Men and Women Can't Be "Just Friends"

[Wells]

Again, if you can't be bothered to care that just because someone uses a blanket statement doesn't mean they actually believe it applies to 100% of a group (eg. "The Earth is 4.5 billion years old. Everyone knows that.") Then I don't really care to clean it up for you.

Are you seriously acting like he's not being reasonable by taking your blanket statements as blanket statements?

You'd be more than happy to attack him for making the same assumptions you're telling him he's being unreasonable for not making were they wrong.

[v2prwsmb45yhuq3wj23vpjk]

So again, if you have nothing to do but attack which words I use in a statement rather than the intent therein (Much less read the goddamn thread in which I explicitly state several times I don't speak for all men) then you and I, frankly, have nothing to discuss because we're talking about two different things.

It isn't attacking the words, it's attacking the argument you presented. It is your fault when you phrase something poorly enough that you present a different argument, not ours.

I think this thread went way off somewhere at page 3-4. People started commenting about the fact that men and women can be friends....
Thats NOT the issue at hand, the real issue is "Can men and women JUST be friends"
Thats is a totally different discussion.
Can you move back to the right one pls?

I don't see what you're talking about.

[hellosaltygoodness]

Perhaps I misspoke and should have said "It's really hard for me to believe a guy can be sexually attracted to someone and decline sex with them if the opportunity arises.

okay, that is what i completely misunderstand about your argument. you are saying that if a guy wouldn't say no to sex with a girl, then they can't be just friends. i don't see why being friends hinges on the completely irrelevant criteria of saying no to sex if the opportunity ever arose. why can't people be perfectly good friends, who honestly wouldn't be against having sex with each other if both of them ever wanted to? i just think it doesn't make any sense. most people will easily decide not to have sex with their friends, even if its somebody they otherwise wouldn't mind having sex with. but even then, you can have sex with a friend and still be friends afterwards.

[Laize]

Are you seriously acting like he's not being reasonable by taking your blanket statements as blanket statements?

You'd be more than happy to attack him for making the same assumptions you're telling him he's being unreasonable for not making were they wrong.

I just don't have the patience for this tonight.

It's everything I can do to not get intentionally banned so I have an excuse to step away from this fucking thread.

The context of what I said would have been perfectly clear to anyone following the thread.

[Spectral]

Again, if you can't be bothered to care that just because someone uses a blanket statement doesn't mean they actually believe it applies to 100% of a group (eg. "The Earth is 4.5 billion years old. Everyone knows that.") Then I don't really care to clean it up for you.

I'm not a fucking politician. I don't need your vote and I don't need to make sure every sentence I type out has its meaning laid out crystal clear.

So again, if you have nothing to do but attack which words I use in a statement rather than the intent therein (Much less read the goddamn thread in which I explicitly state several times I don't speak for all men. But then you would have known that had you actually read it.) then you and I, frankly, have nothing to discuss because we're talking about two different things.

Dude, it's an internet forum. For real, we have nothing to go on other than what you actually wrote. I can't base responses on what I think you might actually believe beyond what you wrote, and I take someone saying, "all men do X" at face value. If multiple people tell you the problem on your end, getting mad at all of them is probably not the right approach.

[Giants41]

I'm friends with girls. I have known them since i was little and think of them as sisters. No sexual feelings.

[Laize]

Dude, it's an internet forum. For real, we have nothing to go on other than what you actual wrote. I can't base responses on what I think you might actually believe beyond what you wrote, and I take someone saying, "all men do X" at face value. If multiple people tell you the problem on your end, getting mad at all of them is probably not the right approach.

If you have nothing to go on besides what I actually wrote, then why don't you fucking read what I've been writing since like the 5th goddamn page? You know, what I wrote.

Why should I have to lay out my position as crystal clear as possible in every goddamn thread so that johnny-come-latelys don't misinterpret shit?

At least when I initially do that and get corrected I have the integrity to admit "Oh, I didn't know".

[Deleted]

I've had plenty of female friends who I've never done anything with most of those I've never had a romantic or otherwise leanings for. Since I joined the Army and became a MP(Military Police) I have worked closely with alot of females (and to respond to a earlier comment made by a poster saying if he woke up with one of his female freinds on top of him he'd "hit that". I have been in that position and of that like many x's before with my female freinds, both in my unit and outside and nothing happened. Most of the time I ended up tucking them in and leaving the room, but I have spent the night in the same bed as some of them and nothing happened.)

It just seems that WAY to many guys these days think with their third leg these days. And yes, I'm straight and single. But maybe I'm a minority in the male community or soemthing. /shrug

To summarize it you agree, men and women cant just be friends

[Destruktion]

Men and women who are sexually attracted to each other cannot remain "just friends." Sexual attraction is just that: attraction. Unless there are forces like cultural norms or taboos holding people back, or other people they are more attracted to, they will gravitate towards one another.

[Deleted]

yes it's 100000000% possible for men and women to be 'just friends'

I'm a 27 year old guy, my best friend since I was.... about 4 is a girl, I've never been attracted to her and she's never been attracted to me (okay her being a lesbian may have something to do with her not being attracted to me ....), there has never been anything other than friendship between us.

ya know... now I think about it, I think I actually have more female friends than I do male friends, not tried to hook up with any of them, so yeah, I'd say it's totally possible.

You are neglecting the fact that you dont know if any of them wanna do anything with you.

You cant just say I HAVE FEMALE FRIENDS I DONT WANNA HAVE SEX WITH OR ANYTHING and think
that contredicts the question at hand. Only IF you would know the pure nature of the "women friends" in your
life could you answer the question. So far you are at 50 %.

[v2prwsmb45yhuq3wj23vpjk]

If you have nothing to go on besides what I actually wrote, then why don't you fucking read what I've been writing since like the 5th goddamn page? You know, what I wrote.

Why should I have to lay out my position as crystal clear as possible in every goddamn thread so that johnny-come-latelys don't misinterpret shit?

At least when I initially do that and get corrected I have the integrity to admit "Oh, I didn't know".

Now you are misrepresenting what we did as taking you out of context. There is a difference between doing that and pointing out absolute statements as being wrong. In order for us to have any idea that your absolute statement was not intended to be what is was, we would have to know you personally.

[Xl House lX]

If that's all it takes for you, bully for you.

For the rest of us, there's almost invariably sexual attraction to an attractive female friend. Most of us would rather not be present for her conversations about guys she's fucking, too.

It generally seems to be that women only want male friends to have all the benefits of a boyfriend without the messy feelings that go along with sex. Once they actually GET a boyfriend there's little reason to keep hanging out with the male friend. This is reflected in (holy shit) not hanging out with the male friend nearly as often.

---------- Post added 2012-11-13 at 06:25 PM ----------



Did you grow up together? The Westermarck Effect can be pretty powerful.

I agree with this on so many levels. Also, girls will always befriend a guy they don't feel sexually attracted to. On rare occasion, both males and females will befriend each other that both have the same attractiveness to each other, and get along well. But these don't end up being 'friends'. If a single girl starts talking to you, and she puts you in friend zone, ouch. She doesn't find you attractive. I've been there to many times.

And like you said, many women will get a guy friend for emotional support that they can only get from a male (like, for example the feeling of 'protection', and mindlessly, or hell even knowing that she is misleading the guy. And about the boyfriend and the girl not talking to the guy friend anymore, I have been there before. Girls and guys can not be, or for that matter, can not be seen as just friends. Can't happen. Can a guy and a girl be friends? Yeah. But just friends, friends forever, without the possibility of ever moving on? No, unless he's gay.

[Queen of Hamsters]

I guess me and my male friends are unnatural then.

Silly people are silly. If a man can't handle having a female friend without constantly thinking about her in a sexual way, then he's no friend...he's a creep.

However, there are times of course when people are friends, and then one of them (or both) begin to feel even deeper for the other. Quite natural, but doesn't exactly speak for every single man and woman relation in this world.

[Deleted]

One of my best friends is a female I have no interest in having a relationship with or even something as fleeting as casual sex. Not for many years, not since back when I was a far more desperate horny college kid. She's the kind of awesome friend that makes dozens of cupcakes, rides a horse, then goes out with us to the bar for drinks and happy hour appetizers while yelling a whole lot. Then movies and/or tabletop games later. Her longtime boyfriend goes out with us to these outings, and we all generally have an Excellent time. That is Excellent, with a guitar riff.

I'd like to think it's a good case of 'of course men and women can be friends, durh.' Not everything HAS to be sexual.

Mind you, do I think the type of friendship I've got with her is common? Not at all. I know luck and a great friend when I see it.

At any rate, I've also got another good friend who I am quite readily attracted to. I don't think that being attracted to somebody somehow eliminates the possibility of this magical 'true friendship.' I don't have that many friends, I have a close circle of very good friends. I'd take a bullet for most of 'em. That's friendship to me.

Mate your argument is invalid, she HAS a boyfriend....where did you see ppl writing "Can a man be friends with a girl that has a boyfriend?"

Thats not the question

[v2prwsmb45yhuq3wj23vpjk]

Mate your argument is invalid, she HAS a boyfriend....where did you see ppl writing "Can a man be friends with a girl that has a boyfriend?"

Thats not the question

It's actually not. The question is extremely broad.

[Laize]

Now you are misrepresenting what we did as taking you out of context. There is a difference between doing that and pointing out absolute statements as being wrong. In order for us to have any idea that your absolute statement was not intended to be what is was, we would have to know you personally.

Or have been following the thread.

---------- Post added 2012-11-14 at 04:37 AM ----------

I guess me and my male friends are unnatural then.

Silly people are silly. If a man can't handle having a female friend without constantly thinking about her in a sexual way, then he's no friend...he's a creep.

That's a pretty shitty attitude. What makes his view less valid than yours?

It would just be better off if you weren't "friends" with that particular guy to begin with.

[Queen of Hamsters]

I agree with this on so many levels. Also, girls will always befriend a guy they don't feel sexually attracted to. On rare occasion, both males and females will befriend each other that both have the same attractiveness to each other, and get along well. But these don't end up being 'friends'. If a single girl starts talking to you, and she puts you in friend zone, ouch. She doesn't find you attractive. I've been there to many times.

And like you said, many women will get a guy friend for emotional support that they can only get from a male (like, for example the feeling of 'protection', and mindlessly, or hell even knowing that she is misleading the guy. And about the boyfriend and the girl not talking to the guy friend anymore, I have been there before. Girls and guys can not be, or for that matter, can not be seen as just friends. Can't happen. Can a guy and a girl be friends? Yeah. But just friends, friends forever, without the possibility of ever moving on? No, unless he's gay.

You think you know so much about women, yet you know so little. Go get some real experience please.

I've met my male friends naturally, there's been NO hidden agenda behind it and I have not chosen guys that I think are unattractive...on the contrary, I think they all look good and that's only enhanced by the fact that I love them and think they're awesome people. We've been friends for going on 7 years now. They have girlfriends, I've had boyfriends, we've always been tight. I've never lead them on or asked them for protection (I can protect myself very well) nor have they tried getting into my pants.

Sheesh...do some guys really still know so little about women in this day and age? So many wrongful assumptions, conclusions, generalizations...pah. Humans all have different personalities, regardless of gender. Period.

[Deleted]

Ah. See, you should consider how your guildy views sex, then, and put the questions you're asking here into another light.

This entire debate relies on viewing sex as a very serious thing. That its existence and the act of having it with somebody somehow warps the perception of what is a friend. There are many people who do not consider sex to be a very serious thing.

Your english make my eyes bleed

Are you using babelfish or something? It´s really hard to understand what you are talking about.

Your sentence structure is so bad....

[v2prwsmb45yhuq3wj23vpjk]

Or have been following the thread.

You directly contradicted yourself on the same page. Following the thread wouldn't have changed anything.

Your english make my eyes bleed

Are you using babelfish or something? It´s really hard to understand what you are talking about.

Your sentence structure is so bad....

His post is perfectly understandable. Are you drunk?

[Queen of Hamsters]

Or have been following the thread.

---------- Post added 2012-11-14 at 04:37 AM ----------



That's a pretty shitty attitude. What makes his view less valid than yours?

It would just be better off if you weren't "friends" to begin with.

I guess that made sense to you in some way, but to me it sure didn't. And it's not a shitty attitude, it's a reaction to people trying to turn completely situational and personal matters into pure facts for every single example in this world. It's not valid because it's WRONG, I myself am a living proof of this. It's a heap of assumptions and theories, nothing else, to say that a woman will only befriend a man due to some hidden agenda or only if he's "unattractive" to her.