(Non)Relationship Woes, Could Use Some Advice...

[Deleted]

Run, and run like motherfucking hell dude, get away from everything about this.

I am usually the guy who tells people to stay together and try, but in this case, Daelak gets full consent.

"Run, and run like motherfucking hell" indeed.

[PizzaSHARK]

This is why you don't stick your dick in crazy. Better hope that kid ain't yours, and contest the fuck out of it if she tries to pin it on you.

[Elmister]

Ohh hell no, People just dont move up in my house, not dont happen like that. And I say Come back to cali bro, Much safer here and plus we got beach babes. And there may be some loopy ones But eventually you will find ur one.

[sugarlily]

The biggest irony is that she's said that she doesn't want a relationship with me because she's afraid she'll fuck things up and end up losing my friendship, or that she'll come to hate me because she hasn't handled relationships well in the past.

Of course, she never really gave a relationship with me a real, fair try; plus, I'm not a fan of the whole "we're kinda in a relationship but I refuse to commit or acknowledge it" thing because it's basically her wanting the benefits of a relationship without having to put her heart into it and getting to change the terms of the relationship whenever she wants without talking to me first and getting to sleep with other people without any guilt. The reason all this is ironic is because her behavior towards me in trying to keep my friendship but at the same time pushing me away is making her into a really ugly person, the kind of person I don't even want to be just platonic friends with. And I'm not even being slightly smothering...it's like all I need to do is ask her how she is or how her day was or if she wants to hang out and watch a movie or something and that inherently makes me clingy.


So that's my long, rambling story...if you've made it this far, please give me some advice if you have any. I kinda know this is a situation and a person I really should walk away from, but I can't help the fact that I still very much love this girl and care about her. But I've reached the point where I can't let that push me into a situation that does nothing but fucks me over.

Sometimes just writing out the whole thing leads you to the truth that was always there. You are a VERY smart guy with a big loving heart that states in your own quote (all the bolded & underlined stuff I included) what is really happening & why it isn't good for either of you.

She has been in charge the whole time & any sort of 'relationship' has been in her hands only, has been her decisions only & she used it all to her advantage whenever she needed you & pushed you away when she didn't. No relationships work out in a positive way when one person has total complete control of it & creates & enforces all 'rules', which they change at their own convenience anyway.

You deserve SO much better & deep down you know it. You think you love her but what you actually love is the girl you THOUGHT she was & probably led you to believe in. You have built her up in your mind to be the type of girl who would be great to be in a relationship with, except, she isn't all those sweet wonderful things in real life. She is confused, admittedly bad at relationships & doesn't care much for the heart of the guy who has basically dropped everything & rearranged his life to be with her.

I think deep down you know you can't stay there, at least not for her anyway.
Think out how to move or get settled where you trust you'll be happy & near caring friends & family. When the child is born demand a DNA/paternity test & maybe even before the birth speak to a legal professional in regards to what happens if she puts your name of birth certificate without one of these tests etc. Cover your ass PREEMPTIVELY. If you are the father of course follow through & don't judge the child for it's mothers' mistakes.

Learn from this & ALWAYS use protection no matter what the girl says (oh I'm on BC pills, Oh the dr. says I can't get pg, etc etc)

Lastly I will sign off with my usual relationship-based sig~ I wish you the best <3
Always remember this~ it is the list I live by ~ it'll help you too! <3
1.) Never date anyone you wouldn't have as a best friend.
2.) Tolerated behavior doesn't change.
3.) We teach people how to treat us.
4.) We get what we settle for.

[Forfax]

Bit harsh.

The truth always hurt.

[thehavok2]

She most likely has abandonment issues. This makes it so, when she starts to get close to somebody, she sabotages the relationship, thus pushing the person away before they can push her away. How were things with her father growing up? Was he a part of her life?

If you really love her, you need to guide her to therapy. But, don't sacrifice yourself for her problems. If you aren't happy, and you know going back to California will make you happy, then end it.

[Kuthe]

You are being taken advantage of.
She's basically leeching off you.
Honestly get rid of the friends, and get rid of her.
Keep in touch, but throw your feelings out.
She won't be returning them unless they are fake and used by her to gain things from you.

I beg of you to get out.

[vizzle]

Bit harsh.

It's true though. She's not worth it.

[Marrilaife]

Any person who plays the "pull you in, push you away" game or "I wanna keep you, but I don't wanna commit" either has commitment phobia or attachment issues. Either they realize it and go see a shrink, or they'll break the hearts of all the people who they manage to pick up. You're not responsible and in fact not able to fix her, only she herself can realize how much she messes her life up. This kind of people tend to drag others down to the mess they create, so don't get caught into it, maybe if she sees guys don't fall for her tricks any more she will realize her problem and seek help, as long as they fall for it and she can keep playing her game, both her and her bfs / friends with benefits will end up in deep dung pit.

[PizzaSHARK]

You are being taken advantage of.
She's basically leeching off you.
Honestly get rid of the friends, and get rid of her.
Keep in touch, but throw your feelings out.
She won't be returning them unless they are fake and used by her to gain things from you.

I beg of you to get out.

No. No, don't "keep in touch." Avoid this crazy bitch like she's walking plague.

[Tauton]

Sometimes just writing out the whole thing leads you to the truth that was always there. You are a VERY smart guy with a big loving heart that states in your own quote (all the bolded & underlined stuff I included) what is really happening & why it isn't good for either of you.

She has been in charge the whole time & any sort of 'relationship' has been in her hands only, has been her decisions only & she used it all to her advantage whenever she needed you & pushed you away when she didn't. No relationships work out in a positive way when one person has total complete control of it & creates & enforces all 'rules', which they change at their own convenience anyway.

You deserve SO much better & deep down you know it. You think you love her but what you actually love is the girl you THOUGHT she was & probably led you to believe in. You have built her up in your mind to be the type of girl who would be great to be in a relationship with, except, she isn't all those sweet wonderful things in real life. She is confused, admittedly bad at relationships & doesn't care much for the heart of the guy who has basically dropped everything & rearranged his life to be with her.

I think deep down you know you can't stay there, at least not for her anyway.
Think out how to move or get settled where you trust you'll be happy & near caring friends & family. When the child is born demand a DNA/paternity test & maybe even before the birth speak to a legal professional in regards to what happens if she puts your name of birth certificate without one of these tests etc. Cover your ass PREEMPTIVELY. If you are the father of course follow through & don't judge the child for it's mothers' mistakes.

Learn from this & ALWAYS use protection no matter what the girl says (oh I'm on BC pills, Oh the dr. says I can't get pg, etc etc)

Lastly I will sign off with my usual relationship-based sig~ I wish you the best <3
Always remember this~ it is the list I live by ~ it'll help you too! <3
1.) Never date anyone you wouldn't have as a best friend.
2.) Tolerated behavior doesn't change.
3.) We teach people how to treat us.
4.) We get what we settle for.

Quoting because I totally agree.

Maybe try flipping it around in your head and think what you'd expect her to do if you treated her in the way she's treating you.

You sound like a decent guy, move on - and wear protection unless you're certain you want a kid with the person because if this kid is yours, you now have a commitment with what seems an unstable woman. From what you've said, i'd say move on... for your own good. It's tough, but I would say it's for the best.

[Neazy]

Run, and run like motherfucking hell dude, get away from everything about this.

First post nailed it.

In the future, any time you meet a girl who has a best friend that's a dude, just know she's fucking crazy. I basically stopped reading at that point because I knew how this was going to turn out.

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-li...-flag/1358178/

^ May be a joke, but it's true.

[Asphyxiate9]

Shes not worth your time sorry, if she really loved you there would have been none of this "its not official" stuff... Well, not for that long anyway, I could probably understand 4 months tops.

[Deleted]

The truth always hurt.

Everyone here believes the guy as he's playing victim. Riiight

[Deleted]

Everyone here believes the guy as he's playing victim. Riiight

Well we work with what we've got. You're just rooting for the girl in this because you think all men are douchebags, I'd imagine.

[Deleted]

Well we work with what we've got. You're just rooting for the girl in this because you think all men are douchebags, I'd imagine.

Can anyone here verify if what the guy is saying is fact? No.

And not all men are douchebags at all. Where do you get all this from ?!

[Deleted]

Can anyone here verify if what the guy is saying is fact? No.

And not all men are douchebags at all. Where do you get all this from ?!

Just give advice on the information you're given. That's kinda how these advice threads work.

[Tauton]

Can anyone here verify if what the guy is saying is fact? No.

And not all men are douchebags at all. Where do you get all this from ?!

The answers here are only being given based on the info given - if he's a dick and lying about it all then the answer he'll go with, from us, isn't helpful to his situation because his situation isn't what he's given, so only he's missing out.

No-one is judging, only giving advice back on what's given, it's the only thing that can be done and he requested it so... what's the issue?

[Deleted]

The answers here are only being given based on the info given - if he's a dick and lying about it all then the answer he'll go with, from us, isn't helpful to his situation because his situation isn't what he's given, so only he's missing out.

He's so sneaky it's unreal. He is leeching off the female if anything to boost his ego as she showers him with compliments and he is enjoying all this attention. Oh dear.

[Amnasty]

This girl is a user and an abuser. She seems to use men and go on her way when she doesnt need them anymore. except she fucked up and knew she had someone who would take her mangy ass back.

Iv dealt with this type before, and its best to keep the happy memories and forget the rest. Your obviously more commited to her then she will ever be to you.... unless your looking for some forest gump style love where Jenny says, FOREST IM 40 AND A WAITRESS AND THIS IS YOUR BABY AND YOUR A MILLIONAIRE NOW WITH TONS OF NOTORIETY, I'VE ALWAYS *cough* LOVED YOU. Id let the door hit her were Im sure many a man has hit her, and live this bad egg to rot.

If the kids yours *learn to wrap it up jack unless you want a kid* do what you need to do as a man, but that doesnt mean you need to be in a relationship with this hound dog.

Your instinct is calling you back to Cali, I say go for it. Bipolar love only ever ends in pain. Quit while your ahead.