How big of an age gap is needed to be considered weird for dating for 21 year olds?

[Mooshelle]

At 21 go as high as you want but going more than 2 yrs under you is seriously pervy

[ddsad2212]

Nope, it's not weird.

[Cowt]

Medically, you need to be at least five years older than the subject in order to be diagnosed with paedophilia. (Along with other criteria , of course)

So as long as you stay under that, it really just comes down to personal opinion.

[Pony Soldier]

Well this is a relief. I kept thinking myself to be a weirdo for liking girls 4 years younger than me. I would NEVER go below that though. Like I said right now as a 21 year old, 17 is absolutely the farthest I will go.

[Jackmoves]

If I was 21 I wouldn't date anyone under 18, heck if she was 17 you wouldn't be able to go out to a club etc together(need to be at least 18). Just a lot of practical problems.

[Gande]

If I was 21 I wouldn't date anyone under 18, heck if she was 17 you wouldn't be able to go out to a club etc together(need to be at least 18). Just a lot of practical problems.

Assuming both parties want to go clubbing and the shenanigans.

Wheres that song about age being just a number? Oh, there seem to be quite a lot of them.

Physical, mental, and emotional attraction > age

[Jackmoves]

Assuming both parties want to go clubbing and the shenanigans.

Wheres that song about age being just a number? Oh, there seem to be quite a lot of them.

Physical, mental, and emotional attraction > age

Of course, but I was out all the time as a 21 year old, even when not single. So from my experience, having had a gf that wouldn't be able to tag along and hang with my mates and their gfs would have been a big problem.

I'd either have to stay in with her or go out alone.

[Deleted]

It's not weird at all, it's just 4 years, it's nothing really.


My parents have an age difference of about 9 years and they have known each other since kids, so there you go, not very weird. :b

[silmarilen]

the law in NL says max difference is 5 years when one of the persons is underage

[Deleted]

I met my girlfriend when i was 17 and she was 21, we are now both in our 30's and have a kid and a house. Maybe its diffrent because the sex's are swapped around, but to me there was no problem with the age and nobody else seemed to think there was a problem with our age diffrence.

[Deleted]

Personally, when I was 17 I dated a person that was 21. It's not weird to be attracted to a 17 year old girl - if she looks like a fully grown woman. Not sure if anyone can really tell if someone is 17 or 18, just as little as someone can see if the person is 21 or 22.

Today, when I'm 26 and slowely dying inside, I can't even see myself dating someone that is younger then me with more then 2 years. The limit up is severely damaged, so I will not mention that..

[raechuul]

I think it's a situational thing. Like someone said, lots of teens look to be in their 20's now (and heck, 17 is only one year from being an "adult"). So to be attracted to her is completely normal.

However, like others have pointed out, since she is a minor still there could be an issue with legality. How close is she to 18? A few months, or almost a full year? Personally, I think there is a big gap only in the maturity department. I believe I was always mature for my age, but now that I'm 21 and live with my boyfriend and we are basically married without the paperwork, I can tell you that there really is a lot that goes on between 18 and 21.

That is why it is situational. If you have a good read on her personality and she's a nice girl and doesn't seem very immature, best of luck to you.

[Bigbazz]

If I was 21 I wouldn't date anyone under 18, heck if she was 17 you wouldn't be able to go out to a club etc together(need to be at least 18). Just a lot of practical problems.

This is just stupid, she isn't going to be 17 forever, and if you genuinely like her (which is fine, she is a woman physically at this point) by the time you have really got to know her she will already be 18. Surely your biggest worry is not about going to clubs together? Which to be honest girls often get away with under age anyway.

Age shouldnt really have an importance. When I was 18 I met a girl that I got on with amazingly well and we very much liked each other, I had no idea after having seen many many pictures I believed her to be closer to my age but she later revealed she was only 14, regardless of this we couldn't be together anyway as she lived too far away, we remained good friends. Later when she was 19 (i was 23) we started talking more often and she came to stay with me for a summer, same old flame was there and on mental maturity we were probably on the same page despite the 4 year gap. Relationship didn't last due to distance (was not realistic to drop either of our lives to be together), we still remain good friends.

The point is that mental or physical appearance can't really point to the age of someone (atleast to an extent). Someone in their early 20's with 16-18 year olds really isnt unusual or wrong, most of the girls in school with me had older boyfriends as girls generally mature faster than guys both physically and mentally.

[iggie]

I find anyone over 20 dating high schoolers creepy. Check local laws so you aren't jailed for stat rape.

[Deleted]

If you are over 20 I'd consider it weird to date a minor. When you both age it will not be weird anymore.

[poser765]

The thing is when you're 17 you are very different from a 21 y/o but when you are 25 you're not different from a 21 y/o. Once people reach a certain age we're all adults and the changes are minimal but from teen to adulthood the changes are pretty significant. So I personally don't think there is a number. As of this specific case I don't think you're too old for her. Her parents specifically her dad will probably not like it very much since you're a college kid and she is still in HS.

Completely anecdotal, but I would call a 21 year old that much more mature than a 17 year old. 21 is still pretty damn young. Also there is really no set in stone age for maturity.

OP if you two get along go with it. Hell she will be 18 in less than a year anyway, so the law is really not that big of a concern. Hell again, even a lot of states the age of consent is 16.

[Deleted]

I've heard about a "half your age plus 7" rule... No idea where that came from.

Anyway, who cares? As long as she's legal it's nobody's but your business.

[Wildtree]

Well this is a relief. I kept thinking myself to be a weirdo for liking girls 4 years younger than me. I would NEVER go below that though. Like I said right now as a 21 year old, 17 is absolutely the farthest I will go.

This is where you draw the line...
Your own words:

check out a girl who looks attractive and acts like an adult, good personality and even looks like she's around my age (21) and then I find out she's really 17.

I put in bold what really matters.

[Seirith]

If she's still in high school and you're in college/university, I'd say that's a bit skeezy.

I was just finishing my freshmen year in HS when I met my boyfriend who was 19. He got a job instead of going to college right away. We are now happily married and have been together 14 years.

[halfawake]

If you're looking for a fling that's fine, but a 17 year old is probably in an unstable part of their lives. College or even just self exploration opens up a lot and frankly if you're looking for something steady you just might get your heart broken.