How to not sound unromanticly when being responsible having sex ?

[Ashnazg]

It's not that they are just dying to get pregnant from college kids so much as there is really no verifiable way to be certain she actually has one in and women lie about things like that as well. It's not just guys that are asses when it comes to stuff like this.

What I am saying is that there is no reason for women to lie about the status of their protection unless they want to get pregnant. If they lie about it, they're only hurting themselves.

I don't discount the possibility that there are dumbshits who leave it up to chance - but you can usually spot those from very very far away.

They do a pretty good job preventing HIV, which is the scariest of them.

Leaving the unusual circumstances aside (like genital bleeding, open sores, etc) the rate of F2M infection during vaginal sex is abysmally low. For a male to get HIV from a female from vaginal sex is almost unheard of according to the study I read about 5 years ago.

Now, its entirely possible the study was conducted erroneously, but I can't look up the stats right now easily from work. If you have evidence to the contrary, I am open to reviewing it.

[Rukentuts]

They do a pretty good job preventing HIV, which is the scariest of them.

Not if oral is being performed.

[Yrrildur]

Obviously you should not bring it up when you are both horny as hell and about to do filthy things. The other thing is that you should always use a condom the 1st couple of times. When you talk casually about sex and using a rubber, you can talk about getting tested as well.

[Buttfear]

Not if oral is being performed.

Oral isn't traumatic so odds of HIV transmission aren't very high unless both partners have open wounds.

Herpies and HPV can be transmitted orally or by touching.

[SaintCree]

What I am saying is that there is no reason for women to lie about the status of their protection unless they want to get pregnant. If they lie about it, they're only hurting themselves.

I don't discount the possibility that there are dumbshits who leave it up to chance - but you can usually spot those from very very far away.

You would be very surprised to hear some of the things women (and men, I'm sure, but I've only been down that road with women so I can't say for sure, hahah) say in the heat of passion. With a few of my ex-girlfriends we would engage in acts unprotected, and I would only put a condom on for the last 5-10 minutes, as I hated wearing them the entire time, and they tended to break if I kept one on too long.

During that time when I'd put the condom on, they would say all sorts of things to get me to keep it off. I've heard lies about their cycle, tales of birthcontrol, spermicide, and just saying that they'll take a Plan B the next day. Some women like unprotected sex just as much as us men do. It's easy to make mistakes when your hormones are your voice.

[Reeve]

Not if oral is being performed.

If oral is being performed without a condom, there's a chance of transmission, though it's much lower than vaginal or anal intercourse. If a condom is being used for a man or a dental dam for a woman, the risk is near 0. Even if you're having oral sex without protection (as most people do, including me), you're still far far less likely to get HIV during the later intercourse if you use a condom. Condoms are extremely effective at preventing HIV transmission when used properly.

[poser765]

They do a pretty good job preventing HIV, which is the scariest of them.

---------- Post added 2012-12-06 at 03:42 PM ----------



Yeah, it would be a huge flaming red flag to me if a girl got upset when I said we needed to get tested before having sex without a condom.

I suppose you are right. I just feel like that's an awkward conversation on date 2.

Again I speak from almost no experience. I've never been very promiscuous...or with a women who is.

[Kivimetsan]

Just use a rubber, don't even suggest STD's yet. Wait till the relationship develops and then suggest it...

Another thing: my GF and I banged on the first date, with no protection and I came in her.

YOLO

[Reeve]

I suppose you are right. I just feel like that's an awkward conversation on date 2.

Again I speak from almost no experience. I've never been very promiscuous...or with a women who is.

If that conversation is awkward on date two, you surely shouldn't be having unprotected sex on date 2.

[Pfeff]

Just go in raw. If you get itchy, you made a mistake

For real, though, who talks about this before they bone? Strap it on and pound it out everytime yo

[poser765]

If that conversation is awkward on date two, you surely shouldn't be having unprotected sex on date 2.

Obviously. Not meant in a snarky "obviously, idiot *rolls eyes*" sort of way, either.

[oplawlz]

I'm not sure what romance has to do with being safe . . . in fact I would have to take a hard second look at the intelligence of any woman who did not want a test for exactly the same reasons.

[Shadeshock]

Just got into the 2nd date phase of dating a girl (not quite together yet, but probably going there) and I wonder how to break the "not without a rubber until we got tested together" news to her without sounding unromanticly.

In the past, I didn't have this problem because I usually went for very responsible girls who didn't mind that at all (usually went a few days/weeks without sex first so enough time to break it to them) or for short-term stuff where using a condom is normal and accepted.

This time, I'm going for more of a spontanious fun-loving girl who can act a little carelessly at times, so I'm more worried about sounding like a timid "spoil-sport" than usually, especially since she might suspect me of seeing her as a "slut" (or something similar) because of asking.

So, how do you usually break this kind of news (that you want to be responsible) to someone, do you even care about (not) sounding romanticly while doing it ?

Do it like i did, tell her straight how it is, just be like listen, before we have sex with out a condom were gonna have to get tested, dont take it the wrong way. if she cant handle that then theres something wrong

[Ashnazg]

During that time when I'd put the condom on, they would say all sorts of things to get me to keep it off. I've heard lies about their cycle, tales of birthcontrol, spermicide, and just saying that they'll take a Plan B the next day. Some women like unprotected sex just as much as us men do. It's easy to make mistakes when your hormones are your voice.

Did you ever ask them post factum why they were lying to you? I am just curious, because the consequence of the lie is an abortion for a woman (assuming she is not ready for a kid).

[Thelxi]

It might not be romantic, but it is always nice to hear the other person likes to be very safe. If she gets offended by you putting on a condom you probably dont want to f her anyway.

[Deleted]

Use it anyway, if it's a serious relationship and you want to stop using them but keep birth control have the talk when neither of you are in the mood.

[SaintCree]

Did you ever ask them post factum why they were lying to you? I am just curious, because the consequence of the lie is an abortion for a woman (assuming she is not ready for a kid).

I didn't have to ask, I already understood why. Emotions are powerful things, and hormones are even worse. When you mix the two together you can get overwhelmed by it. The equivalent comparison for that I guess would be how, when stimulated, men are hard to calm down from an adrenaline rush. Try sorting things out rationally when someone hits your girlfriend or pushes your mother.

Some of it could be ignorance or blatant disregard for responsibility, but I also understand how hard it can be in the face of temptation to say the right things. That's not to say it absolves us of our actions, but it plays a role in how I handle it. I've always been able to keep a cool head during sex, most of my sexual partners have not. It's just a simple observation of women from the standpoint of a man.

[Carnaby]

Have condoms ready. You don't have to explain yourself. If she's in the mood and you don't have a condom you just say you can't and make a trip to the store. Maybe it's inconvenient, but so it genital warts.

[Deleted]

If she's a sensible woman worth being with, then just talk about it, could also be a good judge of character. If it's one of your legitamte concerns, that's the sort of thing you want her to care about and be on board with, if she flips out over getting tested together then she probably isn't right for you IMO.

[Tribunal]

To be fair, I think a lot of people - at least where I live - never let themselves get tested for STDs unless they really suspect to have caught one.

They just assume that being serial monogamists with the occasional one-night stand sprinkled in will magically save them from getting STDs.

Again, might be untrue, but I don't know a lot of people who stricly use condoms until tested even in "serious" relationships.

Unless all the women where you live never have their annual well women exams, that's not true.

An STD panel is always an option in a well woman (gov guidelines and all) and sometimes if it's covered under your insurance it's included anyway, or if the gyno sees any symptoms they'll order it. It doesn't usually cover HIV, but the rest are in there.

That's been my method of choice since affordable sexual health clinics (without strict - like, sub Federal poverty levels - income requirements) aren't exactly a big thing in my area. But I also don't have multiple partners, like, ever, so I feel the slight delay method is acceptable. It's not for some people, but it is still better than nothing.