This one.
This one.
Whats the new Chineese military tactic?
To move on small groups of 10000
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
A rabbit and skunk hit each other heads while running and lost their memory.
Lets describe each other so we can remember who we are - suggested the rabbit.
The skunk started - you are cute soft and have long ears.
I remember now im a rabbit.
The rabbit started - you are hairy smelly and you have line in the middle.
Damn i knew i am an ass.
Cop and gipsy standing near street lamp.
Do you know that poo and eagle cant stand next to each other - says the cop
Ok then im flying away - says the gipsy
Haven't red the whole thread but my girlfriend hates my favourite joke.
"A pirate walks into a bar with a ship steering wheel down his pants, and the bartender sais: "Do you know you have a steering wheel down your pants?"
The pirate replies: "Arr, it's drivin' me nuts"
It's so bad it is brilliant.
Q. What was the brown lump on the piano chair ?
A. Beethoven's Last Movement.
Q. What is so good about Switzerland ?
A. Well the flag is a big plus.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes & no legs?
A: Still no idea.
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs & no genitals?
A: Still no fucking idea.
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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Whats black and doesnt work?
when someone asked this at work the other day someone shouted out that the answer was half out customers...
but the answer is uncaffeinated coffee
How do you confuse a blonde?
Stick her into a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Yeah It's lame but the best jokes are probably in the thread already.
Three men crash their boat onto a remote island and are captured by a tribe of cannibals. The chief comes up to the first one and tell him that they are going to eat him and use every part of his body. He says, "We will use your skull for a bowl, your bones to make weapons, and your skin for our boats. However, you get to decide how to die.
The first man says. I want my head cut off. The Chief motions to a tribesman who takes out an ax and chops the man's head off. The second man says he wants to commit Seppuku. He is given a knife and kneels on the ground, then takes his life. The third man asks for a fork. Slightyl confused the chief produces one and hands it to the man. The man takes the fork and begins stabbing himself all over his body while screaming, 'Your not gonna make a boat outta me!"
~~~~~~~~~
Three men crash their boat onto a remote island and are captured by a tribe of cannibals. The chief tells them all that they will be eaten unless they can pass his 2 part test. "Go out into the jungle and bring back 5 pieces of the same fruit." The men run off into the woods. a short while later the first man comes back carrying 5 oranges. The chief says, "if you can fit all 5 of those oranges in your ass you may live." The man figures he has nothing else to lose so he gives it a shot. He gets 1 and then 2 but he can't get the 3rd one in and so the cannibals cut off his head.
At this time the second man comes back and he is carrying 5 grapes. The chief says, "if you can fit all 5 of those grapes in your ass you may live." The man immediately drops his pants and begins. he gets 1 then 2 then 3 then 4, but right before he gets the 5th one in he burst out laugh and the grapes fall out, the cannibals kill him on the spot.
When the second man gets to heaven the first man is waiting for him. "I was watching you man you almost had that, what happen?" The Second man says, " I saw the other guy coming back, he was carrying pineapples."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_soap_radio
Basically it's not meant to be funny, but to trick you into laughing for no reason so that we can laugh at you.
As a one-time-only thing:
Stop with the offensive joke stuff. It's not ok, even if you think it's funny.
Any more of them will be dealt with accordingly.
Thank you.
What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can't eat it. (highlight or click to read)
Last edited by muto; 2013-01-29 at 11:07 PM.
I never met a person who could hold a fart so long they could float.
Joke I heard as a kid and still to this day I cannot tell why it makes me laugh.
I don't get it xD
Please don't infract me Scrapbot; My joke: SO Jesus was observing Earth one day, and discovered how bad a drug problem there is! So he went down with some apostles and hid out in a house to figure out what to do.
He decided since he didn't know what the drugs did, he'd send his apostles to get some, and see what was so harmful about them. Each apostle came back a different day. On the first day, there was a knock at his door, "It is I, Peter! I brought back cocaine! Let me in!" So Jesus let him in and inspected the drug. The second day, there was another knock on the door, "It is I Mark! I have brought back heroine! Let me in!" So Jesus again let him in. This continued for some time, and on the 5th day, there was a knock at the door. Jesus got up and asked who it was, ''IT'S JUDAS, DEA! WE'RE COMING IN!".