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    Coffee With Fake Developers

    Q: Who are you?

    A: My name is Herman “Flinger” Brown. I am the lead poop designer for World of Warcraft.

    Q: So what is it that you do?

    A: World of Warcraft is an incredibly complex game with many intricate game systems and a tremendous amount of background lore. I am in charge of all the poop-related aspects of that.

    Q: But poop is a small part of the game.

    A: Well, in Mists of Pandaria, we’ve done a top-to-bottom revamp of our cooking system. There are a lot of new banquets being prepared in the game. And when people are eating fried carp cakes, there’s going to be a lot of pooping. At this point, about 17% of World of Warcraft’s quests involve poop. Poop actually interacts with a wide variety of game systems.
    This expansion has seen a considerable expansion of my role, because we’ve incorporated a poop-themed NPC race, the Hozen.

    Q: The Hozen are monkey-people.

    A: Yes. Poop monkeys. Poop is integral to Hozen lore and culture, and it was very important that this rich brown thematic material was included in the gameplay elements as well as the story elements. So, for example, when there is an attack like “Fling Filth,” I will be coordinating with the art team and determining what sort of animation we need to create for a fistful of monkey poop hitting the player in the face, and I will also be in touch with encounter design to discuss what sort of damage effect and splash radius makes sense, given the texture and consistency of this particular enemy character’s feces.

    Q: But poop is just poop.

    A: That’s far from the truth. Monkey poop is very different from something like dragon poop. You don’t want to see a rhinoceros dropping little bunny pellets, and we have a lot of decisions to make that most people wouldn’t even think of when we incorporate the poop of mythical creatures into the game.

    Does dragon poop come out in a viscous patty, like cow dung? Or is it full of bones and hair like owl poop? Does a vampire pop a squat like a regular person, or does it spray a stream of liquid filth like a bird or a bat? It’s a humanoid, remember, but it eats no solid food. We’ve got new creatures called cloud serpents in Mists of Pandaria, which are like dragons, but not connected to our dragon lore. Should they poop like dragons, or should their poop be different?

    Q: I don’t really see why that matters.

    A: It matters a great deal, actually. We’ve even got a daily quest that invites people to explore the poop of cloud serpents, which turns out to be full of carnivorous maggots called Siftworms.

    Every time the quest team or the story team or the encounter team has a question like this, they bring me in on the meeting, to make sure all our decisions about these things are consistency. I guess you could say I am in charge of poo continuity.

    Q: How did you get this position?

    A: Well, I was the junior designer on the quest team during “Burning Crusade,” and when the lead designers were shown the Nagrand area populated with Clefthoof buffalo-rhinos, somebody commented that those things probably just spent their time crapping all over the landscape. Somehow, the clefthoof poop idea stuck, and they assigned me to make a quest about it.

    The Nagrand quest invited players to get elbow-deep into those clefthoof piles looking for magic beans, and, as a reward, we let players put the beans in their mouths. They liked it so much that we added a quest to Hellfire Peninsula in which an NPC asks the player to help out with retrieving some keys his dog swallowed.

    These quests proved to be very popular, so when Wrath of the Lich King came around, I submitted ideas for about a dozen more poop-related quests, including the beloved outhouse line in Grizzly Hills, which invites players to gather ingredients for a magic laxative.

    By Cataclysm I was dealing with poop full-time. We wanted to integrate poop back into the 1-60 leveling experience. I’m especially proud of one quest from the Alliance “Rambo” questline in Redridge mountains, where we invited players to smear fox poop all over their faces.

    We also had some new races, which meant we had a lot of decisions to make. Some of the Tol’Vir people of Uldum have been turned into stone sphinx guys. Do those guys poop regular poop, or do they poop rocks or something? To say nothing of shale spiders.

    And there were a lot of decisions to make about Deathwing. Does his poop have chunks of metal in it? Is it on fire? He’s such an iconic character, so it was very important to get his poop right.

    With the Hozen and the wider variety of poops in Mists of Pandaria, of course, I’m busier than ever.

    Q: Tell me about your role in developing the Hozen.

    Ghostcrawler called me into his office and told me it was time to really step up to a more prominent role on the team. He handed me some concept art of a monkey-guy, and a couple of pages of lore information, and he asked me to look at it, and come back to tell him what sort of dialog this creature might have.

    I went back to my desk, and I got myself a big cup of coffee, and I worked through the night.

    The next day, I went back to Ghostcrawler, and I pointed at the picture, and I said: “Ook-Ook!”

    He said: “Ook-Ook?”

    And I said: “Ook-Ook!”

    He looked kind of disappointed. He said: “That’s it? That’s all you’ve got?”

    And I was kind of caught out, because I thought that was pretty good. But then, off the top of my head, I said: “Me gonna ook you in the dooker!” And he smiled.

    That was maybe the best day of my life.
    Last edited by Crawford; 2012-11-26 at 03:45 PM.
    Author of DON'T EVER GET OLD , Nominated for the Edgar, Anthony and Thriller awards for Best First Novel.
    My Blog:
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  2. #2

  3. #3
    Meanwhile on MMO-Champion...
    One cannot simply quit wow his way into Mordor.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by scorpious1109 View Post
    Wtf did I just read?
    You just read a fake "coffee with developers" article

  5. #5
    It may be fake... yet it's so real.

  6. #6
    i... dont... even...

  7. #7
    *clap* Well played Sir!
    Quote Originally Posted by Orlong View Post
    It doesnt destroy the land to bury styrofoam 25 feet below the ground
    Today Obama once again kneeled at the altar of environmental naziism and hurt this once great country. He has now banned all drilling in the Atlantic Ocean

  8. #8
    I lol'd
    Warlorcs of Draenorc made me quit. You can't have my stuff.

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  11. #11
    I didn't realize how important poop was in WoW until now. Thank you for enlightening me, Flinger and Crawford

  12. #12
    Not sure what it was... but I did laugh... a bit.

  13. #13
    The Unstoppable Force Resentful's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Dota 2 24/7 / Dark Souls II
    I must say this was very entertaining Craw but It's not your best work =)

    Thanks ~

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by -Apathy- View Post
    I must say this was very entertaining Craw but It's not your best work =)

    Thanks ~
    I think the developer coffee interviews are a little too obscure to effectively satirize. My most popular ones make fun of the community. And, of course, a lot of my writing time is going into my books.
    Author of DON'T EVER GET OLD , Nominated for the Edgar, Anthony and Thriller awards for Best First Novel.
    My Blog:
    My Warcraft/Gaming Blog:
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  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by scorpious1109 View Post
    Wtf did I just read?
    A poop topic...

    but ironically I like it xd.

  16. #16
    Scarab Lord Chonar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    The Netherlands
    Mother of god..
    If World of Warcraft has taught me anything, it's that teaching a crowd something is far harder than teaching individuals.

  17. #17
    I found this pearl from wowhead comments funnier.

    It's World of Warcraft expansion/update time again. And that means lots more poo-picking quests for us to get our grubby, soiled hands on. Why make Redridge mountains the exception?

    I've tracked down the particular Scatophilic developer responsible for all these quests, and his name is Rodger. Attempts to visit him at home failed, due to lack of available breathing masks.

    One can perhaps picture the brainstorming sessions that are held before quests are implementated, the dev team sat around a polished oakwood table, furiously scribbling down ideas.. and then it's Rodger's turn to contribute:

    "Ok Rodger, what have you got for us this expansion?"

    "Well guys, it was a tough call, but I think I've managed to come up with a sequal to 'Pupus Scoopus' and 'Scare The Guano' out of them, this one is gonna be the biggest, most rancid, most monumental dung fest you ever saw.. oh man! I can almost SMELL the poo! I can feel it! My GOD I can tas....."

    " Ok Rodger, just give us the details huh...?"

    "Details? Well, imagine a MOUNTAIN of crap, not a hill, not a pile.. but a MOUNTAIN of the stuff. We're gonna actually force players to CLIMB INSIDE this mountian of fresh, steaming poo, armed only with a tooth pick, and burrow their way inside and......"

    "Yeah.. er... Rodger... can I just stop you there, you see, the landscaping for The Shattering is already done, we can't add any mountains of poop... could you maybe be a little less ambitious?"

    *Oh... well... I guess we could just force players to pick up poo from the ground like always and then...."

    (The excitement rises in Rodger's voice)

    ...."Smother it all over their faces!"

    (short moment of silence)

    "I like it!"

    "Yeah make it happen Rodger, this is gonna be the poo grab to end all poo grabs. Nothing beats forcing our player base to cover themselves in crap"

    "Yeah, I agree, thanks Mr Kotick"

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Verdugo View Post
    I found this pearl from wowhead comments funnier.
    Well, taste is subjective. Personally, I think my joke is a little bit more complex. The fact that poop is gross and that the poop quests are gross is a basic observation. The quest itself is essentially a joke, and the observation that it is funny that these wizards and warriors are smearing poop is self-evident to any player.

    I'm taking the joke further by using that process to mock the way the developers discuss the game.
    Author of DON'T EVER GET OLD , Nominated for the Edgar, Anthony and Thriller awards for Best First Novel.
    My Blog:
    My Warcraft/Gaming Blog:
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  19. #19
    I was this coffee... wasn't it :P

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Maelle View Post
    I was this coffee... wasn't it :P
    Yeah. They put that coffee in the game in Kun Lai Summit!
    Author of DON'T EVER GET OLD , Nominated for the Edgar, Anthony and Thriller awards for Best First Novel.
    My Blog:
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