Pretty downright horrifying.
My poor father in law has, in the past year, has dropped to under 100 lbs (as someone who is 6'2"), found out (finally) that he has esophogical cancer, of which less then 20% of people who have it make it for more than a year, is being recommended for a surgical procedure that he's telling his son is "scaring him" but is actually something that he would only be recommended for if he were still losing weight (which means he's been lying about his progress).
Which doesn't bode well for why he's suddenly calling us up to be with him. It probably means that he's been given only a very short time to live.
And I can't tell my husband that because he's got to drive for 6 hours today with me and my son in a car in order to get us up there.
My husband is in such severe denial, even I don't want to burst his bubble about his dad's odds, and what this proceedure means for his father.
Especially since his father signed a DNR a few months ago that means that if he should ever require being hooked to a machine to live...he wants to be taken off it.
And this proceedure? Yeah. That's going to be a tough one. You push the tumor out of the way so he can eat...and due to it's positioning...you crowd out one or both lungs somewhat.
That means a machine.
So today, I'm going to have to watch my father in law tell my husband that he is going to die - because he won't live on a machine. And I can't even warn him.
And I have to hold it together and pretend like this is nothing for 6 long hours in a car.