To the women out there, I have a serious question for you.

[purplelace]

Hello MMO-C,

I am in a situation right now and need to find out how best to go about this situation. I've been talking to this girl for quite some time now (about 1.5 years) and we are about to take the next step (i.e become official); however, it wasn't until lately that she told me that she struggles daily when she doesn't hear from me.

Whenever she is very busy, she needs her time to herself, and I have been respecting that, as she just started a new job and she wants to stay focused. I am there for her when needed, however as of late, she gets more and more sad when we don't talk, even if its for 24 hours. Of course, relationships, in part, are about compromise and tending to others needs, but from an emotional standpoint.. what do women go through when they don't hear from their men? I just want to see what its like in the minds of women, especially when they don't hear from them after several hours.

This would help me become more aware of her needs and how women tend to handle certain situations that deal with their emotions; thanks.

[Kasierith]

The aspect of constant communication, even if it is of the type that you don't see as substantial ie just talking for 20-30 minutes during a busy day, is vital for maintaining a healthy relationship. There are numerous reasons for it, and from experience I can tell you it is by no means limited to women, but it comes down to having the other person as a support and as reinforcement. If its important to her, than even if you can't understand it leave it at something you can do to make her feel more comfortable.

[Rozali]

I don't know that I can speak for all of the women out there since we're each in our own respective relationships, but I know even though I can deal if I'm not hearing from my boyfriend, but it's just nice to have him to talk to, even if it's just through text messaging when I have breaks at work since I know my guy is usually more than open to hearing about how my day is going, good or bad seeing as we both work in the Emergency Room and know the stresses, we are an outlet to each other for venting. I do get a bit down if I don't get to talk to him I guess partially because it always brightens my day up when I talk to him or get a text from him and it is my way to vent my emotions without laying them out to the patients I care for. However, like I said, I don't believe I can speak for the entire female population. But essentially, keeping that connection is nice, especially in a society where keeping in touch is more prevalent than ever.

[sage55]

She sounds psycho, before you know it she'll be pressure cooking a rabbit in your kitchen. END IT NOW!

[Reeve]

If you're really busy and can't take the time to give her a call, just send her a quick text to ask how her day went. All she wants to know is that you were thinking about her.

This, from a man's perspective who has a lot of women as friends.

[Ceece]

From a guy's point of view, communication is key. You guys should try to talk for at least a small period of time each day, or go do something with each other. Meet for lunch, make her dinner. Women want to feel appreciated. In this situation, she has a fear of losing you. Show her there's nothing to fear.

[Howard Moon]

She sounds psycho, before you know it she'll be pressure cooking a rabbit in your kitchen. END IT NOW!

Sounds delicious XD

OnTopic: girls like knowing that you are thinking about them. Naturally, that counts for guys too. Even a simple SMS or a short call can turn a shitty day into a good one.

[Kerath]

I think I'm fairly low maintenance as far as relationships go, but even so, I've always found it nice to talk to my boyfriend on a pretty much daily basis. It's not necessarily a 'need' as such, but it is reassuring to know that he's thinking of you, and besides - one of the big reasons I would be in a relationship with someone, is because I simply enjoy their company. I like talking to them, I like sharing stuff about my day with them.
Even if it's just a brief "so how was your day" kind of call, it's simply nice to have that level of contact.
The first nine months of our relationship, my boyfriend and I managed to maintain a long distance relationship (I was in England, he was in the Netherlands), and communication really was key there - you can't get the face to face time, so the little text messages and the odd call which basically just amount to 'Hey, I'm thinking about you, you're important to me" are reassuring and help build faith in the relationship.

Particularly in the first flush of a relationship, it gives you a kick to see a message pop up from that person - you know that butterflies-in-the-stomach-happy feeling?
Even now, my partner and I are living together, I still get the odd message from him every now and then during the day and it brings a smile to my face.
It's not needed - I don't feel bad if I don't hear from him throughout the day by any means - but it makes me feel good if I do.

That being said, it sounds like your lady friend is going through a bit of a stressful time at the moment, so maybe she's leaning on you a little more for emotional support, than she normally would?

[Reeve]

Sounds delicious XD

OnTopic: girls like knowing that you are thinking about them. Naturally, that counts for guys too. Even a simple SMS or a short call can turn a shitty day into a good one.

Yeah agreed, this goes for guys too. I get a warm feeling when a girl I like sends me a text message unprompted.

[purplelace]

I just gave her a call. She is feeling MUCH better now and kept saying my name on the phone with joy. She said "You have no idea how much it means to be that you called." Normally, I don't see phone calls as a big deal but this is the first time Ive been in a situation like this in a long time, so I just found it weird how a simple call can change so much. I mean we text, email, and Skype too but.. I am more than willing to change how I communicate with her so she feels better.

I guess its mainly for emotional support?

[Ebildays]

Hello MMO-C,

I am in a situation right now and need to find out how best to go about this situation. I've been talking to this girl for quite some time now (about 1.5 years) and we are about to take the next step (i.e become official); however, it wasn't until lately that she told me that she struggles daily when she doesn't hear from me.

Whenever she is very busy, she needs her time to herself, and I have been respecting that, as she just started a new job and she wants to stay focused. I am there for her when needed, however as of late, she gets more and more sad when we don't talk, even if its for 24 hours. Of course, relationships, in part, are about compromise and tending to others needs, but from an emotional standpoint.. what do women go through when they don't hear from their men? I just want to see what its like in the minds of women, especially when they don't hear from them after several hours.

This would help me become more aware of her needs and how women tend to handle certain situations that deal with their emotions; thanks.

Hmmm, the bold part just does not sound right. Everyone likes to hear from their loved ones but if you don't hear from them it should not become a struggle for a person. It just seems that she is placing her happiness on you and by doing that is making you responsible for her happiness or saddness. Then what happens if you don't feel like talking one day? Or if you are stressed and only want to talk for a little bit? Are you responsible for her being sad because of that or do you stop taking in account your own personal needs? You just have to look at the past 1.5 years to see if you are the one doing all the giving on an emotional level and she is doing all the taking. If this is something new than try to talk to her about it because it may not really be about you but about something else that is stressing her out.

[Silhouette of Seraphim]

I just gave her a call. She is feeling MUCH better now and kept saying my name on the phone with joy. She said "You have no idea how much it means to be that you called." Normally, I don't see phone calls as a big deal but this is the first time Ive been in a situation like this in a long time, so I just found it weird how a simple call can change so much. I mean we text, email, and Skype too but.. I am more than willing to change how I communicate with her so she feels better.

I guess its mainly for emotional support?

It comes down to what exactly she's asking, followed by the deciding if it's worth it.

[purplelace]

It comes down to what exactly she's asking, followed by the deciding if it's worth it.

Makes sense. We're going to talk tonight so I'll get things fleshed out sooner than later. Definitely didn't want things to linger undiscussed. As I mentioned in the OP, I didn't know if women struggle or have a tough time more so then men when dealing with another person, and how it affects them as a function of time. I just don't want to do anything wrong at this point, especially in terms of communication.

[Liagala]

Is she normally a clingy type of person? If not, I'd find out if something has been bothering her lately. People should always like talking to their significant other, but if after a year and a half of close friendship she feels that bad with only a day's separation, I'd have to say there's something wrong. That is PLENTY of time to become comfortable with you and the way you two interact on a regular basis.

[Argroth]

Wow she seems a bit clingy.

I mean yea you should try to yalk to her when you can but for her to actually get depressed or something because you didn't talk to her ONE day?

How is it not "official" yet if she is that attached to you?

I've seen relationships like the one you decribe go down some dark ways. Not saying its gonna happen but I know guys who can't go anywhere or can't do anything because they GOTTA be there to talk to thier girlfriend on her work break. And I mean never go out because he has to be at her beck nd call. You only see these people when you go to them. It's really pathetic

[purplelace]

No, not really, but she's really been experiencing and sharing deeper personal things with me over the past couple of weeks, and when she shared that it "hurts" when we dont talk, part of the reason for the discussion tonight is to figure out what is going on with her and find the source/cataclyst of it so she'll be ok. Just didn't know if, at a time like this, if there are "unspoken" rules on how to handle such situation, or if it depends on the context of the friendship/relationship and the person you're dealing with; I have a feeling its a bit of both.

[purplelace]

Communication to a woman is very important. If you are in a serious relationship with someone, you should talk everyday. You don't have to see one another everyday, but a simple text or phone call to say goodnight or I love you is key...

Understood; thank you. This is all new to me; please dont laugh @ me.

[Liagala]

Communication to a woman is very important. If you are in a serious relationship with someone, you should talk everyday. You don't have to see one another everyday, but a simple text or phone call to say goodnight or I love you is key...

It depends on the woman really. Early in a relationship I'd definitely agree with you. That whole heart-skipping-a-beat thing when you see his number come up on the phone is amazing. After a year and a half of close friendship with someone though, if he called me before bed to say, "Hi, I haven't talked to you all day," I'd be waiting for the other half of the sentence to explain why he called. It would be sweet and all, but would also seem odd. The "honeymoon phase" is over at that point and you should be well settled into your normal style. My normal style is perfectly happy spending a day without him, no matter how much I may love him and enjoy his company.

I guess what I'm trying to say to the OP is that it is very dependent on who she is, and how your friendship over the last year and a half has evolved. Do you two make a big effort to talk several times a day? Are you constantly calling/texting/whatever? Is she an independent type of person, or does she need someone with her? I'm not sure asking for blanket "how do women work?" advice is ever a good idea. You know her far better than we do. We can help you talk out what's in your own head and sort out what you want, but we can't tell you what she wants.

[purplelace]

Several times a day? Nope, I tend to spread it through the week; We text/call/email/Skype throughout the duration of the week. She's both independent and needs someone with her sometimes, depending on the situation.

This is part of the reason we're talking tonight, just so she doesn't randomly get sad.

[Obamatheone]

You just need to learn to pretend you are listening to them, and focus on w/e else you are actually wanting to do.

Yup
uh huh.
Yah I remember that...
ahh
She said what...
etc...