Men and Women Can't Be "Just Friends"

[FusedMass]

Quoted from the article

Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them—a clearly misguided belief.

In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt—basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female

Men were also more willing to act on this mistakenly perceived mutual attraction.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/ar...e-just-friends

OT: Can a man a Woman be Just Friends?

[purplelace]

Getting the popcorn out for this one, should be good as I'd like to know myself..

[ryotte]

I'm a married woman and I consider many of my husband's (male) friends to be my friends, as well. They are as likely to call me as to call him, and we even hang out independently of my husband if he's not feeling sociable (for example, he's staying home and WoWing :P). I highly doubt they're looking to bang (although they may have been before we got together, they're certainly not now). This may be different from two singles who are friends, but it's still men and women being just friends.

[Deleted]

I have many female friends, not everyone is sex crazed.

[Argroth]

Men and women can be friends sure.

The problem is whenever one or the other becaomes "Just Friends". If one of the two does become attracted to the other and the other person wants to be "Just friends" then no, they can't be very effective friends anymore.

I'm pretty sure anyone who has been "Just friend"-ed can agree it's pretty agonizing seeing the person you are attracted to and you get along with so well just walk off and date other people in front of you.

When a girl (or guy I guess) who you are already great friends with shuts you down when you become atrracted to them saying they wanna be just friends is basically saying "We click in pretty much every way, have the same hobbies and most ideas but you're just too ugly (or something else silly) for me to date"

Maybe I'm reading too much into this thread and blowing off steam though.

[Cerebrate]

Well there are plenty of girls I would call my friend that I'm not interested in, but their not like..real friends that I actually hang out with often. Personally I've never had a girl be just a friend like that and none of my friends hang out with girls like that either.

Naturally this is just my personal experience. It would be a bit ridiculous to say that it can't happen.

[Aqua]

Yes. Either keep it in your pants, or ask if she wants to start a relationship. If you find the person boring afterwards if the answer is no. Just walk away. Friendships are friendships.

But frankly I've always found it easier to have male friends. My own gender is very rarely amiable to me (lack of common ground) so during my teenaged years I was obviously a lesbian (I mean duh, I don't even wear mascara gawd. I'm not but you get the picture, teenaged girls being the odd creatures they are.)

I've only ever had to have one sit down with one of my male friends and end a friendship because of his 'being nice to me hoping one day to get into my pants' jibe. That's a horrible way to 'be friends with the opposite gender'. I'm far more likely to develop feelings for someone who treats me on the same level as a casual friend. If I get shot down then, well it's my on my own terms, but usually I just like keeping the friends I have, this was one rare occurance, and I like being comfortable around people.


But yeah this ...thing doesn't know what it's talking about or used a horrible neanderthal-IQ-Level test group.

I had a male friend the MAJORITY of my young life, nothing came out of it, he dated, we still played video games together on Saturday morning and talked about pokemon and whether Batman could kill Superman in a fight (we were very intense about stuff like that, there was no 'beat', it was KILL!) We don't see much of each other anymore but that was based on me being moved away by my parents. I was his unofficial younger (by like 2 months) sister. But it was one of the friendships I regret not being as strong as it was, good times.

[Endus]

Men and women can be "just friends" as long as he's gay, or she's so unattractive there's no way he'd ever consider it. I'm sure there will be a lot of women who will post here saying "Oh, but I have a lot of male friends, and I'm awesome and pretty, so you're wrong". Well, tell you what, ladies. Pick one of them, who is single and not-gay, and ambush them one night. Kiss them full on the lips, say something like "I want your body, I can't hide it any longer", and see if he backs off. Because if he IS "just a friend", he would.

But he won't. I'd lay money on it.

Also; no fair using acquaintances. This has to be someone you're friends enough with that you'd hang out, just the two of you; no fair trying this with the guy who only hangs out with you because his sister likes you, or because his buddy's dating your BFF; that's not a "friend".


This isn't for any deep reason. Most men are able to divorce sex and emotions. Women, a bit less so, but I suspect that's more for cultural than biological reasons. Any guy you meet has likely already rated you a "yay" or "nay" based on his own measures. Especially if he's a friend, because he knows he likes your personality, too. This doesn't mean he'd be willing to be your boyfriend, but a quick romp in the hay? Sure; there'd have to be a reason NOT to. He may value your friendship enough that he's not going to initiate anything that might risk it, but if YOU initiate, he's now forced to pick between rolling with it and risking the friendship, or refusing you and almost definitely losing the friendship, so he's gonna go for it; it's win-win.

[ptwonline]

My best friend over the past 16 years is a straight woman and we have both been single for most of that time. Nothing ever between us beyond being good friends.

[Sorrior]

I used to think not but then i met a girl i liked but not in that way. Mire in a little sister kinda way. And yeah just friends applies there. Though she moved while borrowing a rare ass game...

But yeah we can.

[Endus]

I'm a married woman and I consider many of my husband's (male) friends to be my friends, as well. They are as likely to call me as to call him, and we even hang out independently of my husband if he's not feeling sociable (for example, he's staying home and WoWing :P). I highly doubt they're looking to bang (although they may have been before we got together, they're certainly not now). This may be different from two singles who are friends, but it's still men and women being just friends.

Let's say that, tragically, your husband dies. After you're outside of the normal grieving period, are you telling me that if you approached one of these friends and told them you missed having someone in your bed, they wouldn't at least consider joining you there?

Because if they would, they're not "just friends". They're just not acting on the fact that they find you attractive, because they value your friendship and respect your husband/the sanctity of marriage/etc.

If a guy A> finds you attractive, B> thinks your personality is compatible (and thus can be friends with you), and C> thinks you're available and interested, he'll go for it.

[Laize]

Of fucking COURSE men and women can't be friends. I'm not sure how this idea even still exists.



There's almost always going to be something sexual there in some fashion.

Sure if you want to suppress any sexual desire (Which, if she's at all attractive and you didn't grow up with her from childhood, there almost certainly is) you can just be friends... but why the hell would you do that to yourself?

- Women routinely think that men and women can just be friends.

- Men routinely disagree

- Women routinely underestimate their male friends' sexual attraction towards them.

- Men routinely overestimate their female friends' sexual attraction towards them.

These are completely incompatible views.

[Sorrior]

Of fucking COURSE men and women can't be friends. I'm not sure how this idea even still exists.



There's almost always going to be something sexual there in some fashion.

Sure if you want to suppress any sexual desire (Which, if she's at all attractive and you didn't grow up with her from childhood, there almost certainly is) you can just be friends... but why the hell would you do that to yourself?

Because you have fun with them?

[fizzbob]

i've always said this. i had female friends i didn't fuck but if i woke up in the middle of the night and they were on top of me i'd not have had a problem pinning their legs behind their ears and tearing it up

if you're straight and your friend isn't disgustingly ugly, you'd hit it

[Rukentuts]

Yes, they can. For those of you that disagree, just keep this in mind: not everyone has sex on the brain.

[EqualWin]

mind closed people still thinking men and women can't be friends lulz. My bestfriend is a girl she's cute and shits but I never saw her more than a friend more like a sister but yeah my gf have problems with it, and in school every1 thought we were together and shits




and we always talk about everything, about my gf/her bf and shits

[Laize]

Because you have fun with them?

If that's all it takes for you, bully for you.

For the rest of us, there's almost invariably sexual attraction to an attractive female friend. Most of us would rather not be present for her conversations about guys she's fucking, too.

It generally seems to be that women only want male friends to have all the benefits of a boyfriend without the messy feelings that go along with sex. Once they actually GET a boyfriend there's little reason to keep hanging out with the male friend. This is reflected in (holy shit) not hanging out with the male friend nearly as often.

---------- Post added 2012-11-13 at 06:25 PM ----------

mind closed people still thinking men and women can't be friends lulz. My bestfriend is a girl she's cute and shits but I never saw her more than a friend more like a sister but yeah my gf have problems with it, and in school every1 thought we were together and shits

Did you grow up together? The Westermarck Effect can be pretty powerful.

[Deleted]

Stuff.

Man, as a bisexual, it sure feels bad knowing I'll never be friends with anyone.

[Rukentuts]

Man, as a bisexual, it sure feels bad knowing I'll never be friends with anyone.

I was thinking something similar. My best friend is a gay man, that means by the logic in this thread he wants me to bang him.

[Endus]

Yes, they can. For those of you that disagree, just keep this in mind: not everyone has sex on the brain.

It's not "sex on the brain". Guys aren't running around going "oh god all my female friends are constantly making me pop boners". They just know whether or not they find a girl attractive, or not.

And if they do, they'll hook up with her given the opportunity.

Which means they're not "just friends". "Just friends" only exists if you're so unattractive to a guy that he'd never sleep with you.