Problems with my girlfriend

[Maleren]

we only see eachother in the weekend... She studies in Amsterdam, which is quite a long train ride.
And I think she means she wants space, as in, we're still together and she wants to sort things out, but still, why completely ignore me and focus on your life, that's like not caring at all about me.

Just because someone needs a break from a relationship doesn't mean they don't care about the other person. Obviously something is going on in her life that she prefers to try and handle alone. Giving her the break and time she needs can actually make your relationship better, stronger. Talk to her. Let her know you're there for her no matter what, that you will always love her and only want her to be happy. If it's meant to be, she'll be back but she needs time & space. Good luck to you.

[Deleted]

OP you sound like me, except the other way around.

My GF hasn't started a uni / hbo yet this year.. she's sitting at home on her ass all day while i'm doing med school.
Needless to say, when i get home I just want to relax for a bit, play some games, watch a movie, lift some weights or do some sports - you name it.
She keeps snapping onto me, saying that she wants to see me at 7 am in the morning or some such on the only days I get some quality rest and sleep.
I've tried explaining her in various ways that i'm just not up for all kinds of going out or being active after having a very busy week. Saturday afternoon - sure. but saturday morning at 7AM no thank you...

The constant conflicts over time management and seeing each other is getting me real fed up with the relationship. She hasn't a care in the world and still she'll make issues over the most minor of things.

I don't know you personally OP, but perhaps your life is less busy than hers? maybe you are oblivious to all the crap she goes through, and you might be the one that she takes it out on? maybe she just wants some rest and personal time, to get her stuff together?

[Deleted]

Having a break/pause is bullshit. It means that the other partner wants to explore other options (read: try other persons)
I know this from personal experience being both the one initiating the break and the one having my partner initiating it.
I also have a bunch of friends who share the same experience/opinion.

Either you stick with each other or you break up. Easy!

[Deleted]

Having a break/pause is bullshit. It means that the other partner wants to explore other options (read: try other persons)
I know this from personal experience being both the one initiating the break and the one having my partner initiating it.
I also have a bunch of friends who share the same experience/opinion.

Either you stick with each other or you break up. Easy!

She doesn't want to break up, she wants some time and space to get her stuff together, but I think she needs to realize I can help her with that.
Maleren, thanks, your reply is what speaks to me the most, I really appreciate it.

[Newbryn]

She's probably bored of you possibly even cheating, just take the pause either way.

[Deleted]

If she wants a break/pause, grant her one.

Feeling like you're stuck and can't have a break in a relationship is very suffocating. Just be ready for any kind of response when her break is over. If she truly loves you, you'll get back together.

Though you should have a nice talk with her first about pretty much everything and why she needs a break, and then grant her the break.

[Deleted]

She's probably bored of you possibly even cheating, just take the pause either way.

Sorry, not all girls are conceited the way modern society makes them out to be.

If she wants a break/pause, grant her one.

Feeling like you're stuck and can't have a break in a relationship is very suffocating. Just be ready for any kind of response when her break is over. If she truly loves you, you'll get back together.

Though you should have a nice talk with her first about pretty much everything and why she needs a break, and then grant her the break.

Thanks for the advice.

[ovm33]

Having a break/pause is bullshit. It means that the other partner wants to explore other options (read: try other persons)
I know this from personal experience being both the one initiating the break and the one having my partner initiating it.
I also have a bunch of friends who share the same experience/opinion.

Either you stick with each other or you break up. Easy!

This. You mentioned she is a long train ride away. She wants out. She's cheating now, or at least has her eyes on someone. This pause is so she can go pursue this other relationship without guilt. All the while having you as a "back-up" if things don't work out.

Get out now man. Run, you're being used.

[Newbryn]

Sorry, not all girls are conceited the way modern society makes them out to be.



Thanks for the advice.

I agree but its also not good to be naive and completely ignorant to a situation.

[ripponesan]

If she thinks about a pause, the meal is already eaten.

[Mongoose19]

Do not bother with such shit, tell her she can do whatever she want's, you don't care.

[Deleted]

Having 4 people telling me she's cheating in a row, I still find it hard to believe.
She's not that kind of girl, she feels incredibly guilty even dreaming of it and she tells me everytime.
She tells me she wants go on, just wants some space to sort things out with school and stuff.

Isn't part of the relationship trusting eachother? I trust her that she's being honest.

[Ethes]

Try to find out what you can do to make her feel comfortable instead of agitated and annoyed. If it is something that has to do with you, change it! If you're not willing to change/give things up, you might just as well break up. Try to help her with her feelings where you can without giving her the feeling you're being pushy, give her space (don't actually call something a pause/temp. break), let her figure out her feelings for you on her own. But when you do see her, make sure you make a good impression (it's like a first date again)

But to be honest, 18-20 is quite young and there is plenty of life experience out there. Don't worry too much about it if things go wrong! Just be ready

Anyway, best of luck! Hope things will work out

Edit: The other thing is, draw a line for yourself. What you think is acceptable and what isn't. Be ready to make a desicion yourself as well, even if she can't!

[Deleted]

Having 4 people telling me she's cheating in a row, I still find it hard to believe.
She's not that kind of girl, she feels incredibly guilty even dreaming of it and she tells me everytime.
She tells me she wants go on, just wants some space to sort things out with school and stuff.

Isn't part of the relationship trusting eachother? I trust her that she's being honest.

You should consider that cheating has happened, that's why I told you that you need to have a good talk with her about everything, try and be understanding to what she says, whether it's bad or not, you just want to know if she's worth it or not, and you better do this as soon as possible, the sooner the better.

Just, try not to pressure her or suffocate to much when doing this, considering she wants a break, if possible.

[Deleted]

Try to find out what you can do to make her feel comfortable instead of agitated and annoyed. If it is something that has to do with you, change it! If you're not willing to change/give things up, you might just as well break up. Try to help her with her feelings where you can without giving her the feeling you're being pushy, give her space (don't actually call something a pause/temp. break), let her figure out her feelings for you on her own. But when you do see her, make sure you make a good impression (it's like a first date again)

But to be honest, 18-20 is quite young and there is plenty of life experience out there. Don't worry too much about it if things go wrong! Just be ready

Anyway, best of luck! Hope things will work out

Edit: The other thing is, draw a line for yourself. What you think is acceptable and what isn't. Be ready to make a desicion yourself as well, even if she can't!

Thanks Ethes.

But if she's being honest, which I think she is, it's not really between us, it's just that she wants to get everything on track, she doesn't want her life to go bad because of our relationship, that's why she wants that space.

I'm trying to talk her into giving eachother space, without calling it a break, and we've already discussed what we're doing wrong and we're improving on that.
It's just that she has like a fuckton of stress, pardon my words.

[Deleted]

I'm a girl. If you cares about this relationship, fight for it. Girls like it.

[Deleted]

I'm a girl. If you cares about this relationship, fight for it. Girls like it.

Unless its like what i said and she wants out. Then the last thing she would like is for him to fight for the relationship

[Spectral]

The vast majority of the time, a "pause" is someone that wants out and doesn't have the guts to say so.

[Deleted]

If you are okay with having break, then do it, but make sure you are both clear on what having a break means.

I had similar situation with my gf last spring, we had been studying and living in different cities for 7 months and seeing each other only maybe on every second weekend. She was having a crisis about our relationship and wanted to have time to think about everything. I told her she could have time to think about things, but I also made it explicitly clear, that I would not continue our relationship if she saw anyone else during that time. It was easily the worst damn week of my life, but in the end everything worked out good for both of us. We're now living together and in a relationship for 4+ years.

Forgot to add: What ever you do, be firm in your decision. Girls like it when guy show confidence. Don't throw yourself completely at her mercy.

I hope it will work out well for you two!

Thanks a lot, that really helps.
I think I'll do what you did, give her what she wants, under agree'd terms.

[Seirith]

It's just that she has like a fuckton of stress, pardon my words.

I don't understand breaks, you either want to be with someone or you don't. I am under a ton of stress right now too. I work full time and am a full time graduate student. I have been working/in school 80 hours a week for the past 15 weeks and then go home and have to do homework and house related stuff such as cleaning, caring for pets and taking care of an acre of yard. I don't tell my husband I am stressed and need a break.

Life is stressful and if you are with someone and want to be with them you work though the stress with them. Next week I am working 60 hours, have two finals and a presentation to give directly after leaving work. We all have stress and we all have to deal to deal with it because it is a part of life. Is she going to take a break every time her life is stressful or she has to "figure something out" about her life?