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  1. #21
    We got a new science teacher in school today called Mr Frankenstein..

    Can't wait for assembly tomorrow.

  2. #22
    I went to give my boss a high 5 today during a meeting, but he swerved it..

    so I turned it into a handstand to avoid looking stupid.

  3. #23
    David Cameron: "I look forward to working with Barack Obama for the next four years."

    Two years, Dave, two years.

  4. #24
    I broke into my neighbour's house and stole the keys to his Ferrari.

    I love keys.

  5. #25
    A young man had a lucky escape at a Linkin Park concert yesterday.

    Some scaffolding collapsed and killed him before they came on.

  6. #26
    There is no reason to tailgate someone in the slow lane, especially when they are doing 35 over the speed limit.

    And frankly, those flashing lights on the roof of your car look ridiculous.

  7. #27
    A Yorkshire suit maker was jailed for five years yesterday.

    He got caught selling t'weed.

  8. #28
    I came home from the pub really drunk last night.

    As I staggered into the living room and sat down on the sofa, my wife looked at me and said, "Can't you just go out and have a couple of drinks?"

    "Of course I can," I replied, standing back up. "Just let me get my coat."

  9. #29
    How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None. When the bulb goes, they just replace the house.

  10. #30
    Antivirus pioneer John McAfee is wanted by the Police for murder charges.

    If they catch him they estimate the trial could last 30 days...

  11. #31

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