In a terrible position, I don't know what to do!

[Usako]

Why are you assuming she went home and bashed him to her family? The situation freaked her out (as well it should), she heard her husband's side of the story, and she sought another opinion from someone close to her, and from people anonymous to her.

If this was an honest mistake on the husband's part, then there's no real harm to it. He'll be more careful from now on, and the (mild) social shaming of the stupid act will help reinforce that. If this were an issue of exploitation, now the family is aware of a potential problem. I strongly disagree with keeping things like this secret, in cases where there is a victim, it reinforces the shame of victim and prevents him or her from getting help. One incident does not indicate abuse, but a thousand incidents that are quietly ignored might. A measured, careful response is what is called for. You want to balance fair treatment of the child and of the husband.

It is unfortunate that the family over reacted, but the OP did not.

They did over react but I feel once my husband comes home and has a nice talk with them things between them will be sorted out as well.

[Deleted]

To Quote what you said


To add that with what you just said you went to him then family then here then back to him for advice.

And you wounder why you got trust issues with him....

Let me ask you this when/if he finds out you went to the family and here after talking to him how do you think he will feel.

Not over looking what he may or may not have done the way you handled it was really childish.

You took ur to's problem and aired it to your family and mmochamp after talking to him dose not seem like a trust issue it seems like there is no trust at all.

Also sorry but if my gf acted the way you just did i would tell you to hit the bricks because once you don't trust the person you are with its doom to end.

There are a lot of mature folk on these forums, advice is always welcome regardless of where it is from.

[Deleted]

They did over react but I feel once my husband comes home and has a nice talk with them things between them will be sorted out as well.

Yeah, that will make him feel better, having to talk to your family about his misdeeds. He won't thank you for this, you know?

[Usako]

OP, I totally understand why your posting here. Just ignore anyone that says otherwise.

I think from reading your posts it's about him not watching the kid when he's supposed to. He could have been watching sports, cartoons or a Soap Opera and you probably would be equally mad. I think the easiest way is to talk to him, voice your concerns and hopefully he will be more attentive.

I can't help think though there is more to it though as this really is a rather simple issue. While some woman may find porn objectionable there's also the issue that many feel inadequate as their partner no longer looks to them for pleasure. That could be caused by beauty issues or him not feeling your pleasing him enough. It also could be a time issue as you have noted you both work quite a bit during the day. I am not saying those issues are there but it is something to think about. And for the love of pete please do not respond with details of your sex life. I do not need to know details. *Plugs in ears and sings lalalalalalala".

Hahaha, I will keep that part to myself from now on, so you can remove the earplugs now.

---------- Post added 2012-12-06 at 02:39 PM ----------

Yeah, that will make him feel better, having to talk to your family about his misdeeds. He won't thank you for this, you know?

I'm not making him, he said he wanted to do so in order to work it all out. If that's what he wants to do, then I'm not going to stop him from talking to him on his own free will.

[Jtbrig7390]

There are a lot of mature folk on these forums, advice is always welcome regardless of where it is from.

Im not disagreeing with talking to people on here that is why.

What I disagree with is the way she went about it first. from her early'er post I quoted a few times she talked to him at that point the subject should have been left alone anything more then its clear there is a trust issue like she already said there was.

coming here or her family first is one thing coming here/family after she done talked to him is another.

[Deleted]

They did over react but I feel once my husband comes home and has a nice talk with them things between them will be sorted out as well.

I feel he'll come home with the necessary documents to file for a divorce. You just majorly humiliated him infront of his family and millions of people on the net.

[Jtbrig7390]

I'm not making him, he said he wanted to do so in order to work it all out. If that's what he wants to do, then I'm not going to stop him from talking to him on his own free will.

No your not going to stop him but you did force him to talk to your family because you talked to them about it after already talking to him.

He is now forced to tell his side of the story due to how you acted.

And like a said if a gf/wife of mine showed that kind of lack of trust to me i would tell her to hit the bricks. You already talked to him it should have been left at that anything more shows there is no trust.

[Usako]

I feel he'll come home with the necessary documents to file for a divorce. You just majorly humiliated him infront of his family and millions of people on the net.

we'll i'll let you know if he does or not okie dokie?

[Deleted]

Hahaha, I will keep that part to myself from now on, so you can remove the earplugs now.

---------- Post added 2012-12-06 at 02:39 PM ----------



I'm not making him, he said he wanted to do so in order to work it all out. If that's what he wants to do, then I'm not going to stop him from talking to him on his own free will.

You still havent told us why you mistrust him so much, even before this porn incident.

[Sarnaxxx]

The personal attacks on this person are unnecessary and a waste of everyone's time. If you don't have constructive advice don't post.

[Liagala]

They did over react but I feel once my husband comes home and has a nice talk with them things between them will be sorted out as well.

No. Just no. You expect him to not only face your family on a daily basis knowing that they think he's a disgusting pervert, but to actually sit down and talk to them about it, where he'll be expected to listen to them yell and say nothing other than, "Yes, I was wrong." Let the man keep at least a shred of dignity, please. You talk to them, and tell them that you overreacted, whether you actually feel you did or not. Support your husband by taking a little of this onto yourself and making his life easier. He may have been wrong in his choice of when to watch porn, but you were also wrong in your choice of how to handle it. Face the consequences of that like an adult, don't force him to do it for you.

[Sarnaxxx]

You still havent told us why you mistrust him so much, even before this porn incident.

I believe in one of the posts she said that he has lied to her in the past. I think we know enough of her personal life as it is...

[Auloria]

No your not going to stop him but you did force him to talk to your family because you talked to them about it after already talking to him.

He is now forced to tell his side of the story due to how you acted.

She's just the whistleblower. He's forced to tell his side of the story because of what he did. :-P

It might not have been handled perfectly, but keep things in perspective, here.

[Usako]

You still havent told us why you mistrust him so much, even before this porn incident.

all i will say is he has lied in the past, and as someone said you guys know enough of my life and i probably won't share anymore of it.

[Jtbrig7390]

She's just the whistleblower. He's forced to tell his side of the story because of what he did. :-P

It might not have been handled perfectly, but keep things in perspective, here.

Its something that should have stayed between her and him and maybe come on here since no one knows them personally but now he has to come home everyday to deal with a family who thinks he is a perv and all because she could not trust the answer he gave her.

[Flaks]

I feel he'll come home with the necessary documents to file for a divorce. You just majorly humiliated him infront of his family and millions of people on the net.

What the what...? NOBODY who she's getting advice from here knows who she is or who he is. There's no humiliation to be had when you don't even know the damn person.

"Insulted on the web" is about as bad as someone telling someone else that you're a bitch on the opposite side of the world who you neither know nor care about.

[Jtbrig7390]

all i will say is he has lied in the past, and as someone said you guys know enough of my life and i probably won't share anymore of it.

As Dr House says

People Lie.

Offtopic: I really miss that show.

[Usako]

No. Just no. You expect him to not only face your family on a daily basis knowing that they think he's a disgusting pervert, but to actually sit down and talk to them about it, where he'll be expected to listen to them yell and say nothing other than, "Yes, I was wrong." Let the man keep at least a shred of dignity, please. You talk to them, and tell them that you overreacted, whether you actually feel you did or not. Support your husband by taking a little of this onto yourself and making his life easier. He may have been wrong in his choice of when to watch porn, but you were also wrong in your choice of how to handle it. Face the consequences of that like an adult, don't force him to do it for you.

I have already talked to them once I got home. I'm sorry if I didn't say it.

[Jtbrig7390]

I have already talked to them once I got home. I'm sorry if I didn't say it.

That dose not change the fact they know something he may do in personal alone time....and it dose not change how they will look at him now.

[DeekZ]

Wow, what an insane thread and what an even more insane overreaction by you.

Going to his work to discuss it asap.. it's a little weird but I get that because of the home situation it was the right call. This is where the whole situation should have been over..
Either he told you exactly what happened and that the child wasn't exposed to anything and you drop the subject, or you find out the child WAS exposed to it (doubtful) and as a result you immediately go home and pack his shit and call a divorce lawyer.

I feel like we're missing an important step, like.. what actually happened? Did he tell you what happened? Were you okay with his answer?
Going to your parents was a massive mistake and it will put a huge strain on what you've already described as a troubled relationship.