OP should do...

[Deleted]

I'll just echo everybody else, confront him about it. If he replies with "well my future wife doesn't want you there" then reply that it's his wedding too and ask him if he is allowed to exclude her friends from the wedding. If he is, ask him what kind of relationship they have because it doesn't seem like a healthy one.

Don't pressure him needlessly though, chances are that he and the fiancée have already had extensive discussion (ie arguments) about it you bing one of his closest and all, and at one point people just give up. He seems to have given up first hence the outcome and pressuring him too hard can backfire badly.

[Deleted]

Hmm they sound a bit like a nab tbh, youre better off without them imo. Even if I wouldnt like my partners friend then who am I to say he/she cant come if thats important to my partner, especially on such an important day for both of us

[aztr0]

You were never his best friend.

[Zantabar]

You know Ive sort of been in this situation.

I was living in the southern states and had a close group of friends. I even moved in with one of my best friends and she was a chick. We were buddies for a long time. Well I hit some life altering events pretty much I moved back home to go back to school to get back on the right path. However, my folks moved to the north so I packed up and left.

When I got to the north I met a girl not long after. She is now my wife and I am absolutly in love. However, my friend from the south we stayed in touch via PC, Phone ect. My gf at the time hated it. She was Jealous and I could see from her point of view why she was. I mean she never met her and I was always talking to her. So, eventually the texts, phone calls and even facebook texas hold em stopped with my friend. My friend was causing a rift between my GF and I. I regret to this day that I didnt tell my wife from the start to just accept it or leave. I truely do. I know it was all on me. I just wish my friend would have shown up someday.

To this day I am still curious what she is up to and feel like a douche for just dropping her like that.

To your situation it sucks. People change, people move on. I would hold a serious conversation with him and just tell him whats up. Make sure you both talk this through. Probly though sounds like dude is like me and doesnt know what to choose. If he is in love he will choose her. Unfortunatly sounds like your both already on the path to differnt social realms.

[ambigiouslynamed]

not much of a friend if he wont invite you because of what wife to be wants

[StayTuned]

Confront him on it like an adult and ask him what the hell his problem it.

This is the only thing that you should do.

Even if his fiance does not like you there is no reason why you should not show up at his wedding. You don't have anything to do with her, her family or the people she invited. It is up to your friend who he invites

[Deleted]

it depends, if your like stiffler you shouldnt be suprised, otherwise show up anyway and if they send you away make a scene, if he's a good friend for over 10 years then just doesnt invite you to the wedding, he aint got balls, meaning after he gets married you might even never hear from him again, or close to that, so do what you want to either troll him/her or to show him what he's doing. ( would have said in other words but dont wanna risk the cnance on a ban)