1. #1

    The Theramore Wedgie

    Pained: Welcome back, my lady. I see you are back from End Time. How was your day?
    Lady Jaina Proudmoore: Ugh, rougher than usual. Whoever gave warriors a second Spell Reflect really needs to die in a fire.
    Pained: Shall I fetch the usual remedy?
    Jaina: No, Cherry Garcia's not going to do it today. I'll need Phish Food or better.
    Pained: Very good. Oh, and you have a visitor. A tall, blonde blood elf is here to see you.
    Jaina: Oh for crying out loud. Kael! I told you like fifty times, we're not getting back together. You're evil.
    Lor'themar Theron: Yes, and have you seen those robes he wears? SO last expansion.
    Jaina: Lor'themar? How...why...what are you doing here?
    Lor'themar: Well, I could make up some ridiculously stereotypical story involving your shoe collection. But, no, this is really kind of a courtesy call. I figured you'd want to discuss this calmly and rationally.
    Jaina: Discuss what?
    Lor'themar: The whole Horde army is attacking Theramore.
    Jaina: WHAT???
    Lor'themar: Yep. Our completely rational, intelligent, and pleasant-smelling Warchief signed these battle orders. Take a look.
    Jaina: Let me..."My fellow Horde, I'm pleest to tell you today that I've declared a war that will outlaw Theramore forever. We begin bomming in five minutes."
    Lor'themar: That was his sixth draft. His spelling's really improved.
    Jaina: What the hell is his problem? I've done nothing for years but try to bring peace between the Alliance and the Horde!
    Lor'themar: Yes. How completely out of character for Garrosh to view that as weakness and attack. I did not see that coming.
    Jaina: Sarcasm does not become you, Regent Lord. Ugh, I so did not need this today! Why are you following that lunatic?
    Lor'themar: Sometimes I wonder myself. But, he's the Warchief, and I'm not keen on him invading the Ghostlands. Also I have had nothing to do for two years, so I've gotten together with Gallywix to design magical-mechanical siege weapons. I wanted to see how they did.
    Jaina: I've never even SEEN that little green twerp. What's his problem with us?
    Lor'themar: He just "gots to get paid". Oh, and he has some unusually imaginative ideas concerning large-scale projectiles--
    *loud splashing sound outside*
    Lor'themar: --some of which are clearly more effective than others.
    Jaina: But I didn't DO anything! I've been neutral this whole time! Why me?
    Baine Bloodhoof: Nothing? How DARE you?
    Jaina: How did--
    Baine: /bullslap
    Jaina: Ow! What the hell? Where's Tervosh? What did you do to him?
    Baine: That egghead? Hoisted that nerd's underpants up the flagpole on top of this tower. While he was wearing them.
    Lor'themar: Henceforth to be called "the Theramore wedgie".
    Muffled Archmage Tervosh from Outside: This is really very embarrassing. And also, ow.
    Baine: Don't even TRY to act blameless for your role in this! Dustwallow was the staging ground for the troops that razed Camp Taurajo, and you had everything to do with that! The blood of defenseless civilians is on YOUR hands!
    Jaina: Now hold on! Those criminal acts were against Alliance orders, and in fact we--
    Baine: And as their commanding officer, you get a free pass for the horrors your own soliders committed?
    Jaina: No, I--
    Baine: I'll be sure to tell Garrosh that. He'll be pleased to know you won't attack back for any of the actions we take today.
    Jaina: Where IS Garrosh? I want to give him a piece of my mind, wrapped in a fireball.
    Lor'themar: He...um...
    (miles away)
    Garrosh Hellscream: More Alliance toy ships! Muahaha!
    Varok Saurfang: I fail to see how stomping on surprisingly expensive tactical models constitutes a battle plan, Warchief.
    (back in the tower)
    Lor'themar: ...taking part in naval maneuvers.
    Baine: Tauren! Make sure you kick some puppies on the way out of town! Jaina says it's ok!
    Jaina: None of this makes any sense! And why are you taking all my shoes?
    Lor'themar: I asked him to. Changed my mind. Some of those Mandokir Blahniks are really cute.
    Baine: Commanding officer. Can't get mad. See how YOU like it, hussy. /spit No wonder Thrall dumped you.
    Lor'themar: No, it was because he was trading up. At least, that's how Sylvanas puts it.
    Jaina: Wait, Syl--
    "Lady" Sylvanas Windrunner: Hi!
    Jaina: GAH!
    Sylvanas: Hey guys, the wind riders and bats are on their way with plague bombs, mana bombs, and that thing Gallywix called "the purple monkey dishwasher". You should probably go. I'm sticking around to listen to the screaming.
    Jaina: The Forsaken aren't even on this continent! And you've NEVER listened to Garrosh! You hate him!
    Sylvanas: Yep, he's a real boneheaded idiot, even for the living. But, hey, free murdering. Where else would I go? It's Tuesday.
    Jaina: We were in the End Time together! How about some professional courtesy?
    Sylvanas: Didn't seem to slow Baine down, did it?
    Baine: Nope. Hey Lor'themar, what do you say we distribute these "shoe" things to the smexy belf ladies after this? Aww, yeah.
    Lor'themar: Um, yes...the ladies...
    Jaina: This is INSANE! What the hell is WRONG with you people?
    Sylvanas: Careful who you're calling people, meatstick. Damn, you sure are ugly when you're angry! No wonder Arthas liked me better.
    Jaina: What? He ran you through with Frostmourne and turned you into a banshee!
    Sylvanas: Yeah, but at least I dumped him, not the other way around. Hey, does this window lead to the roof? I want a better view of the carnage.
    Tervosh: Oh dear!
    Sylvanas: Ooo! Catering!
    Jaina: Is this some horrible dream? Has the whole worls lost their minds, or have I?
    Pained: My lady?
    Jaina: WHAT THE F*cough* Yes, Pained, what is it?
    Pained: They didn't have any Ben and Jerry's left. I had to get Dreyer's vanilla.
    Jaina: ...
    Pained: And it's, um, fat-free. Sorry.
    Jaina: ...
    Lor'themar: Dude, I've seen that look in a mage's eyes before. Let's bail.
    Baine: But--
    Lor'themar: Flee, cow, flee!
    Jaina: ...aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
    *** KAPHWOOOOM***
    (not far away)
    Onyxia: DID YOU JUST HEAR--
    Sartharion: SHH, IT'S NOTHING. C'MERE BABY.
    Onyxia: OK HUN.

    Last edited by Breccia; 2012-08-31 at 03:53 AM.

  2. #2
    High Overlord MoonZapdos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Toasting in epic bread.

    Click signature for main character's armory.

  3. #3
    lolololololololol, I could picture the whole thing.

  4. #4
    I am Murloc! TEHPALLYTANK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Texas(I wish it were CO)
    This is pure win.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bigbamboozal View Post
    Intelligence is like four wheel drive, it's not going to make you unstoppable, it just sort of tends to get you stuck in more remote places.
    Quote Originally Posted by MerinPally View Post
    If you want to be disgusted, next time you kiss someone remember you've got your mouth on the end of a tube which has shit at the other end, held back by a couple of valves.

  5. #5
    Warchief Nathreim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    San Antonio, Texas
    Epic, still more character development for Lor'themar than blizz has added since BC.

  6. #6
    That was awesome. Thank you.

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